Um... this is just a one-shot I just wrote, since I was bored, and felt like writing something light. I don't think that this is that good or funny, since I finished this in like... 30 minutes or so.
So don't blame me if it's crap.
What a day!
Not only did he get hit by Sakura more, he was also forced to do everything she said (or ordered). It was not that unusual for Sakura to be this "controlling", but maybe today was a bit overboard. And Naruto knew when she was above normal (meaning: out of control!), since he'd been going out with her a couple of months now (three weeks and a half).
The nineteen year old blond sighed. Maybe he should ask someone with more experience with women, namely Jiraiya. Oh yes. That old pervert would be the best choice for this topic. Naruto grinned at nothing in particular as he walked through the streets in Konoha. Now, to find Jiraiya... well, that wouldn't be too hard, since there was only one place that pervert would be at – the bath house.
Naruto shook his head at the thought, nothing's change with the man (old man), since they found him walking into the village, which was impossible at that current time, since he did die after he fought Nagato. How he survived that made Naruto wonder, maybe he just had his luck.
Naruto smiled as he replayed the scene when Jiraiya suddenly appeared into Tsunade's new office. It wasn't really a pretty memory, since... well, since he was suppose to be dead.
"Alright Naruto," Tsunade started. "This mission is just a simple B-ranked mission, there's nothing special, just an escorting mission. You should be able to handle this your-"
Tsunade peered over Naruto's shoulder and saw something that was not supposed to be there. "OH NO!"
"The ghost's back to haunt me!" Tsunade shouted, eyes wide, pointing aggressively at the figure behind Naruto.
Naruto quirked an eyebrow, was she that old already? Do old people become like this?
Naruto sighed again, this time a bit more in the dreamy state. That was a funny memory, and an awkward one. He arrived at the Konoha's local women's bath. Jiraiya should be somewhere in the trees. He searched the trees around the bath's perimeter, but didn't have much luck. Maybe Jiraiya was spying at another – "Get out of here! PERVERT!"
Naruto grinned, "Found him," he mumbled to himself. He then jumped to the trees and started making his way to all the yelling and the screaming. Naruto, again shook his head in disappointment as he arrived at the scene. Jiraiya was on the ground, head covered with bumps, and blood still gushing out of his nose – overall, it was the typical Jiraiya scene , at this time.
He jumped down beside his master and released an exaggerated sigh. "What am I going to do with you ero-sennin?"
"How about helping me up," Jiraiya suggested, with a tint of sarcasm. "That would get us somewhere, at least."
"You know, I could just leave you here, and call the ladies back to bas you up."
Jiraiya's eyes widened, "Fine," he heaved out a sigh. "Naruto, My most precious and best's student in the whole world, please help your old lovable sensei, up," his eyes sparkled with hope as he made the old, overused, puppy-dog-eye technique.
Naruto still wasn't convinced. His arms were crossed, and his left foot was tapping, showing the limit of his patience. Really, he was just playing around with his old sensei, it's somehow fun to see his sensei beg. "Fine, just tell me what you want from me."
Naruto smirked, his old sensei was an easy target these days. "Can you tell me what's wrong with Sakura, she's been acting a bit, weird today."
And straight away, Jiraiya was on his feet. He flashed a grin at his old pupil, "You spoke to the right person, my friend," he said, making the teeth flash pose. "So, you say she was acting weird, ay?"
Naruto nodded, "Yup, she's been acting weird since yesterday, but got even worse today."
"Hmmm..." Jiraiya rubbed his chin, in a thoughtful way. "Tell me more about her 'changes'."
"Well," Naruto started, scratching the back of his head. "She's more... well, aggressive. Then, she also got more bossy, which, you should know well enough that she was already bossy in personality, and more of it means -" Naruto made a slitting throat gesture.
Jiraiya thought about his words, "hmmm, that sounds pret-ty familiar," he stated. "I think that your 'girlfriend' is suffering from pms," Jiraiya said solemnly. "I'm sorry..."
"You're sorry? For what! What is this pms shit, anyway? And what is it doing to MY SAKURA-CHAN!"
Jiraiya sighed and grabbed Naruto's shoulder in an attempt to comfort him, "Look, you might not survive this, but I wish you luck, my last student." That was not helpful in any way, at all.
Naruto was silent. He didn't know what to say, since really, there was nothing to be said. He just stared at his old mentor, his face expressionless. "What the fuck are you talking about?"
And there was silence, again.
But this time, Jiraiya was the one silent with is face expressionless. "Look," Jiraiya breathed. "To survive against women with pms, you have to listen and follow the rules that I'm about to tell you, alright?"
Naruto nodded dumbly. How the hell was he going to survive against this 'pms' crap without knowing what it was first? "Um, ero-sennin, what does p-"
"Hsssshhh!" Jiraiya cut him off. "Don't interrupt me!"
He cleared his throat in an over exaggerated way, before taking in a deep breath. "Rule 1," he started, "Always, and I mean always, obey to what they say, even if it's stupid, or impossible, just try your best," Jiraiya explained. "Or...If you don't, you'll probably get knocked into the afterlife."
