A/N: I don't know a lot of Matt fans, but this a one-shot on Matt's perspective. I've wanted to write something about Matt that primarily focused on his feelings for Kris, so I thought of writing a one-shot, rather than a full on story. I hope you enjoy and please tell me what you think!
Sypnopsis: Instead of Kris leaving Raintree without telling Matt, what if he catches her in the midsts of packing to leave? (Setting: Mid-Season 4)
After a long day of training and working around, I just want to lie in my bed and sleep the rest of the day off. It's been like this for months. Trying and failing to get Kris out of my mind. When she left because of the illegal race she had with Dani, I just thought I'd lost her forever. I even thought going to visit her would persuade her to come back with me, but she didn't.
It was months later when she came back, for Wildfire of course. He'd been ill. I knew Kris couldn't stay away from him. My mom was furious. She kicked Kris out of Raintree and it took awhile before she could forgive Kris. Before she could accept Kris back. Before she wanted Kris back.
Now, Kris has been back for nearly eight months. It's not the same between us. We're friends, but it's not the same as our easy going friendship years back. I love her, but I have no clue if she has feelings for me. Lately, she's with Junior. Consoling him, I guess. He just recently backed out of his wedding. I never got the chance to ask what happened and why the sudden change of heart, but I think I all ready know. Ever since Kris got back, Junior became weird. He would either avoid Kris entirely or he couldn't stop coming around just to get a glimpse of her. It's also been months since he's last seen her, but it's different between them. Kris and Junior's friendship has no strain the way Kris and I do. She can talk to him and laugh without those awkward silences that you want to avoid but can't.
I really thought Junior was over Kris, but I guess not. I can see how he stares at her. Even when he was with Laura. He couldn't tear his eyes away from Kris. Now that Junior was no longer tied down with Laura, he'd been coming here more than he should. Bringing Kris lunch, asking her out, going for a walk. At first Kris hesitated and declined, but as the days passed by, leaving Junior's mishap behind, she started to say yes. I don't know whether they are dating or back together, but Kris doesn't say anything. We talk about things, but I never have the courage to bring up Junior. I don't want to know if they are together. Kris never volunteers the information anyway.
I climb the stairs and instantly hear noises coming from Kris' bedroom. It's slightly ajar and I can see Kris. She's emptying out her drawers and stuffing the contents into a black duffel bag. He maple brown drawers are nearly cleared out of clothing. She's so flustered that the room has become a total mess. Different articles of clothing are scattered across the floor. Mom will kill her if she sees what Kris has done to the room.
"Knock knock?" I say, as I push the door open.
Kris is startled for a moment, but catches her bearings instantly.
"Oh. Matt. It's just you." she says. I can tell I really did take her by surprise.
"Mom's going to kill you, you know?" I say teasingly.
"What?" she questions. I don't know whether she she's asking because she didn't hear me or because she's not listening.
"The room. It's a mess. It's like a hurricane hit in here. What are you up to? Spring cleaning or something?"
"Uh. No, not really." she says, cautiously.
"Then what's with the mess? Deciding to move out? Can't handle living under the same roof as me?" I say this jokingly, but I can tell I've gotten her attention.
"Matt, can we talk later? I really need to finish up here." she tells me.
"Why? Where are you going? Why are you packing your stuff?"
"This is not a good time to talk. Let me finish what I'm doing and I'll explain. Okay?"
I have no choice any other way. I nod and step out of the room. I go back down the stairs and nearly run into my mother.
"Matt!" she yelps.
"Sorry mom." I mumble.
"What are you doing home so early?" she asks me. I guess I've taken her by surprise too.
"I've finished up everything. I've even spoken to Pablo about some of the horses. Everything is taken care of." I have been doing errands for her all day. I'm even surprised that I finished this early.
"Oh, all right. That's good. Thank you." she tells me.
She's about to continue her journey up the stairs, but I stop her. "What's up with Kris? She leaving again?"
My mom stops in her track and turns to my direction. "Have you talked to Kris?" she asks me.
"Yeah. But she won't say anything to me until she's done."
