*waves* Hi. There are two things to address with this author's note:

1. There's a vicious rumor that I am trying to leave the Bonesverse and am taking RositaLG with me. Vicious rumors. While these accusations are 110% false (because you don't love your first child less when you have a second child), I'm going to ask you NOT to tell Sunsetdreamer for about a month, because in her attempt to make us stay, she's writing us fanfiction, every day, for a month! Go read Cut Out All The Ropes and suggest prompts for us to make her write and maaaybe in June, I'll reveal this secret to her.

B. This story is posted in a very, very old thread of mine. Not a well-read thread and I didn't stick with the theme for long… and yes, it's a "complete" story, with only this addition. Some1tookmyname and JadedRepartee (have I dropped enough authors' names yet?) have taken me to task for a seriously large closet of unpublished Bones fiction I've been hoarding. Some of it needs some work, some of it just needs a little beta love. And the story you are about to read was written nearly two years ago and intended for this thread (where the titles of the one-shots came from a random sentence generator).

To put it in context, I wrote this before I knew much about this Hannah person coming in to screw up season six (that's summer '10, baby). So, yes, this is a season six fic… but it's AU, especially now. You may, however, recognize a Booth and Brennan based on nicer times.

So, welcome to beginning of my fic closet's Spring Cleaning… and thanks to Some1tookmyname for the beta.



Randomly Generated Sentence Inspiration: The lies beckon beaches meeting

She swung the just-slammed door to her best friend's office back open, hot on her tail. "Sweetie, are you okay?"

"I'm fine Angela, I just need to go," Brennan said in a huff.



"Yes, why, Brennan. Why did you dash off the platform in a rush, suddenly needing to go right now?"

"I remembered I had an appointment, and I'm going to be late," Brennan answered, unwilling to make eye contact as she shuffled various files around on her desk, loading the several into her bag.

"You're a terrible liar, Bren, and what's worse is that you feel like you have to lie to me. Cam walked on to the platform and announced that Booth was on his way over. Then, you bolted from said platform like a chemical explosion was imminent. So tell me, what gives?"

Brennan stopped loading her bag for a moment, considering Angela's tone and trying to dissipate her guilt for not being completely forthcoming with her friend. She sighed before she resumed packing, placed her bag on her shoulder and turned to walk out.

"I'm sorry Ange, but I don't have time to talk right now. And honestly, while I may currently be preoccupied by… something… I don't wish to discuss it. I don't mean for that to offend you, but I really can't… I just can't Angela. Please don't ask me to?"

The begging tone in her friend's voice caused her own throat to tighten as her instinct to force Brennan to talk battled with her want to let Brennan go. She very much wanted to give her friend, obviously distraught about something, anything she asked for, as well as a big bear hug she wouldn't ask for. But Brennan's mood had been going on far too long. And while Angela had definitely been distracted by other things lately (Hodgins called it "pregnancy brain"), she was determined to pay more attention to whatever it was that was causing her friend to seem so on edge lately.


"What?" Brennan asked.

"Tonight. You get the work day to put together your thoughts. And then you have to tell me what's been going on with you, not just today, but for the last few days and weeks. Because otherwise, you're going to have to explain to my OBGYN as to why my stress levels have increased exponentially when she specifically said I need to be stress-free. You're my best friend, and it hurts me to see that something's bothering you and not know why. Even if I can't fix it. Even if there's nothing to be done to alter your state of mind. I still need to know. I can be the ear you need to listen and the shoulder you can cry on, should you be so inclined. But you will let me be your friend, and you will tell me what's going on. You have today to compose your thoughts and then you'll spill."

She crossed her arms and geared up for a fight. She was expecting it. She was expecting some comeback, some logic-induced rant that she'd have to battle down to get her friend to talk to her. But it never came.

Brennan simply gave a small nod of her head, looking down at the floor with her arms crossed. "Ange, I really need to go. Will you please tell Cam I'll be out for the rest of the day?"

Now Angela was confused. And more than worried. Needing to leave for an appointment, even if that was an excuse was one thing. But to skip out on work altogether... "The whole day? But we've got an active case we're working on right now," she said anxiously.

