Disclaimers: same as chapter 1

Warnings: Author Traffic Hazard. We drive on the left side of the road here. Thanks to Harliquinn, I didn't have any major accidents.


Chapter 11 –EppaRog

FREEZE FRAME: Cut. Middle shot. Tony, Marley and Abby with Gibbs behind one hand grasping Abby's arm, the other out of frame. Tony is rubbing the back of his head, Marley's hands are rubbing her behind and Abby is frozen in a slight jump with a wide eyed expression. Convert Black and white. CUT

CA Abby's lab.

Tony, Abby and Marley are situated in front of the big screen. In front of Abby is a smaller screen and computer keyboard. Marley stands on the rungs of a stool between Tony and Abby as they watch the large screen in front. The screen is split. On one side is the visual from the basement parking lot surveillance cam the other displays the interior of McGee's car, where we see an empty driver's seat.

"I can't see, let me in."

"Here, kneel up on the stool." Tony picked Marley up and placed her between him and Abby on the stool in front of Abby's work bench.

"Okay folks." declared Abby. "Let the show begin."

"Abby, you're a genius. How did you ever pull this off?"

"Well, the voices were easy, the microphones and video bug plants, easy, but my piece de résistance are the links to the traffic cams that I have been able to feed back to us. We are going to see a real show here. I downloaded the voice styles then changed the voice recognition conversion codes, which was a bit time consuming considering the numerous possibilities …."

"No, don't explain, let's just watch, I just want to see McSmug turn into McBoggled."

"Well, we will get a full close up, though I've had to use a fish eye lens, to get a wide view. But at the end of the day we'll have internal eyes and external eyes."

"You are the master."

"Yep, now here Tony put this on." Abby handed Tony an earpiece with a microphone attached. He inserted it into his ear and positioned the microphone in front of his mouth. "Now I've programmed the GPS audio to give the instruction and directions in the downloaded voice, but it can't waiver from the locked in directions. So, I thought we could tap into your talents and you could improvise some added instructions."

"Can I have one of them?" asked Marley

"Sure, but only one of you can speak at a time." Abby attached a microphone to Marley. "Now, you two don't go overboard yet. It won't take him long to figure out we've done something. What he won't know though, is that we are watching, so don't give anything away too soon."

Marley pointed to the screen. "Hey, guys, here he comes."

McGee could be seen coming into view and walking towards his car. As he took the driver's seat, three heads cut away to the second screen where McGee's face, fatter than it normally is, leaned forward and turned on his GPS.

"Please type in your destination"

McGee typed in the address of the Four Seasons.

"So that is 995 George Washington Drive, Georgetown? Press GO to confirm."

"No, that's not right." McGee was confused. The text on the screen said Pennsylvania Ave, but the voice recognition didn't. He pressed STOP, then BACK.

Marley put her hand up. "Abby, let me, let me, I can do a real good computer grown up voice." Abby turned up Marley's amp, and with her best voice she said "So 995 George Washington Drive, is not your destination. Press GO to confirm."

McGee frowned and then pressed; GO to confirm "That's not my destination."

"It's not? Press Go to confirm." Abby had to drop Marley's volume as Tony nearly broke up with laughter at Marley's nonsensical response, in a very serious sterilized voice. Tim's frustration was starting to surface, and he punched the GO button rather viciously, three times.

"Okay, okay, just get the damn thing right, stupid…!"

Marley couldn't resist, "Please press BACK to apologize"

"What the? This voice recognition must be on some sort of loop."

"Insulting response detected. Please press BACK to apologize"

McGee did one better "It must be a glitch that happened when I last updated maps. I'll just hit back, go to settings, reset to default factory settings, then restart." McGee's ballooned features and determined expression, as well as, his mumbling self instructions was a humorous sight. Once again Abby had to turn down their microphones.

"On no," said Marley "he's resetting, Abbs."

"You think I didn't think of that. This is where I reset the next little surprise. When he goes to default it converts to my settings. Get ready, Tony, it's your turn."

McGee hit the restart button and the GPS wolfed out its request.

"Rot is Rour Restination?" Again McGee was confused by the pronunciation of the voice, but he'd already mucked around with this too much, he needed to get to the hotel before Gibbs and set up the surveillance links. So he punched in the address of the Four Seasons once again, then pressed Go

But this time nothing happened. Tony spoke through his microphone.

"Ress Rarder!"

"Press harder? What, it's dropping its first letter. This thing cost a fortune. What the hell." Tim punched GO very hard Twice. This time the map came up on the screen with the familiar red arrow traveling down the cartography.

"Oray, oray!"

"Oray? Is that hooray or okay? Thank god this thing is still under warranty."

"Not anymore." quipped Abby. The red arrow traveled ahead, and then indicated a left hand turn out of the parking lot and onto the main roadway.

"In 50 yards Rurn Reft." McGee followed the instructions as best he could, keeping his eye on the graphics. At least those were accurate. So were the instructions, but with the high pitch of the voice and its obvious speech impediment, the verbal instructions were a little hard to understand.

