notes: i've been looking back on my old stuff, and felt really sad that i wasn't posting a new oneshot once every week or so…
oppa! oppa! oppa!
express your love four times a day, laugh eight times, and kiss me six times. it's the only password to my heart.
My name's Sasuke. I would like to remind you that I am not writing in you by choice. My brother said that if I threw a tantrum every time they tried to take me to a councilor, the least I could do was vent through writing. So here I am.
I don't know what to write, though. Everything I think is much too profound for you, anyway.
That's too bad, isn't it?
Itachi saw that I didn't write in you for a week, and he got upset. So I'm writing again.
Today was uneventful. Goodbye.
Today was also uneventful.
Naruto "accidentally" spilled his ramen all over me at lunch today. He probably gave my chest a first-degree burn with that scorching broth. Haruno Sakura, a friend of his, offered her towel for me to use. I don't happen to have Phys. Ed. this semester, and therefore didn't have a towel of my own—so I had to take hers.
(She also offered me her oversized t-shirt that she used for Phys. Ed.—"It's clean, I swear!"—but I had more dignity than that.)
I threw her towel in the wash. When I give it back to her tomorrow, I bet she'll keep it as a prized possession in her shrine of me. Ugh.
I bet you don't have any sense of time, so I'll tell you. It's been about two weeks since I've written in you.
(Itachi threw a fit again. I think he's the one that needs to see a councilor.)
For Christmas, Naruto gave me a CD of SNSD's newest album as a gag gift. I don't know much about them, but I always notice Sakura posting links of their videos on her Facebook. She basically spams my news feed with them. It's annoying.
(To be perfectly honest, I don't remember when we became Facebook friends. Or which one of us sent the friend request.)
I played the CD today. It's…okay. Kind of catchy, if I play it on repeat for an hour or so. I get used to it, and then just tune it out.
I also actually went to Sakura's Facebook page and played some of their videos. Those are some impressive dance moves. And they have nice legs. Nice…long legs.
And because it caught my eye, I also clicked on Sakura's profile picture.
She, uh, also has nice legs.
I was approaching Sakura at her locker today to ask about the Chemistry homework that I missed, and it appeared that she didn't notice me walking towards her, because just as I was within arm's reach of her, she pushed her locker door open. Guess where it slammed?
Yeah. My face.
My nose is sore now.
I just noticed. Sakura's eyes are really green.
We were assigned a group project in History today. We had to work in groups of two or three. I assumed that I was working with Naruto, as that was usually how it was, so I didn't even look up at him to confirm it.
Apparently, I'm working with Naruto and Sakura.
Honestly, I didn't even know that Sakura was in that class. It didn't help that she sat on the opposite side of the room from me.
I'll make sure to look over there more often now, though.
I "liked" Sakura's most recent video of SNSD that she posted on Facebook last night. Today, at least five girls asked me if we were going out.
Since when did me liking something on a girl's page mean that I liked her? I like the video. Not her.
The History project is coming along nicely. Naruto and Sakura came over today to work on it—but really, Sakura and I did most of the work. Naruto lazed around and demanded to have ramen served to him. Apparently, working with Sakura-chan means that he doesn't have to contribute anything.
Sakura and I talked, though. She said she'd lend me some of her other SNSD CDs. I'm just a little excited.
For the past while, Itachi's been really distant. It happens sometimes, so I just thought that university was being pretty hard on him again. Apparently, that's not the case.
Today, the hospital called our family to say that he was involved in some gang beating. He's currently in the emergency ward.
I have never felt more lost in my life.
1 FB status. Just ONE emo status and people bombard me with questions.
I just want to VENT.
(Sorry for writing in you several times in one night. It must be tiring for you.)
I'm at the hospital right now. The doctors told us that Itachi will be fine, and should be discharged in about a week or so. Although it's great to know that he's okay, I'm worried about the people he was involved with. What happens of they come back? What if the consequences are worse the next time around?
Why won't he tell me any of his problems? I'm his brother, aren't I?
