The last chapter everyone. We hope you enjoy immensely. Author's Note at the bottom.

Disclaimer: We do not own Inuyasha. We make no profits from the story.


A Kinky-Witch Production Presents:

How to Use Handcuffs for Dummies

Chapter Five

"Handcuff Tip #5: Keep your handcuffs. Reuse your handcuffs. You never know what could happen."


Dark orbs glared at the balding man sitting across from him. "Seriously?"

Totosai chuckled lightly. "Check-up," he replied, patting the left side of his chest. "Young people," he muttered. "With you all going to the hospital, did you really think I'd just stay at home?" He scoffed before glancing over at Inuyasha's girlfriend, who was only covered in a thin white blanket. "Hey," he called. "Are those...B or C-cups?"

Kagome gave him a horrified look and clung to her boyfriend's arm, who didn't think about it twice before he hit the elderly pervert. "You just try old man, and by the time we'll be arriving at the hospital, you'll need more than just a fucking check-up."

The poor neighbor remained silent, sending dark looks to Inuyasha like a kid who had just been scolded. The firefighter opened his mouth to add a few more loving words when the driver of the ambulance violently pulled on the brakes, causing Inuyasha to bonk his head on some damned medical stuff.

"Sorry," Shippo called from the front. "I usually don't do this."

"I'll say," Inuyasha grumbled. The ride to the hospital so far had been about as smooth as sailing through a hurricane.

From the moment the door opened, everything went so fast that the only thing the handcuffed firefighter could easily remember was Kagome blowing his eardrums up with all the yelling she was doing. So what if people caught a glimpse of her boobs? They were good boobs and it was a wonderful opportunity to evacuate some steam by beating up the assholes that were staring at his girlfriend's goodies. But by the time Kagome was done pulling at her blanket, another problem surfaced; before he knew it, the nightmare got worse.

"So what do we have here?" an unknown doctor asked as the ER people kept on pushing the hospital bed, running and followed by a nervous Inuyasha, a nearly-naked Kagome and a curious neighbor who had already forgotten to ask for a check-up.

"Name, Miroku Hoshi. Age, twenty-four," an intern—or maybe she was a nurse—read on the chart. "This is not his first time in this hospital," she added.

"I see. Anything specific we need to know? Name of the last doctor or surgeon? Last operation?" the middle-aged doctor pressed.

The intern—or nurse, whatever—shrugged. "He came a few months ago with a bullet in his left arm."

"Oh, he's a cop. A good one too," Totosai chimed in, earning another glare from Inuyasha, who was incredibly silent.

"Dr. Taisho operated him," the intern finished.

The firefighter's jaw dropped. "Dr. who?"

"Not Dr. Who," another masculine voice interrupted. "It's Dr. Sesshomaru Taisho," a tall, dark-haired man corrected, snatching Miroku's medical chart from the intern's hands. "You, of all people, should recognize your own brother," the man added, his nut-brown eyes glancing at the people that surrounded the poor cop. "So what did the pervert go through this time?" he asked.

The previous doctor and her intern merely offered him a shrug, the balding man muttering something about Miroku hitting his head and bleeding, while Inuyasha and a girl he did not know looked away. Obviously, the answer wasn't so clear.

Sesshomaru gave his brother a better look and raised an eyebrow. Being narcissistic was one thing, but leaving home without even putting a shirt on? And why was the girl wearing a bed sheet? Just, who was she? And the old man? "The patient needs stitches from what I understand," the doctor commented. "We need a general X-ray to make sure he didn't break anything else and then wait for him to wake up."

The other staff nodded and left pushing the hospital bed. Inuyasha scoffed, looking at his half-brother as if he had just received his MD-PhD in a banned Kinder Surprise. "So that's it? He could be dying and all you say is stitches!" he yelled, pointing at the direction the doctor, interns and nurses went, his handcuffed hand exposed to world.

Both of Sesshomaru's eyebrows shot up this time. "Well, this explains it all," he stated. "And who are you, miss?" he asked the blanket-covered girl.

A very mortified Kagome mumbled her full name, bowing slightly. "I'm Inuyasha's girlfriend," she added. It was such a shame that she had to meet her boyfriend's family in that state; were all the Taishos so freaking hot? Dear lord, she was only wearing a practically see-through blanket. This…just couldn't get any worse if it tried.

Wrong.

The doctor's gaze scrutinized the handcuffs until his personal nurse showed up with his schedule. "Dr. Sesshomaru," she called informally. "The chief would like to see you and—oh, hello, Inuyasha. Wow, are these handcuffs, really?"