The GPS continued to give the instructions. "Continue 500 yards and Renter roundabout. Rake Recond Rexit"

Meanwhile, the three conspirators watched the image of McGee's car exit the parking lot. Abby punched in more information on her keyboard and the large screen morphed into four smaller frames. The first three frames showed three different views of a large Roundabout with five Intersections. A small circular common adorned the roundabout's center. It was lined with a miniature hedge and a single line of blooming azaleas. A small stretch of lawn separated the hedge from a medium sized water feature that sprayed a fine mist of water from the vases of three small angelic figures.

"Okay, lets up the antics here. Let's have him go around and around in circles."

"Okay," said Abby "but you'll have to speak through the microphone, try not to over talk the GPS instructions. It will give the right directions; you will need to contradict them in the exact same voice, though, so far your interpretation is flawless, Tony".

"Wry, thank Rou Relma"

"No Roblem, Scooby"

Marley giggled next to them. "That will be funny, because if he changes the direction the GPS will re-calculate and give him another set, which will confuse him even more. Come on do it, do it."

Tony spoke into his microphone "In 10 yards Renter roundabout and Rake Rirst Rexit."

McGee looked at the map, confused he dared questioned the unit. Rirst exit? You mean second exit. The red arrow says the second exit."

"Rot ron't rou runderstand! Rake Rirst Rexit!"

The three found it hard to contain their laughter as they watched the traffic cams and McGee's Porsche trying to change lanes in the busy intersection. Marley scanning all three screens suddenly pointed to the second frame. There entering the same huge roundabout was a pink moped.

"Hey, look, isn't that Sister Mary Ellen?"

Abby and Tony looked up just in time to see McGee's car quickly switching lanes and startling the petite nun on her scooter, coming from his right.

"ROOK ROUT!" Tony yelled into his microphone.

All three faces took a huge breath and looked from frame to frame. The bottom frame showed McGee's extreme close-up and panicked expression, while the other three frames showed the overhead views from different angles of Sister Mary Ellen swerving and just missing the back of McGee's car. It then hit the curb, jumping the small hedge and came to a swiveled stop inches from the common's water fountain. Abby so wished she had the ability to zoom in on Sister Mary Ellen's face, but this was a live link. Damn, I should be recording this! The quick alternative was to hit the capture button and at least acquire some stills.

"Hey, did you see what I just saw. I think Sister Mary Ellen just gave McGee the bird!" Exclaimed Marley

Yep, some priceless stills thought Abby.

Tony couldn't resist adding to the dialogue.


Suddenly the GPS re-programmed voice added. "Recalculating... Rwhere possible Ro a Ru Turn."

McGee was now beside himself. "Ru turn? What are you kidding I nearly killed a nun!"

Sister Mary Ellen, meanwhile was not impressed. She spotted the offending vehicle continue around the roundabout, and without hesitation she mounted her bike and cranked the accelerator. The result was quite effective. The moist lawn added a spray of dirt from its back wheel and very little traction. Mary Ellen cranked it again. The sudden power surge sent Sister Mary Ellen air born and over the hedge, landing on one wheel, she then dropped the scooter behind the cars in the nearest lane and took off in hot pursuit of McGee's Porsche.

Abby watched with horror, and Marley watched with an expression of awe and surprise, while Tony watched with utter delight and joy. Tony's rattling giggle was infectious and before they knew it, they were all laughing.

"Stop it. I've got to concentrate." said Abby.

"Oh, Abby, this is your finest hour." declared Tony

"Looks like Sister Mary Ellen got her high speed car chase after all" said Marley

Sister Mary Ellen weaved in and out the lanes trying to catch the mindless driver. What she intended to do once she caught up with the powerful sports car was anybody's guess. The probability of her little scooter actually catching up with the car was, well improbable. But hey, David and Goliath was one of her favorite parables. Besides she didn't really care. This was just so exciting.

McGee could be seen coming around the common again. He hadn't been able to exit, and was now concerned about the poor little nun he'd nearly wiped out. His big moon face had grown a frown and his mouth was contorted from biting the corner of his bottom lip. He swung his head from side to side like a carnival clown, a very disturbed carnival clown, looking for the moped and its rider.

The GPS sent out another set of instructions "Recalculating… in 20 yards Rake Recond Rexit"

They watched McGee panicked expression, " I'm not taking any rexit you blasted machine. I'm looking for a dead nun!" McGee leaned forward and turned off the voice on the GPS.

"Ohhhhhh….", Marley and Abby were disappointed. Tony on the other hand went in for the kill.

"The Read Nun Is Rehind You!"

McGee's eyes nearly exploded out of his head. He checked his review mirror, then looked back to see the nun on her pink scooter three cars back and making ground. All logic was lost for a brief moment and irrational fear clouded his common sense. For one second, he actually thought that he was being chased by a dead nun, like this was one of Tony's totally lame zombie movies and his GPS was actually possessed by some dog with a speech impediment…


Nobody in the lab could miss the moment of realization that came to Tim's face. It was after all an extreme close-up in a frame no more than 2 feet from theirs.

