AN: I´m a sucker for crack pairings so I decided to try this one out. It´s female MC x Jin of Strega. The story line might not match the on of the game perfactly. Ehm, took me a while to write this due to uni and the fact that I´ve moved away from home. Sorry to you who waits for other stories to be updated because that will take a while.
During the wait please check the poll on my profile and vote! Thanks, now enjoy!
It´s a Monday afternoon and I´m walking home to the dorm by myself. School was ok today but Junpei gave me some trouble because he fell asleep during class and made me answer for him again. I sigh. The wind plays with my hair as I make my way towards the station but as I walk down the stairs I hear a terrible sound from my right. I stop in my tracks and listens. It sounds like a cry of pain. Others seems to hear this as well but everyone avoids it; they don´t want to risk their own safety to help someone in that part of town. I frown as I approach the source of the sound..
The sight scares the shit out of me. A young man that I remember as one member of Strega lies on the ground, twitching while a persona looking creature pierces him with its sharp hands. My heart stops beating as I run towards him, pulling my evoker out of my pocket. I´ve never summoned my persona during the day before but I doesn´t hesitate to pull the trigger. Orpheus emerges from me with a loud cry before it attacks the man´s persona violently. It´s over quickly, too quick for anyone to notice it even happening. I get down on my knees as I reach him and I look for a wound but there is none. Maybe it can´t make physical damage at this hour but only pain on the…inside? I look at the man´s face with worried eyes.
"Are you alright? Hey—!"
I reach out for him but he slaps away my offered hand.
"The pills…!" A grunt leaves his lips.
He points at a bottle of pills that´s lying on the ground out of his reach and I take it in my hand and stares at them for a moment. I recognize the bottle from somewhere. A groan of pain makes me flinch and I decide I need to give the medicine to him even though I´m certain of that it´s those pills that makes him this ill. I move closer to him, take a firm hold of his shoulders so he won´t struggle, turn him over to his back and holds out some pills to him. His shaking body makes me drop a few of them but he takes the others and chews them down in a hurry. He´s desperate. I hold him down as much as I can while the twitching of his body turns worse before disappearing completely.
He lies in my arms for some time while he´s regaining his breath and energy but shoves me away violently without wasting any time. He stares at me angrily through his broken pair of glasses and it´s like me saving him never happened or that he is delusional. I feel slightly insulted by his attitude but I stay silent as he searches for something with his still shaking hands. He swallows another pill. My red eyes follow how his Adam's apple moves up and down as he does so. How ill…is he? The blue-haired teen looks at me for a while before he breaks the silence.
"Why didn´t you kill me? You had the chance…I was defenseless…" He asks me almost as if he wanted me to finish him off.
A frown makes my face turn a shade darker as I get up on my feet and brushes the dirt away from my school uniform. This is all clear to me now. His name is Jin and he´s the smart-ass from Strega, the group of three that is always getting in the way lately. I look down at him with disgust clear in my eyes. He makes me wonder if I did the right thing to save him.
"I am no murderer." I tell him bluntly but in a slightly cold voice. "But your persona…it was about to …"
He just stares at me silently. My eyes move to the bottle in his hands and I remember where I´ve seen it before. I caught a glimpse of it when I was talking with Shinjiro-senpai. He was in a hurry to hide it from me. My body turns cold at this realization. Something is wrong.
"Those pills…are you the one giving them to Shinjiro-senpai?" I urge him.
His eyes widen a fraction and I catch that even though he tries to hide it with a frown. I´ve not met Jin a lot before nor gotten a fair picture of him since the man named Takaya is the spokesperson of Strega. All I know is that he´s smart, he makes his own explosives and that he´s faithful to Strega.
"Why should I tell you?" He almost spit at me.
"Because I just saved your ass?" I snort and cross my arms over my chest. "And I take that as a yes; you did give him the pills."
He glares at me but seems to be slightly surprised over how much I learned without him saying a thing. Every second I spend with the Strega member do I grow to dislike him even more. His attitude annoys me especially his inability to say thank you. It´s like he doesn´t care for his own safety, more needing to live for someone else´s sake.
"Did those pills do this to—?"
"So you think you got everything figured out, huh?" He interrupts me with a grin. "You know nothing."
"I know enough to say that those pills are no good and that… I need to have a serious talk with…" My face darkens.
