'Angel,' Spike moaned as he gave one final thrust into the hot, tight channel that was wrapped around him. He groaned and slumped forward burying himself in the luscious neck of the man that was underneath him.
He never noticed that his partner had never climaxed or the tears that he so valiantly tried to hide as they slid past his clinched eyelids, to travel ever so slowly down into his hair.
Spike watched the whelp as he worked on a new bow for Dawn. He was mesmerized by the way that the muscles bunched and moved under the too tight t-shirt.
He was humming mindlessly and Spike wasn't sure there wasn't an actually song under there.
'Looks good, Pet,' he murmured as he ran a hand along those muscles he had just been admiring. Xander shuddered and stopped working.
'What is it, Spike?' he asked with a sigh.
'Nothing, just wanted to see what you were up to,' he replied with a shrug.
'I really need to get this done,' he said waving his hand over the half finished weapon. He was almost finished with the ruins he was carving into it. He then needed to finish sanding it and sealing it and stringing it.
'Of course,' Spike replied with a quick peck to his pet's cheek.
The blonde moved to the door where he stopped and watched Xander work, wondering why he was so distant suddenly.
Xander felt eyes on his back and turned to give his watcher a small smile. It didn't quite reach his eyes but Spike returned it even as he wondered why there was so much sadness in those chocolate orbs of his pet.
Spike nuzzled Xander's neck causing the brunet to moan and arch back into the cool, hard body behind him. A hand inched its way down Xander's body and wrapped around his erection.
His eyes snapped open and his erection flagged.
'Pet?' Spike asked rolling the boy onto his back.
Xander gave Spike a soft kiss, 'not tonight, please, I have meetings all day tomorrow and I'd like to be comfortable for most of them,' he offered with a small smile.
Spike nodded, kissing him tenderly, 'love you,' he murmured into Xander's lips.
The boy mumbled something already asleep.
Spike lay awake, wondering about the sadness that seemed to envelope his boy.
Everyone heard the bell over the door of the shop but no one looked up until Buffy blurted, 'Angel!' and launched herself at him.
Sure enough, Tall and Broody was holding Buffy and laughing as she peppered him with questions, hugging him to death.
'Sire?' Spike asked almost shyly as he approached the pair. This man before him was both Angel and Angelus and Liam and he wasn't the crazy bastard that aimed to please a psychopath or that had been twisted by a hellmouth. No, the man in front of Spike was who he should have been from the beginning.
'Childe,' Angel breathed in wonder and Spike was swept up in that bone crushing hug.
Spike turned to Xander, but the brunet was gone, the back door was swinging shut. He tried to squirm free of his sire's hold but the bigger man wouldn't let him go.
Spike wanted to go after Xander, he did but this was his sire and his boy needed him and he had to go to Xander. Something was wrong.
'Sire, please I have to go to him,' he pleaded, not caring how it looked to the others.
It was then that Angel noticed the sadness and desperation in his Childe's eyes.
'I'm sorry, I shouldn't have kept you from him,' he apologized; his own emotions clear in his eyes.
'We have much to talk about,' Spike said before he disappeared out the door, running to find his mate.
Xander fought hard against the tears that threatened to fall and he was surprisingly successful even as he stuffed clothing into a bag.
He had given Spike everything and he thought he had gotten everything from Spike but apparently he'd been wrong. He straightened and looked around the room, the apartment, trying to find anything that he might need, but he didn't take anything it all reminded him of the man he couldn't have.
'Xanpet?' a soft, accented voice called to him as the doors to the elevator closed. He looked up and not fighting the tears anymore, met Spike's devastated eyes.
The elevator's "bing" had Spike in motion as he hurtled himself down the stairs.
He had the other man in his arms before the elevator doors were completely open.
Xander at Spike's leather duster his head buried in this shoulder as the vampire held onto his human with as much desperation.
The elevator doors closed with a muted bing, and the pair just stood holding each other.
Finally Spike pulled away but only far enough to cup Xander's tear-stained cheeks as he tried to read Xander through his eyes.
'I can't do this anymore Spike,' Xander whispered as he tried to break all contact with the vampire.
'Can't do what?' Spike asked, his confusion evident in the cock of his head and the loss of his gutter rat persona.
Xander's brow creased as he studied the vampire in front of him, 'I can't be a substitute for him,' he whispered.
'You're no one's substitute,' Spike replied, brushing a stray lock of hair from Xander's face.
Suddenly Xander shoved Spike away angrily, 'then why did you do it?' he practically snarled.
Hurt and confused, Spike didn't know what to do, but he wanted to make everything right, 'what did I do to hurt you so badly, pet? Tell me, so I can fix it,' he not quite pleaded.
'You know what you did,' Xander accused, then snarled at the man who dared tried to get on the elevator.
Spike frantically ran through everything that had happened recently. The only thing he could think of was when he greeted Angel.
'Look, what happened with Angel-' he began but Xander cut him off with a bitter laugh.
'He's here, you can finally be your beloved Sire,' Xander replied bitterly, stabbing at the buttons, suddenly wanting to get out of the tiny elevator.
Spike grabbed Xander and pulled him tightly to him, 'I don't want him, I want you,' he snarled.
'Then why?' Xander asked, all his anger having drained from him, leaving only the hurt and betrayal of before.
'Why what? I don't know what I did that has you so upset,' Spike replied, he just wanted to figure what was wrong so he could make it up to his boy.
'Why did you say his name?' Xander asked in defeat as he slumped against the corner of the elevator.
Spike finally thought to shut the elevator down so no one else could try to get on.
He was silent as he tried to remember when he had called Xander anything but Xander, Xan, Xanpet, Whelp, Love, Luv, Xanluv or any other term of affection. He might have called his brunet "an angel" but he had no memory of actually calling him "Angel".
Spike slid down to sit next to Xander.
Xander wiped his eyes as studied Spike, actually studied him and all he could see was confusion and hurt and love and remorse and a desire to make things right.
'The first time we made love,' Xander replied his voice barely loud enough for even Spike to hear.
Spike closed his eyes in shame, he felt like a heel, no wonder Xander had been about to leave him.
Spike did the only thing he could think of, he pulled Xander to him and kissed him, fiercely, passionately, tenderly, lovingly, pouring everything he felt for the distraught brunet in his arms into that kiss. He had no idea why he would say his Sire's name during sex with his mate, but he had apparently.
'I am so fucking sorry,' he whispered against those slightly kiss swollen lips, 'I love you and only you,' he mumbled into Xander's hair as Xander buried himself in Spike's chest, finally allowing the great heaving sobs that he'd been fighting against all week to escape.
That was how the emergency crew found them almost twenty minutes later. Spike murmuring words of love and devotion and apology as Xander's sobs slowly tapered off.
'Sirs? Is everything okay?' one of the firemen asked uncertainly.
Spike had half a mind to snarl at the man, but managed to refrain, it was Xander who looked up at the man as he used his sleeve to wipe his nose and eyes painfully red and wet and replied, 'not yet, but we will be.'
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