Summery: Szayel gets what's coming to him after trapping Nnoitra one time too many times. SzayXNnoitra, M. I should also warn that even though this is a SzayXNnoitra one shot, it is strictly Szayel point of view.
A/N Let it be known, this is not a happy one shot, far from it. You've been warned. It's also rated M for a reason. This one shot describes a rather dangerous fetish which can easily turn fatal…so reader discretion is advised.
Bleach and Characters (c) Tite Kubo That's not me
"Hn." The scientist sat with his back straight in an oversized computer chair as he typed away at the console before him. 'Now to calculate the expected power of their reishi by finding the known quantities of spirit particles present at the atomic level then plugging them into the formula and—'
Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep…
He growled, his train of thought shattered by the beeping of his alarm system, alerting him that there was an intruder entering into his domain. He sighed in frustration at the interruption though he simultaneously perked up at the thought of having a play thing for the next hour or so. Grinning manically, he reached out one of his hands to turn off the alarm. It wasn't often he was treated with the opportunity to torture some poor soul who happened to stray too far down into the basement of Las Noches and genuinely looked forward to finding out which poor Arrancar had gotten lost this time.
Closing down his increasingly frustrating reishi program, he tapped a few buttons and brought up his security feed. Dragging his fingers across the screen he quickly shifted through all the nonsense and brought up the video for his wing. A few taps later and he was presented with the image of the intruder. However, upon seeing who it was, his grin disappeared.
Damn, it's that bastard again.
He watched as the former Quinta stood on the spot, anxiously looking around, his lip pulled back in a grin.
It had been several months since their partnership formed. He and the Quinta had decided they'd had enough of Aizen's jerking around and waiting to be tossed aside like trash. So they had paired up, and in a matter of days he had played a major role in the death of the bastard with a god complex. However, if he were to be perfectly honest with himself, it had been he who had done everything to bring Aizen down, minus the killing blow of course.
Ever since then, he and Nnoitra had been on…rather agreeable terms. Nnoitra would leave him alone and give him free reign with the goings on in his lab, only visiting him every so often. And he would keep to himself, still the Octava, the Aspect of Madness, holing himself up experimenting, torturing or inventing something or other. He couldn't decide if he was fortunate for that or not. As of the moment, he was going with the latter. He'd been interrupted during that particular experiment three times now, and needless to say he'd been itching to take out his frustration on someone.
He frowned at the feed he was getting from his monitor. Nnoitra had walked off and started making his way through to his lab, narrowly missing traps as he went. Nnoitra knew the dangers of treading through his domain uninvited, though still he placed an inordinate amount of trust in the scientist.
I suppose that saving him from the brink of death at the hands of Aizen and once more from being contaminated with corrosive sap might have something to do with it.
He smirked at the former Quinta's naivety.
Pulling up the master control system for his traps, he deactivated the majority of them, not wishing for the Espada to trigger them resulting in him having to go out to replenish and reset them later. That taken care of, he paged through the trap listings for several minutes, searching for one in particular.
…poisonous hierro piercing darts…no…
…invisible electroshock kidou barrier…no…
…mind control gas…no…
…reishi absorbing crystal hall…no…
…reishi and hierro eroding pool…no…
…ah…here it is. Yes. It's most unfortunate for him that I'm feeling particularly reclusive today.
Double tapping the trap in mind, he activated it before closing the control panel. Then, tracking Nnoitra on the feed again, he set it to follow. Once that was taken care of he set the microphones of the feeding cameras to motion activated. Satisfied that high quality entertainment was in order; he kicked back in his luxurious computer chair and waited for the show to begin.
He stared intensely at the screen, scrutinizing every detail for several minutes with Nnoitra giving no reaction to the suddenly trap-free pathway to his lab. He was finally starting to wonder if Nnoitra was just stupid or feigning ignorance when said Espada stopped in his tracks and frowned.
"What the fuck Szay? Where are all yer traps at?"
Nnoitra's voice rang out loud and clear. He stood there frowning at the ground around him and to Szayel he seemed anxious, wary even, of continuing forward.
As you should be…just a few more steps Nnoitra…
A sadistic grin began creeping across his face as the Espada shrugged and finally continued forward. He leaned forward in his seat, his skin almost tingling with anticipation. The particular trap he had in mind wasn't his most deadly or painful, though given enough time, and depending on the victim, it could certainly drive them into insanity.
Reliving ones death over and over again would drive anyone insane.
Testing that trap had been very satisfying, though not necessarily entertaining, at least not until the trap was deactivated and he could gauge the damage done. It hadn't been particularly effective on shinigami, as many had relatively peaceful deaths, however when tested upon hollow and Arrancar, the results he received were dramatically different and much more amusing. When a soul died it was sent to Soul Society to be reincarnated, or was left behind, either to finish some unfulfilled role, to languish and become a hollow, or to be consumed by one. Souls that have become hollows typically had very violent deaths, lead emotionally traumatizing lives or have had their lives cut decisively short. Whichever the case, this trap was particularly effective on hollow and Arrancar.
He was just beginning to wonder when Nnoitra would reach it when the Espada stopped and his entire countenance went lax. Not missing a beat, Szayel pulled up a second monitor, and tabbing through the screen, he set up a counter.
Ten minutes. Enjoy your trip down memory lane, Nnoitra.
Standing, he brought up his wrist and pulled back the hem of his jacket to reveal a rather complex touch pad and pushed a few keys, setting another counter to nine minutes and thirty seconds. Satisfied, he strode from the master control room and busied himself checking on already running experiments.
As he flitted about the room, clipboard in hand, monitoring and jotting down a few notes, he wondered how Nnoitra was faring. What happened at the scene of his death? What initiated it? How long did it take for him to die and what dealt the killing blow? Was his death emotional, violent, or both? Typically, he'd administer a truth serum and ask an array of questions about his subject's life, prior and leading up to their deaths, so that he could make note of how much they remembered. Then he'd run the experiment. Afterwords, he would administer another dose of the serum and ask the same questions again, reveling in the before and after effect.
He cracked a grin at the memory of the last poor Numero he'd run this test on. The look of horror on his face as he relived the memory for him was absolutely exquisite. The way his face slackened losing all color and his brown eyes glazed over with deep seated torment. When he'd collapsed to the ground, a pathetic, stuttering, lamenting mess, with tears streaming down his cheeks and hands grasping at his hear—Szayel shivered, goose bumps breaking out across his skin. It was almost too much. Really, it was a pity Nnoitra had chosen this particular day to visit. Maybe he could slip him some truth serum once he arrived…
Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.
His eyes gleamed as he eagerly turned on the spot and headed back to the control room.
Stepping inside and closing the door behind him he let out a sigh, glad to once more be in the confines of the darkened enclosure. Taking his seat, he glanced at the counter before peering anxiously at his monitor.
Nnoitra collapsed to his knees before falling forward, narrowly missing throwing his hands out to catch himself before he fell into the tiled floor, his chest heaving. Szayel listened; his skin prickling at the delicious sound of Nnoitra's labored breathing. The Espada took a few moments to gather himself as he stared into space, shocked, ashen and nearly as white as the floor before him. Shakily, and with baited breath, he raised his left hand and felt tentatively for his eye patch, before nimbly slipping his fingers beneath the fabric.