Jin looks at me and his expression changes somewhat. I turn towards him again and try once again to offer him my hand. I don´t know why I am doing this but something I do know is that I can´t leave him when he´s hurting like this. He is a person and him being my enemy is something I should be able to overlook. I´m not that shallow to let him bleed to death. He looks at my hand.
"Can you stand?" I ask him through gritted teeth when he won´t accept it this time either.
"I don´t want your pity!" He growls at me.
"And I´m not giving it to you. Now, take my hand!" I roar back loudly.
I grab Jin´s hand forcefully and pulls him to his feet in a quite violent way. A grunt of pain mixed with surprise leaves the man´s mouth but I ignore the sound of it. My pride is hurt and I won´t care about him at all after this is over. All I need to do is to make sure he gets home safely, then I´ll be able to sleep without guilt tonight.
"Call your friends so they can come and get you. I won´t leave until you do." I order him. My leader abilities are taking over.
" Chidori already found my location and they´re heading here as we speak." Jin tells me coldly. It seems like he doesn´t like to take orders.
My body turns ice cold at this. Was this a trap? My eyes widen at this and I lose my cool for the first time. I´m so gone! He planned to let his team mates to come and take me by surprise while I tried to be nice to him. I take a stumbling step back and prepares myself to call out for help when he looks at me seriously.
"You´re letting me go?" I breathe in confusion after a while of a silence.
"Hn..." He glances at me as if he´s thinking it over again. "That makes us even. Now, leave!"
He doesn´t have to tell me that one more time. I turn my back towards him and leave without another word. Sweat makes my clothes press against my skin in a very uncomfortable way as I step into the monorail and head back home to the dorm. I take a deep breath to calm myself down. I hope I just can forget about today and move on but… I seriously have to find out more about the pills and the sickness they all seem to suffer from.
Shinjiro stares at me from his seat at the kitchen table. He and Fuuka just finished making a night snack and I decided to speak with him when the green-haired girl went to bed. The omelets they made suddenly smells bad. My senpai grunted at the sight of me and I would have been insulted by that if I didn´t know that he understood why I was waiting for him.
"Are you accusing me of something here?" He asks me coldly.
"I´m just worried about you." I tell him truthfully.
He stares at me for the longest time and I just know that he´s not appreciating my worry, rather thinking it´s troublesome. I´ve not been able to get close to him even though he´s been a member of SEES for some time now. He´s very distant and avoids contact with people.
"You´re taking your leader role a little too seriously. Now I´m outa here…" He grabs his plate and is about to head up to his room.
"Senpai, wait!" I sound more desperate than I wanted to.
He stops and looks at me over his shoulder. It seems that my desperation made him give me another chance to explain myself. Or explain the accusation, as he would say it. I am at a loss of words as I face him so my words come out strangely.
"Please talk with me and don´t… take those pills." I plead with him even though I know I´m walking on dangerous ground. "I do really worry about you. Everyone does and we would… be sad if you disappeared!"
His eyes widen dangerously. The silence is killing me more than the staring competition does. He approaches me suddenly and no matter how much I want to stay still I take two steps backwards out of fear. Shinjiro is intimidating. He hits the wall right next to my face and the sound of it makes my whole body twitch with unwanted fear.
"Do you know what happens when I don´t take them?" He asks me bluntly.
I manage to shake my head.
"Then don´t act like you know everything, leader. Good night."
And he leaves me all alone in the lounge. What a great leader I am, huh? I feel how a great depression washes over me. The sound of my senpai´s steps fade slowly. A hand combs my brown hair gently as I try to calm myself down and find a plan B.
I need to see Jin even though I would rather piss Shinjiro off once again than get insulted by him like last time I saw the Strega member.
It was extremely easy to find Jin and I wonder if it´s because I´m good at finding what I´m searching for or if he´s just out of practice. He´s sitting crossed legged at a bench near the movie theater typing something on a laptop. The bag full of explosives is near his feet and I eye it suspiciously as I move towards him. His fingers move quickly and it tells me that he´s used to write on the computer, he doesn´t even have to look down to write what he wants. I sneak up behind the bench and looks down at what he´s writing. It looks like some kind of a website.
"Long time no see." I utter rather quietly but the sound of my voice seems to surprise him because he flinches violently.
"Y-you!" He stutters.
He is quick to shut down his laptop and turn to face me. His eyes are wide and his mouth is slightly open as he stares at me with surprise written all over his face. It´s like he´s preparing to evade an attack from me.
