And For All You Know
This Could Be
The Difference Between What You Need
And What You Want To Be
Angel was the only one who survived the fight, the fight that had taken place almost three weeks ago now, the one where he lost everything. He was still mourning, he was still healing.
Once more, Angel had given up something that had meant so much to him... but he gave it up for the greater good.
Because that's what he did. What he was supposed to do. He was a hero, a champion. He had to do what was right. The Sanshu Prophecy had been everything to him. Whether he tried to ignore it and pretend it wasn't or not, he longed for it. But now it was gone.
Angel's mind was on Buffy, the reason it meant so much. It was supposed to be his chance, their chance. The one they deserved. And now...
She had learned of his and Spike's visit to see her, the one where he learned she was seeing the no-good Immortal. She wasn't happy about it, less so when they had gotten into a fight because of his jealous tendencies when it came to his mate, but she calmed down and she explained that the two of them had since gone separate ways, that she had only been with him to make sure of something, but when Angel had asked what exactly that was, she wouldn't tell him, only said he'd be finding out soon.
And he did. It came in the mail.
Cookies. A signal to let him know she was done 'baking,' as she had put it before her big fight with The First.
He had thought she would have taken more years, needed them to find herself or whatever. Apparently not. Buffy wanted him. And there was nothing he could offer to her.
The days slowly passed, thoughts of his love plaguing him. He wanted nothing more than he and he wanted her more than he ever had. And now she was farther from him than he'd ever dream possible.
He knew the risks of trying, of being with her now, to try to like they had before. He knew sooner or later things would get to be too much. And that this time he couldn't walk away.
Angelus would return.
No matter how hard they would try, it would come to be.
But the torment in his heart from knowing she was gone for good was too much. The more time that passed, the less he cared. He knew that Angelus loved her just as he. Sure, Angelus hated it, hell, even he hated it, but he did. In his own... twisted way anyway. Angelus loved her just as much as he did. And he would take care of her. Yes, they would fight, he would hurt her, she no doubt would hurt him, but when it really came down to it... Angelus wasn't and never would be able to go through with it. He would always find a way.
Angelus would never have to live without her. He wouldn't allow it. And Angelus was probably the only way to get what he wanted.
Angel knew he was who was meant to be on the outside. He knew what he, what Angel, what this vampire with a soul life was there for. He knew what he was needed for. Who he was expected to be, expected to do. He knew what the world needed from him.
But she was all he needed from the world.
If he had to lose his soul and revert to his other half to have it... then so be it. He no longer cared.
He called and asked her to come. She agreeded. Later that evening he was told when to expect her. All she had ever wanted was him. She never cared about the consequences. He got that now. He had tried to be responsible, reasonable. He tried to do the right thing.
But for who?
Neither of them were better off, part of them was dead without the other. They were soul mates, they were meant to be.
So this... this was the only way. And he wasn't going to fight it. He knew what Angelus was capable of. The destruction, the chaos, the death. But as long as he didn't care. He could have her.
He paid for a motel and went shopping. He wasn't still up to doing much but he needed to get ready.
When he returned, he carried in bandages and other necessary things. He brought in bags of clothing. Leather pants, boots and dark silk shirts, along with a few new jackets and coats. He filled the fridge with booze and blood. Human. Knowing Angelus would never settle for less. He brought in things he purchased for Buffy as well. Her favorite kind of candles, shampoo, snacks, music, bubble bath.. and so on. He bought her some extra clothing. Outfits he knew Angelus would appreciate her in.
He took care of it all.
Now all he had to do was making it through his last night without her by his side.