I deleted that Facebook status. I just got home about half an hour ago, and it's about one in the morning. There were twelve new notifications from that status alone—most of them just from Naruto commenting on it five or six times, asking me what the hell was wrong. I noticed that Sakura didn't comment.
I suppose that's okay. She texted me instead. I didn't know what to say to her, so I didn't reply. Then she called me.
I need to invest in caller ID, so I know when not to pick up.
When I picked up, I was so surprised to hear her voice on the other end of the line, that I could only manage, "Hn."
So after that, she said, "Hey, are you okay? I know it's a little late, but—I wanted to check up on you."
And I said, "I don't remember giving you the impression that I needed to be checked up on." My heart was beating oddly fast—but I suppose it was because it was the first time we ever talked on the phone, and it was a little weird.
"Yeah, but—your Facebook status. You never post Facebook statuses."
I felt a little frustrated, and snapped, "What, I can't post one Facebook status without having the world ask me what's wrong?"
It was silent after that, and I wondered if she had hung up on me, upset or something. But then she spoke, and her voice was so quiet, it felt like it was curling around the base of my spine. "You don't know how lucky you are to have people that care about you, Sasuke."
And this feeling welled up in my stomach. It was the first time I had ever felt that way. It was the first time anyone had ever spoken to me with such patience and—I don't know.
I didn't know what to say, so after retorting, "I'm fine," I abruptly hung up.
I wonder if she's mad at me now.
I'm going to sleep, though. Four entries in one day is four entries too many.
Today, when I was having lunch with Naruto and Sakura, I noticed that Sakura was wearing some earrings that looked like small cupcakes. Which is normal, right? Most girls have their ears pierced.
But then I noticed that she had a second piercing on just one of her earlobes. I thought it was weird at first, but the more I think about it, the more unique it seems.
It suits her.
I wish she'd wear her hair up more, though, so I would've noticed sooner. She never does herself justice.
Naruto and I were supposed to meet at Sakura's place today to finish our project, but Naruto bailed in the last minute. Which, honestly, didn't make much of a difference since he didn't do any work anyway, but that meant that he left me all alone with Sakura, that bastard.
I found that she didn't actually have a shrine of me in her closet. And I mean, I wasn't really expecting one, but—there wasn't any sign of her adoration for me anywhere. She didn't take advantage of our time alone and make a move on me. She just continued to talk about Napoleon and Stalin and Hitler, and how, in retrospect, they were actually really admirable men, smiling at me every now and then.
And it never really occurred to me, but—could Sakura not like me?
I'm one of the top students in the school. Although I never talk in class, I know the answer to every question. There isn't a single question I don't know the answer to.
But today, Naruto asked me—really asked me—if I liked Sakura.
And for the first time, I don't know the answer.
Today was uneventful. It left me with an empty feeling in the pit of my stomach.
It's been a week since Naruto asked me that dreaded question.
And now I can't stop thinking of Sakura. I can't stop thinking about her long legs and green eyes and second piercing and the way her voice curls around the base of my spine. I can't forget the way she made me feel that night she called—like I mattered, like I was more than just a pretty boy that girls lusted after—or the way she drew little hearts beside her favorite songs in the lyric books of her SNSD CDs.
I just—I just can't stop thinking about her.
This is bad, Diary. This is really bad.
Sakura's birthday is next week. I'm thinking of getting her a customized earring set—one pair for her first set of piercings, and one earring for her second piercing.
Naruto might call me creepy for doing that, though. And if he found out, then he'd definitely know that I liked her.
I suppose I have to take those risks, though. I remember when I was younger, Itachi told me, "Anything worth having is something worth trying for." And it's really weird, but I think Sakura's worth it. I've never really felt this way about a girl before. Maybe it's because she's the first one who bothered to be my friend.
Well. Now that that's decided—time to go shopping.
Tomorrow is Sakura's birthday. I was poking around her Facebook page again, and saw that she posted a new status. Her pet canary died. I had seen it when I went over to her place—its name was Ino, as a memory of her childhood friend. She'd had it for years.