"I need to speak with you." I explain why I approached him.
"What!" He snaps at me and the breath he was holding leaves him in a gasp. "We´re enemies!"
"I want to talk with you, not with Strega and I´m not here as the leader of SEES." I sit down next to him while trying to act confident and normal, like this is something I´ve done before. "Do you like coffee?"
He stares at me in a long silence and creates a bigger distance between us by moving to the edge of the bench. Wrinkles appear on his forehead as he starts to consider if he should talk with me or not. I can truly say that I can see how his brain is working. I´m preparing myself for a rejection because I would probably decline something like this but is surprised when he agrees to talk.
"I want a big soda, and…a burger." He finally tells me as he lets his curiosity overpower his caution.
"Then, wild-duck it is." I nod and take the lead towards the hamburger restaurant.
We both feel very tense as we sit down at the restaurant. Jin looks at his surroundings as if he´s thinking that the rest of SEES would jump out from the bins and attack him from behind. I can´t help but chuckle at this but that doesn´t make Jin more comfortable. He glares at me intensively.
"What are you laughing at?" He snorts. "You do realize that you´re risking a lot talking like that with me? I can call for Chidori anytime."
Oh so he wants to threaten me? A smirk grows bigger on my lips.
"I know, but I can call for Fuuka too."
His eyes widen as he turns silent.
"…So, what do you want to ask?" He asks me without even touching the food on his plate.
"First…eat up. I paid so I don´t want it to go to waste." I tell him with a gentle smile.
He eats slowly at first, in a very cautions manner but relaxes after a while. I need him to be somewhat relaxed around me so we can talk as casually as possible. I´m glad that we choose to talk in a crowded space like this because he can´t hurt me here, not without being noticed. When we both eaten up our burgers I decide to start the conversation.
"I want to understand you and where you came from before I act. I mean… what if I…fight you, what if someone gets killed…and I find out you weren´t the bad guys afterwards?" I say hesitantly, trying to find the right words.
Something I say seems to change Jin in a way I don´t understand. His eyes widen slightly before he regains his cool composure. It surprised him but the frown on his face makes me believe he´s doubting my words. He thinks I´m trying to trick him into telling me about Strega´s secrets.
"No one is completely evil or good. I think SEES and Strega are striving for the same thing but in different ways. I don´t want to make any mistakes and I think the first step is to understand each other." I take a deep breath before I get to the point. "I need to get to know more about the pills. My senpai eats them as well and I´m worried."
"So you´re technically want me to tell you my secret so you can help your friend, my enemy?"
It seems like he didn´t understand that I´m trying to understand Strega here and not to make us worse enemies than we already are. A deep frown makes me look at least ten years older as I massage my forehead before I make a hand gesture towards him.
"Oh man! Can´t we just leave this enemy-talk behind us for just one second! I´m talking about a person dying here!"
Jin grows eerie silent and his eyes narrow dangerously at my outburst. I stare back at him with no thought of stepping down but it doesn´t take long before I realize that I´m causing trouble. Some customers look at us strangely and I quiet down.
"You must be suffering from it too?" I whisper carefully.
He looks down at his plate with a heavy frown on his face. Jin closes his eyes, sighs and puts down his glass of soda.
"I…I can´t do this." He mutters.
Jin gets up from his chair and exits the restaurant in a quick pace just like that and I´m once again alone with no answers. Red eyes look at the door for some moments while I´m hoping that he´ll turn around and join me again. My heart is about to burst and I fight my tears. I suck as a leader don´t I?
I gave up. Neither Shinjiro nor Jin wanted to talk to me about it so I quit asking. I´m tired of always worrying about others when they show no interest of work together with me. It´s their turn to come to me. I know this is childish of me but hey, I can´t say I´m an adult! My chest hurts and I feel like a failure; I can´t even take care of the members of SEES. I can´t win Shinjiro´s respect or trust so I stopped trying and just waited for it to happen. Things turned back to normal. I went to school, studied for exams and explored Tartarus at night.
"We´re going to Tartarus tonight." I inform them off. "Prepare yourselves!"
"Are you alright Minako-tan?" Junpei asks me. "You look tired."
"I´m fine." I answer shortly while passing him by.
"What pissed her off?" Junpei comments with a frown.
Shinjiro glances at Junpei before he looks at me, but he stays silent. He´s standing near the wall but follows when everyone heads towards the school when it´s close to midnight. He has also noticed the changes.