The younger Taisho immediately hid his hand, along with Kagome's hand, behind his back. "Hi, Rin," he mumbled and both his girlfriend and Totosai leaned in to see if he was indeed blushing.

"Rin, go check on patient Miroku Hoshi; I think he hurt his eyes before he actually hit his head and started bleeding," Sesshomaru ordered, inwardly shaking his head at the couple before him. "And you," he addressed Totosai before the nurse left. "Why are you standing in the middle of a corridor along with these two freaks?" he asked, ignoring the long flow of curses that escaped his brother's mouth.

"Check-up," the balding man replied with a grin.

"There's a waiting room and—ah, Rin, just take this man with you."

"Yes, Dr. Sesshomaru."

They both turned to leave, but the tall doctor stopped to add, "And you two," he pointed at Inuyasha and Kagome, "are going to be nicely sitting in the waiting room. No flash of skin. This is a hospital." And he left, his ego boosting as he heard more comments about his looks coming from the other nurses and medical staff. It was definitely a nice day, even though his brother showed up half-naked.

To be honest, it was the fucking highlight of his day. Blackmail for eternity, all nicely wrapped with a bow.

When Inuyasha and Kagome entered the waiting room, they tried to act indifferent in the best way they could, since his chest was bare and her blanket had turned into a disastrous bustier dress. All in all, the world knew they had been interrupted while doing the deed.

The two of them sat quietly. They were followed by a woman and a small child with white hair and big, lavender violet eyes, who seemed oddly intrigued by the young couple. "Aunt Kagura, Aunt Kagura," he called, tugging on the woman's hand and pointing at Inuyasha and Kagome, "Look, look! Are they convicts?"

The couple glanced at each other, Kagome's cheeks flushing from rage and Inuyasha's jaw twitching when the woman covered the boy's eyes with her hand and said, "Men. They always like the most whorish wenches. Don't look at them, Haku."

"What the hell is her problem?" the raven-haired girl said out loud, boring holes into the back of that Kagura-woman's head. As soon as she heard someone clearing their throat, her head jerked and Kagome found herself glaring at an old lady, who was sitting across from her and Inuyasha and currently folding her hands.

"They are all so badly educated nowadays," the grandmother muttered to herself.

"Who's badly educated?" Kagome yelled, her previous discomfort suddenly gone. "I'm a librarian, okay? Not a hooker, not a wench, a librarian," she declared to the old lady and the waiting room in general, drawing attention and causing her boyfriend to feel uneasy.

"Kagome," he whispered, his handcuffed wrist tugging on hers, even though he really wanted to scream, That's my girl, people. Hell yeah.

"So I'm fucking educated!" she concluded, nodding.

By the time she was done ranting, the poor grandmother looked rather pale and that was when a man in scrubs entered the waiting room, causing the whispers and murmurs to stop.

"Kyoda… Kaede?" he called, a medical file in his hands. "Is Kaede Kyoda here?"

The old lady immediately stood up and ran up to her doctor, only pausing when Kagome furiously added, "And you hear that, grandma? I also get laid, you frigid—"

"Ha ha, okay, okay, we're done here, show is over," Inuyasha cut in with his best fake smile, standing up. "We really hope you enjoyed and as members of the hospital association we're off to entertain those who are to die, namely the cancer and AIDS people," he improvised, bowing and dragging his girlfriend out, all the while trying to ignore the fact that the old lady had left hyperventilating.

Okay, so by this point, it could only get better, right?

Wrong again.

"Handcuffed idiots! Handcuffed idiots, where are you?" a female voice shouted, causing Inuyasha to pause mid-stride away from the waiting room. He turned to see the woman from the ambulance – Sango, he thought her name was – walk in with massive, angry-looking clippers.

That couldn't be good.

"What the hell are those for?" he demanded, wide-eyed as his gaze swept from the clippers to his groin.

Oh hell no.

Sango walked up to them, looking rather irritated with a twisted grin on her face. "Don't you want them removed?"

"NO!" Inuyasha exclaimed, stumbling backwards and dragging Kagome with him.

"Inuyasha, it's for the handcuffs!" Kagome snapped, jerking her hand and whining as the metal dug into her wrist. "Yes, we want these off."

"Isn't there anything better?" Inuyasha asked, still wary of the rather large tool. "Like, you know, a lock pick?"

Sango rolled her eyes, sighing exasperatedly. "Does it look like I know how to pick a lock? No. Is it my fault that you handcuffed each other while doing only god-knows-what and now I have to sit around and clean up your mess? No. So please, make my night and put out your wrists."