It was then he closed his remaining eye, letting a shuddering sigh escape as his hand fell back to the floor, seemingly lifeless. Szayel was about to applaud him for his tenacity but stopped short when that same hand suddenly pulled back and slammed into the tile beneath it, leaving a nice sized dent in the ground and several destroyed tiles in its wake.
"Fuck…fuckin—FUCK…that fuckin' bastard!"
Szayel chuckled then, eyes filled with mirth as the former Quinta slowly pushed himself up off the ground, his entire being radiating hatred and pulsating with adrenaline. Really, if he were anyone else, he would have been terrified right about now. But as Nnoitra cracked his neck and continued on his way towards his lab, he was anything but fearful. Former Quinta and killer of Aizen he may be. Toughest hierro in Las Noches he might have…but Szayel wasn't a mad scientist or the Octava for nothing. It was this thought that he closed out his monitors and left his control room, unnerving, amiable grin in place, to gather a few odds and ends scattered about his lab that he might need in order to placate the incoming Espada.
After quickly double checking to make sure his running experiments were stable, he made a beeline for the back wall, where he opened a large metal door. Stepping inside he skimmed the shelf lined walls for one particular vial. There were many in all shapes, colors and sizes. The one he was looking for was particularly inconspicuous in its small clear bottle. Spying it, he picked it up and swirled the clear fluid around. El suero de verdad is what the label read. Just as he pocketed it, the device on his wrist began to beep in alarm, alerting him that an intruder had broken into his labs. Turning, he left the walk in refrigerator and had barely secured it when he was suddenly pressed face first into the cool metal before him, a large powerful hand, tightening around his throat, finger tips lying threateningly over his wind pipe.
"What the fuck was that shit Szay?"
He was unsurprised by the former Quinta's forceful greeting, in fact he'd expected something not quite so tame. And if the venom in his words was anything to go by, he'd say that Nnoitra was actually trying to restrain himself. Hands trapped between the door and his chest, amicable grin still in place, his voice came out even, tinged with innocence he did not possess.
"Why, whatever are you referring to, Nnoitra?"
The only reply, the only warning he got in response to his innocent façade was the tightening of that powerful hand and those finger tips closing in around him, nearly cutting off his air supply. His skin tingled as his breath came out in a puff, his eyes nearly fluttering shut at the wordless threat, which he was sure didn't go unnoticed by Nnoitra. Still, the scientist was not quite ready to give in and admit to his superior's silent accusation.
"Really, Nnoitra. I've got better things to do than be harras—"
He choked on his sentence midway as it was then that the former Quinta snapped and carried out his threat.
"Don't give me that fuckin' shit Szay! I know you set that trap on me!"
Szayel felt his face and body heat up as he struggled to breathe, a shiver wracking through him that went—no, he wouldn't go there, though even as he thought this, his eyes finally fluttered shut. It was only when tiny pinpricks of light began to permeate the blackness of his mind that his hands began to pry at the ones enclosing his throat and a low whine escaped his lips. He was on the verge of unconsciousness when Nnoitra released him, allowing him to slide to the floor, his one hand attempting to sooth his battered throat as he caught his breath.
After having several moments to compose himself, he pushed himself off the floor, bracing his back against the door. His amiable mask was back in place, though inside he was still reeling from the rather unexpected and unintentional breath play. Staring up at the tall Espada, he gathered his thoughts, though he was silently surprised that he'd been allowed this luxury. Maybe it was due to his unexpected reaction towards his assault? At this revelation, he looked into the one dark amethyst eye before him, only to find it glassy, roiling with barely contained anger…and something else. Suddenly, Szayel was wary, and wanted to get the tall Espada to leave as soon as possible.
He coughed slightly to clear his throat, face flaming once more, though this time with mild embarrassment.
"I see there's no use denying it. Yes I had set a trap on you. Though, as you can see, you're as alive and well as any of us can be. It was just a little illusion, no lasting harm done, correct?"
As he finished he scrutinized Nnoitra for any reaction to his words, any tension of the body, flex of a muscle, flicker of his eye or break in the rhythm of his breath. He'd expected him to further debate, further accuse him of some sort of misconduct or abuse. What he didn't except was for Nnoitra to crack that characteristic grin of his and shrug his shoulders, as if they'd just talked out a simple misunderstanding. And when Nnoitra turned away, his entire countenance lax and nonchalant, Szayel began to worry. And when he worried, he got nervous, and when he got nervous, he began to lose control of the situation, and when he lost control…well, he wouldn't. He just had to get Nnoitra to leave, and soon.
"So what is it you came to see me about, Nnoitra?"
Even as these words left his lips he had to resist the urge to groan.
Why, why did I ask him that? Wasn't I going to try to get Nnoitra to leave? No…I've taken the correct route. If I had tried to usher him out he'd have immediately grown suspicious. Especially after that little display…
Still, he was annoyed. He'd spoke without thinking, which was completely out of character for him. This was another reason why he hated it when Nnoitra was around, it made him antsy and out of sorts. The Espada had a habit of poking, prodding, and sometimes even cracking that invisible barrier he had so meticulously formed around himself. And after every encounter, every exchange, that barrier was left the worse for wear and it would take him time to painstakingly restructure it so that it was impenetrable once again.
"Uh, remember when we were drunk and I told ya I wanted a puppy and ya said you'd make me one?"
Nnoitra had turned back to him while he was lost in his thoughts, and when his voice rang through the laboratory the meaning was temporarily lost to the scientist.
"The puppy you said you'd make for me, have ya started it?"
Szayel stared at him incredulously for a moment, running through his mind the various experiments he'd be working on the past few weeks. After a moment his eyes lit up with vague recognition.
"Yes, she's over here."
He said this a bit more testily than he intended as he turned and made his way through the lab, Nnoitra following at his heels. He was surprised that Nnoitra had waited until now to hold him to his promise. Though he was still not nearly as surprised as when he learned that Nnoitra, who was still the Quinta at the time, had wanted a puppy in the first place. It had just been after Nnoitra had admit—
No. I won't go there either. That's a memory best left untouched.
Afterwards, they both had gotten drunk and that's when Szayel had learned of Nnoitra's secret longing for a constant companion, a puppy. And Szayel, being in Nnoitra's presence, and under the influence of a copious amount of alcohol, had promised to create one for him. So here he was, weaving his way through his lab towards the workstation he'd set aside in order to fulfill that promise.
"She's just an embryo at the moment but I designed her around the specifics you requested."
Szayel stopped beside a cluttered testing station, gesturing towards a small incubation chamber. The chamber was clear and probably about the size of a small monitor, and filled with nearly clear, pale pink liquid. Nnoitra leaned over the testing station, eagerly peering inside the small container.
"You…you're actually creating a puppy for me?"
He sounded surprised, almost disbelieving. Szayel stared at him for a moment, temporarily at a loss for what to say and it was only when Nnoitra swiveled his head around to meet his eyes that he managed to stutter out a reply.
"I—well, yes. Of course I did…I promised! It was a drunken promise but it was still a promise!"
To the scientists shock the former Quinta said nothing to this. No snarky response, no condescending rebuke. No teasing comment about him being drunk…nothing. The Quinta stood there, motionless, staring, his one eye peering at him, if any emotion shown from within, it was completely indiscernible by the Octava. After a few moments of being blatantly scrutinized, he felt his control begin to wane and face begin to heat. So he did the only thing he could do, he fled, turning around to grasp a clipboard from a nearby testing station in an obvious attempt to collect himself. After a few moments he'd realized he'd been staring blankly at the clipboard, absorbing nothing, his mind, completely and blissfully blank. So when he spoke, still pretending to study the clipboard, his voice emerged even and crisp.