"No, Booth arrested the suspect this morning and there's just paperwork to complete. He's merely coming over to get the lab reports to file with the prosecutor. I'm not needed for that part and any other pressing forensic work can be completed by Dr. Edison."

"But…" Angela started in, before Brennan cut her off.

"I have to go Angela, please tell Cam I'll call her later. And don't worry so much. Worrying about me is not good for the baby." Those were the only words Angela could make out as Brennan left her office at a near run, first heading towards the elevator for the parking garage. The elevator's arrow lit up, indicating it was arriving on the main floor and she saw Brennan take a sudden step back before darting quickly for the stairwell.

Two lab techs walked out of the elevator just before Angela walked toward the platform to confer with her colleagues on Brennan's suddenly rash behavior.


"I could call her now and demand that she explain her absence from work?" Cam suggested.

Ten minutes later and no one was closer to understanding what had Brennan on edge lately or the reasons behind her abrupt departure. Cam, Angela and Hodgins were gathered into a tight circle, quietly whispering theories. Their focus on Brennan was so intent that they never heard the first "Hey." Or the second.

"Squints! Hey, over here!" Booth shouted, finally startling them out of their conversation. "What's going on?" he asked.

It was Clark that spoke up first. "Dr. Brennan left abruptly this morning, Agent Booth, and we were trying to determine why. Can we assist you with something?"

"Bones was here today?" Booth demanded.

"Well, she was, and now she's out for the day, though she didn't tell any of us why," Cam said.

"How long ago was she here, Cam?" Booth asked, his voice laced with annoyance, as he pulled out his phone.

The formerly huddled circle of colleagues now stood as a united front, shoulder-to-shoulder, Clark included, facing the special agent with an attitude. Each looked at each other, as if silently trying to decide who should speak next. But Booth didn't miss the looks.

"She's not picking up," Booth said, forcefully shoving his phone into his pocket. "What aren't you telling me?" Booth looked at the silent group. "Edison, where's your boss?" Booth asked, deciding Clark was the weakest link in the chain of silent looks.

"I'm right here, Seeley," Cam snapped. "If you want to know where Dr. Brennan is, I suggest you ask her. And don't try to intimidate my people."

"Fine, Camille," Booth snapped. "You know, I don't have time to try and figure out why all of you are being weird. Can I have your forensics report so I can put this case to bed?"

The group looked at each other, Hodgins moving first to gather the coroner's report, Cam following suit in gathering up other paper work.

Booth turned to storm out of the Jeffersonian. But suddenly, Angela's feet carried her very pregnant self toward him faster than she had moved in weeks, catching his attention before he got to the sliding doors to the lab. "That's it?" she asked, causing him to stop, but not face her right away.

"What's 'it', Angela?" he asked, slowly turning to face her.

"Aren't you going to track her down and find out where she is?"

"She's a big girl Angela, she can take care of herself."

"Yeah, I know that, but since when do you? She's not at work at 10 a.m. on a Friday. This used to be the point when you're putting out an APB on her car."

"I'm sure she's fine, Angela, and if you thought she was in danger, you would have said so. Goodbye," Booth said with a half-hearted wave as he walked through the sliding door. Just before the doors closed, he heard Angela speak.

"I really wish you'd get your head out of your ass!"


She looked around her apartment, considering what else she might need. Her bags were packed with the appropriate clothing for the weather, she presumed. She packed six books, two that she loved to reread and four that she had purchased earlier that day to read while she was gone. She had sunscreen, a couple of hats and pairs of sunglasses. She had thrown out any food that would expire in her absence and taken out her trash. She gave a last studious look to her apartment and decided she hadn't forgotten anything.

Then there was a knock at the door.

And Brennan remembered she had forgotten one minor detail.

She put her small suitcase down, and walked to the door, checking the peephole before pulling it open.

"Hey Ange," she said.

Angela blew through the opening Brennan had left in the door, making sure to insert herself into the apartment. "I'm an impatient woman, and I need to know what's going on. Spill."

"Nice to see you too," Brennan responded sarcastically.

"I knew you weren't going to come to me anyways, so I've come to you. What's going on? Time to fess up," she said, planting herself on Brennan's couch, patting a spot next to her, indicating Brennan should sit.

