Continued/Reposted with permission from the original author: OverzealousGuineapig. None of the stuff published is my work but it was pulled by the author and I think everyone should be able to read it so I adopted it.

Chapter One - Sex with Edward

Bella POV

What is there to say?

"You're so hard!" Nope, said it already.

"Harder." Said that and he didn't listen.

"Faster." That too came out in the first five minutes perhaps. "Don't stop!" No, I wish he would stop, oh to hell with it.

"OH Edward! That's it... Oh I'm almost there!"

I mentally sighed. Yes, only five or so more minutes until I can fake yet another orgasm and he'll come thinking I'm satisfied, then I can get on with the day.

Ok, here we go, 'My Dirty Little Liar.' starring Bella Cullen as lead actress. All right, tighten muscles, moan...

"Baby... harder... I'm so close."

Buck around like a chicken on its back, squeeze a few times, bite his shoulder...

"I'm coming... Oh god... Edward!"

Dig in the nails, squeeze a few times, there he goes, wonderful! Slow the humping now Bella, don't give yourself away.

"Oh my... Edward... amazing... uh, uh, uh."

All right, enough panting, he knows you don't need air.

"Bella. I love you."

Smile contentedly, kiss, little tongue, and guide him off. Finally!

Bravo Edward, Bravo.

Another perfect fake fuck to add to the tally. What is it now, Renesmee's six, didn't have to fake it for about six months after she was born. So three hundred and sixty five times five plus another half a year at a once a day average. Congratulations Edward, you have been witness to one thousand nine hundred and sixty-six fake orgasms, how do you feel?

I look over at him and smile. Schmuck. He smiles back. That's right darling, you're the best there is, you're the man, you're my hero!

"I love you, too, sweetie," I smiled and snuggled into his chest. I just wish you were so sweet.

Yes ladies and gentlemen of the jury, another love making session with Edward Cullen; gentleman, great father, sweetie...

I understand love and all that, and that you don't want to hurt those you love, but for God's sake, I have to be ripped into pieces and have those pieces burnt just to be completely and physically dead. How badly does he think he can hurt me by finally giving me a decent pounding, in something other than the missionary position for once?

The charges: Two thousand counts of being bad in bed

How does the jury find you?

Guilty as charged, take him away.

"Baby, I have to get up." I pulled the sad face and pushed myself up.

"Why?" he asked, stretching.

"Nessie, she'll be home soon, one of us has to be down there waiting for her." I walked to the door and grabbed some fresh clothes off the hamper then headed into the bathroom.

I turned on the water as hot as it would go and warmed my frozen body under the hot spray before I and try to get myself to come. I had to get a bit worked up so he wouldn't go to push it in and find a dry creek where the river used to be.

Grabbed the shower nozzle and washed out his cum and then attempted the elusive—for me, anyway—orgasm.

Ahhh, there we go, hello, baby. I mentally greet my clit when my finger easily finds it in the slick folds. How is it so hard to find my clitoris? And this guy has how many medical degrees? Obviously none in gynaecology. I smiled at the thought of Edward between a woman's legs and her thinking, "What is he doing down there?"

The same thought I have every day.

All right Bells, focus, this really has to be a quickie, go straight for the big guns. Bent over in the forest—ooh I'm liking this already—with... Pierce, no he's out, too old now that photo in VF ruined it for me, um, George! Good old faithful, no, not working, old put my off. Russell? No. Oh hell Bella, it's you fantasy, go with him. Jacob, in the forest over a log, butt naked and covered in his salty sweat. Nope, that hasn't worked in a year, damn Nessie. All right, you've got five minutes before you have to get out and face another day of frustration.

"Bella?" Edward called from the door; his face snapped into my head and all hope was gone. Now I couldn't even pretend he's a decent fuck; the thought of it sends me dry. I gave up and just got out.

"Yeah, I'm done, honey. Do you want me to leave it running?" I called back as I open the shower door and stepped out.

"Yeah, I can never get it hot enough, how much cold do you put in?" Edward asked as he walked in.

"I don't, I like it as hot as it will go." I smiled, hoping by some miracle that he'd catch on to my hidden meaning.

"Well that explains it." He kissed me on the cheek as I pulled up my pants and then walked into the bedroom holding my shirt. Yes it does.


"Coming down in a minute sweetie." I called back and pull my shirt over my head then open the bedroom door and go down the stairs.

"Hey Bells." Jake grinned and I felt my stomach flutter just a tad then one look at Ness sent the fire in and burnt my little ticklers to a crisp.

"Hey Jake." I smiled and hugged him briefly, and then he dropped on the couch and pulled Nessie down on top of him.

"Where's Eddie?" Jake smiled and looked at the stairs.

"He'll be down in a minute." I replied and went into the kitchen.

"Eddie won't ever be coming down because Eddie doesn't live here."

I turned around and there he was, gorgeous and still wet from the shower. I smile, he smiles, Jake gagged and Nessie laughed.

"Hello, princess." Edward kissed Nessie on the forehead and stroked her hair.

"Hey, daddy." Nessie smiled and closed her eyes happily. She reminded me of myself a few years ago, perfectly happy just to have Edward there.

"Jacob..." Edward turned away as he said the name.

"Edward," Jake rolled his eyes and mumbled something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like, 'Wanker'. Nessie laughed so I think I heard right.

"So did you two have fun today?" I asked as I joined them in the living room, I saw Edward groan and Jake smile. One of Jake's greatest loves was tormenting Edward with fantasies and memories.

"And that's as far as I got I hope?" Edward looked up and they both grinned secretively. "Yes it is, even though you both tried to come up with something it was too different to be the same incident, nice try. And Jacob, that was disgusting and if I ever find out you did that to her I will hurt you."

Nessie frowned and Jake whispered in her ear then she nodded and smiled. He had gotten very good at hushing his voice so I hardly heard a word even when I was really trying.

"And what if I let him?" Nessie smiled and raised her eyebrows.

"Darling, it's too degrading for words, don't." Edward warned.

"Ok, daddy. I promise I'll try not to do that." Nessie rolled her eyes and wrinkled her nose, her 'tell' for lying. "Jake and I are gonna go to a movie tonight if that's okay with you guys."

I mentally groaned. A full night of Edward wanting to try and 'have fun' with me, urg.

"Ness, don't you think you should have an early night tonight? You've been out all this week with Jake or the pack." I hoped she would decide to stay at home tonight; Edward is less likely to instigate sex if she's in the house.

"Aww come on, please. It's not like you and daddy want me around all night." Nessie pouted and I knew Edward would give in to her.

"Yeah, okay, honey." Edward smiled and kissed Nessie's head again.

"Thank you dad," She smiled. "Don't worry mom, we can spend some time together later," Nessie smiled and hopped up. "Come on Jake. I'm just gonna get changed then we can go."

I felt the need to scream out, "No, please stay." But I knew I never would. I sigh quietly. Another night of sex with Edward, marvellous.

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