Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Twilight belongs to the great Stephenie Meyer.
Authors Notes: Something a little different from me now – I've has this written a few months – so long before I started My Facebook Reunion last month.
Please let me know what you think.
I had lost count with how many times I had put the same phrase into various search engines. The choice of that particular day was Google and I aimlessly ran my finger up and down the wheel on my mouse and sighed heavily whilst tucking a copper curl behind my ear.
After briefly flexing my fingers across the keys I quickly typed in said phrase.
Quileute Legends – Wolf Imprinting
Thank goodness for high speed internet.
I clicked the first result.
When their eyes meet – the will of the wolf awakens as it immediately realised that they've found their partner. Though the wolf's will has awakened, it may take the human side some winning over.
He will wait for the woman he loves by not aging, for he knows that she is the 'One'.
Although there may no be factual basis for this Tribal Legend, speaking from my own experiences, I believe it to be true to some extent. At least for the animal side of humans I can often identify with it as "I still hunger" – But it's another thing when it is lost and it can never be.
I didn't want to break his heart. That was the last thing that I wanted to do to my Jacob. I loved him. Just not in the way he wanted me to. I wanted to feel the same way; I honestly did. I wanted to feel drawn to him, and to be able to look at him like he was the only boy in the entire world. Much like the way I would spy my parents looking at one another. It was the same with the rest of the couples in my family. Everyone was paired off. Their mates so perfectly suited. We would not age, and would be with our partners for eternity.
Jacob would gaze adoringly at me… And although he waited for years, till I was older; so that he could explain the strong feelings he had towards me and the fact that he had imprinted, I was his one I just was not certain that he was my one.
I carried on reading about the Tribe Legends. I knew it word for word already, but I could not bring myself to tear my eyes away from the webpage.
Older than I was, and younger than I shall be. I am as I always will be.
Oh Jacob. As long as we were together, and as long as he continued to phase into his wolf form – He would not age. Like myself he could be frozen in time. Only by choice.
The sound of a rather perplexed throat clear startled me from my thoughts.
"Miss Cullen?" my computer lab teacher questioned. "If you are quite finished day dreaming – Can you please pay attention to your worksheet and answer part 4b? For the entire class?"
Damnit. Minimize… Come on page… Minimize! I clicked the little button on the top right of my screen and the window vanished quickly.
I never wanted to bite anyone more than in that moment. Mr Green had this beady little eyes and I SWEAR that once or twice looking down my shirt. Pervert. Luckily for him my dad didn't take this class with us. My mom did and I knew that she had noticed, but she would not tell dad either because Mr Green was likely to have his throat ripped out. Though that was an interesting thought. I'd quite like to see that.
I smiled sweetly at the teacher. "Yes sir…". I quickly glanced down at the papers set next to the computer. Online safety… again? REALLY? – Having vampire speed helped greatly in awkward moments and had got me out of sticky situations at school numerous times in the past few years.
I stood up from my desk and tossed my hair back, this earned a low chuckle from my Aunt Alice who glanced at me proudly from her seat next to my mother. Mom just smiled gently at me. She had been known for daydreaming during her classes when she had been human. I must have inherited that trait from her.
Thank God for perfect recall.
"Well" I began. "It's always safer to use credit cards online as you are able to make a claim back from your issuer… Where as many banks don't protect debit transactions online. I would always check that the server on the website I am making my purchases from was secure and recommended by others."
Alice stood up and began to offer me a round of applause. Mr Green gave her the stink eye. The beautiful little Pixie quickly sat back down and grinned sheepishly. Mom thumped her gently in the bicep. "Ow! Bella! That's not nice!" she squeaked.
Green nodded; seemingly satisfied with my hurried answer. My heart thudded with relief as I slumped back down into my chair and sighed.
The rest of the classed passed by quickly and without any further problems. Lunch period was next. We would all spend that time together as a family. Even though only Jacob and myself were the only ones who would actually be eating. But as always, mom, dad, aunt Alice and Uncle Jazz always filled up their trays and picked around, and the humans were just oblivious to it all.
Our table in the corner of the large cafeteria was always readily available to us. It was as though it was some unspoken rule that none of the other students were to sit at The Cullen's place. It had been the same in our previous stint at High school; and Aunt Alice had informed me that it had been pretty much the same each and every time that they had repeated the four years. No matter what the location, my family seemed have this… thing. Their own little group. Not the cool, popular kids. Not Jocks or the Geeks, nor members of the Glee club. Hell, not even weirdos or Goths. Heh. If only they really knew what we were.