She had practiced this. Once she had decided to leave, she worked on what she was going to tell Angela. She was prepared. To tell her. Over the phone. As her plane was boarding. As long as Angela didn't ask too many questions, she could do this, then leave.

"Lately, I feel as though I have been acting irrationally to certain stressors. I don't quite understand why I've become unable to compartmentalize, but I can't seem to alter my behavior to my satisfaction. What I can change is my future reaction to similar stressors, and I've come up with a plan to do just so. And I think you'll be very impressed with my plan," Brennan said excitedly.

"Okay, I didn't understand any of that," Angela responded, trying to determine if her best friend actually gave a clue about what was bothering her.

"What part didn't you understand?" Brennan asked, genuinely confused.

"What made you upset?"

"The 'what' doesn't matter. It just matters that I've determined how to fix the situation."

"The 'what' does matter, because it sent you fleeing the Jeffersonian at 10 am on a workday. You don't leave the Jeffersonian when you're running a temperature of 102 while bleeding from a head wound!"

"Like I said, my reason for leaving was irrational, and although I rarely ever leave work in such haste and my behavior would likely be forgiven as an anomaly, it was unprofessional, and I will insist that Cam withhold part of my paycheck this month as punitive recourse for such behavior. And if she refuses to do that, I will make a donation to the lab as repayment. But, I've determined how I'm going to get a clutch on that behavior so it doesn't happen again."

"Get a grip. You mean 'get a grip,'" Angela said.

"Yes!" Brennan responded enthusiastically.

"Alright," Angela muttered skeptically. "If you won't tell me what was bothering you yet, at least start with what your 'plan' is to deal with whatever's bothering you."

Brennan pointed to her luggage.

"No! No, no, no, no, no! You can't run, Brennan. You can't go off and dig up ancient people and pretend like whatever's wrong will just disappear," Angela said in a near panic.

"Angela, Angela!" Brennan said, putting her hands on Angela's shoulders to keep her seated, trying to calm her. "I'm not going on a dig. I'm going on vacation."

Angela stayed seated, looking at Brennan like she had just informed her that she had decided to switch genders. "I don't understand," she responded slowly.

"I'm going on vacation. To a beach, I think."

"You're going on vacation. To a beach. You think." Angela deadpanned.

"Yes, or technically, a hotel near a beach. I don't intend to actually camp on the beach. Unless that's an option," Brennan contemplated.

"Temperance Brennan doesn't take vacations. I don't understand. Are you seeing someone?"

"Why would you ask that? I'm sure you'd know if I was."

"That's not an answer…"

"I have not sought out a companion to fulfill any of my sexual desires in many months,"

"How long?"

"Umm… approximately 30 months."

"What?" Angela covered her mouth too late to keep her surprised shriek from waking hibernating woodland creatures.

"Thirty months," Brennan simply stated.

"How did I not know this? You haven't had sex in more than two years? Not once!"

"Hence the reason for my vacation. I think I should have sex. And lots of it. But more than that, you've always told me that I need to get away and actually take a vacation. I'm now going to attempt to see if that's something I would like to do."

"You're going on vacation, for the first time ever, by yourself, so you can have random vacation sex."

"I suppose because I will both be on vacation and looking to have sex, the two aren't mutually exclusive. So, yes, I am. But I don't know about how random a sexual encounter would be. I'm likely to be rather discriminating and purposeful in my selection."

"I… where are you going?" Angela stuttered, not sure where she wanted to start.

"I don't know yet," Brennan said excitedly. "I figure that if I head to the airport, I can just take the first plane with a seat available to some place with a beach."

"So, you could end up in Bora Bora or the Jersey Shore?" Angela asked, still in disbelief.

"I don't think flying to New Jersey is the kind of vacation I would opt for. You're right. I probably need to narrow my definition to beach locations outside the United States."

"That's… awfully spontaneous of you, Bren."

"Yes. I thought that would make you especially proud of my idea." Brennan said with a grin. "You're always telling me to 'loosen up' and 'be more spontaneous.' Now, I'm doing exactly that."

"Okay, but why? Why now?"

"I just told you, I've decided I need to have sex."

"Can't you accomplish that here in D.C.?"