"Was there anything else you wished to discuss, Nnoitra? Or am I free to go back to what I was doing before I was interrupted?"
Once again, no response, nothing. Just an agonizingly slow stretch of silence that seemed to relentlessly prod at Szayel, taunting him. The silence was so profound he was beginning to wonder if Nnoitra had left. Had he really gotten off that easily? Dare he hope? Pfft hell no. He was about to turn around and firmly tell the man to leave when a voice came up from just behind him, causing his whole body to tense.
"Is everything okay Szay? Ya seem…kinda out of it."
"Of course everything's okay, why wouldn't it be? Now if you're done pestering me I'd appreciate it if you'd leave."
He said this with as much control as he could muster, however he still couldn't help the faint tinge of venom that laced it.
God damn it! Go away!
"Tch, c'mon Szay, what's wrong?"
Hands were placed on his shoulders causing him to tense. The whites of his knuckles began to show through as he clenched his clipboard, bordering on breaking it while his body began to release adrenaline bringing forth his fight or flight instincts. It was only the firm control he had over his mind that prevented him from completely losing it with Nnoitra.
"What's wrong is you won't leave, Nnoitra! Now get out!"
"Aww don't be like that."
The hands on his shoulders tried to turn him, but he wouldn't budge. He took a deep breath as his hands began to shake, his anxiety beginning to overwhelm him.
"Nnoitra, I'm warning you. Leave now, before I lose my temper."
He felt Nnoitra lean forward, pinning him against the testing station, their bodies nearly touching, warm breath prickled against the back of his neck.
"What if I don't wanna leave?"
He closed his eyes and gently set his clip board down, mentally picturing his barrier that had suddenly begun to crack around him.
"Leave, now. Or I will make you."
Please leave…Please leave…
He couldn't control the shudder that went through him as thin lips brushed against the crook of his neck, burning his skin.
"I'd like ta see ya try."
"Yeah, you would—"
He stammered as he felt a hand grasp his chin, turning it…turning… Szayel's eyes widened as Nnoitra's lips brushed against his own. He froze up, his breath catching in his throat, his mind in gridlock. Unconsciously, the chemicals within his body reacted before he could and he leaned into the tentative kiss, closing his eyes, deepening it, before his mind caught back up with him.
Blindly reaching across the table he grabbed one of his special scalpels and shoved it backwards into Nnoitra's leg before yanking it upwards. The taller man jerked back with a surprised grunt giving Szayel enough room to get away but as he tried, strong arms reached out, pulling their bodies flush. He froze, his eyes closed as adrenaline coursed through him and his mind frantic. He vaguely registered the feeling of a warm liquid slowly seeping through the back of his hakama.
This can't be happening…I need to get away...can't let him…
His eyes snapped open as one arm tightened almost painfully around him and the other reached back to pull out his instrument of choice. A tearing of cloth and a short hiss later, the scalpel was tossed across the table before him, out of reach.
"God I love it when yer feisty, Szay."
He twisted his head backwards to glare up at the taller man who had a particularly disturbing grin spread across his face.
"Feisty? You call that feisty?"
Furious with incredulity, Szayel reached back and quickly found the tear in Nnoitra's uniform and shoved his fingers deep into the small wound.
"Feisty you say? Is that feisty enough for you, Nnoitra Jiruga?"
And once again Nnoitra threw him off guard. Instead of the painful grunt or curse he'd expected, the taller Espada groaned in a mix between pain and pleasure. However before he had time to be properly shocked, he was grasped by the neck and his face was shoved to the cool metal surface in front of him and it was all he could do to bite back a whimper of surprise that threatened to escape. It wasn't long thereafter till Nnoitra was pressed up against him, his damnable lips nearing dangerous territory once again.
"Not nearly, Szay."
Warm breath tickled his ear, raising goose bumps across his skin, and in contrast to the cool metal of the table, he shivered. However just as quick as his body reacted, so did his mind, making his body tense and spitting out an acidic retort in attempt to hide his reaction and defend his unbearably vulnerable position.
"You fucking masochist!"
Nnoitra pressed closer and sneaked his fingers around to the front of his neck, to once again rest on his jugular.
"Hn…ya are too then."
Szayel's eyes widened and he struggled then, he knew what was coming. His hands scraped at the metal surface for purchase, a tool, anything he could use against the body pinning him, but to no avail, and it wasn't much longer until those fingers closed in around his windpipe, tightening almost painfully. He relaxed then, trying to save his breath, willing himself not to react. But yet again, Nnoitra had one up on him. He began teasing his ear, kissing it, his lips feather light, his hot breath tickling and making him gasp. As soon as he did, he tried to draw breath, and he could, but only just. The amount of air was insufficient, his body struggled to get oxygen causing his face to heat, and his body began to—
No damn it I will not let my body do this!
Though even as he thought that, the grip became tighter, his breath became even more strained and his eyes began to flutter. His entire body felt light, the sensation was absolutely ex—
No! No I will not enjoy this!
Unconsciously his hands came up to pry at the one at his throat. His mind grew frantic as sparks of light began to pepper his vision.
He let out a low whine as he felt his hands pulled away and it was only when they were secure at his sides that the grip on his throat lessened to something gentler, allowing him to gasp in his precious laboratory air. His body struggled to cope with the sudden influx of oxygen, so he lay there, trembling, with his eyes closed as his breath fogged the metal surface in front of him. He was lost in the blissfully blank state of his mind for several moments before he was suddenly pulled backwards to fall flush against the taller man, long arms wrapped around his waist. He bit back an indignant yelp in surprise.
He glared up at Nnoitra, incredulous.
"I wasn't fucking sleeping! You fucking choked me you bastard!"
"Tch, you liked it."
He flushed at this, a rebuke already on his tongue when he felt warm lips descend once more upon his ear, sucking and pulling gently, his warm breath raising goose bumps across his neck and causing a shiver to run through his body strai—
"Nnoitra you need to stop this!"
A deep chuckle emanated from behind him that made his knees weak.
"Stop what? This?"
This time Nnoitra nipped harshly at his ear before kissing it apologetically, sending a pleas—
"Yes god damn it! That! This! Everything! You need to leave, right now!"
He really had to make Nnoitra leave. Things were getting out of hand. His control was slowly yet irrevocably slipping away into the palms of the man behind him. A man whose body was warm and conformed against his own very ni—
No god damn it! I am not giv—
"But I don't wanna, I'm havin' fun Szay. I want ya ta have fun too."
Absolutely livid with Nnoitra, and with himself, Szayel twisted around in his grasp and brought the bloody hand up between them, a pink cero flaring to life.
"I don't want to have 'fun' Nnoitra, and so help me if you don't fucking leave RIGHT NOW I will release this!"
He stared up at the taller man, his own amber eyes narrowed as his breath came in shaky gasps, making him light headed, the spark of his cero glowing constantly brighter as seconds went by.