"I want Akihiko-senpai, Koromaru and Ken to come with me. The rest listen to Mitsuru´s orders!"
I didn´t notice how Shinjiro started to watch over me since I was too busy fighting shadows and making sure everyone is alright.
I´m sitting in the lounge reading a book Yukari lent me when the coldest member of SEES decides to speak to me.
I look up at him but doesn´t bother to answer. I show him the book before I continue reading, silently telling him I´m busy.
"Cold, huh?" He comments as he sits down. He suddenly blurts out things I wanted to ask him about. "I´m sorry for the other day. But.. it´s too personal to talk about."
"I see." I answer indifferently. "I decided not to ask about t because you know, I figured you would be fine on your own. That´s how you like it right?"
His eyes widen a fraction before he turns slightly angry.
"Minako…" He utter smy name in a warning.
I put down my book and face him straight on. My newly found confidence seems to surprise him a bit because he loses his composure.
"Shinjiro-senpai. I respect you and your past but you´re making it very hard for me to lead SEES here. I don´t know where I have you, where you stand or if you´re going to fall down dead any time soon. I´m worried and it´s making me sick. "
I´m staying completely honest with him and it seems that it made him open up one tiny bit. Shinjiro is surprised. He nods slowly while averting his gaze. He glances at me hesitantly.
"I´m fine and…I´ll tell you if it starts affecting me." He tells me quietly.
That is as close to the truth I can come with him. It makes me smile up at him and my expression brightens up. That just made my day a lot brighter!
"Don´t smile at me like that." He grunts in embarrassment.
Shinjiro gets up on his feet and starts to walk up the stairs. I continue to smile at him as he does so and it seems like it is starting to creep him out.
"Thank you senpai and feel free to talk with me about it when you are ready too." I tell him in a pretend super cheerful way.
I got a reply from Shinjiro but it´s not enough for me to feel secure in my role as a leader. I know how easy it´s to misread your own pain. I can´t do anything about it though so I continue to lead as I always done, acting like the pills doesn´t exists. Around the time where I almost managed to forget about it Jin contacted me out of the blue. I don´t know how but he managed to find my e-mail address. Someone once mentioned that they thought he was a real computer nerd.
"Meet me outside the restaurant tomorrow at 20:00, come alone."
His name stands there below the sentence but no matter how much I stare at it I feel that this is a trap. The come alone part gives me a really bad feeling but I decide to go anyway. I believe I´m capable of defending myself against him but if he brings the rest of Strega I´ll be in deep shit. I walk down the stairs and is about to head out as Yukari stops me.
"Oh Minako!" She approaches me with a smile. "Are you going out this late?"
"Yeah. I forgot something at school."
"Do you want me to tag along?"
"Oh you don´t need to do that." I tell her. "Can´t we watch a movie or something when I get home instead?"
"Oh, yeah sure. Be careful out there."
I sigh as I exit the dorm. I don´t know why but I´m nervous about meeting Jin. It feels strange especially since he has my e-mail all of a sudden. That makes me believe that he could easily locate me in other ways as well. When I think of Strega I always saw Takaya as the strong one, Chidori as a girl who never says anything and Jin as the weaker member but I was wrong. Jin is strong but in a different kind of way. He´s cunning and smart, uses his brains to win a battle and if he can´t do that he blows the threat away: literally.
I find Jin waiting for me outside the restaurant and I stop to stand next to him. He looks up at me through his glasses before he nods to his side, telling me to follow him. Red eyes look at my surroundings in case he brought back up but there´s no one there. We sit down at the same table we used last time and we order the same thing as then too but he offered to pay this time. Is he trying to trick me? I wonder but my own words come back at me. I can´t doubt him when I told him to see me as me and not a member of SEES some weeks ago. I exhale deeply and force myself to calm down.
"Why did you contact me, Jin?" I ask.
"Eat up first, I don´t want my money to go to waste."
He looks at me through his glasses once again but looks away when I chuckle. I can´t understand what he´s trying to say me by copying me like this but I can´t lie and say it´s not entertaining. My laughter seems to surprise him a bit but he doesn´t comment on it. I wonder if it´s the hint of a smile on his lips I see or if it´s only my imagination. We eat in silence and he starts speaking when we´re done.
"I contacted you because I decided to tell you about the pills." He tells me bluntly.
My eyes widen a fraction but I don´t question Jin´s decision. "Okay, I´m listening." I tilt my head to the side with my focus on him.