"Obviously not. And aside from seven months in Maluku, I've been in D.C. most of that time, with no sexual encounters to speak of."

"Brennan, geography is not to blame for your life of celibacy."

"Not entirely to blame, no. But if I change the parameters in which I search for a potential mate, it's possible I might find new prospects and succeed at achieving my objective of having sex."

Angela tilted her head in confusion."Why haven't you had sex in more than two years? How is that even possible?"

"I have rarely had the inclination and opportunity to do so. Aren't you always telling me I work too much?"

"You've always worked too much and still I recall your ability to get laid. So, what's changed in the last two years that's kept you from getting any?"

Brennan stood up and walked to her suitcase, and checked her bag for her passport. "I need to head to the airport."

Angela smiled knowingly. "No you don't. You're going to be spontaneous and grab the first flight to some place beachy," she said with a mocking tone.

"Yes, but if I don't get to the airport soon, international flights will be gone for the night, and I'll have missed all opportunity to start my vacation as soon as possible."

"Yeah, right. Have you told Cam?"

"I called her shortly before you got here. Though, I didn't fill her in as thoroughly on my logic."

"Hmm mmm. And Booth?"

Brennan sighed. "What about Booth?"

"Did you tell Booth that you're leaving?"

"I'm not required to tell Booth everything. I'm not needed for this current case, so he'll be fine without me. I'm sure he won't even miss me."

"Isn't that what you're afraid of? That he won't notice you're gone."

Brennan scrunched her face in confusion. "I just said that he won't miss me. Why would I be afraid of something I know to be a fact?"

"It's not a fact yet. You don't know whether he'll notice or not. But maybe you're trying to get a reaction out of him by going and not telling him, and I think…"Brennan cut her off.

"Angela! Please, enough with Booth. Things have changed. Booth's frequent concern for my whereabouts was always misplaced. Now, I really need to get going."

"If that's really true, then you should call and tell him you're leaving. At the very least, it's the professional thing to do," Angela remarked.

Angela continued to prod her until she reached her waiting taxi and drove away. Once the cab was moving, she sighed before she smiled. She was a better actress than most people gave her credit for.


She stared at the board of upcoming departures as people whirled past her, trying to make a decision about her vacation destination. She'd get to Jamaica quickest. A flight for Hawaii departed in two hours. She could catch a layover to Greece through Paris or London and stay on one of the islands. She knew that the Earth was three-quarters water, but she didn't imagine selecting a location for this vacation would present so many options.

"Doctor Temperance Brennan?"

She turned around to face the man whose voice had called to her. "Yes?"

The man in black pulled out his badge and simply said "Federal agent."

"So?" she responded bluntly.

"Ma'am, I'm going to need you to come with me."

"I'm sorry, but I can't do that. I'm going on vacation," she said, turning her back to him.

"That's why I've been sent here. To prevent you from leaving on vacation, ma'am," the agent said, maintaining his distance.

"Is that so? Surprise, surprise," she said, her voice laced with sarcasm.

"Yes ma'am. An 'Angela Montenegro' called the FBI and asked that we prevent you from running off and having a vacation full of sex with random men."

"You know, there was a time when Angela would have been the biggest proponent of such a vacation. Her new commitment to a monogamous lifestyle has stripped her of some of her previously adventurous attitude."

"You're a valuable asset to the FBI, Doctor Brennan. I can't help but agree with Ms. Montenegro. You should not go off to a foreign land and have sex with any random men."

Brennan rolled her eyes at the absurdity of this conversation. "Fine, then I'll find one man and have copious amounts of sex with just him."

The agent paused, before he continued. "Nope, not sure I like that idea, either."

Brennan turned around to face him again, only to find herself face-to-face with the agent. "And why should your opinion matter to me?"

"Because your safety is a top priority of the FBI. I can't let you run off and do anything with a stranger, who hasn't been checked out by the FBI."

"If you feel that way, maybe you should come with me on this trip. You know, so you can conduct a background check on any potential men I meet." She tugged on his collar, challenging him with her eyes.

"Or, I could just take you in to custody now and not worry about anyone else who may cross your path having their way with you."

"You will not arrest me," she said definitively. "But I will compromise and allow you to have your way with me. Surely the FBI would approve, since you would also guarantee my safety."