Please just leave Nnoitra…just…
Then a grin spread across the former Quinta's face, a knowing grin. A grin that said 'just what do you think you're playing at?' And once again, the scientist was thrown off guard, and by something he should have been able to predict nonetheless. Nnoitra grasped his hand and slipped the glowing digit slowly into his mouth and sensuously began to tease it, to clean it of the red substance marring his skin. He gasped; his narrowed eyes widening as he bit back an undignified whimper, a faint flush spreading across his cheeks. When Nnoitra began to draw upon the digit harder, he felt his breath catch and that was when he let his cero fade from existence, less he lose control of it.
Nnoitra gave a smirk as he slowly removed the digit and pulled the smaller man into his chest. Szayel's arms were trapped between their bodies and his fists unconsciously clenched at the fabric of Nnoitra's uniform. A uniform which split down the center, parting in the middle of his chest to reveal very nicely toned pectoral muscles and—
Szayel glared up at the man and felt his face flush, again, at Nnoitra's knowing grin. He'd been caught staring.
I didn't mean to…it was just…there! Damn it!
The taller man bent down to nuzzle Szayel's neck, his lips caressing the skin leaving a prickling trail of fire in his wake that quickly traveled throughout his body. Szayel's eyes fluttered shut and felt himself unconsciously bend his neck to give the man more room. But then his mind caught up with him, just barely, and he made an attempt at pushing Nnoitra away, but it was weak, half hearted, as his barrier began to crumble and his willpower began to leave him.
He was rewarded with his wrists being twisted and pinned behind his back. He whimpered as his skin stung pleasantly at the harsh treatment.
"I knew ya couldn't hold out fer long…"
Szayel bristled at the taunt and twisted his head away as best he could with the range of motion he was allowed and glared at Nnoitra.
"I am not! My body is…just…I can't control my hormones! It's not me damn it! Let me go you bastard!"
The last two comments trailed off uncertainly, his conviction wavering. If he didn't enjoy it and didn't want it wouldn't he be trying harder to get out of the situation, wouldn't he have shot off that cero when he had the chance? His train of thought stopped abruptly as Nnoitra trailed his lips up along his jaw line and his free hand pulled their hips flush, causing Szayel's eyes to snap open in pleasure and surprise as Nnoitra's groin pressed into his own.
He was cut off as lips pressed against his once more, this time more sensual. This time, he couldn't help but give in, no matter how much his mind screamed at him not to. He felt himself lean into the kiss, enjoying the—
God fucking damn it! I said no!
He broke the kiss, wrenching one of his hands away and jabbed his fingertip firmly against Nnoitra's jugular which immediately lit up and began burning the skin it was pressed into. Szayel's breath came in shallow gasps, his body shaking with suppressed desire and hormonal surges as he glared into the eye only centimeters from his own.
"Leave Nnoitra. My little performance in this game of yours is at an end and late Lord Aizen help me, if you don't fucking leave, right now, I will release this and you'll be lucky if there's anything left of you for me to fix once the dust clears."
By the end of his tirade his chest was heaving, glare having disappeared, and he found he had a very difficult time from keeping his vision from flickering between the one eye and the lips in front of him. When those lips tipped up into a smile, he sputtered.
"Wh—what's so funny? I'm serious, Nnoitra! Get out!"
Then another surprise, really he should be getting used to them now, right? The suicidal man pulled the sparking cero to his chest and pointed it straight at his heart.
"C'mon Szay, don't tease me, 'sides, do ya really wanna blow yerself and yer lab up too?"
Nnoitra's words were even and confident, causing Szayel to stammer, opening and closing his mouth several times in response to the taller mans suddenly infallible logic and it was with great reluctance and a heated glare that he let his cero fade for the second time.
This came out with much less venom than intended, in fact, it almost sounded weak, defeated, even to his ears, and only served to spur Nnoitra on. Szayel sulked as his free wrist was reclaimed, the grip restraining them tightening before he was yanked back, hissing as his pleasure receptors intercepted the pain, converting it and sending a shock of pleasure straight down to his groin. And that hand, that god damn hand that kept foiling his every attempt at getting away, came up and cradled his cheek with a deceptive gentleness, its thumb skimming across the surface of his skin. Still, despite its falsity, he couldn't help but lean into the touch, his body molding to the other, the heat shared between them oddly comforting.
"See? Stop tryin' ta resist and I'll make ya feel real good. Feelin' good can't be that bad, can it?"
The teasing comment was purred against his lips and he parted his own instinctively, anticipating, wanting—
"Yes…this is bad Nnoitra…I don't want this, I don't want—"
He was cut off as Nnoitra harshly claimed his lips; not waiting or teasing this time, but demanding. He had little time to think let alone react as Nnoitra forced himself inside, his warm, silky muscle quickly finding and dominating his own. He moaned into their kiss as his body melted and even his mind which had been strongly protesting up until that moment about how much he didn't want this, seemed to collapse in on itself, giving in. However when Nnoitra groaned in response, his mind finally snapped.
Fuck this I am NOT giving in that easily! Hormones or not!
With all the power and accuracy he could muster he snapped his eyes open and drove his knee high into Nnoitra's groin causing the taller man to jerk back with a pained growl.
"How's that feel, Nnoitra? You feeling good—"
Arms wrapped around him, dragging him to the floor as the tall man fell and before Szayel could struggle to get away Nnoitra had him trapped beneath this body and his arms pinned at his sides. The man in question had his face buried in the crook of his neck as he very obviously tried to gather himself, his breath coming in sharp gasps, the warmth from them prickling at his skin. It figured that a sharp knee to the groin wasn't as effective against Nnoitra as he had hoped. After all, he has the strongest hierro in Las Noches, is ridiculously tall, and finds pleasure in pain…hell, he was surprised he'd managed to hit him at all. Szayel, without much else to do, waited on baited breath, doing his best to put out of his mind just how nice it felt to be pinned beneat—
He didn't have to wait long as Nnoitra suddenly nipped painfully hard at his neck before kissing the tender spot; the pain and surprise making the smaller man whimper and try to twitch away.
"I'm feelin' good now…"
The voice emerged low, husky, and somewhat strained, but the statement was enforced as Nnoitra moved against him, his arousal pressing against the front of his hakama, making the taller man groan. A small gasp escaped Szayel as he felt his own twitch in response. He tried to squirm away once more, but his barrier was shattering, his resolve crumbling as the desires consuming his body began to control him, the pleasure finally beginning to overwhelm the anxiety he felt.
"An' seems as if yer startin' to feel good too, Szay."
The words were whispered as Nnoitra teasingly kissed and nipped his way up along Szayel's neck and along his jaw line, pleasurable chills radiating outward with each warm breath that caressed his skin. He shivered against the taller man and felt Nnoitra's lips smirk against him.
God I hate that smirk…you bastard…
"I…damnit Nnoitra! Why are you pressing this? You—ah! You…you know I don't want…a connection with you…like this."
Nnoitra had begun drawing at the tender spot on his neck as he said this, sucking and pulling with his teeth in tandem with enough pressure to be painful. He let out a whine in protest, yet the growing constriction beneath his hakama was testament enough to just how amazing it felt.
"Ya talk too much Szayel, I think I need to shut ya up."