Jacob was already sitting down, waiting for me. His long and lean legs stretched out to the side of the table. He had two trays of food beside him. To his group of little admirers (he had plenty of those) it would look to them as though he had collected his girlfriend lunch. But no. My Jacob would eat two lunches to himself. This didn't bother me. Jacob was still a boy, and from what I had gathered from listening to my mom and aunts, as well as already having done High School once before… It was perfectly normal behaviour.
Dad didn't think so. I occasionally would hear him talking to mom, saying that he wished that Jacob would behave more gentlemanly towards me, and think about my feelings more. Mom would laugh gently and try and calm his nerves, but at the same time try to defend Jacob. My dad was a helpless romantic. And Jacob just didn't think like that. Sure, he told me I looked beautiful all the time, and he told me he loved me. But things just didn't seem to flow right with us like it did with my parents.
Perhaps was comparing my relationship with Jake with my parents was slightly wrong; but I wanted what they had: utter devotion and commitment. I knew that Jake possessed these qualities in his love for me. But I wanted to be able to reciprocate. I had tried. But I could not bring myself to feel anything more than friendship for him.
I was afraid of hurting him. Like my mom had hurt him before; she'd had to make the choice between him and my dad. But she'd been in love with them both.
I gave Jacob a quick wave and joined the lunch line, selecting myself a plate of tuna fish salad, knowing full well that it would likely cause the noses of my family to wrinkle. I could tolerate human food, although I preferred to hunt, sometimes a nice cheeseburger and soda could go down quite well. Food like that, and the salad option would be easy to pick at and push around plates, so not to look to conspicuous to those watching us eat. Or not eat as the case may be.
Jacob got to his feet and slung his varsity jacket over the back of the chair as I approached the table. He was captain of the basketball team. He loved being so popular and well known. It was all very new to him. The first time he was at high school, it was on the Quileute reservation; and those schools were a little different. Jacob was a Jock here. Although when he wasn't at practice, he chose to spend his time with myself, and my family rather than at the players tables. I didn't know if that was because he was being sweet, or because he was quite protective over me.
Once I placed my tray down, he greeted me with a chaste kiss on my lips and pulled my down onto his lap, his strong dark arms wrapped lightly around my waist. "Hey beautiful" he whispered into my ear.
"Hey yourself" I smiled genuinely, spearing a piece of cucumber with my fork. "Good day so far?" Jake nodded and swiped a fry off his plate before smothering it in ketchup and popping it into his mouth in one go.
"Jacob Black, that is disgusting. You want some fries with that sauce?"
I grinned as my moms soft voice muttered when she and dad set down their lunches at the table.
Jake picked up another bit of greasy fried potato between his thumb and forefinger and waved it. "Oh Bells, they are so good. You want some?"
Mom grimaced as she took her seat in the white cafeteria chair; lovingly held out for her by my father. She smiled sweetly at him as he pulled another chair up close to hers. I wanted that. I wanted what they had.
Alice and Jasper soon joined us, so that we were all together. Alice questioned me about the little event in computer lab. And what one EARTH could have been on my mind to cause me to zone out like that. I just blushed and said it was nothing.
I had been trying to hide my thoughts – at least the parts that were bothering me the most. But my dad caught a little. He studied me hard, and his brow furrowed and his jaw set. He was in what I liked to call PissedWard mode. He hated it when I hid my thoughts from him. He'd told me hundreds of time that there was nothing that I needed to hide. That he and mom were there for me; no matter what the problem was.
Unless of course he heard the PissedWard reference. Which he probably did. There wasn't much that I could hide from my all too knowing father.
Could I honestly discuss this with him? It was true, my father, Edward Cullen was NOT Jacobs number one fan. Yet my mom and Jacob were friends. Albeit not as close as they once were.
I loosened Jacobs's arms from around me and sat in my own seat. I glanced at Aunt Alice who was staring at me, her amber eyes wide and bright. She was still pressing me for information regarding the whereabouts of my hybrid brain during class.
"Honestly, I was just daydreaming. It's nothing. I was just bored I guess. I know how to shop online Alice, you taught me well. I was thinking I would much rather just be outside or something." I lied.
Out of the corner of my eye, I caught my dad scowling. He gripped the edge of the table. I knew that if he tightened his hold, the plastic coated wood would crumble beneath his marble fingers. Mom took his hand gently, looking worried.
"You okay baby?" she whispered; almost so low that I didn't catch it.
He met her eyes, briefly and then looked at me before softening his expression and looking back at her once again and nodding. "I'm okay," he confirmed inhaling her scent like it was a drug; helping him to relax. She wasn't convinced, but let it go. She knew it was about me and gave me that knowing mom look.
Aunt Alice noticed the exchange and her hand gripped onto Jaspers. I felt a wave of calm sweep across us.
Poor Jacob just looked confused and placed a large hand and across my knee, and squeezed it gently.
