Alaska: The World's Largest Cock block

"Al, come on! Be reasonable."


"Comrade Alfred, this is going too far…"

"I'm not moving! I have every right to be here."

"Just because geographically you're there doesn't mean you have to be…"

"I'm staying right here as long as Alaska does!"

Canada knew his bed was big, but it definitely wasn't big enough to fit three comfortably. Especially when America was one of the three. He bit back a groan, knowing how sore he would be in the morning for sleeping on the floor.

Not two days had passed since he and Russia had announced their relationship to their fellow nations, and America had switched to 'overly-protective big-bro mode' possibly his most annoying personality out of four. The other three were, annoyingly stupid, annoyingly whiny, and annoyingly arrogant. He had declared that because America stood between Canada and Russia on the map, so it should be the same in real life.

It took every ounce of strength Russia had not to beat America so bad he'd have to eat hamburgers out of a tube. A spit of land was all that stood between him and his Matvey. The only nation who ever saw any light in him was being held at arm's length.


"Come on Al! If you're going to use geography for this argument, I will too! There's no one blocking us on the east coast!"

"Of course there is!" The blond protested. "There's Arthur, his brothers, and all the Nordics!"

"And do you see them in this bed too?" Russia snapped.

"Of course not! There isn't enough room!"

"There isn't enough room now Al!" Canada sighed, massaging his temples desperately, something he only did when he was about to snap and go all Mountie-lumberjack on some poor unfortunate soul.

"Then Ivan can leave, right?" He guessed, clearly not recognizing his brother's building anger, which was matched, if not doubled by the Russian on his other side.

"Ivan stays. You go."

"Not a chance! I have a legitimately geographical reason to be here, and if you don't, I stay."

"We share the Arctic for crying out loud! That's worth something right?"

"Mattie…" America's gaze and tone of voice were the most condescending Canada had ever witnessed. It was like he was some six year-old who had just asked why he couldn't hit his little sister. "That's just silly. You're twisting minor details to make yourself look right… Mattie?" He trailed off, looking nervously at Canada, who had 'snapped' so to speak, and was now glaring darkly at the blond in the middle.

"This is your last chance." He growled.

"N-never! The hero doesn't back down from his beliefs ever!" But the fear was already flashing in his blue eyes.

"I will hold him back Matvey!" Russia offered cheerfully, grabbing America by the armpits, and lifting him up slightly to give Canada the largest amount of options for the first strike.

One good punch to the gut was enough to satisfy the Canadian however, and America was promptly flung out of the house, as the lock turned with a satisfying 'click'.

"You know, you could've taken him outside at any point." Canada muttered as they walked back to the bedroom.

"Da, I could've. But I wanted to see you get angry to do it yourself." He spun the smaller man around to face him, smiling slyly. "It makes you very… what is it you North Americans say? Hot?" And with that, he kissed Canada hungrily, leaning foreword to push him backwards into the room.

Matthew wrapped his arms around the Russian's neck, smiling behind the kiss. They were just at the foot of the bed, so close to starting, when something caught the corner of Russia's eye.

Something that did not make him happy.

Dark eyes glared at him from the pillows, making Russia jump. "What is it?" Canada asked, turning around. At once, the eyes went back to being wide and innocent.

"Who?" Kumajirou asked in his pitifully cute voice.

"Canada." Came the instant reply.

"Oh." And the little bear then rolled over and went back to sleep, stretching himself out like a cat. He took up a lot of room for such a tiny bear.

Ivan sighed, and resisted the urge to slam his head against the wall. He could only imagine the nasty smirk plastered all over Kumajirou's hidden face.

They weren't going to get anywhere tonight.

Stupid Alaska…

Thanks for reading!

Yeah… quick explanation, the other day in math, I just kept seeing this image of Canada and Russia looking annoyed with America in the middle, arms crossed, and it wouldn't leave my head, so I wrote this. Maybe it will leave me alone now :)

Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia… what would you do if I said I did? Can you really prove me wrong?

Review please, or Canada and Russia never will have sex! D= And that would make Hungary sad.