Szayel had little time to protest before Nnoitra crashed their lips together in a kiss so fierce it was almost painful; pain, which once again, his body interpreted as pleasure and he couldn't help but reciprocate. He pushed forward, deepening it and whimpering when Nnoitra forcefully parted his lips to explore him. Vaguely he registered his two arms being drawn above his head and gripped, almost twisted together so harshly it hurt. But he didn't care, he was lost, his madness taking over and consuming him in this moment of passion, his moment of weakness and moment of need. It wasn't till Nnoitra's now free hand snaked downwards, parting his legs to join their bodies together more fully, intimately, that he snapped his eyes open and jerked away, anxiety returning in full force.
He stared up into Nnoitra's half lidded eye, his own wide and panicked, almost fearful. The feeling of them being joined at the hips, of Nnoitra's own arousal and weight settling on him was almost too much for him to bear. He couldn't breathe, his breath started coming in shallow gasps and he began to feel light headed, his body began to tremble.
What am I doing? How did I get into this position? Why can't I…why can't…why…
His mind began to black out, he couldn't think. Darkness began to pepper his vision and his head began to swim, it was only when his eyes fluttered shut that he was brought out of his stupor by a hand gently cupping his cheek, a thumb, feather light, landing to rest just over his lips. Gentle, tentative kisses trailed up his neck, across his lips and up his cheek that seemed to call pleadingly to him, begging for him to return.
Why though…why? Why should I? It's not worth it…its not…I can't…
It wasn't till the light kisses reached his hollow mask, skimming across it and the warm breath gently caressed his lashes that a sigh escaped him and his eyes flickered open and he drew in a shuddering breath. Szayel stared unblinkingly up at Nnoitra, whose one eye shone with worry and tightly concealed tenderness. Tenderness, gentleness, things he'd never expect Nnoitra capable of, yet here they were, making his insides flutter, undermining his control once again, just as they had that night in the warehouse.
"Shh don't be afraid Szay, I'll make this feel so good it hurts."
Szayel lay beneath Nnoitra, exposed, pinned, and with no way to escape, and he was telling him not to be afraid? He let his head fall back, his eyes falling shut and took a deep, quivering breath in a vain attempt to steady his frayed nerves and trembling body as the remnants of his panic attack wore off. Tried to put out of his mind the feeling of Nnoitra's arousal pressed firmly against his own, the heat radiating and mingling between the two. Tried to block out the fact that the more powerful Espada had complete and utter control over him at that very moment and could do things to him that would—
No…don't think about that…don't give in…
He shook his head in frustration, opening his eyes to stare at the haunting one above him.
"How can I not be afraid Nnoitra? You have me pinned to the floor of my own lab and have my body working against me. Of course I'm afraid! I've lost control! I'm not supposed to feel this way. I'm not supposed to react! I don't even like you…I don't..."
He trailed off, his breath coming in shallow gasps at the feeling of his anxiety abruptly returning. He felt Nnoitra shift his weight so that less of it lay on Szayel's chest. Gently, again with that gentleness coming from that damnable hand, Nnoitra rubbed at his aching wrists, soothingly, attempting to comfort him. He let out a small whimper in gratitude before he stopped himself, and looked up at Nnoitra pleadingly.
"Then hate me Szay. If ya can't like me, then hate me. But just cause ya think yer not suppose ta react doesn't mean ya can't enjoy it when ya do. Ya don't have ta like me to enjoy yerself Szayel…but it would be nice if ya did."
This was whispered quietly and with such conviction, such…hope, that Szayel almost felt guilty that he didn't reciprocate Nnoitra's feelings. Or did he? He wasn't sure anymore. His mind was muddled and every attempt at broaching the subject within himself left him feeling uncertain and confused, afraid. He didn't like it, the uncertainty. What if he did reciprocate Nnoitra's feelings? What if he got hurt? What if he was just being used, just another conquest in a long line? What if…what if…too many unknown variables. Too many different possibilities. Too many outcomes. Too much risk. He couldn't, wouldn't like Nnoitra! He didn't need attachment, another weakness that could be used against him. The whole situation tormented him and he just wanted to forget about it, move on and hide within the small barrier of influence, safety and control he'd fashioned for himself.
But do I hate him?...No…I can't bring myself to do that…not even now…not when…
He was abruptly shaken from his thoughts when Nnoitra pulled away, staring at him quizzically.
"Stop thinkin' Szay, yer thinkin' too much again."
Szayel blinked up at him, incredulous.
"I said, stop thinkin'. Ya were layin' there like ya had DFS or somethin'."
It was Szayel's turn to look at him questioningly.
Nnoitra rolled his eye.
"Just stop thinkin' Szay, you're gona ruin it. Let go of everything."
Nnoitra interrupted his stuttering by grinding their cores together, his free hand sliding down to slip up underneath Szayel's jacket. He hissed, reactively arching up into that hand and Nnoitra's arousal. He shook his head back and forth, trying to clear his mind, to reclaim control of his body.
"No, no—I can't…ahh!"
He whined as Nnoitra harshly twisted one of his nipples sending a shock of pleasure straight down to his groin, making it twitch.
"Just let go Szayel."
This was breathed against his lips, more of a command, an order, than anything else. Szayel looked up at him heatedly, lust finally beginning to show through in his eyes, but still, he fought it. Continued to fight the burning need, the desire growing within him that was playing a tug-a-war with his mind.
"I can't just let go …"
Nnoitra growled at him, twisting his wrists sharply before claiming and forcing his way into his mouth. The kiss was eager, demanding, it drew him in and took his breath away, making him focus on it, them, leaving little time to think of anything else. Szayel heard himself moan into it, could feel himself moving beneath Nnoitra, their arousals grinding magnificently, turning his legs leaden and making him constrict all the more painfully against his hakama. Then that hand…that damnable hand, dancing across his suddenly hypersensitive skin, leaving trails of fire in its wake. It was too much, too damn much for him. And then suddenly Nnoitra pulled away, stopping the madness, leaving Szayel, chest heaving as he panted on the floor, his eyes locking onto Nnoitra's one, full of lust, need and confusion. Confusion that sprung from his insecurities and—
He sighed, why was he being so abstinent? He literally had no way out in the situation and his body…damn his body and these forsaken hormones! And no matter how badly he wished to rebuke and deny himself his body kept telling him different. Why continue to fight it then? Why not just give in and make it more enjoyable? He couldn't deny how good it felt, to have that lean, powerful body pressed firmly into him. To have his hands twisted and pinned above his head rendering him powerless and exposed. To feel so helpless that it made his mind reel with anticipation sending a—
Wait…why did Nnoitra stop?
Amber eyes narrowed dangerously, questioningly. Nnoitra hovered above him, his lips parted deliciously and his own breath coming in shallow gasps that tickled Szayel's lips and left him wanting. Why did he stop? That damned bastard had the unswayable determination of a famished hollow up until that point! Why stop now? Why now when he'd finally pushed aside his own pride and uncertainty and resolved himself to this fate? He scrutinized the Quinta who suddenly seemed to be as lost in thought as he had been previously. His single eye was half lidded, glassy and any emotion held within was indiscernible. Growling in frustration, Szayel lifted his head, pressing forward and closing the narrow gap between them, capturing Nnoitra's lips for his own in a chaste kiss, ending it with a harsh nip before pulling away to glare up at him.
"Stop thinking, Nnoitra."
The scientist parroted his words back at him, a smirk playing on his lips as Nnoitra came out of his haze, worrying his newly bruised lip with his teeth, a look of surprise etched upon his face. However, Nnoitra wasn't taken off guard for long as his surprise morphed into something that made Szayel's stomach quiver in anticipation. He felt as if he were being scrutinized again, his soul devoured, and it was the sole fact that he had the attention of a man that had intended to do just that which made his cheeks flush all the more fiercely. But still he did nothing, still remained motionless.