"Plea–"

"You are rather rude," Inuyasha interrupted Kagome, squinting at the paramedic. He could feel the day starting to catch up with him – the fact that he'd been interrupted during mind-blowing sex, dealing with his unbelievable roommate bleeding to death, his dick of a half-brother and Kagome was standing beside him the entire time with nothing but a blanket and he would just love to strip her right now and finish what he started! This was just not fair! "Yeah, you just storm in here and publicly insult us." Inuyasha's voice rose, letting the pent up frustration build and build until it finally all exploded. "And what's worse, you try to cut off my balls!"

It was one of those moments you wish you could take back but you couldn't. Because of course the moment he chooses to yell anything remotely inane the room has to go quiet. Everyone was just looking at them.

Bursting out laughing, Sango practically screamed when she doubled-over with giggles. The clippers in her hand fell to the floor as she wiped the tears from her face. "You– The looks– Oh my god, the shit that happens in this job. You two are great."

"Thanks," Kagome mumbled, glaring at Inuyasha who was at least smart enough to look a little embarrassed.

"Taisho…Inuyasha?" Rin's voice called and Inuyasha turned around sharply, dragging Kagome with him.

"Is Miroku alright?" Inuyasha asked, blinking down with big brown eyes at the small nurse in front of him. "Did he lose too much blood?"

"As of right now he's resting in his room. Everything went fine but he's a bit groggy from the medication. If you'd like to see him, I can allow you to for a few short minutes," Rin explained, looking between Inuyasha, Kagome and Sango.

Inuyasha nodded, feeling relief flood him. "Please."

Turning around, Rin led the three up into a small room that smelled of antiseptic and clean. Miroku was lying on a bed, his head bandaged and eyes closed. The three walked into the room slowly, Inuyasha pulling Kagome with him as he approached the bedside.

"You and your goddamn timing," Inuyasha growled under his breath, shaking his head at his friend.

Kagome smiled a bit before shrugging. "I'm sorry I called you a pervert," she whispered.

"Good, I resented that," Miroku grumbled, scrunching up his face before opening his eyes. "And given any other day, you'd say my timing was impeccable."

Rolling his eyes, Inuyasha bumped his fist against Miroku's shoulder. "How are you feeling, idiot?"

"Like I had been currently bleeding to death on the floor," Miroku said dryly. "I must say though, it was quite a show before everything went black."

Eyes widening, Kagome stepped back so she was slightly behind Inuyasha. "I take that apology back."

Miroku sighed dramatically, violet eyes scanning the room until they fell on a tall, voluptuous woman who was standing in the corner with…oversized pliers? He looked her up and down, realizing that she was at least a twelve out of ten and smiled. "Well hello there," he said smoothly, raising a brow. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

Sango frowned for a moment. "Uh, I'm here to cut through the handcuffs–"

"We should go," Inuyasha said, coughing loudly and edging out towards the door. "Feel better!"

"Handcuffs?" Miroku asked, before dawning registered and his eyes zeroed in on Inuyasha and Kagome. "Show me your hands."

"Really, we should be going," Kagome pressed.

"They're handcuffed to each other," Sango confirmed, nodding her head. "It was quite the scene."

"You naughty guy!" Miroku exclaimed, grinning so wide it must have hurt. "You used my handcuffs in your scheme to get laid? I didn't think you had it in you!"

"Thanks a lot Sango," Inuyasha grumbled, glaring at the paramedic. "Will you just snap them off and be done with it? Don't you have some other life to save?"

"I do, actually," Sango replied, lifting the clippers gleefully and testing them in the air. "So, I wouldn't move if I were you."

"Sango dearest, what are you doing?" Miroku interrupted, sounding rather worried.

Turning around with incredulous eyes, Sango coughed. "Um, what did you call me?"

"Let's have dinner," Miroku said smoothly.

"Um…"

"Great, I'll pick you up when I get out of here. Moving on, what are you doing?"

Sango blinked a few times, staring at the bed-ridden man before tilting her head. "What? You're picking me– You are not coming–"

"For goodness sake just get these off!" Kagome whined. "I'm partially naked and I just want my clothes."

"And a cold shower," Inuyasha added, mumbling under his breath.

"What the hell are you removing them like that for? Just use the key!" Miroku exclaimed, waving his hands in the air for emphasis. "I need those to do my job, you forget!"

"We don't know where the key is," Kagome answered, glaring pointedly at Inuyasha. "Someone lost them."