"Let´s…talk somewhere else. It´s too crowded here." He looks at the group of students who just entered.
Jin takes me to the outskirts of town and I feel slightly uncomfortable since I´ve never been here like this. It´s a dangerous area and the thought of Takaya jumping out of the shadows to kidnap me. But nothing happens and I grow to trust Jin more.
"Relax." He smirks at my tense body.
"I don´t hang around her often." I don´t know why I explain myself all of a sudden.
"Yeah I know."
I look at him with a surprised expression. How the hell can he know about that? Jin flinches when he notices his mistake and a blush cover his cheeks all of a sudden. I look at him with a dazzled expression as I wait for an explanation. How much does he know about me? Something about this makes me feel even more uncomfortable.
" I did some research about you so I could be certain you wouldn´t talk." He explains, he still avoids telling me the important stuff.
Research? Just how much did he find out about me? My favorite color? My weakness? My heart starts beating faster in my chest. I´m frightened. He knows of my past? Jin avoids to look at me so I decide to not think about it and get to the point.
"About the pills, how dangerous are they? Why do you take them?"
Jin seems to be relieved that I changed subject and that just makes me think that he indeed stalked me on the net for some time. The feeling of being watched hits me from above and I feel both afraid and excited over it. I regard Jin with new eyes and start to be more open towards him so I can notice his intentions.
"We take them to control our persona." He tells me with great difficulty. "As you saw, it tried to kill me. I didn´t take the pills in time."
They have to take pills to control their persona? I´ve never heard about a person who can´t control their ability so the new information surprises me. If my persona would attack me I would be so scared. It would be like… I tried to kill myself. I wouldn´t be able to relax at all. My red eyes move to Jin and I regard him in silence. It seems that he has been through a lot too.
"…Control your persona?" I repeat.
"We´re different from you guys in SEES. We have to force it out and take medicine to keep our powers in check."
The tone he uses makes me believe he´s not telling me all the facts but I can´t ask him for more. It´s painful for him to tell me this and I don´t want to lose his trust by being too sneaky.
"So you take them to stop your persona from killing you?" That explains why Shinjiro got angry when I told him to stop taking them. Is he facing this pain too?
"Exactly." Jin nods. "But the pill itself is dangerous too. It breaks down the body from the inside."
"…So you can´t do anything to stop it?"
"No." He sighs. "Aragaki lost control once and the fear of doing it again drove him to take the drugs. He became addicted, or should I say, dependent on them. The pill itself hurt you but you have to take a pill to avoid that pain... You´ve to choose if you want to die… because of the pills or your own persona. "
None of them can escape death but I could never imagine to fight while knowing that each time I summon a persona would take me closer to my death. Or that each time I take a pill to ease a head ache it would also kill me slowly. I´m starting to understand Jin and Strega, why they are the way they are.
I look down at the ground as I gather courage to ask what I fear the most. "So he´s going to die?"
"Yes." Jin answers.
My heart starts to ache at this but I find myself asking about Jin too, why I don´t know. It´s suddenly important to me to know if he´s the same while fearing it is that way. Him, opening up to me like this, isn´t a bad person at all. I regard him in silence and his expression takes me back. He looks pained and regretful.
"…You too?" I whisper.
"…" He hesitates but looks away as he answers. He looks angry. "I´m not frightened of death."
I don´t know why I feel the need to comfort him but I don´t question it as I put my hand on his shoulder gently. The touch takes him by surprise and he turns to look at me with wide eyes. He looks so lost and sad at the same time.
"Jin…" I murmur his name quietly.
He looks as if he´s about to cry when he finally look up to meet my eyes. The pain in my chest surprises me but not as much as the sudden closeness does. When did we move to be this close? Jin´s hot breath hits me in the face and I can´t stop looking into his eyes. I need to get away.. he´s going to…Jin leans towards me and closes the distance between us all of a sudden and gives me no chance to flee. His lips feel so cool against mine and the tenderness of the kiss takes me back. It´s like he wants to be comforted. I didn't see that coming at all and the surprise makes me unable to react at all. My nose bumps into his glasses a little as I regain the ability to think straight but I´m still don´t know if I want to pull away. It doesn´t feel bad but I can´t say that I feel happy about it either. I´m a little scared as I slowly regain my senses. He breaks the kiss and looks at me in a very eerie manner. He seems to be surprised, hesitant and frightened.
