Shepard The Playa

Disclaimer: I do not own Mass Effect or any of its Characters. Those belong to Bioware And EA.

A/N: I came up with this after watching a comedy so enjoy everyone :D

"Mordin.. do you have a moment to talk?" John asked walking into the lab. "Not at the moment. Trying to get these Krogan hormone samples done. Should be finished within the hour. Also make sure..." The doctor turned to see Captin Shepard had leaned down and inadvertently inhaled some of the vials contents.

The captain staggered back a sec as Mordin ran his Omni-Tool over him. "Do not see any changes or abnormalities. Check back within the hour captain. Very stupid of you I must say." Mordin said before returning to his work.

Shepard made his way out of the lab and saw yeoman chambers standing at her terminal typing away. She turned to smile and he nodded before she turned back. He found his gaze wondering over her body. He noticed how her shirt was snug over her chest... how her pants curved and was tight against her backside. Maybe I'll go talk to her a bit.

SMACK! YELP! "Ohhhhh..." The crew on the CIC turned to see a bizarre sight. The captain was leaning forward with his hand planet firmly on the yeoman's backside which she was gripping with both her hands leaning slightly forward with a pain but pleasurable expression.

"EDI... Please tell me you got that on camera?" Joker said from his seat in the cockpit. "Yes Mr Moreau." Edi Stated.

"I'm sorry... I need to get some rest." John said stepping away from the yeoman. She turned to look at the captain. She had a look of embarrassment on her face but she was also kind of intrigued. She stepped over to him before he hit the button the elevator. "It's ok Captain... just make sure were somewhere private before you do that again." She said with a wink. He gave her a surprised look before stepping in the elevator.

3 hours later...

He tossed and turned. His eyes snapped open.. He needed something. He needed it now and he knew just where to get it.

Jacks hole...

Jack was sitting on her cot reading a data file when a familiar figure came strolling down the stairs. She rolled her eyes.

"Shepard didn't I tell you not to come down here for awhile?" She said. The man was still standing in the shadows. "Listen shepard just go the fuck away ok!" She said. The man still didn't move. She started to get kinda nervous. This was odd behavior for Shepard. She stood up and meant to give him a piece of her mind when he had her in his arms before she even had a chance to react. "SHEPARD WHAT THE FU.." He words were cut off as Shepard planted his mouth over hers. She was shocked at first and than royally pissed. She pushed him back and promptly brought a hard fist to his head.


"Are you sure you just didn't attack him?" The Chakwas said looking toward the commander who was still out cold on a bed. "Look I didn't fucking do anything. He came down the stairs and next thing I know he's trying to shove his tongue so far down my throat I might be feeling it for weeks." She said gesturing with her hands. The doctor sighed. "Well as far as I can tell by these scans there doesn't seem to be... wait a sec that can't be right." Said the doc puzzled. "What doc?" Jack said. "Well... according to my readings his hormone levels are 50 times that of a normal human. That might explain why he umm... tried to mate with you." The doc said blushing a little. Jack rolled her eyes "Well what the hell are you going to do about it." She said irritably. "Well until I can find out how to change It i'm gonna have to keep him sedated." She said. Both turned to look at Captain Shepard... but he was gone.

"What the hell... where did he go?" Jack said looking around everywhere.

"EDI where is commander Shepard?" Chakwas asked.

"The commander is in Operative Lawson's bedroom." She said.

Both looked at each other "CRAP!"

*****MIRANDAS ROOM******

She was having a good dream. The first one in awhile. First she was enjoying Christmas with her sister. Than somewhere her dream changed. She was with the commander the night before the suicide mission. He had chose her to be with. She could feel his hands run along her body. She felt him give a gentle squeeze to her chest. She felt him pressing into her backside. She let out a small gasp as the feelings built within her.

Suddenly her eyes snapped open to look directly into the commanders.

"Shepard what the bloody hell are you doing?" She asked.

He put a finger to her lips "Shhhhh... we both want this.." He said leaning down to kiss her.

In a way she did want this but something in the commander's eyes made her second guess herself.

She felt her body giving in to him when her door opened.

"There he is grab him!" yelled Jack. With a Tranquilizer in her hand both The Doc and Jack made a move for Shepard who to their surprise lunged at both of them. They were caught off guard as he barreled through them. Both went flying backwards and hit the floor hard.

"Ahh... Fuck my ass hurts now." Jack said slowly getting up and rubbing her backside. "Doc give me the tranquilizer and I'll see if I can catch him."She said. "I don't think that will be possible."Chakwas said. "Why the hell not?" Jack shouted. Without a word the Doc slumped over onto her stomach it was then that Jack noticed the Tranquilizer sticking out of her backside.

"Shit... Cheerleader get your silk underwearing ass up now and get dressed so we can find his ass." Jack snapped. Miranda gave her a cold look than proceeded to get dressed.

"EDI do you know where the commander is now?" Miranda asked. "I'm..." There was a pause "EDI are you alright?" Miranda asked. "my apologies Ms. Lawson. Apparently the commander has disable my internal tracking software." EDI stated. "Well great... just fucking great." Jack said. "EDI see if you can reach Mordin on the com he might have an idea was to what's wrong with the commander and how we can deal with it." She said. "One moment Ms. Lawson" The AI said.

"Mordin here Operative Lawson.. what can I do for you?" He said. "Shepards gone bat crazy he's tried to bang every broad he's come across so far." Jack said before the operative could get a word out. "Oh Dear.. I hoped he didn't actually ingest anything. Oh dear.." He said. "Wait.. What the hell do you mean? You know about this?" Jack yelled. The Salarian swallowed "Had vial for enhanced Krogan Hormone. Part of work for Krogan Genophage." He said. "So wait.. you were trying to make them even more umm.. ya know productive?" The Operative blushed. Jack rolled her eyes at the cheerleader. "In theory yes. Meant to increase chances of pregnancy. The vial he inhaled was first test batch." Mordin said. "Is there anything we can do to counteract it." Miranda asked. "In theory yes will begin work immediately. In mean time suggest you find the commander. More than like he will only target the individuals he believes to be strong women. It part of Krogan Instinct. Mate with Strongest female." Jack couldn't help but smirk at this after all Shepard came to her first. The Operative rolled her eyes at Jack and finally got suited up "Let's go."

Jack and Miranda had just come out of the Operatives bedroom when they heard a scream "Kasumi" Both said looking at each other.

A/N: I'm not sure what made me write this but it kept popping in my head. This will probably be like 4 or maybe 5 chapters. Thanks everyone for reading.