Chapter 2: The Heart-to-Heart
"Can I ask you a question?" Rosalie asked, pausing at the door and turning around to face me, a curious expression on her flawless face. I nodded, raising an eyebrow. "If you had the chance, if it were possible for you…Would you have another child?"
I drew back as if I'd been slapped, and all the air in my lungs rushed out of me. She must've seen the pained expression on my face, because for once in all the time we'd known each other, she shot me an apologetic look and hesitated. "I'm sorry if I was out of line," she was quick to say. "I…I was just curious. I'm sorry."
I shook my head, clearing my throat and forcing on a smile that was so hard to put on I knew it looked like a grimace instead. "No, no…You…I can answer that," I choked out.
She stared at me for a moment before walking back towards me, tentatively sitting on the edge of the couch. Her beautiful butterscotch eyes never left my plain brown ones as she waited for my reply.
"Honestly?" I asked, and she nodded. I exhaled loudly, puffing up my cheeks as I sucked in air then letting it all out slowly. "No, I wouldn't."
She lifted her head, rearing back as though that wasn't what she'd expected me to say. "Oh," was all she said and I could hear in the flat tone of her voice that she was disappointed in my reply.
"Let me explain," I hastened to say. "Kathleen…Katie was my world. I know that you think I'm stupid to think that if I were to live a long, normal human life, I wouldn't want to move on at some point, but I honestly don't think I can. I'm like my father. Once we love, we love forever. At some point, twenty, maybe thirty years from now, if I were to stay human, I might look at another child and feel longing. I might want to feel a baby in my arms again and I might dream about waking up in the morning to the giggles of a small child or the pitter-patter of small feet…But I would never have another child. Not of my own choice. I know that if I were to have another baby, every time I would look at him or her, I'd feel guilty. I'd want Katie again. I'd beat myself up for not being a good mother enough to run the moment I found out I was pregnant. I'd feel too guilty and angry and terrible to ever be a good mother to another child."
I looked at her, eyeing her in contemplation, wondering if I should say what I wanted to say. She smiled a little at the look in my eyes. "Just say it, Bella," she sighed. "We might as well get it all out now."
I mirrored her tiny smile before my face grew somber again. "We're so different, Rosalie. All you want is to be human again. To have a human mate, to marry and have kids…And I…I can't stand being human. The warmth, the beating heart, the life. It frightens me. It horrifies me. I can't stand the stench of humanity. Humans are vile. They say they love their significant others, they say they have never been more complete until they'd met their loves, but then they turn around and cheat. They say that nothing is more concrete than a child's love, then behind closed doors, they hit. They say there's nothing more important than family, then they abandon. Humans have no idea what humanity means, as ironic as that may sound. They are liars and cheaters and they hurt and they kill and they're petty and they try to bring everyone down. There is not one human who is truly, in their deepest hearts and souls, the purest and the kindest beings. Newborn babies, maybe, but when they grow older, they become jaded. They grow to be as vile as the others before them, and the ones that will come after. All I want is to be immortal. Not just because of my Edward, though he's a main reason. I want to be cold, and hard, and strong. I don't want to be weak and useless, easily taken advantage of. I want to be fearless and fearsome because it hurts to breathe, it hurts to live. I'm…I am truly sorry about what happened to you, Rosalie. I know you didn't deserve it. We're different, even when you were human, but I know you deserved the world. And I'm truly sorry that your story didn't change my mind the way you wanted it to, but you have to understand… Being mortal, being human…It suffocates me."
So this doesn't have a happy ending, unless you want to think about Breaking Dawn, which happens right after this piece, where Bella gets married and has Renesmee. This was, also, mostly dialogue - I was in a Gilmore Girls mood and you know how it is with the long, ranting speeches they write into that show. God, I love GG.
Anyway, still leave a line if you can, just to say hello.
Thank you for reading.