"I shouldn´t have done that." Are the first words that leave his lips.
"But why… did you..?" I´m at a loss of words.
"When I want something, I take it. I don´t have time to wait …" He tells me angrily.
Red eyes widen and my chest starts to hurt. I can´t find appropriate anything to say to him but the words I want to say the most are the most hurtful so I choose not to utter them. I don´t feel disgusted, not at all but I don´t know if I liked the kiss either. It wasn´t that bad…But I feel disturbed over the fact that Jin kissed me after stalking me for weeks. This was not how I wanted to lose my first kiss. With a stranger, a possible enemy in these circumstances…
"This doesn´t change anything though, we´ll still be enemies when we meet next time." He sounds slightly bitter, or nervous.
I look at him in silence for a long moment. Jin confuses me but he seems to be as lost as me. The fact that Jin is, maybe, interested in me makes me slightly happy even though I´ve never even thought about him in that way. I should feel angry about this but I can´t bring myself to hate him. I don´t know what makes me unable to do so: his pretty face or the lingering touch of his lips on mine.
"You´re… insane." I tell him in an unstable voice.
He looks hurt and it makes my own feelings waver. He can´t have…I swallow my saliva. Fallen for me, right? I stare at him in silence but is forced to say something when he´s about to leave just like that. Fear. I´m frightened that he´ll do something dangerous if I don´t stop him now. A sudden bolt of electricity moves through my body as I take a hold of his wrist. Jin stops in his tracks but won´t look at me.
"You´re striving for what you think is right with all you got. I can´t help but admire than even though what you find is right is wrong in my point of view." I tell him, why I don´t know. But I think I want to comfort him. "I just don´t want to label people as bad or good. And…I don´t hate you for…kissing me. It doesn´t matter that we´re supposed to be enemies or that you´re…dying.. because we´re just people and we´re supposed to live until the end. No matter what end awaits us."
"Hn." He exhales deeply. It seems that I managed to take that burden off his shoulders.
"I´m sorry." He apologizes, smiling weakly at me. "
I´ve never seen him smile before and the small gesture takes me by surprise. He´s always looking way too serious, cold or indifferent so his gentle smile makes me feel newly found butterflies in my stomach. Wait, butterflies in my stomach? We look into each other´s eyes for the longest time but an annoying beeping sound interrupts the moment. Jin flinches and pulls his cell from his pocket.
"I need to go, Takaya needs my help."
The way Jin´s eyes widen as he reads the text message makes me realize how bad he wants to rush to the man´s side. It´s seldom to see such emotion on his face.
"He really means a lot to you, doesn´t he?" I state the fact.
"Yes, he saved me when I was in the darkness." Jin tells me bluntly.
"Then go." I smile at him and nod.
I get up to my feet and grab my bag, showing him that I´m ok with it. That I´m ok with everything that happened today, or not ok but not pissed off.
"Thank you." I tell him. "…For telling me about the pills.
Things started to get better with SEES after my meeting with Jin. I suddenly understand Shinjiro in a way he won´t understand and it makes it easier for me to handle his mood swings. I can´t blame him anymore and I´ll never tell him not to take those pills again. The pills are killing him but if he stops eating them he might lose control and let his persona do the job. It´s a dead end and it scares me.
Something else that scares me is how my feelings for Jin is changing. I saw him as an enemy, as someone I need to talk with and someone to rely on until he…kissed me. I haven´t been able to forget about that short touch of lips because my heart won´t let me.
I started to meet Jin from time to time. I didn´t tell my friends about it though and it felt weird to keep it from them. They would surely think I was betraying them if they knew. I don´t even know why I am doing this but what I do know is that my feelings for the Strega member grows for each time we meet. I know I should tell them but the feelings that grow for Jin makes me want to spend time with him, telling them the truth would limit that time. I´m such a bad leader.
We shared more kisses, small touches and words of comfort behind everyone´s backs. I grew to care for him and something in Jin´s eyes told me he felt the same even though he wouldn´t bring himself to tell me. We know we shouldn´t because our love would be the end of us both.
Disappointment soon washed over me though.
"I can´t come today, Takaya needs me for something." My cell is brightening up my dark room.
