Author: mrstrentreznor

Title: Closer to God

Rating: NC-17 for sex, language, underage drinking, teen sex
Fandom: Twilight - AU
Pairing: Bella and (? I don't know yet)
Feedback: please and thankyou

Author's Notes: Edward is a little out of character ; the dating pool can be dangerous…
Disclaimer: Don't sue me.

Summary: Bella is alone after Edward has left and she decides to go out dancing.

Chapter 1 dance club daze

Disclaimer: the characters and all recognisable situations belong to Stephenie Meyer- this is a work of fan fiction, except for the legends and histories of the Quileute which, of course, belong to them. I pay my respects to their gods.

Thanks to BanSidhe for betaing

Bella needed to go out. She loved to dance so she thought she would go to a nightclub in Port Angeles and just dance. Her heart pounded with nerves but she comforted herself with the thought that she was just going to dance; nothing else was going to happen. Her reckless behaviour after Edward had left her was at an end. It had played itself out before she had done any real damage other than get a few new scars.

She had finally managed to hold at bay that awful yawning chasm of self hurt and self blame. If I had been a better person; a better fuck – would he have left her? He had always told her what to wear; what to say, what to do and she had complied, because she loved him. In the end she had transformed herself into what he wanted and then, in a decision she would never comprehend, he had announced that he didn't want her now. He and his family were leaving.

How did that make sense? It was like some awful power game he had played with her as the ultimate toy. Let's see if Bella will stop cutting her hair because I tell her not to? Let's see if I can get her to wear dark coloured conservative clothes? Let's see if I can get her to drop all her friends because they are 'inappropriate'? Let's see if I can refuse to have sex with her and she will still pant after me like a lap dog. She was like some kind of asexual Stepford wife.

Whatever game he was playing, it was clear she didn't know the rules at all. And you can never win a game if you don't understand the rules. He didn't even explain why his family was leaving; like the ultimate twist was for her to blame herself for their departure. Perhaps Carlisle had got another job? Perhaps they had just got tired of living in dreary, rainy Forks? She didn't know. No one else in the family had contacted her to give her their reasons.

But she still blamed herself.

So her new found confidence was pretty fragile. She lied to Charlie; told him she was meeting friends in Port Angeles; she didn't tell him about the club. He was going away for the weekend on some fishing trip and he would have flipped out if he knew she was going on her own to a bar; no back-up; no one to text to come and save her. She didn't quite know where this need to socialize came from; she hated such things normally.

She couldn't even bury herself in a haze of alcohol because she had to drive her battered old truck home and she was underage. She didn't earn much money and paying a cover charge, then buying drinks and finally forking out half her life savings for a cab ride home was beyond her meagre finances.

So she was going to dance; not to drink and definitely not to pick up anyone. That was the plan.

She arrived at the club, got in for free; bonus. It was ladies night or some such thing. Sounded to her like they wanted more women to come and that told her enough about what kind of club this was.

She took up a position at a table in the corner and tried to sink into the shadows. She sipped at her glass of water and watched.

Ah the sea of humanity; it was fascinating. The women preened and the guys watched. It was like a meat market. She waited for the DJ to play anything she could dance to and to be honest; all her courage had deserted her. She needed a courage booster. She could have one drink and still drive home, right?

So she made her way to the bar; waited for ages until a barman noticed her, shouted in the barman's ear and got a bourbon and coke for her trouble. She had never drunk bourbon before but it seemed like the thing to do. She eyed her drink suspiciously. The bourbon formed low level bubbles on the surface, like some witches' potion. She took a sip; gah – that was horrible. She took another sip, then a gulp and then she threw the whole drink down her throat. She shook her head like she was trying to shake memories of Edward from it.

"Can I buy you another?" she heard.

"Wah?" Oh way to go with the comprehensive speech Bella. She looked up and her eye level was nipple height for this guy. She kept looking up and finally came to his face. He looked amused.

"Another drink?" he asked again in a deep voice.

She thought about it. She could still drive home after two drinks right?

She nodded. He sniffed at her glass and disappeared. She tried to see what the back of him looked like but he had melted into the crowd. And then he melted right back again with another bourbon clutched in his hand. That was quick; it had taken her ages to get served. Perhaps his height helped with that. Perhaps he was a regular who came here all the time. Hang on, how did he know what she was drinking?

She thanked him and took the drink. Was she supposed to make small talk now? He had bought her a drink; did that buy him her time or her attention? She didn't know. Instinctively she thought it would be rude to take the drink and leave. God, she was no good at this stuff. Why didn't she have the normal misspent youth of her peers, rather than a head full of memorised passages from classic romance novels? This was another game that she didn't know the rules of. She felt like a fool for thinking she could do this.