What game are you playing at now, Nnoitra?
And then there, veiled within the farthest recesses of his eye was an emotion the scientist couldn't identify. An emotion which left him uneasy and it wasn't until their lips met once again in a tentative ghost of a kiss that he had even the vaguest inkling as to what it was. He continued to stare at the half lidded eye above him as Nnoitra's lips, his body, seemed to move into him, caress him, to beg from within him that which he didn't think even existed; an emotion that he himself never even considered possible for Arrancar to feel. Yet as Nnoitra continued to pour himself, his soul, into their kiss, he couldn't help but wonder. Was it possible? The plaguing thought soon left him as he was drawn in deeper, consumed by Nnoitra's passion.
His eyes fluttered shut and he gave a quiet moan as Nnoitra pushed his way inside him, his tongue seeking the other's out instinctively and causing Nnoitra to let out his own sound of appreciation that sent his body shivering and shocks of pleasure straight down to his core. Suddenly their contact seemed to be insufficient, not nearly enough, and so Szayel began to strain at the hand pinning him down, to arch up into the body above him. And this only caused Nnoitra to chuckle into their kiss pulling away, leaving Szayel to glare up at him heatedly through half lidded eyes.
"Stop teasing me, Nnoitra."
His voice came out low, husky and demanding as he continued to tug uselessly at the hand pinning his wrists.
Why…what's with the stopping? Why is he always stopping right when I…
"Ta think I could get sucha reaction out of ya from just a kiss Szayel."
Nnoitra grinned down at him victoriously as Szayel flushed crimson.
"It's not that and you know it! I just want to be done with this!"
That only caused Nnoitra's grin to spread wider, reaching his eyes which gleamed dangerously with a mischievous light.
"Ya know that only makes me wanna take my sweet time."
Nnoitra said this as he leaned down, brushing his lips teasingly along Szayel's jaw line, down his neck while his hand continued to glide systematically up and down his abdomen, slowly slipping lower and lower near his hakama. The effect was nearly enough to send Szayel into a rage. Though as frustrated as he was, he couldn't help but try to angle his neck back to give Nnoitra better access, couldn't help but to arch up into that damnable hand as it slowly continued its downward trek. All the while little whimpers escaping him as he ceaselessly struggled against the hand pinning his wrists.
"Let me go, Nnoitra."
This time, instead of it being a demand, it was a pleading whine, barely audible enough to be a whisper. Nnoitra ground their hips sharply together and nipped harshly at his neck in response, making the smaller man gasp and writhe against him.
"Are ya gona run if I let ya go?"
This was spoken even enough, despite how breathy it was, and to Szayel's surprise, the grip on his wrists loosened, though not nearly enough for him to have mobility again. He pulled against them once more, silently screaming at the man to just release him. Why the stalling? He wasn't about to run, he wanted this now, needed it even! But of course he'd never admit that to Nnoitra. So instead he let out a pleading whimper, jerking at his restraints once more.
Szayel felt Nnoitra grin into him, kissing the bruised spot on his neck before pulling away to look down at him. Szayel squeezed his own eyes shut in turn, refusing to allow the man to see the need and desperation that was all too apparent in them. But he could feel Nnoitra hovering over him, his lips inches away, all he would have to do is lean forward and—
"Are ya gona run Szayel?"
Warmth caressed his cheek as those lips once more trailed lightly over the bone white material of his glasses while the hand restraining him loosened a fraction more and began to rub the soreness out of his limbs. A shuddering sigh escaped his lips at this gentleness, gentleness that suddenly made his chest tighten painfully as he opened his eyes to look up at Nnoitra.
His response was so quiet that if Nnoitra hadn't been as close to Szayel as he had, he would have missed it, and thankfully the tall Espada hadn't, because he wasn't sure if he'd be able to say it again. It tore him up inside to admit aloud to this man that he'd willingly stay with him once freed, but he'd worry about repairing his wounded pride later. As soon as that hand had released its grip, Szayel brought his hands forward and brought Nnoitra's lips to his in a desperate kiss, demanding, harsh, needy. He poured all his conflict, his anger, his confusion and body's uncontrollable need into that kiss and lost himself to it completely.
Szayel was so entirely consumed by the moment that he hardly registered when Nnoitra's hand slid down past his neck to quickly unzip his jacket nor when he helped by shrugging out of it. It was only when Nnoitra broke their kiss to move down Szayels neck, giving him a much needed breather that he realized that Nnoitra had lifted him partially off the laboratory floor leaving his free hand to teasingly skim along the bulge in his hakama, occasionally moving up to tug playfully at the ties.
He whined and arched up into his touch, begging for more friction to relieve the pressure within his too tight hakama and earning a harsh nip to his chest in response. Szayel growled and pushed at Nnoitra, urging him lower to which Nnoitra chuckled and stopped completely, staring up at him mercilessly.
Again with the fucking stalling!
"Tell me what ya want Szayel."
Szayel glared, his chest heaving and face burning. Nnoitra damn well knew what he wanted just as well as Szayel knew what Nnoitra wanted but damned if he would admit it aloud. No, his pride wouldn't let him. He wouldn't ask for this, something that had been forcibly pushed on him, something he'd only just reluctantly resolved to accept, wishing only to get it over with as quick as possible. But again, Nnoitra was stopping, stalling, worming his way under his skin and through his defenses, trying to get him to crack and voice something he barely just admitted to himself. So he glared at Nnoitra, his eyes silently pleading as that fucking hand continued to torment him as it resolutely untied his hakama.
"Tell me Szayel."
"Fucking hell I'm going to tell you! You know what—Ahh."
His voice trailed off into a surprised moan as Nnoitra's hand slipped beneath the edge of his hakama to rest just on the outer rim of his hollow hole sending a jolt of electricity through his body and reflexively making him arch up into that hand, attempting to push it in further. Szayel stared into Nnoitra's one eye, his lips parted and body beginning to tremble with anticipation. He was so close, so close to getting what he wanted. Was not verbally admitting it really worth denying what he so desperately wanted? His eyes narrowed as he glared over at the former Quinta, his supposed superior, the one who'd be lying dead in Aizen's chamber if not for him. It was he, Szayel, the one who set up the elaborate plan that allowed him to decapitate their former master. No, he would not—
His world went black as his eyes slammed shut, rivulets of electricity shooting outwards from his hollow hole to spread throughout his body. He couldn't breathe, couldn't think, didn't even recognize the incoherent words coming out of his mouth as he moaned and writhed in pleasure within the mans arms—then it stopped, as soon as it began. He lay there, trembling, his chest heaving and eyes fluttering, attempting to open and glare at the man who'd just assaulted one of his most sensitive places. It was difficult to get his bearings as those fingers continued to trail around the outside of his small shadowy void, but after a few moments he managed. He glared up at Nnoitra through lust filled eyes who was smirking down at him, knowingly.
"Tell me Szayel."
Szayel's glare turned to an expression of disbelief which only deepened as Nnoitra slowly began to remove his hand from his hakama. Szayel whined then, staring at him pleadingly, begging, yet still refusing to voice those words. He pushed at him weakly, trying to force him, urge him downwards, arching up into that retreating hand, but it was no use.
