Why Unicorns No Longer Exist.

By: Matthew Williams... like you'd remember...

Eh, ahem!

In the forests of England, a man named Arthur lived alone with a bunch of unicorns. Occasionally he'd go into riding one of these creatures – grabbing the attention of all. This included a Frenchman by the name of Francis who felt he needed to have everything that was impossible for normal folk to own.

So, one day, he followed Arthur to his house to steal one of his unicorns – and once there, Arthur saw him and demanded to know why he was followed. Francis replied that he was lost while admiring the unicorn.

Said unicorn, being paranoid like all unicorns that faced Francis, told Arthur that he was going to go play Dungeons and Big Lizards (A knock off of Dungeons and Dragons, but still pointless.) When he got to the rest of his friends he told them, "A scary Frenchman is after us! Hide your hides!" All the unicorns ran away to the ocean – seeing that creepy Francis following them with a rope, in hopes of leading one back home.

At the ocean, the unicorns all ran into the water and kept running until they had to swim. Arthur, running up and seeing all of his beloved unicorns gone, fought with Francis before pulling out a spell book and casting a spell that made the other talk with a funny accent – which all French people talk like today. As for the unicorns, they swam all the way to America, destroyed any evidence they were unicorns, and lived with the Indians just as they did Arthur.

...

OK, here's the alternate ending.

The unicorns swam all the way to America, where a man named Alfred stood at the shore and saw them. When he did, he pointed at them and yelled – "Oh! Ponies! Pretty ponies! Ponies with weird sticks on their heads! I wonder what they use them for!" he thought a second, "That's gross!"

...meanwhile, up in Canada, Matthew watched Alfred point and yell about the ponies while saying, "He's a dork. It's really fucking cold up here. I think my toe fell off."


"End of story."

Arthur and Francis looked at each other and sighed, "Mathieu... you know how harsh it is for Arthur to talk about the unicorns going missing."

Matthew shrugged next to Alfred.

"But it was interesting." Arthur took a sip of tea. "I loved the part about Francis getting his accent and then the rest of the French frogs talking like that."

"What did you say about French people?"

Alfred pushed Matthew out of the room.

"I was saying that they were frogs."

"Ah, but it is the country of romance."

"I don't care, - what are you doing? Francis? Francis! Francis you –"

Alfred and Matthew stood in the hall frozen before Alfred pulled Matthew to their bedroom, "So Mattie, wanna write a story about how fairies disappeared?"

"Sure." Matthew responded quietly.


**WHAT THIS IS I DON'T EVEN - OK, so this is sorta kinda what I had to write for an assignment at school (Write a myth about why something is.) And I had to put something Hetalia in there... probably only Emily is gonna get it. :( But somethings I added in. (The ending definately) Flames will be burned with green fire and then the ashes will be used to make a potion that turns people into unicorns.**