"Roh Oh, we've been made." The fun seemed over for Tony, Abby and Marley as well as McGee's torture. But, Well, not quite. ..

Junior Officer Scott Peters sat astride his traffic bike, watching the busy five ways intersection. He had seen a Porsche sports change lanes quickly, nearly taking out a lovely little nun on a pretty pink scooter as she entered from the right. He set off his siren and pulled in behind the Porsche as it came around the large roundabout's common for the third time. He signaled the driver to pull over, indicating the upcoming exit and side street.

Sister Mary Ellen followed, hoping to offer assistance.

McGee was livid. "Shit, shit shit… Tony this is your doing, yours and Abby's , it's got your names all over it. You just wait. Your asses are mine and anyone else who was in on this."

"Ohh, Ra ScaRRing Re, McScooby"

That was it. That last statement set McGee off into frenzy. He exited five ways and pulled the car over, and started searching for the hidden microphone and anything else that Abby had obviously planted. The three culprits watched the screens. They could still McGee's car, though the angle was somewhat awkward. They watched as a young traffic officer pull up behind him, and dismount his bike. The close up showed McGee disconnect his GPS and turn off his radio, but he hadn't yet discovered the microphone and minute speakers, nor the web cam mounted on one of his dash dials.

"Sir, could you step out of the car please." The young officer kept his distance from this driver who appeared agitated. He wasn't quite sure if the occupant was on drugs, or what, but he wasn't taking any chances. The shaking and physical convulsions of the man were disconcerting. Sister Mary Ellen came to join Scott Peters. "Please stay back ma'am."

Sister Mary Ellen's bravado wavered and she could be seen blessing herself, probably wondering what she had got herself into.

Abby decided to throw in the other piece de resistance. She hit the Mpeg 3 icon on her computer screen.

" Scooby dooby doo where are you we've got some work to do now….." the rest of the song could not be heard over Tim's 100 decibel growl. He frantically started pulling at any wires that looked like they didn't belong. He found the microphone and speaker wires and pulled. The song died. He then spotted the small disk mounted on his dash. The last image downloaded and captured was a detailed macro image of Tim's' flaring nostrils and rigid ginger nostril hair.

Abby was feeling a little guilty, and thought she probably shouldn't have included the song, but it was the finale, and she had gone to a lot of trouble to set this gag up, and why not, I' mean she's was in trouble any way. But Sister Mary Ellen could have been hurt. But then she wasn't, and how much worse could it get? Tony's undying praise and declaration soon wiped any pang of guilt she had.

"Oh, this couldn't have turned out any better, no one, I mean, no one, could have arranged a more entertaining scenario Abbs, you are pure genius."

Marley tried to get their attention . "Uh, Guys, Guys? He's got a gun!"

The panic in Marley's voice snapped them both to attention. "Shit, Tony, McGee's got his gun out!"

Tony looked up at the scene unfolding in the third frame before them. "No he hasn't. It's alright…. Look…the traffic cop has a Taser."

"But, McGee can't see him. Warn him, Tony."

"I can't there's no speaker, remember?"

The lab seemed to take a sudden and ominous silence. A presence could be felt. The long overhead shot from the traffic cam could be seen but not heard. The only sound in the lab was the tinniest crackle of electricity that accompanied the tiny hairs that were raised on three scrawny little necks. All three masterminds were forced by fear to stare straight ahead. Marley could see Gibbs's ghostly reflection on the computer screen in front of them. He stood behind them, right behind her, with what she could only describe as a frown and the Cheshire cat's evil grin. Marley looked sideways and noticed Tony's melting stoic expression as he, too, had spotted Gibbs's reflection.

"Ah, Tony?"

Tony returned her sideways glance and without actually moving his head or saying anything just closed his eyes. Marley took his cue and turned back and stared straight ahead. That's when their lives suddenly flashed before their eyes. "I've got your six" might mean I'll protect your back, but all three knew that their butts were now fair game.

Young Officer Scott Peters pressed the trigger of his Taser as McGee bent over the driver's seat yanking out the last of Abby's wires. The aluminous squiggly cord of the stun gun could be seen linking the young officer's hand to the upper thigh and gluteus maximous of McGee's left buttock.

Tony cringed. "Ouch! That's gotta hurt!"



"Yeah Boss."





"And, three again…SWAT."


FREEZE FRAME: Cut. Middle shot. Tony, Marley and Abby with Gibbs behind one hand grasping Abby's arm, the other out of frame. Tony is rubbing the back of his head, Marley's hands are rubbing her behind and Abby is frozen in a slight jump with a wide eyed expression. Convert Black and white. CUT


A.N . I've decided to end this episode here. The story will continue in Freeze Frame episode 2 Room service, which will be a fun little interlude before the team take on another case. So if you like this story and want more you will need to author alert. Though I won't list as complete, yet, I might change my mind. A big shout out to Harliquinn who gave me the idea for the prank, I hope I did it justice. Disclaimer : No nuns were harmed in the filming of this episode.