Rating: FR13
Characters in order of appearance: Jenny, Tony, Gibbs, Ziva, Jeanne Benoit, Le Grenouille, Ducky, Tim, Jimmy, Abby, and Vance.
Genres: Crack!fic
Challenge: Crack!Death!Fic! Challenge

Warnings: multiple character deaths
Summary: Chaos abounds in an NCIS universe where idioms can be more than just words.

Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS or its characters.

Part 1: Dressed to Kill

NCIS Director Jennifer Shepard stood in front of the dressing room mirror and smiled. The outfit was just about right; those men wouldn't know what hit them. Knowing how ambitious her daughter was, Rebekah Shepard had passed this technique on to Jenny. It could be deadly, so she'd strongly cautioned Jenny to use it only in the most desperate of circumstances. She had used it only once, when an undercover operation had gone bad in Bosnia. The results had been devastating. Jethro had been stunned and made her promise never to use it again. Normally, she would honor that promise, but these were desperate times. Budget cuts were looming and with NCIS at the bottom of the armed fed food chain she had to do something to gain the upper hand during the financial planning meeting.

She glanced at her stockings; maybe they were too much. A black pair would be better; they would draw some attention away from the skirt. She turned and considered her ensemble. Yes, the black would be best; after all, she didn't want a lethal effect—this time. Jenny moved to the door to call for the attendant to bring her a new pair.

Opening the door, she found Tony waiting outside. "Nice… dress… Madame… Direct…" he managed to gasp as he clutched his chest and fell to the ground.

"Oh, Fudge!" Jenny forgot that she'd asked Tony to meet her here to discuss his undercover work. Gibbs had been insistent she tell him about Tony's assignment and she'd been evasive. He was not a patient man, and she wouldn't put it beyond him to have Ziva to bug her office to find out what he wanted to know.

Jenny bent down to check his pulse. "Peanut Brittle!" She swore. She knew she'd miscalculated the effect and as a result Tony was gone. Now what was she going to do?

Taking first things first, she pulled Tony into the dressing room to preserve some privacy. Then, she called Gibbs.


"Jethro, it's Jen. I have a situation and I need you."

"Why don't you ask DiNozzo for help. Or do you have him out on some other assignment? Maybe picking up your dry-cleaning?"

"If I'd wanted Agent DiNozzo, I would have called him." Jenny looked down at Tony's sightless eyes.

"Oh, so you want me to pick up your dry-cleaning. Well, you'll have to excuse me Jen. Some of us have work to do." Gibbs' sarcasm was razor sharp.

"That was uncalled for, Special Agent Gibbs. Moderate your tone." Jen wiped the blood off of her ear.

"What do you need?" His tone softened only the slightest amount.

"I need you and Officer David to bring your full kit here to process a crime scene. I expect to see you in half an hour. Do you have a problem with that?"

"No, Director."

That accomplished, Jenny sat down to wait. She looked at Tony; really looked at him for the first time since this debacle began. Unlike her previous victims, there was almost a peaceful look on his face. It didn't look like his death had been painful. That was a relief.

Jenny was not looking forward to dealing with Gibbs. When he discovered what had happened to his agent he would be outraged. She knew she would have to explain herself and answer his questions, but this high-end boutique was not the place to do it. Jenny considered for a moment and decided to leave the outfit on, but modified by different accessories. If she tweaked it a little, she'd be able to control him until they returned to NCIS. She called the sales girl to the door.