I skipped the status comment. I skipped the text, too. I just called her.
When she picked up, her voice sounded raspy and shaky, like she'd been crying. "Hello?"
"Sakura? Are you okay?"
There was a moment's silence of her sniffing, and then she admitted, voice higher pitched than usual, "No. No, I'm not okay, Sasuke. I'm not okay at all."
And I suppose it came with liking someone, but I just wished at that moment that I could hug her. She'd hugged me before, as greetings and as goodbyes, but they were brief, and I had never really reciprocated the action. It was hard when my heart caught in my throat and I felt like I couldn't breathe.
I heard wind in the background. "Where are you right now?"
"The park by the school. I can't be inside right now."
And when I glanced out the window, I noticed that it was dark out. And judging from the wind on the other end of the line, it was probably also cold.
"Don't go anywhere. I'll be right there."
I don't really know what came over me then. It was the first time that I wanted something—like, really wanted something. Nothing was on my mind except for Sakura and how she should have someone with her right then. So I pulled a hoodie on, shoved my feet into some sneakers, and left the house with nothing but my phone clutched in my hand.
I didn't live too far from the school, so it took me five minutes of running to get to the park. I saw Sakura immediately; she was sitting on the swings, unmoving, somehow still magically bright in her yellow hoodie, even though she was probably at an all time low.
When she looked up at me as I approached her, her eyes (that were so, so green) were glassy. She'd been crying again.
"Sasuke," she breathed, standing up and stumbling towards me. "You actually came."
"Of course," I mumbled, not able to speak any louder than that. "What do you take me for?" But instead of answering me, her arms wrapped around my torso in a suffocating grip, and she pressed her face into my chest. My breath caught, and for a moment, I was deathly afraid that she'd notice how fast my heart was pounding.
"I've had her for years," she said into my chest, voice muffled by my hoodie. "Now that she's gone—there's nothing left to remember Ino by. Ino's gone, the ribbon's gone, the canary's gone—there's nothing left, Sasuke. There's nothing."
"There's something," I said. There's me, was what I really wanted to say. I'm right here.
And the scariest part is, I don't even know when she became so important to me.
"There's nothing," she emphasized, gripping me tighter. I swore, any more and I wouldn't have been able to breathe. She sounded so terribly hopeless.
"Just because Ino's gone," I said hesitantly—because I've never been one to offer words of comfort—"there are still others. There are still others that care about you." And in a surge of courage, I wrapped my arms around her. She was so small. So delicate. "And you don't know how lucky you are to have those people."
I felt her tense when I hugged her back, but after a few moments, she relaxed into my touch. She had quieted down, and all I heard from her now were sniffles.
"Thanks, Sasuke," she said quietly. "All I ever hear about you is that you're hot and mysterious from other girls, and that you're an icy bastard from Naruto. I've been waiting for you to prove them all wrong." And she looked up at me and smiled. Past her puffy eyes, splotchy face and disheveled hair, she smiled the brightest smile I had ever seen.
And honestly, Diary—I felt on top of the world.
Today was Sakura's birthday. She didn't have a party—only invited me and Naruto to her place for the day. We had some cheesecake with no candles, and we didn't sing Happy Birthday. Naruto gave her a gift card to her favorite store (Forever 21—I'll be keeping that in mind) and she said thank you and gave him a hug, and I gave her the earrings.
The actual pair of earrings were dangly, and had one angel wing on each. (It had taken me forever to decide, because I honestly wasn't good with girl things.) The single earring for her second piercing was a stainless steel ball. Simple, but I honestly thought it suited her.
And judging from the way she beamed at me, I'm guessing she liked it.
"Thanks so much, Sasuke," she said, reaching out to give me a hug. I reciprocated half-heartedly (wouldn't want to give Naruto any thoughts), but my mind just went blank when she kissed me on the cheek. It was nothing more than a brush of her lips against my skin, but I felt it, and I swear, I died.
