OKAY GUYS, MY DEAR FRIEND/ TUMBLR/ TWITTER/ FANFICTION FRIEND, WROTE THIS FOR MY STORY, YOU GUYS NEED TO GIVE HER PRAISE, BECAUSE THIS GIRL IS AMAZING, SHE DID BETTER FOR THIS STORY THAN I EVER COULD.

I WOULD'VE PROBABLY RUINED IT, WHILE SHE CREATED THIS MASTER PIECE

THANK

Beautiful Disaster 1987

.net/u/2526004/Beautiful_Disaster_1987

GO THANK HER, NOT ME. SHE'S AMAZING READ AND REVIEW HER STORIES, JUST GO DO IT, NOW!

I open my lungs dear,
I sing this song at funerals, no rush.
These lyrics heard a thousand times, just plush.

Here I was at my son's funeral. I had miscarried I no longer felt whole, Eli ahs left me and now my son is gone. I never really told Eli about my pregnancy and he thought I was keeping a secret from him, which I was but he never thought I was going to tell him and he ended up finding out on his own.

"Are you Ok Clare" he asked standing next to me as our son was being placed in the ground

"No Eli, our son is gone." I yelled at him as I brown down in tears.

I watched them put our son in grave his tombstone read "Baby boy Edwards-Goldsworthy" which was Eli's doing.

"You were taken away too soon" I whispered

A baby boy you've held so tightly,
This pain it visits almost nightly.
Missing hotel beds I feel your touch.

Every time I went to sleep I had the same dream when I found out that I had miscarried. I seen my son standing there right in front of me he looked about 4 years old, just like Eli, only he had my eyes. I was looking at him as he talked.

"Mommy I can't breathe I love you, please help." He gasped.

"Baby boy please hold on mommy loves you too don't leave me." I said in tears running to him

"Mommy I'm trying don't let me go" He said in my arms

"I'll never let you go I promise"

I then noticed I no longer had him in my arms, he had disappeared.

I woke up and scratched my abdomen yelling "Where is my son?"

Eli sat across from me in tears.

I will await dear,
A patient of eternity, my crush.
A universal still, No rust.
No dust will ever grow on this frame,

I'm in my room now alone I've been here for 3 days now. The pain of my son still lingers with me. I keep my door locked and my mom knocks to let me know that my food is outside of the door. No one comes in there's no Eli, I doubt we'd get back together after everything that's happened. It feels like my world has stopped I drew pictures of my son the way I saw him in my dreams to occupy my time and keep my memories of him, I have about half a lock box full of them.

One million years I will say your name.
I love you more than I can ever scream.

I feel so lost, the pain of living without him and Eli is getting unbearable, when Eli and I broke up knowing my son was living inside me stopped me from hurting myself, but now the only trace of Eli I had held so dearly is gone. I have hears carved in my arms along with the words "Baby Boy" I needed something on me to still feel attached and I needed to release the pain I feel.

Booked our flight those years ago,
I said I love you as I left you.
Regrets still haunt my hollow head,
I promised you I will see you again.

I remember leaving the cemetery on my own I knelt down besides my son's grave and told him "Mommy loves you so much I'll see you again even if it's in my dreams"

I sit here and smile dear,
I smile because I think of you, I blush.
These bleeding hollow dials, this fuss.

I smile every time I think of my baby boy even when I look at his pictures, but I still miss him to death. I can't wait till I see him and I feel empty there nothing to live for. I decided to take my own life so I can be with my son sooner. It's been a week since I last seen Eli so I doubt if he care. I then got a razor and cut a big incision on my arm and let it bleed out as I had music blaring to down out my sobs from the pain. I woke up in a hospital bed, Eli was sitting across from my bed and I just cried when I seen him.

"Clare are you ok?" He asked me quietly

"Don't you get it? I'm not ok I've lost you, our son is gone, and there's just nothing left for me to live for Eli"

I cried into my pillow, I then felt Eli's arm around me and he kissed me I couldn't help, but kiss him back. Eli and I talked for a while he found my lockbox and was willing to give me another baby.
A fuss is made of miles and travels when roadways are but stones and gravel.
A bleeding heart can conquer every crutch.

I found out that I was pregnant and decided not to hurt myself anymore, Eli is by my side again. I still think of my lost son every night still.

We booked our flight those years ago,
You said you loved me as you left me.
Regrets still haunt your saddened head but I promised you I will see you again

It's been 4 months now, I don't dream of my lost son, Eli and I are doing better we're hardly apart now. In the last dream I had of my lost son, he and I were playing on the swings and he said "Mommy I'm leaving for now I love you and I'll see you soon." I told Eli and we don't know what it meant.

We booked our flight those years ago,
I said I loved you and I left you.
Regret's no longer in my head,
But I promised you and now I'm home again

I now live with Eli and our 4 year old son looks just like the one I've lost. I now understood what my dream meant. Though the memory of my lost son will never go away and Eli and I visit him very often with his younger brother.

I'm home again