I type a simple "ok" before going to bed, not caring if my make up gets messed up. We were supposed to meet but he changed plans in the last second. A sigh leaves my lips. I´m disappointed but I can´t blame him for choosing Takaya over me. They´re close friends and I just started meeting Jin; there´s a big difference. Maybe it was a good thing that I didn´t meet him today because lying like this to my friends are starting to become a burden and I still don´t know if what I feel for him is love.
Shinjiro and I started to hang out more and the trust between us grows slowly. He seems to be a cold bastard on the exterior but he´s quite self-conscious and uncertain on the inside. His passion is cooking and that´s why he agreed to help Fuuka out. I wonder if senpai likes the younger girl more than a friend because they would look good together. The two of us went out to eat together, caught a movie and chatted like old friends. What I didn´t know was that someone kept an eye on me during that time.
The next date with Jin was the same; he canceled our meeting just an hour before we were supposed to meet. The reason was Takaya again. Something within me started to get tired of it but I wrote him an "OK" again. I haven´t seen him for ages now and the trust, friendship and love I feel for him are slowly getting weaker. But it didn´t stop there.
"I won´t make it today…"
I don´t even bother to answer the text message the next time he canceled and I choose to ignore future texts from him. It´s childish, I know, but I have feelings too. I wish I was the one that saved you from the darkness. I grow jealous of Takaya and that makes me fear myself a tiny bit. I decide with a long and deep sigh that I should focus on the Shadows instead of my crush.
Shinjiro noticed my depression and surprised me with a night snack one day. It took me by surprise so I smiled at him sincerely. I´m glad that something is going well.
The rumors about the sect are spreading and I know who´s are behind it. I´ve been avoiding Jin and Strega for a while and I received a lot of text messages and even some phone calls during that time. I didn´t answer them though, I couldn´t bring myself to. Jin has never tried to call me before and talking with him on the phone scared me. The rumors are spreading and a lot of students from my school are joining this sect that seems to recruit anyone who wants to join. It´s scary because the news about the end of the world is spreading like a plague.
And then, Shinjiro almost died, no, he almost got killed and is now in deep coma. Takaya shot him when he was shielding Ken. The pain and blood on my senpai´s face made me hurt really bad and I still do. I visit him at the hospital at times praying that he´ll recover so Ken, Mitsuru and Akihiko won´t have to suffer anymore. Everyone is sad about it feels like they are the ones suffering the most.
I´m feeling sick. A friend might die and I couldn´t do nothing to stop him being shot by Strega. I was useless as a leader even though I began to win Shinjiro´s trust. I failed to protect him in the end and that might cost him his life. I feel how I´m being watched as I leave the hospital and I know that Jin has followed me for a while now. I ignore the buzzing of my phone as I walk down the street. I can´t face him now.
I don´t want to think about it too much but everything is Strega´s damn fault. All the pain, all the misery and hardships are their fault and it would be so much easier without them around. That is what I want to think but can´t bring myself to do. It hurts to think about how Takaya hurt Shinjiro and how Jin pretended that nothing happened especially since I have to act strong all the time. I wanted to forget how to feel but knew I couldn´t, I need to face my fears. The end is near. Nyx will arrive and end it all just like Strega´s sect said.
I need to face Jin to end things after all.
The cold hair surrounds me from every direction as I sit on the lone bench close to my high school. The gates are closed but who would enter a school at this time? My warm breath creates see through clouds of fog in the air. I´m waiting for Jin even though I know he won´t show. He never does nowadays so today shouldn´t be any different.
I can´t help but flinch at the sudden voice even though I immediately knows who approached me. Maybe I hoped that he wouldn´t show up so I could walk away, flee from my responsibilities. Red eyes meet his but I want to slap myself as my heart starts beating faster upon seeing his face. Jin looks at me with a cautions expression and his body language is tense probably due to not meeting me as often anymore.
"What do you want?" He asks me.
Wanting to be with you isn´t a good reason to message you anymore? I lower my gaze as I push myself up to my feet since it doesn´t seem as if he wanted to sit down beside me. But when Jin finally shows up I don´t find the words I want to tell him so I just stare.
"I don´t have time for this, Takaya…" He snorts as he turns to leave.
"The hell with Takaya!" I growl with all my might.
Jin stops in his tracks and glances wide-eyed at me over his shoulder. I´m fuming with irritation. If Jin didn't kiss me that time I would probably believe he was gay. It´s not wrong liking someone of the same sex but …it doesn´t matter. What matters is that he and his friends are about to destroy the world.