"They were right on the table!" Inuyasha shouted, sighing long and loud. "They were right there."

"Oh." The single word made all three people turn around, staring at Miroku blankly as the man on the bed smiled sheepishly. "Oh," he repeated.

"Oh?" Sango asked, rather intrigued by the entire situation. And to think that her job was usually so much more depressing

"Miroku, what does 'oh' mean?" Inuyasha asked, taken a dangerous step forward with Kagome right behind him. "Do not tell me that you–"

In a quick motion, Miroku held up his hand with a ring of keys dangling from his fingertips. "I, uh, had been looking for them."

"MIROKU!"

"It's not my fault you decided to have naughty, role-playing sex!"

"Hey, hey!" Rin yelled, walking into the room and giving stern looks at all of them. "Miroku, you need to relax. Inuyasha, you should probably take your girlfriend home."

Inuyasha barely acknowledged the young nurse and snatched the keys from Miroku's hand. Growling low, he quickly undid the handcuffs, all the while glaring at his roommate, and then threw the metallic twins at him. Kagome squealed with delight and Rin prevented her from giving them all a victory dance when she was only wearing a thin, hospital blanket, by firmly placing her hands on the librarian's shoulders.

"We're finally free," Kagome laughed. "This feels like waking up from a difficult nightmare," she told Inuyasha, whose thoughts were already heading south again.

"Well," he smiled back, cradling her in his arms, "aren't you ready to go back to wonderland?" the firefighter whispered in her ear as they made their way out, a blushing Rin escorting them.

"You're terrible," Kagome giggled.

The nurse rolled her eyes as she witnessed Inuyasha's cocky expression and pressed them to get out of the hospital. She had work to do and she didn't want them to screw each other's brains out anywhere near her.

As for deadly injured people…

"Will you please get those out of my sight?" Sango pleaded, eyeing the handcuffs that were still in Miroku's hands.

The policeman scratched his head. "Right… Uh…" He quickly glanced around, looking for a decent place to hide the little monsters.

But what's decent when it's all about kinky handcuffs in a hospital?

Whatever. She only wants them out of her sight. Deciding that his pillow would do, Miroku quickly shoved them under it. "So," he grinned, "Tomorrow?"

The brunette snorted. "They'll never let you out before the day after tomorrow."

"But this means you're interested?" Miroku waggled his eyebrows. "And I promise. No handcuffs."

The next thing he knew, Sango was playfully pressing his face into the damned pillow.

"Good morning, Mr. Hoshi. How are you feeling to—Miroku?" Rin's eyebrows shot up as she wondered where the heck her patient was as she entered his room. "Hello?"

"Well?" a slightly curious Dr. Sexy added, following her, Miroku's medical chart in his hands.

Eyes focused, both the nurse and the doctor scanned the room. The door to the bathroom was open so he most definitely wasn't there. He had also attempted to make his bed. Perhaps he was at the cafeteria?

But he should have been served breakfast already, Rin mused.

"Oh, Rin?" a fellow nurse called from the corridor. "You're not looking for patient Miroku Hoshi, are you?" she asked, carrying a small tray of medical supplies as she headed to the nearest OR. "He discharged himself this morning."

"What? But his tests—oh, well," Rin shrugged and waved at her co-worker. Patients did that all the time. "I should just change the bed sheets." She then turned to Sesshomaru, who had his arms crossed. "You have other patients. Have a good day."

Sighing, Dr. Taisho was about to leave when he heard Rin mutter a curse and the sound of metal hitting the floor. The nurse completely removed the sheets before she looked down. She heard the doctor come up behind her, probably intrigued as well.

And then, there they were.

The nicest pair of handcuffs saying hello.

Rin stiffened and quickly glanced at Sesshomaru, who was already looking at her.

"We can't, n-n-n-not here, can we?" the girl mumbled.

He quickly kicked the door shut, his eyes flashing. "Yes, we can." Licking his lips, Dr. Sexy murmured, "You have the right to remain silent."

Final tip?

You go and enjoy your handcuffs.


Author's Note:

First of all, I want to thank the brilliant, absolutely amazing Kinky-Hoe. Working with her was a pleasure and despite our ridiculously stupid lives and busy schedules (I think she has it worse than I do, which is as funny as it is horrifying) we managed to finish our first story together! She is awesome beyond all levels of awesome and if you don't already know about her you've been living under a rock and should READ IT :)

Secondly, thank you to all the readers out there for being amazing, as per usual. The feedback we got was so sweet and encouraging.

As for the story, that's all! We hoped you liked it!