Bonjour! Hola! Tungjatjeta! Allo! Hallo! Salam! Wayumbe! Mwapoleni mukwai! Nomoskaar! Ciao! Konnichiwa! Hello! I'm back, this time with an awesome Naruto fanfic OF DOOM. That's right, OF DOOM. It is about a character called Abby- hold it. I just realized I use Abby WAYYYY too much as a name... meh. I think it's a fantabulous, insanely awesome name, so meh. But her name is Abby Murdock. And she's cool. And the Akatsuki is involved.

Just for some notes: THIS IS CRACK. I love crack. It's not supposed to make too much sense, and the plots don't have to be complicated.

SOME IDEAS HAVE BEEN STOLEN! I know, I know. DUN DUN DUN! But, Kitteh Kurse by AbbyLovesDeidara (my eyes were like O.O when I read your username… meh. I loved your story!) and The Kimiko Chronicles by DeafeningSilence… um… I'm sorry, I'm too lazy to come up with your username… but these were my main inspirations. Not to mention the awesome story 6 Inches Tall by gir-partner-in-crime. BWAHAHAHA, those were all awesome fics, so I stole-ded ideas. But most of this is mine. But the first chapter ish a big mix of ideas… I stole some lines too… does this make me a bad person?

THERE WILL BE CURSING! In my other stories, there is, like, no cursing. But in this one, I will let my inner Jiraiya/Hidan out. Oh yes, pervertedness and f-bombs. * sweatdrop *

I'll probably address other questions later… meh… well, here is my story: "S-RANKED KITTENS"! Read and review, pretty please!

CHAPTER ONE: And THIS Is Why I Don't Like Kittens!

"Fear the pumpkin king! La, la, la, la la la, la, la!" I sang, bouncing in my black hoodie.

Amber rolled her eyes at me and continued walking. My other friend Ella started singing the "Pumpkin King Song" (from "This Is Halloween" by Marilyn Manson) with me. My twin was… where the hell was she? Damn it! Meh.

"Anybody seen Kar?" Ella asked, stopping her worship of the Pumpkin King.

"Nope." Amber popped the "p".

"I didn't see her, either. Meh." I shrugged, starting to pull out my iPod so I could listen to Evanescence. Man, I had a serious addiction to those guys. I LOVE Amy Lee and Will and Will and John and Terry! I was paused by a sudden scream,

"WAIT UP!" Karin sprinted up to us, panting. No, before you ask, she is NOT Karin, like red-head annoying bitch Karin in Naruto. She's my twin sister brunette annoying bitch Karin. Big difference, people! She also hates Sasuke. We all hate Sasuke. Idiot.

"Where were you?" I half-yelled.

"Um… I'm not exactly sure. I was in between a locker and a potted plant watching Mrs. Bracken running errands."

We all face-palmed.

"At least it's not as bad as the time as Abby was Carmelldansing and evil laughing in the Lower School!" Karin defended herself.

Amber nodded, twisting a strand of brown hair around her finger,"She has a point."

"Hey!"

"Well, see you guys!" Ella chirped happily, running to her car. Amber nodded, and walked off. She was a quiet one. Evil, and could be loud, but quiet.

Karin and I walked the rest of the way home in silence, because I had plugged in my earphones and was basking in the glory of Evanescence's "Lithium". It was Halloween, that day. And that was the day that our lives changed forever.

"TRICK OR TREAT!"

Oh yes. It was definitely Halloween. You got to dress up as whatever you wanted, and begged adults for candy. I freakin' loved this holiday! I, of course, was in my full Akatsuki uniform (well, technically. I had the ring, the hat, the cloak, and fishnets. I just wore a black, form fitting t-shirt and jeans underneath). It was epic. I had Orochimaru's ring. Void. I mean, Void! Who wouldn't want a ring that said "Void"?

My parents were making me give kids candy, which wasn't an entirely bad job because I could steal as much candy as I wanted. And scare them by blasting "This Is Halloween". I loved that song so much.

The doorbell rang again.

"IMMA COMING!" I yelled. Meh. Stupid little children stealing my candy.

I opened the door, iPod ready… only to see a box. Eh?

Taking off my hat, I picked up the little note on the basket. "TREAT WITH CARE (DO NOT TRICK)." That was odd… Hmph.

I picked up the box and opened it. Inside were the ten most adorable kittens anyone had EVER seen. I gasped. They were also the most oddly colored kittens anyone had EVER seen. I got the feeling that the bright blue one with the white ear was a female. Female intuition. OH.

Another one was grey-ish blue with black bars on his cheeks. The one currently climbing up my jean's leg was black with an orange face. One of the most adorable ones was black with red… no black… okayy… changing eyes, and one with red fur and lazy looking brown eyes. Another had very fluffy, very yellow fur with blue eyes. The one who seemed to almost be the leader had orange fur and markings that looked like… piercings? Alarm bells went off in my head. I grinned at the pretty sound. One was black and white, and the last two was one with silver fur and purple eyes, and one tan furred kitten with black spots like stitches.