"So, where's the other earring?" she asked me a little later. "Y'know, for this pair."
I shrugged. "It's sitting, neglected on my desk." It's right beside you, Diary.
She grinned impishly, then, and joked, "You should get one of your ears pierced. Then we'd match!"
I just smirked and said, "Maybe I will." I don't think that she knew that I was kind of taking her seriously, though. It's better that she doesn't.
I think she likes me, though. Is that a little conceited to think? I mean, I used to just assume that every girl who's laid eyes on me immediately had the hots for me…and it's not like there was anyone to prove me wrong, until Sakura came along. She really is something, isn't she? I just happen to want the one that's hard to get.
Oh well. Whatever's worth having is worth trying for, right?
Confessing is a lot harder than I thought.
I mean, I always knew there was some level of difficulty, considering how girls fell apart from just giving me love letters—but I always thought I had more backbone that. I thought that confessing in person without the help of a letter would be relatively simple.
Except it's not.
It really sucks, Diary. It really does.
I never realized how hard she was to approach. She'd be talking to Naruto and Hinata, and I'd just want to pull her aside for a moment, but I couldn't. I just couldn't.
But when I came home today, I saw the small pile of CDs that I'd never returned to her.
I ripped a corner off of a scrap piece of paper and wrote on it, Will you go out with me? Then I slipped it into the covers of one of the cases, where she could clearly see it. Then I placed it right in the middle of the pile.
I'll be returning those tomorrow.
I hope she says yes.
It's been a week. I think that's a no.
It kind of hurts that she didn't at least tell me. Did I not even mean that much to her?
Today, Naruto said that he'd had enough of my "emoing", and demanded me to spill. So I told him bits and pieces of what's been going on in sentence fragments, and what did he do? He called me stupid. The moron called me stupid.
Apparently, there was no way Sakura was going to see my note in the CD case, because she had all of the songs on her iTunes, and no one listened to CDs anymore.
(I guess I constitute as no one.)
So maybe, instead of ignoring me, she just didn't see it?
I suppose it was a pretty pathetic way of asking her out. I figured it'd be a little more romantic. (If she only saw it.)
"But I'll give her a heads up, man," Naruto had said, flashing a thumbs up sign at me. Something tells me that when he says he'll give her a heads up, he's just going to tell her to look through her CDs. Ugh. I should've cut all ties with him when he declared us best friends.
I guess I'll wait for that call. Wish me luck.
She called. Holy shit, she called.
It was around eighty-thirty and I was listening to SNSD (not that anyone will ever know that I actually listen to them in my spare time), and when I heard her voice on the other end, I swear, I was about to go into cardiac arrest.
(I still haven't invested in caller ID.)
She asked me what brought it about. Why I asked her, of all people. When there were prettier girls. When there were more exciting girls.
I just wanted to tell her that she was perfect, but somehow, I got the feeling that she wouldn't believe me. So instead, I said, "Because you care. And I need to start appreciating how lucky I am to have you."
I suppose that hit home, because she said yes. Girls are suckers for lines like those, right?
Needless to say, I am the happiest guy on earth right now.
It's been two months since Sakura and I started going out. I haven't been writing in you much lately because I don't have a need to vent anymore. I'm happy.
I thought I knew everything there was to know about Sakura, but there's so much more. Like how she's in love with knee-high boots, how she wants to learn the violin when she's older, how her entire face lights up when ice cream is mentioned. She's so much deeper than that, so much more complex—and I have time to learn everything about her.
I'm getting the cartilage of my right ear pierced this weekend. No one's ever going to see it, just like Sakura's second piercing—but I think I understand her a little more now. It's kind of like a secret. Something that people will only notice if they're actually looking at you. If you matter enough to them.
You know what earring I'm going to be wearing for the next little while.
a/n: i thank my korean friend, jae, for enlightening me on the meaning of the word "oppa", along with actually taking the time to write out notes and find his old textbooks to teach me legit korean. soon, you'll forget that i'm chinese altogether! 8D