Brennan turned to face the departure board again as Booth wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her back into his chest. "That doesn't seem like an offer I should refuse."

"Ha. And you say you're not a genius," Brennan said as she relaxed back into him.

Booth chuckled against her skin, placing a kiss on her collarbone. "So, where's it gonna be?" he asked, looking at the departure board.

"There are many options available to us. That flight to the Bahamas leaves in an hour," she said, indicating the screen she was viewing.

"If it's got a beach and you remembered to pack a bikini, I'm good."

She smiled. "Any problem making the arrest today?"

"The work is done, the paperwork is done, and because we did it so quickly, my vacation request was granted. What more can a guy ask for?"

"I'm quite certain that the answer to that question is in my suitcase." Brennan laughed as Booth groaned in response.

"Based on the message on my phone, it doesn't sound like you slipped out under Angela's radar as smoothly as you predicted."

"No, I did not. I almost slipped up and told her today. But I actually suspect that once she learns you're suddenly on vacation from the FBI, she'll figure it out pretty quickly." Brennan sighed.

"This is why I told you not to go to work today…"

"Did you see me at work today?"

"No. You managed to slip out of the lab before I arrived."

"That doesn't sound like proof. Are you sure you're an FBI agent?" she questioned coyly.

He scowled at her, before becoming serious again. "You can call her and tell her, you know. So it's not weighing on you."

"No. We said we wanted two more weeks. Two weeks before we have to tell the FBI, two weeks before everyone begins scrutinizing our every move in the context of the developments in our relationship. Two more weeks where we just have this, just us."

"That's awfully poetic of you, Bones. And I like us," Booth murmured.

Brennan turned just enough in his arms to look directly at him. Her simple "Me too," was enough to weaken his knees.

"Two weeks. Then no more lying or hiding."

"Or the bad acting and fake fights to throw them all off. And don't say you aren't a bad actor, because I got cornered by Angela as I was trying to leave for the airport because of your bad acting when you blew her off at the lab."

"We can't even be in the same room anymore without making people suspicious. And I am not a bad actress. You, on the other hand..."

"Ha! The fights I pick with you are far more believable than the fights you pick with me."

"We're not going to start fighting about our fighting skills, right? Fighting is quite exhausting."

"I suppose that depends on how long the flight is," he said, earning a swat. "Nope. No fighting, no pretending, anymore. We'll tell them all when we get back."

"In order to get back, we're going to have to get going, which means we should probably decide on where we're going."

"Good point."

They silently starred at the board for another minute, before simultaneously saying "Tahiti."

They smiled at one another, happy with their selection. "Why'd you pick Tahiti?" Booth asked.

"Because it leaves in the next 30 minutes, and I don't want to wait for our vacation to start any longer," Brennan said, wagging her eyebrows. "You go change, I'll get the tickets."

Booth started to protest, and Brennan put her hand up, "We already agreed. I'd get the tickets and hotel. You can get the meals and everything in between." Booth grunted in agreement, as Brennan placed her hand on his chest. "My money is mostly Kathy and Andy money. It only seems fair that they get to use it to go on vacation." Booth's eyes lit up at her admission, and she pushed him away from her. "Go change. And hurry."

"Fine," he muttered, as he grabbed his bags. She turned and started to walk away as she felt a hand grasp her arm and turn her around. Booth leaned in for a long, sensual kiss, before letting her go, and walking towards a restroom to change. "We just need two tickets, remember. You're not bringing any random men," he said jokingly.

"Oh, I still intend to have sex with lots of random men on this trip." That stopped Booth in his tracks. "Maybe a pilot. A cabana boy. The student who needs a private tutoring session. Or that guy in the bar that is so irresistible that I couldn't possibly wait long enough to get him up to my room, so I pull him into the bathroom instead. We have two weeks, and I have a very, very long fantasy list I intend to work through."

Booth cracked a smile. "Is that so?

"Yes. As soon as we get to the hotel, I intend to embark on my number one fantasy man first."

"Which fantasy man is that?" he asked curiously.

She kissed him sweetly as she pulled away and answered.

"You. Just you."

random sentence thread complete. :)