"Rule 2: If they're taking to you, give them your full attention, and if they ask you a question, either if it's how they look, or how they smell, or as ridiculous as them asking you about how they do in bed, make sure the answer is always positive, even if you have to lie, do it for your own sake."
"Okay... but what does pm –mgggffhh!" Jiraiya cut Naruto off, again, by covering his mouth with his hand.
"What did I tell you about interrupting?"
Naruto sighed, "Fine..."
"Okay, the last rule: Never, ever, ever, ever, and so many more ever, say that she's fat!" Jiraiya warned. He sounded as if all these rule could save his life.
Could it? Naruto shrugged the question away, and focused on his sensei. "Anything else?"
Jiraiya shook his head. "Nope. Nothing else," Jiraiya said. "But always keep these rules in your head, and think before acting. Unless you wanna get yourself killed."
Naruto waved a hand, dismissing what his sensei just said. "I'll make sure, but there's still one thing that I still don't know," he paused for a second, re-thinking his question. "What does p-" And he was cut off, again.
"Ooops, sorry Naruto. I have to go now; my watch says that it's the time when Tsunade has her 'happy time'. Well, see ya around gaki." And he was gone in a puff of smoke. Naruto sighed to himself, this was getting harder than it should. Who else could he ask from?
30 minutes later...
Thirty minutes of talking, and all he got was crap. He first went to Kiba, and that dumb dog started talking about his new phone that can 'pms', as in private-messaging, which Naruto knew wasn't what pms stand for.
Then after that, he went to Hinata, which was a bad idea, since she fainted straight away (weird girl). And after that, he went to Kakashi. He didn't know why he went to him, but he assumed Kakashi knew these things, since he does read all Jiraiya's books. But no, he also gave him crap; he said something along the lines of 'pissed-at-men-syndrome', which Naruto almost believed. Because it did fit to Sakura's behaviour before, though it sounded absurd.
Naruto huffed at the thought, 'pissed-at-men-syndrome'? He wasn't the same 12 year old kid, you know. He actually has a brain now, believe it or not. And so, Naruto walked alone in the streets of Konoha, thinking what pms meant. Though he should really get home, the sun was almost gone.
But suddenly, he stopped in his tracks. He had to find Sakura, and walk her home like he always does. Though, he didn't know where she was. And so, Naruto stood there, hands scratching his chin in a thinking manner, trying to think up some place where Sakura could be right now.
Maybe Tsunade knew where Sakura was.
Naruto jogged all the way to the Hokage tower, trying not to hit anyone in the process. He reached the building in no time, and bolted in, then stormed up the staircase to the Hokage's office. Though, unknown to him, Tsunade was still having her 'happy time'.
"Tsunade-baa-chan!" Naruto yelled from the corridor outside her office. He barged into the office without knocking, and was met by a surprised, shocked, and half naked Tsunade. "Ah, baa-chan? What are you doing?"
"What do you think!" she countered. "And who told you to come in," she didn't even bothered to cover herself up. Does she even know that she was half naked.
"Oh... right," Naruto murmured awkwardly.
"Just tell me what you want, I have better things to do."
"Um...right..." he scratched the back of his head, embarrassed. "Where's Sakura-chan?"
Tsunade groaned, "She's at the hospital; she has a late shift tonight."
"Thanks," Naruto said, "And uh... you can go back to your... 'business'."
"Just go away, Naruto."
And as he was about to leave, something in is head clicked. "Oh-my god! Oh-my-FREAKING-GOD!" he yelled out. It couldn't be. Was Sakura sexually frustrated? Was she horny all the time, now?
That was what Sakura's problem was; PRIVATE-MASTURBATION-SESSION! Which stood for pms. He was such a genius.
Naruto had to find Sakura straight away. "Don't worry Sakura! I'll save you!" he yelled, then bolted out of the room and ran straight to the hospital. He Kept yelling out his girlfriend's name frantically and made the citizens of Konoha thought that he had actually lost his marbles.
He burst through the front entrance to the hospital, "SAKURA! Where are you!" he called out.
"Naruto?" he heard his name being called.
He turned around and there she was, his beautiful angel that was horny. "Let's go Sakura,"
"Go where? And if it's about the pass couple of days, then I can explain," she said.
"Yeah, yeah. I know that you have pms," Naruto replied.
"Of course I knew! I'm your boyfriend, so come on! We can't do it here!"
"Do what?" Sakura looked puzzled. Maybe Naruto had really lost his marbles.
"You know... since you have pms, and all. I'll help you through it."
"Naruto..." she started, looking concerned. "Do you even know what pms means?"
"Of course I do. It stands for 'private-masturbation-syndrome', meaning that you are horny and need some sex, am I right?" Though he didn't get an answer. All he got was a blank stare, then a punch to the face, sending him all the way across Konoha.
What did he do wrong?
Jiraiya groaned as he rubbed the ice-bag over his bruised cheek; that Tsunade caught him spying on her. Maybe he was getting to old for this. But then, he saw his blond student flying across the sky. He shook his head and muttered, "Told him so."
So? How was it?
Tell me in your reviews ^.^