His voice emerged as a sultry keen. It was needy and pleading, begging him to have mercy and not make him set aside his pride for a mere moment of pleasure.
He gasped lightly as his throat tightened and he swallowed, trying to alleviate the discomfort. Never in his life had he been made to admit something so demeaning. Never before had he been forced to take such a submissive position. He'd had to set aside his pride before, for greater goals, but this? He couldn't set aside his pride for something like this…this was for himself, for something spontaneous and unplanned…and...and amazing and exquisite that made his body twist and writhe in pleasure against hands that were more torturous than any tool or substance in his laboratory.
He'd made up his mind then, his breath catching in his throat as he grasped Nnoitra by the hair and brought their lips together in a rough, chaste kiss. Then he forced himself away with a whimper, resting their cheeks side by side, and it was then he breathed the words Nnoitra had been asking—no, demanding of him.
The groan those two mere words elicited from the taller Espada sent Szayel's groin quivering with anticipation and he moaned in tandem as their lips were suddenly pressed together in the most sensual of kisses, though before it could progress far, Nnoitra retreated, causing Szayel whimper at the loss and fear to flare up within him.
Is he going to stop again? Right after I…after I…
Fortunately his fears were unfounded as Nnoitra kissed and nipped his way down his chest and quickly finished untying his hakama. Szayel propped himself up on his elbows and watched with lust filled and disbelieving eyes as Nnoitra pulled the clothing down at an agonizing pace, slowly revealing his hollow hole and his neglected arousal situated just beneath it. Then Nnoitra leaned down, pressing chaste kisses along the edge of his small void, his warm breath drifted inside causing Szayel's whole body to tingle and warm pleasantly. Szayel arched into the touch, needing more, his lips parting unconsciously as one hand danced around his groin, fingers tethering themselves in his coarse hair yet never brushing the object of his frustration. Then Nnoitras warm lips began to descend, trailing kisses that seemed to burn his skin along the way. And then Nnoitra paused, his lips just barely brushing the base of his arousal making Szayel gasp, and looked up at him, his own eyes unusually clear and alight with a mischievous fire.
"Do you want this Szayel?"
The scientist let out a sob in frustration which became even more strangled as Nnoitra teasingly licked at the base of his member. He was so close, so close the pressure was nearly unbearable. So powerful was his need for release he almost shouted at Nnoitra. But instead, all he could manage was one whispered desperate word.
And that was all that was needed and suddenly moist warmth descended upon him and he threw his head back, an agonized moan emanating from deep within as he struggled to contain himself against this completely new sensation. This drew a moan from Nnoitra in turn which reverberated through his arousal directly to his groin sending small shockwaves of pleasure through his entire body. Szayel returned his gaze to Nnoitra and watched as he eagerly worked on him, his lips moving up and down his engorged arousal and hair teasing the sides of his thighs. And that hand, that damnable fucking hand was once again on the move, inching towards his shadowy void to rest its nimble fingers against the rim, slowly, teasingly stroking in tandem with the attention Nnoitra was lavishing upon him. Suddenly it was too much, almost more than he could bear. His body started shaking with the need for release and his stomach felt as if it were coiling in upon itself. His eyes fluttered shut as he threw his head back once more, a string of incoherent words and moans passing his lips. He felt himself pulsating, his body growing hotter and hotter and he felt as if he were about to combust as white sparks began to flicker across his vision—
And then suddenly the blissful sensation was receding, the warmth enveloping him gone and a chill suddenly seeping into him as his cool laboratory air caressed the moisture lining his still painfully throbbing member. He was dizzy, and his breath game in jagged gasps as he blinked his eyes, his vision oddly bleary as he tried to look around, though he couldn't quite get past the agonizing spikes emanating out of his now severely neglected arousal. He groaned, looking down at it and suddenly realizing he was the only one in the room.
Where did Nnoitra go? Why? Why am I suddenly alone? Nnoitra—
His mind whirled, struggling to grasp what had just happened to him, what had just taken place within the confines of his own wing. Why was it that he was trembling, half naked and suddenly alone on the tiled floor of his laboratory? Where was Nnoitra, the one who'd pushed the entire situation on him in the first place? The one who up until that point had been hounding him for months in hopes that his unrequited affection might one day be returned. Nnoitra, who had been incessantly putting him into awkward situations in order to slowly but surely wear down his walls. He, who brought him to the precipice of release only to—
His eyes narrowed as he pushed himself into a sitting position only to sway dangerously on the spot as vertigo combined with his denied release overwhelmed him and caused his vision to swim. The sudden shift also jarred his painfully engorged and sensitive member sending shocks out through his body that made his stomach twist and clench painfully. He gasped at the sudden contrasting sensation as he stared down at himself, barely resisting the urge to take hold and finish himself off but instead he settled for glaring down at the object of his anger and frustration. No, he wouldn't reward his disobedient body for this nor would he give Nnoitra the pleasure of knowing that he'd caved and finished what the former Quinta had started. Though how would Nnoitra know? His hand twitched forward unconsciously at this thought, but he clenched it tight. No, even then, he wouldn't. It was distasteful, the indignity. Not that he had much dignity or pride left after the day's events…
His lips tipped downwards at this new thought as it shook him, his throat constricting in response and his mind whirled, comprehending. Nnoitra had abandoned him. He'd been abandoned while on the edge of ecstasy. He'd been abandoned by the man who'd forced the situation on him. Made him want, made him need what was being offered. Twisting his body and desires against him and pressing him into setting aside his pride, not once, but three times, in order to obtain the pleasure being forced upon him. Nnoitra had cornered him, commanded his body, swayed his mind and turned him into a complete submissive only to cruelly abandon him before he got his release. And as he sat there, it finally began to dawn on him why the whole event begun in the first place.
He should have seen it coming, should have known. He should have realized the Quinta wouldn't have let the trap incident slide with the mere threat of asphyxiation. No, he'd been in too much of a hurry to get Nnoitra out of his lab to prevent the inevitable harassment, to think too much of it when Nnoitra brushed the whole issue off as if it were irrelevant to the real reason to his visit. So he'd quickly forgotten it in pursuit of removing the former Quinta from his wing, and when the man started coming on to him, like he knew he would, he was too flustered and angry to even consider the fact that Nnoitra was spontaneously attempting to get revenge. And Szayel had fallen for it, right into the palm of his hand, unwittingly at first, but eventually willingly, eagerly even.
He closed his eyes, groaning as he let his head fall into his hands. Oh what a fool he'd been, to think that he'd be getting release so easily in the end, that Nnoitra would reward him for his constant rejection, abuse and finally, submission. Then he cracked a smile at this, an eerie grin that stretched to his eyes and chuckled into his hands, a flat, bitter laugh.
"Use me I said…use me…and use me he did."
His voice came out self-deprecating and full of disappointment, though not with Nnoitra, but with himself. His will and resolve had left him so easily, immediately discarded once he had reached the conclusion that escape from the situation had been impossible. But was it? He could have cero'd Nnoitra, like he had originally planned, screw the laboratory and his weaker hierro. He would have been hurt, but he would have survived, survived with his pride completely intact and the former Quinta removed from his person. Yet he hadn't. He'd allowed Nnoitra to continue his assault. He'd given in to his body, shoved aside his convictions and pride, and allowed the ever present niggling at the back of his mind that told him what was happening felt good, to take control.