My mom lets out a big sigh. "Come. We'll talk first." She says, leading me to the dining room.
"Whats going on mom? Have you decided that Kris can't stay her anymore?" I ask her as I sit down. I have no idea what to expect. This is my worst case scenario; mom kicking out Kris forever.
"No. Of course not. I want Kris to stay with us more than anything." My mom reassures me, as she takes a seat across from me.
"Then why is she packing her things?" I ask. I don't know what to think.
"Matt, I don't know how to say this. You were supposed to come home with Kris already gone." she begins.
"What? Why?" I ask in disbelief. Why would Kris leave without telling me or saying goodbye in the least?
"I wanted to save Kris the trouble of breaking the news to you. I thought that if I told you, it'd be better than coming from her directly. And I still think it's the best way. Easier."
"What? I don't understand, mom. What are you talking about?" she has totally confused me.
"Matt." she begins, taking my hand in hers. She only does this when she has bad news to tell me. Like the time she decided to get a divorce. I take a deep breath to ready myself.
"Kris is leaving. She won't be staying at Raintree any longer." she finally lets out. I know there's more to it, but what she's said so far as already given me an edge.
"Why mom? Why can't she stay here? Raintree is her home!" I raise my voice as I slide my chair back and stand up. "You don't want Kris here, huh? You want her to leave again! Like last time! Right? Tell me the truth mom! You still haven't forgiven Kris!" I'm nearly yelling at the top of my lungs. I don't know if I really believe she hasn't forgiven Kris, but I can't think of any other explanation.
"No Matt." a voice says.
It's Kris. She's near the bottom of her stairs with her duffel back in tow.
"Your mom has forgiven me for the race. She's even forgiven me for doing what I'm going to do now." Kris says this as she approaches us.
"What did she do, mom?" I whisper, sitting back down.
Kris pulls a chair back and sits next to me. I can tell there is pain in her eyes. Whatever she has to tell me is giving her a hard time.
"I can't stay at Raintree anymore, Matt. I can't live here."
"Why? This is your home."
"Yes. This has always been home to me. You guys welcomed me here, when no one else did. But I have to move on with my life, Matt."
"You can't go, Kris." I plead.
At this, my mom stands and leaves. She can't bare to see me in pain. She goes over to Kris, hugs her tightly and kisses her on the forehead before she bounds up the stairs. I hear the faint click of her door locking.
"Jean told me that I can't stay here, if I plan on moving on." Kris continues.
"No, Kris. Mom wants you here. She loves you." I tell her. I'm nearly begging now. "I love you." I choke out.
Kris closes her eyes shut, forcing the tears to retreat.
"Matt, please. Don't do this. It's hard enough to say goodbye. Don't tell me that you love me."
"It's true Kris. I've always loved you. Since the first time you arrived at Raintree."
Kris shakes her head.
"No, Matt. I know. That's the hard part because I don't want to hurt you. I really don't."
"Then don't go, Kris. Stay here, with me. Be with me."
I take her hands in mine and bring her closer to me. She can't hold back the tears now. I pull her towards me and she doesn't object. Her face is inches from mine. I stare into her sad eyes, silently pleading her to stay. She shakes her head. I lift her chin up. I move closer and part my lips. She closes her eyes and I move in. I crush my lips to hers, forcing them to open, to move with mine. She hesitates, parts her lips slightly and I'm thinking, this is it. I'm surprised when she pushes me away. It's a small shove, but enough to drag me back. She dramatically wipes her mouth with the back of her hand as if my kiss is that revolting. She then wipes her eyes dry. My surprise attack has given her a renewed confidence. Her eyes glow with determination.
"I've decided to leave Raintree because Junior and I are getting married." She blurts out.
With this news, she has taken me aback. Kris getting married? To Junior?
"Wait a minute? How did this even happen?" I'm so shocked.
"God, Matt. I don't know." she says.
She seems more dog tired than ever. "I figured I'd always love Junior. When I found out he was getting married to Laura, I felt something inside me stir. I wanted to be the one who he was going to marry. I really thought I had pushed those feelings aside and forgotten them."