"I'm sorry that dick of a teacher upset you beautiful. Do you want me to kick his ass?" he asked me. Ahh My Jacob. Not always in the loop, but always ready to defend me.
I shook my head and placed my hand reassuringly upon his. "Thank you, but I'll be fine. I can handle it. Anyways, it was my fault. I should have been paying more attention. I've done this class before, I can't be getting sloppy. Just think about how terrible it would be to have to re-sit junior year again," I rolled my eyes and chuckled.
Uncle Jasper laughed. "Yeah, because that would really suck". I loved his Southern Accent. He always sounded so laid back and cool.
"Tedious," confirmed Aunt Alice. Mom and dad both smiled and nodded simultaneously at the private joke.
We had moved to Alaska sixteen months ago. Before that we were in a small town just outside of Portland, Oregon. I liked Alaska. The cold didn't bother me, in fact I quite liked it, and because of the covering of cloud, it made it easier to go out as a family during the day. There had only been too occasions in the past year that I could think of, which stopped the more sparkly members of our family from attending school. Of course this was not an issue for Jacob and myself. My shimmer isn't as distracting as a major case of the sparkles; although I did take care not to spend too much time sunning myself.
We were posing as my family had done so before in the past several decades. We were siblings, fostered by Dr and Mrs Cullen. I was the twin sister of my father seeing as we shared our looks closely. Mom was using her maiden name of Swan. It was a little weird and we tried so hard not to slip up.
People noted that we were all together but they left us alone. We all heard the whispers, but the gossips meant no harm. I guess to them, siblings, adoptive or not wouldn't usually copulate, so it was strange. I learnt very quickly that normal, human brains worked in very simple ways.
Jake was totally embracing life at this school. I was getting a little tired of the tutoring however. Perfect recall sadly for him, did not apply to the wolves; so aside from his lack of aging, seven foot stature and immense strength – underneath, he was just a normal guy. He had always praised the Reservation school saying how fantastic the education was. Yet he didn't have seemed to have picked up the basic skills. His reading and writing were like that of a Junior High student, not of a guy who in real life, was pushing thirty. Yet, he never seemed to get flack from the teachers because he was such an excellent sportsman. His lack of knowledge was literally overlooked because he was a popular jock. I had been very wrong when I had thought that only happened in cheesy teen romp movies.
Of course, as well as his followers he had the kids who would duck and run for cover if they spotted him walking down the corridor. His seven foot stature scared the living crap out of them; even though Jake would never hurt a fly; nor had he even breathed a word to these kids. But rumours and gossip travelled fast in schools.
I had stopped aging several years previously, so like my parents and aunts and uncles I would be forever frozen as a teenager. Although Jacob had not aged in over fifteen years; I had been told that as he continued to phase, he would stay at eighteen. He had waited for me to grow up and to mature, so that we could be together, and because I would never grow older, neither would he.
I was silently thanking the heavens that he could go back to a normal life. He could age, have children. He would be able to die. Perhaps he COULD find someone else?
Jacob shrugged his shoulders and picked up his bacon cheeseburger and took a huge bite. "Well, if you change your mind, I am more than willing to give him an old fashioned ass kicking" he attempted to say through a mouthful of food. I smiled once again and nodded, prodding at the now not as appetizing mound of tuna on my plate.
"Oh!" Jacob suddenly exclaimed, breaking my train of thought and causing me to jump a little. Mom glanced at me worriedly. From the look she gave me, I knew that she and I would be having a conversation later on. "I almost forgot. Seth called me just after first period – He and Leah are coming this weekend."
I could tell that he was excited. Seth had not paid us a visit in a couple of months. It was just annoying that Leah followed him everywhere he went. I mean sure, she was his older sister and she was just watching out for him. But he was more than capable of taking care of himself. It wasn't even as if she enjoyed her time spent with us. She would usually just sit on the porch of our house. She would even have the cheek to shun my Grandmas efforts to make her feel welcome. Esme was the single kindest creature on the planet. She did everything for the good of others, and that stupid ungrateful bitch Leah would throw it back in her face. Still, Esme continued to be sweet to her and persevere. My Grandma had the patience of a saint. It angered me that Leah would go out of her way to try and make Esme feel uncomfortable; even though Esme never let it show if she was offended.
Aunt Alice grinned. "I wondered why I couldn't see past our hunt on Friday night! I was getting a little worried at the fuzziness" she exclaimed almost gleefully.
My dad smiled a little. He and Seth had a really good friendship; and Seth really was an awesome guy. So sweet and to top it off, he was not too bad to look at either. He was so fun loving and relaxed, and like Jacob, took everything in his stride. He didn't have Jacobs temper which was a blessing as Jake could be very fiery when someone or something pissed him off – and it was not a pretty sight. He would shake violently and sometimes would phase. Luckily for Grandmas antique furniture it had only happened four times in our homes during the past decade. It would never be a good idea to be in his close proximity when this happened. That is where vampire speed came in handy.