But did I really…enjoy it?
He shook his head in disgust, attempting to deny it, to push it out of his mind. Yes, the experience had intensified in pleasure once he had relented, but did he really like what Nnoitra had forced him through? No, of course not. He couldn't, he wouldn't allow himself to feel…to have anything more than a professional relationship with the man, no matter how much pressure Nnoitra put on him. Besides, the former Quinta really didn't like him to begin with…he was just another in a long line of conquests, wasn't he? He wasn't anything special—
But that eye, a vivid apparition appearing in his mind. That eye, full of an emotion he couldn't identify. An emotion that left him feeling uneasy and had taken his breath away when their lips met in a tentative ghost of a kiss that seemed to tug at his soul, making his chest flutter—and he gasped, his head jerking up out of his hands as his chest fluttered again at the realization of what that nameless emotion was.
No…it couldn't be…that's impossible…
His whole body began to shake as he tried to come to terms with this piece of information, tried to wrap his mind around the possibility. It was truly incomprehensible and made absolutely no sense to the scientist.
Hollow, Arrancar…don't…love. We don't hold any kind of affection or feelings for others of our species. It's a ridiculous concept. We consume each other in order to survive. There is no room for affection. Affection breeds attachment and attachment can be exploited as a weakness, and weakness…
He shook his head and pushed his trembling body slowly to its feet, his mind in deep seated denial. Ignoring his still aching arousal, he readjusted his hakama and reclaimed his discarded jacket before attempting to make his way to his personal chambers, intent on a soak in his bath.
Besides, if…there was even the slightest chance of him…feeling…anything towards me, why would he do something like this? Why? It just doesn't make sense…he only set himself back from his true goal…
His body swayed mid-step as he reflected upon this thought, the ever present voice at the back of his mind reawakening, protesting that Nnoitra's goal was that much closer to obtainability. He resolutely shook his head, trying to block it out, but still it whispered to him. If Nnoitra could feel such longing, such affection, what's to say that one day he couldn't?
His mind froze at the possibility and his trembling increased to the point of instability. Quickly crossing the remaining expanse of his lab, he threw open his chamber door, stumbling over to the bath room where he nearly fell, barely managing to brace himself against the wall, his breath coming in ragged gasps. His mind protested fiercely against the possibility that one day he might connect himself to any person in such a way, especially Nnoitra.
Oh god if I ever…it would…I just…I can't…I can't…
His breath caught in his throat, the mere thought of being emotionally tied and bound to him sending him into the beginnings of another anxiety attack. No, he wouldn't—he couldn't allow himself to be attached to Nnoitra in that way, or anyone. It was just too hazardous, the end result of being placed in such a situation, completely uncertain; and the outcomes, the possibilities, sent his mind reeling. Being joined in such a way would make him weak and strip away his control, just as Nnoitra stripped his control from him earlier, leaving him feeling insecure, completely helpless and wanting.
Wanting…did I really…want…what Nnoitra had to offer? No, I couldn't have. I had been in the throws of passion. Instinct commanded my mind and body…of course I wanted it then. But now?
His eyes slid shut as he tried to find within himself the answer to that question. It seemed impossible and his mind whirled as he attempted to form a concrete train of thought. Yet all his consciousness would come up with were memories of the past hour. Memories that seemed so realistic he could almost feel the tentative kiss, whimsical and faint upon his lips, beseeching him and making his heart flutter all over again. The sensation caused him to gasp, finally making him aware he could no longer breathe. While he slid down the wall, white spots flitting across his minds eye, he frantically wondered if his heart murmured because of feelings he refused to acknowledge or because of the episode settling in upon him.
What if I do…like him? What if—no…I can't, I just can't, its not…
He felt tendrils of darkness reach out to him as he slumped to the floor, nearing unconsciousness, his mind going numb and blissfully blank. Yet even as he felt his body relent, he couldn't keep the voice in his head from thinking that if maybe he were in Nnoitra's embrace again, with those feather light kisses caressing his mask, then maybe everything would be okay, and maybe Nnoitra would be able to pull him from his artificial hell.
A/N: Okay first off, he's not dead. He just passed out. So don't freak out on me in the reviews lol. I know it's a terrible ending, but hey, this is an angst-filled one shot, you were warned.
Second…for the love of god. Do not try the Breath Play I described here. If you try it and end up nearly getting yourself killed and it somehow gets linked back to me I will be PISSED, more so at your idiocy for attempting a fetish you read about online than at the cops knocking on my door…
I want to note that a few ideas along with several pieces of dialog used in this story came from two role-plays I'm participating in.
The first role-play is a 1x1 SzayXNnoitra from which I took the two cero and the knee-to-the-groin idea + some dialog from Szayel and Nnoitra.
The second role play is ongoing on the wajas website in 'The Bleach Club' thread. I'm using the Szayel and Nnoitra from that role play as a basis for these character's personalities and their history together. I also used several plot bunnies from that role play which I referenced in this one shot and are listed below.
Also, Arrancar in this bleach universe do have hearts, though the emotions contained within and the depth of which they are buried vary between Arrancar.
And finally, I'd like to thank my friend Emochromatic who plays Szayel in both of the role plays. She helped me with his dialog and in learning how his mind works. Before this I was just terrified of attempting to write Szayel thinking I'd be horribly bad at it! (I still think I am haha) And I'd like to thank her being my beta for me! She did an amazing job!
Warehouse Scene: The Warehouse scene, Nnoitra has Wonder kidnap Szayel and bring him there and a battle of minds and wills ensues, which ends up with Szayel passing out from asphyxiation. He wakes, tied up with a rope around his neck and wrists. Some physical abuse occurs and words are thrown around before Nnoitra elaborates on his plan to overthrow Aizen and what he has to offer for Szayel should he decide to help him. Szayel agrees and Nnoitra unties the robes around his neck and wrists, massaging his wrists, surprising Szayel with his gentleness.
Bar Scene: Sometime soon after the Warehouse Scene, Nnoitra asks Szayel out to a bar to celebrate their upcoming victory over Aizen. Nnoitra gets a bit drunk and reveals his feelings for Szayel, thus making Szayel want to get drunk. They both walk back to the Warehouse together and that's when Nnoitra reveals his wish for a puppy and Szayel accidentally admits that he has a garden and offers to show it to Nnoitra.
The Coup: Szayel uses his uh…special tools and a substance from his lab (not saying which, it's a great idea and I don't want people to steal it! Lol) to put Aizen under his control. Nnoitra goes in as a decoy and fights Aizen till he uses Kyoka Suigetsu on Nnoitra. Then Szayel steps in and uses his 'unorthodox' techniques to 'throw Aizen off' (to put it lamely and vaguely) before healing Nnoitra (saving his life for the first time) so Nnoitra is able to decapitate Aizen.
Flower Garden Scene: Nnoitra takes up Szayel on his offer to visit his flower Garden (won't go into detail here, but let's just say it's amazing and has a huge variety of plants with god mode properties). However, before the visit, Nnoitra took some drugs to relieve some of his stress and while he was there, the combined affects of the drugs and pollen in the air really messed with his head making him stumble in to a plant. A extremely deadly plant. Which completely freaked Szayel out because it would have killed Nnoitra in a matter of minutes if he hadn't acted quickly (second time he saved Nnoitra).
And as always: Please R&R!