"But you haven't? You still have feelings for Junior?" I ask her. I'm hoping she'll burst out and say she was only joking, but her face has never been more serious.
"I don't think I ever stopped." she whispers.
I know I shouldn't be angry with Kris for being honest with me, but I can't help it. I've done so much for her. I've helped her here at Raintree and made her feel welcome. I've done nothing but love her and instead I get this. I can feel the anger rising within me, making my hands shake.
"So, you're just going to up and leave Raintree? After my mom forgave you? After everything I have done for you? Huh, Kris? You're gunna throw your life away for Junior?" I say this with a raised voice. I know it's lousy for me to make her feel guilty for her wanting to leave, but I have nothing else in defense.
"Matt, you know that's not fair. Jean knows how grateful I am for everything she has done for me. And I'm grateful for everything you've done for me too. But Jean gave me an ultimatum."
"You can still stay Kris. You know you can. I want you here." No matter how angry I am for Kris' revelation of her feelings for Junior, I love her. I want her to stay at Raintree. With me. And only me. "You don't have to pick Junior."
She starts to shake her head at this. "I love him." she tells me with conviction.
"You're going to leave Raintree to be with Junior. Even after everything he has done?"
"That's all in the past, Matt. I want to start a new life with Junior. Jean made it clear that I can't start a new life with Junior while living here at Raintree. And I completely understand her. I love Raintree, I really do. I can't stay here forever, Matt."
"You could, if you'd be with me." I forwardly told her.
"No. It's not like that Matt. I just don't feel that way anymore. I thought we've discussed this back then? Why are you continuing to put me into this situation?"
Kris is beginning to get agitated. I know I shouldn't feed the flame, but I go ahead anyway.
"Because you bring it upon yourself, Kris!" I yell at her. "You continue to lead me on and I keep thinking that we'll be together, finally! Properly! But it never happens. You make excuses about mom and Pablo and racing and now Junior! I am sick and tired of hearing you put me off repeatedly. And I'm tired of getting hurt continuously!"
"If that's how you feel, Matt, I'm sorry. It's not what I intended. I've never meant to lead you on. I've been direct with how I feel from the start and I'm being honest now. I'm sorry Matt. But I have to go." she says this suddenly deflated. It's like my words had no effect on her whatsoever. Like she has given up on me and our friendship. Like she knows there is nothing left to be salvaged if and when she leaves.
"Fine, Kris. If that's what you want, go. It's obvious I can't stop you. Go ahead and be with Junior." I say this as I cross my arms over my chest.
"I'm really sorry Matt." Kris says quietly under her breath, I barely catch it. She should know her apologies won't make the pain I'm feeling go away. She knows this and she can't change anything. At least, she won't change anything. Or doesn't want to.
She stands up, picks up her duffel bag and walks toward the door. She doesn't even glance my way, nor do I stop her from going. I feel so drained. I just don't know what I should do. For awhile, I feel like this whole event has been a dream. That I haven't woken up yet. And when I do, Kris will still be here. In her room, in the stalls, in the kitchen. She'll be waiting for me and everything will go back to normal. She won't be leaving for Junior. She won't be marrying him. She'll stay, forever. Just how I wanted from the beginning. How it should be. I feel bolted to the seat I am in. I feel so out of touch, so in-denial that I don't run after her until moments passes by after Kris closed the door behind her.
The next thing I know, I'm out the door, running. Running and running. I don't even think about how ridiculous I must look running across the farm like a madman. I just keep going. I don't stop until I reach the gates of Raintree's entrance. It's not until I see Junior's Porsche speeding by and hear Kris' cheer, that I finally stop for good. My lungs are burning from the exertion and I can barely keep my body upright from doubling over. My eyes follow as Junior's car speeds away. I stand there until the car is no longer in view. I stand there until the pain is replaced by an obvious numbness. I stand there until I accept the fact that the car won't turn around. I stand there until I realize that Kris will not be coming home to Raintree. I stand there until I convince myself that Kris loves Junior and not me. That she never will, ever.