After school was out, everyone spent an hour so together at the house, talking about our days, classes. Grandma liked to hear about that stuff. Later on, as every night, all the couples go and do their own thing – hunt, run, walk… have sex.
Sex was definitely on Jacobs mind as he wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed my neck. I shrugged out of his hold. "I'm actually pretty hungry Jake, can we go out and get something?"
He looks puzzled as I go to our walk in closet and grab a jacket. "Sure, sure. What you want? Elk?"
I shake my head. "I was thinking more along the lines of… a burger or something." Jakes eyes light up at the mention of human food and not my usual preference: blood.
"Hell yeah. Lets go babe."
We took Jakes new Ferrari – his pride and joy and headed out to the drive in search of burgers. We ate in the car which was cool and we always felt rebellious as when mom or dad loaned us a car we were always under strict instructions not to eat any of that foul smelling stuff you sometimes call food inside the cars. Jacob however didn't care and actually paid someone to valet his baby every second Tuesday to get the take out smell and general dirt. He hated washing it too.
"Did you know the first time you saw me… that you had imprinted? Was it clear?" I asked, staring of the window. "I mean… did you know right away that it had happened?"
I felt his eyes on me, dark and warm. He took a long sip of his soda and out of the corner of my eye, I saw him smile. "Yeah. I did. The moment I looked at you properly for the first time, all the thoughts that I'd had previously vanished. I knew it had happened and that we would be together always." He sighed happily. "You like hearing this story Ness? It's not the first time you have asked me. Everything ok?"
I look at him and nod, hoping he won't see through the white lie. "I'm just trying to get my head around it, that's all. It's a lot to take in, you know. You, waiting for me for all that time until it was… right to peruse things romantically."
"It was the only choice I had Ness, you are it for me. I would have waited a hundred years for you." He rests his hand on my knee and squeezes gently. "When I saw you… and I mean saw you properly for the first time, it was as though me heart stopped beating. I couldn't breathe. I loved you so much. But not physically at the time… you were a baby. I knew though that I'd protect you always." He told me. He was looking down at me, his eyes burning with intensity and desire.
I don't understand why I don't feel the same way. Why can't I love him in the way he loves me? Why don't I want him?
The house is quiet when we arrive back home. Jacob entwines his fingers with mine and leads me back up to our bedroom, locking the door behind him.
He strips off his t-shirt, exposing his beautifully sculpted chest and abs. I hate that it does nothing for me. Surely I should be swooning and tingling down below.
"I'm just going to wash up." I excuse myself and make a dash for the bathroom. I shower quickly and wrap myself up in a large white towel before going back to the bedroom. Jacob is stretched out on our bed, flipping the channels on our flatscreen. Wearing just his boxer briefs. She smiles at me as I sit on the edge of the bed and grab my camisole and shorts from under my pillow.
Before I have the chance to quickly slip them on, Jake pulls my towel clad body down beside him and into his warm chest. He turns the TV off and faces me. "You have been so quiet today Ness. Are you ok?"
"I'm fine." I lie again, smiling up at him. He runs a hand through my curls and leans in to kiss me. His mouth is hot and wet on mine as his lips work at mine, attempting to part them. His probing tongue licks across my bottom lip. I give in and open up for him. His fingers move from my curly hair and across my shoulder. Down a little further and then he tugs gently at my towel, opening it. He pulls away from our kiss and looks at my chest. I want to squirm as his eyes dart over my body.
Why does it feel so wrong? I should like being naked before him. I should be begging him to take me and make love to me. Only I fell nothing but awkward as he leans down and captures my breast between his lips. I close my eyes and try and concentrate on Jake and his ministrations, exactly like I have hundreds of times before. His hand cups my other breast and he moves over me. I feel his arousal pressing gently into my stomach. It does nothing for me. I don't want him.
Jake pulled away and moves back beside me. His brows are kitted together with concern. He stokes my flushed cheek. "What's wrong? Don't you want to?"
"I'm sorry Jake… I'm just… I'm not feeling it tonight. I'm sorry."
He shrugged it off, making out that it was all okay, when in all honestly, it wasn't okay with him at all. He was worried because I'd not let him make love to me in almost two weeks. He was always gracious and a gentleman about it. Never pushing. I knew it was cruel to send him off to sleep with blue balls, and I know full well that he was having to jerk off in the shower to relieve some… tension. Everyone knew about that. It comes with living in a house full of Vampires with super strength hearing.
He kissed my cheek and held me to him. "I love you."
I am going to break his heart.
Yes or No? What do you reckon?
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