She decided to drink the purchased beverage as quickly as possible and then she could leave. She swallowed it down in three gulps and then caught his eye. He still looked amused.

She frowned at him.

In the background she heard an old Stevie wonder song start, "Superstition". She liked this song. The man grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the dance floor. He didn't speak or ask her to dance. Was he the strong silent type?

She went. The bourbon was starting to affect her and she suddenly realized that she had forgotten to eat. She was so nervous about going out alone she had lost her appetite.

At least in the light on the dance floor she could check him out properly and as a bonus it was impossible to make small talk. My God, he was gorgeous. He was really tall and had black straight hair that was parted on the side and a lock fell across his forehead. He had the body of a man who worked out a lot or swam miles; wide shoulders and slim hips. His skin was a russet colour like he was a Native American Indian or something. Was he Makah, Klallam or Quileute? She knew Charlie had friends on the Quileute reservation but she didn't go there with him anymore. Fishing was pretty dull, after all and the only other option was sitting around watching them drink beer and shout at the TV during the football or the baseball or whatever sport was in season.

She started to loosen up; the combination of alcohol on an empty stomach and dancing was getting to her. Another bourbon and a bottle of beer appeared on the table closest to them and he handed it to her. She thought he must have a friend who was supplying them but she hadn't seen anybody. He stuck to beer. He didn't crowd her or try to touch her while they were dancing and she started to relax and lose count of how many drinks she had consumed.

Then the music changed. A pulsing bass beat started and the crowd roared; it was clearly a favourite of theirs. She thought she knew the song; was it the Nine Inch Nails? Then she heard the lyrics.

You let me violate you, you let me desecrate you.
You let me penetrate you, you let me complicate you.
Help me. I broke apart my insides, help me. I've got no soul to sell.
Help me. The only thing that works for me, help me get away from myself.

The man's behaviour changed. Now he reached for her hips and pulled her in tight against him. He was so hot, probably from the dancing but oddly he didn't seem to be sweating much. She felt overwhelmed. She twisted and turned away from him but he pulled her back against his chest just in time for the chorus.

I want to fuck you like an animal
I want to feel you from the inside
I want to fuck you like an animal
My whole existence is flawed
You get me closer to god

Her back pressed against his body and she let out an involuntary moan. His head lowered and his lips pressed against her neck. She was trapped. Her heart raced for a minute as she struggled and then she heard him speak in her ear.

"Stop," he instructed.

She obeyed.

One of his arms crossed her chest, along her collarbones and latched onto the opposite shoulder. The other arm did the same across her hips. He pushed himself against her in time with the music. She felt a rush of heat and moisture between her legs.

She thanked whatever God had made her wear pants tonight. She thought he might have fucked her on the dance floor if she had worn a skirt. She came to the awful realization that she would have let him do it too.

You can have my isolation, you can have the hate that it brings.
You can have my absence of faith; you can have my everything.
Help me. Tear down my reason, help me. It's your sex I can smell.
Help me. You make me perfect, help me become somebody else.

He spoke that line in her ear; "it's your sex I can smell." She moaned again.

I want to fuck you like an animal
I want to feel you from the inside
I want to fuck you like an animal
My whole existence is flawed
You get me closer to god

He was wrapped around her and he smelt good; really good. Her hands reached down and pulled against his thighs as if she was trying to get him closer to her. His hand on her hip slid down and grabbed her between the legs. Her head dropped back on his shoulder and she muttered "oh…God…"

She was completely clothed, on a dance floor in front of a hundred people, with a guy whose name she didn't even know and she was having an orgasm. Maybe her reckless stage wasn't quite over.

She shuddered and moaned. She knew somehow that he knew exactly what she was doing. She could feel him mouthing at her neck; feeling where her pulse raced in her veins. She had a flash of them both naked and doing this for real. It took her breath away.

She decided that was what she wanted.

She turned her head and spoke. "I want to fuck you like an animal," she told him.

He turned her body towards him. He was still bent down and he peered into her face as if checking that she meant it. Her face glowed with the after effects of her orgasm. She stared at him steadily meeting his black eyes. Her heart was pounding again and she felt weak at the knees but she didn't blink.

"Please," she said.

He crouched down and lifted her under her thighs. Her legs wrapped around his waist and her arms went around his neck. She buried her face in his shoulder. God he smelt amazing. He shouldered through the crowd and walked quickly to the exit. He carried her as if she weighed nothing and before she could change her mind, the door slammed behind them and they were outside in the chilly evening air.

FF_2154210_ - - 22/09/2010 12:51:00 AM