"Don´t you realize that you´re about to kill everyone! Including yourself and your beloved Takaya!" I yell at him with all I got. "This is madness. Are you going to make the whole world suffer because you want to feel good about yourself?"
"So that´s why you called me here." He says coldly. "You might think you know everything but you don´t and it was technically you guys who made Nyx´s arrival possible. "
That hurt. He´s blaming me and I know he was right. We were tricked to defeat all the shadows that would finally call forth Nyx. It´s our fault but that doesn´t change the fact that Strega stands in the way when we want to make up for the mistake.
"What is it that I don´t understand? Your Takaya almost killed… Why can´t you just stop!"
"You loved him didn´t you?" Jin asks me breathlessly.
That question takes me by surprise and leaves me breathless. Shinjiro was the reason why I got to know Jin but now when he´s in a coma things feel so useless. I stare at Jin with dread on my face but he doesn´t let me avoid answering the question. I face the ground.
"He was a … " I start. "I didn´t get the chance to really befriend him before he was … before… he..."
Jin keeps on staring at me without a sign of compassion on his face. He seems to be angry at me for caring about my friend but when my eyes start to leak he can´t help but look slightly worried. Tears fall down my cheeks as the pain washes over me again. The pain of nearly losing Shinjiro-senpai and the pain I felt when avoiding the man I love makes me break down in front of the Strega member. People are always getting hurt when they hang around me. A pair of arms embraces me suddenly and I´m gently pressed against Jin´s body. He´s holding me close to himself. Was he jealous of Shinjiro-senpai? His unsteady heart beat makes me relax and accept his touch because I´ve missed him and his comfort. It doesn´t take long until our lips meet in a comforting kiss and I sigh when he returns it. He didn´t hate me after all. We break the soft contact after some minuets but our eyes are still meeting.
"Jin, I loved you ..."
"Loved?" He comments the past tense I used in a slightly wavering voice.
My grip on him stays the same while I look away in doubt. I decide to be honest with him in the end.
"I …love you…but we hurt each other and I can´t continue like this when a possible end of the world is near."
"Then…I think it´s best we go our separate ways from here." He tells me suddenly in a pretend indifference.
"Me too. Let´s end this here." Even though he pretends not to care do his eyes change size at my blunt answer. He didn´t expect me to agree that quickly. "I can´t take the pain anymore, it´s not worth it and I can´t risk my friends´ wellbeing any more. Not when I´ll probably never be the only one for you."
Jin´s eyes widen and I can see how his brain works but I don´t stay to give him a chance to explain or say anything at all. I give him one last hug before I turn around and to him standing there in the cold. Now I´ll be able to focus on Tartarus and defeating Nyx again.
"What are you waiting for? Finnish me off!" Jin´s shout echoes eerily.
We defeated Jin and he´s now begging us to take his life, put an end to his misery. Ouch, that hurt. I stare into the distance as my friends wonder what they should do. My heart is aching but I´m too proud to do anything about it.
"…Let´s go." I tell them sternly, we can´t waste more time here.
"Yeah…" Yukari agrees.
SEES follow me without questioning my decision and that helps me leave Jin behind. I needed their support even though they probably don´t know they´re helping me with something here. Takaya is next and I can´t help but want to punch him in the face. If someone liked me as much as Jin likes Takaya I would take care of that person but Takaya seems to have deserted Jin. I´m hurt, angry and confused but put my emotions aside as I start walking up the stairs. I have to forget my feelings so I can save everyone else´s.
Red eyes widen. That was the sound of Jin´s handmade bombs. My heart explodes and shatters until I can´t feel anything anymore. He killed himself. Jin was himself to the end. He didn´t even let someone else decide how he would die. My heart breaks.
"Did he just—?" Junpei sounds frightened.
"That was his decision, now let´s move on." Akihiko comments.
A deep breath leaves my lips as I continue forward. I feel dizzy due to the pain of losing a loved one but forces myself to continue forward. Takaya is next.
"Oh welcome…" Takaya smirks as we reach him.
Beating him was a pleasure. My fear is gone because I´ve nothing to fear anymore. It´s time to do what I came here for. There´s no turning back and nothing can pull me down now when Jin is gone. I can´t see why the others hesitate.
Nyx stares at me as I float towards him. I´m ending this by my own. Tears fall down my cheeks even though I can´t feel the pain.
I´m soon there with you and Jin,… please make me your number one from now on.
I´m selfish aren´t I?
AN: Please review!