I scooped up the one attempting to climb me and petted his ears,"Aww…"

That's when the impossible happened. The kitten spoke.

"Tobi is a good boy! Why is girl-chan dressed like us?"

Surprisingly, I didn't scream. I just started cursing like hell,"Holy shit! WTF! Am I going fucking insane?"

"Girl-chan shouldn't curse so much!"

"Yes, yes, I am." I muttered.

"ABBY! DON'T CURSE!"

I glared and shot a rude hand sign at Karin's general direction. This sent a mew of laughter, I guess, through the kittens.

"What's your name, again?" I asked the kitten.

"I'm Tobi!"

the rest of the kittens started meowing. They looked confused and meowed again.

"Um… are you guys trying to talk?"

"Yes, girl-chan! They're trying to talk!"

I stared at him and randomly made a wish in my mind, I wish these kittens could talk.

"-UCK YOU, KAKUZU!"

"Hi?" I asked, rubbing the back of my neck.

"Wha- what the fuck are you doing you fucking bitch?"

I glared at the tiny kitten form of Hidan,"I'm not doing anything, you annoying Jashinist bastard!"

"Tell us where we are little girl." Pein demanded, giving me the best glare he could. I almost laughed at the adorable chibi-ness effect.

"Let's get some rules in place, mon capitane." I prided myself at the annoyed look that I was speaking in an unknown language to him and sounding like Q from Star Trek. Man, I loved Q,"My name is ABBY, not girl-chan, bitch, although I do agree that I can be one, and not little girl. I'M NOT SHORT, I'M FUNSIZED! Two, don't cuss too loudly. They might think it's me and then I get in trouble. Three, no injuring me or my friends or family."

"You dare-"

"Yes, Leader-sama, she dares because you're a kitten. You're not even a tenth of her size." Itachi flattened his ears.

"Thank you Itachi." I muttered, stroking Tobi's head absently. He purred.

The black kitten nodded,"Well, Abby-san, can you tell us where we are, please?"

It was all nice. Even with a "please" and a –san. "Get in the box, please, I'll tell you guys when you get to my room."

Everyone minus Tobi, who hid in my cloak, got into the box. I carried them to my room. My room, to put it frankly, was awesome.

It had an alcove-y thing where the head and about three feet of my bed was hidden, and it was also painted a pretty shade of blue. The other walls were a light honey-beige color. My brown chaise lounge was about six inches from my bed on the other side of the wall, with a decorative pillow, a deep blue fluffy body pillow, and some random blankets, notebooks and pens strewn over it. On the wall it was going down on, at the foot of the chaise lounge was a large basket full of blankets, stuffed animals, and more notebooks and books. Next to that was a bookcase full with books, messily stacked. On the next wall was my two dressers, separated by a window. Between the first dresser and the bookshelf (on the diagonal angle) was an orange pillow with a radio/mp3/CD player/alarm clock. It had my "The Open Door" (Evanescence), "Fallen" (Evanescence again) and Nightmare Revisited (Nightmare before Christmas soundtrack) CDs there. One light blue and one darker blue pillow were also there. A crosswords book and a black journal were there, more pencils and pens strewn out. Squished between the dresser and the bookcase was another basket full of binders and some random crap, and a blue, not-fuzzy body pillow. Moving to the other side of the room, past the other dresser was another bookcase, this one full up with blue bins of notebooks, journals, and papers. Not to mention writing utensils. There was yet another basket of blankets, scarves and randomness there. My trombone and guitar lay innocently on that wall. The wall next to that was my closet (complete with it's emo corner). You then came to my door, with a nightstand that served as another bookcase for my magazines (writing, cooking, and marine life), papers, folders of writing crap, electronic stuff, manga and journals. The floor was carpeted by a plush dark blue carpet.

Oh yeah. My room was friggin' awesome. If you ignored some of the more random t-shirts, jeans and skirts and pens and half finished stories and sketches lying around.

I set the box down, letting the kittens spring out onto my bed.

"Well?" Itachi demanded.

"You guys are in the USA. United States of America."

"Is that in the Fire Country, un?" kitten Deidara asked. He was truly adorable.

"Nope. You're just manga slash anime characters here, guys. In a different world."

All the cursing and yelling made me roll my eyes,"Okay. Imma go to sleep. I'm tired, and we can talk in the morning."

The Akatsuki apparently agreed with me on being tired, as most of them (minus Konan, Pein and Tobi, who lay on a pillow I set out for them on my bed) jumped onto my chaise lounge to fall asleep. I soon joined them.

And that's the first chapter! Read and Review, please! I need at least two reviews for a fast update! (within four days!)