A/N: First Fanfiction all the way! or not...
AU sort of- Dei is eleven when he joins and the Akatsuki is more like a crimnal family than anything else.
Warning: language, attempts at humor, and slight OOC
Disclaimer: Everyone belongs to Kishimoto-sama...everyone...*sighs*
He was short and bent over- wore a mask on the lower half of his face and looked like he had porcupine hair slicked back with oil. A large Akatsuki cloak was over his body and his narrowed eyes were boring holes into the blonde's head.
Deidara was appalled.
"Who's that, danna un?"
Kisame stifled a laugh and ruffled the boy's locks. "This is your new partner squirt."
Deidara peered up at him with a large blue eye. "Him?"
The eleven year old blonde turned, squinting at the bulky figure who was glaring at him with his beady eyes before facing his older and much trusted friend. "But Kisame-no-danna!" he glanced back to his partner and rudely pointed as he exclaimed, "I don't want to be partners with him! He looks like the Hunchback of Notre Dame yeah!"
Kisame choked on air. "N-Nani?"
Meanwhile the entire room had gone quiet, all eyes on Sasori who was currently raising Hiruko's poison laced tail in the boy's direction.
"What did you say, brat?"
Deidara turned horrified to the man. "Oh Kami un! He sounds even worse! He's going to DIE on me!"
Hidan was already laughing so it didn't really matter when Kisame joined in shortly later, followed by Kakuzu's short chuckles.
Itachi smirked and lowered his chin into his palm. "Deidara-kun. You should show your superiors some respect."
"My respect has an age limit," Deidara grumbled. He sighed and crossed his arms, beginning to walk away. "Well, I guess it can't be helped yeah. I'm stuck with who I'm stuck with." Deidara offered the hunched man a smile and pat him on the back as he passed by. "Come on jii-chan, I'll take you to our room."
It took everything in Sasori's willpower not to kill the brat. Because he could of sworn that Pein was laughing at him too.
What Sasori didn't understand was how he tolerated the blonde pest, or why he didn't kill him over the years. He supposed it had to do with the fact that he really didn't feel like going through another partner- but he couldn't be too sure. Everything the growing teen said to him had a hidden jibe and once when his patience was thin, Sasori almost ripped Hiruko apart just to show Deidara what was underneath. But of course he didn't, instead waiting to see if the blonde could earn his trust. Then he would come out of his puppet more often. But for now he would have to endure the idiocy…
"Morning Sasori-san! Are you feeling okay?" Deidara animatedly bounced in front of the man inside his puppet.
"Get out the way brat," Sasori grouched from inside. He hated to be bothered so early in the morning, especially now that he had no mission and was stuck with the boy all day.
"Sasori-san, Sasori-san!" Deidara stuck his face in front of Hiruko's. "Can we train today?"
Sasori glared at him, even if the puppet couldn't do it properly he trusted that the murderous aura he was giving off was enough of a sign to tell the kid to back off. "Train by yourself."
Deidara crossed his arms. "That's no fair. Geez, you're always such a grouch this time of day." He sighed before hanging his head. "But fine. I understand."
Good thing he was inside Hiruko. That way Deidara couldn't see the shocked look on his face.
"I mean, if you want to take a nap or something I understand. Old men need rest to gain their strength after all!"
Sasori snapped his head up, almost breaking his fingers in half during the process. "Leave. Me. Now. Brat."
"Hey old man!"
"I'm not an old man you vexatious brat."
Deidara frowned after his retreating back. "I don't even know what veha- that word means Sasori-san un!"
"My point has been made."
"OK! Just because you're grouchy all the time and that enormous hunch on your back makes you as grumpy as a sack of potatoes," Deidara started to rant, "does not mean you can cast hidden insults my way yeah!"
Sasori glanced back through Hiruko's eyes. "Then what is it that you do to me all the time?"
Deidara gave him a confused look and then trotted to his side. "What are you talking about? You are an old man."
"Then what are you, yeah?"
"Oi! Jii-chan!" An excited thirteen year old boy ran up to his partner of two years, tugging anxiously on the red and black cloak.
As Kisame snickered in the background, Sasori threw Deidara's arm off of him and spat out, "What do you think you're doing?"
Deidara stared at him with a raised brow. "Did you take your nap today hmm?"
"Okay, gomen, gomen, yeah," the blonde apologized with his hands raised in surrender. "But look what I made you today!" From behind him Deidara pulled out a long sturdy looking branch which had been strapped onto his back with bandages. He held out the stick with a shy smile. "It took a long time to make because my hands kept trying to eat it, but I managed and it's perfect for your hand too un!"
Kisame was literally covering his laughter with coughs, trying to look inconspicuous.
Sasori slowly clenched his fists. "And what…is it for?"
Deidara beamed. "It's a walking stick for my danna!"
Walking stick-? Sasori stared in disbelief.
And then stared some more.
Did this kid honestly think he was an old man?
"I noticed you're always hunched over and thought this might help any back problems you have," Deidara shyly explained. "You like it, don't you un?"
Despite the strong urge he had to break the stick in half and bash Deidara over the head, Sasori grudgingly accepted it once he saw the torn bandages covering the blonde's palms and the dirt smudges placed hazardously across his face and clothing. Even if his partner was an idiotic brat and had no clue what he was talking about- he was thoughtful. In his tiny wooden body Sasori felt a little warmth spread. He called me danna.
"No problem yeah! I just couldn't stand having my partner at waist level anymore!"
And the feeling of loving warmth quickly turned to one of murderous intention.
Deidara went from the label stupid- to dumbass. Sasori could understand the brat not knowing he was a puppet and therefore not knowing what he looked like (even if he was technically an old man in age), but what he didn't understand, was how the hell the dumbass thought art was fleeting. And the arguments only grew worse between them. Akatsuki members were locking themselves in their rooms every time they walked into the living room for Kami's sake!
"It's eternal you stupid brat!"
Deidara huffed, stomping his foot down on the kitchen floor. "Art is fleeting danna un! You're just to blind and old to see it!"
"What. Was. That?"
Kisame quickly grabbed Itachi, who had just woken up and was going to get his daily breakfast coffee, pulling them both out the room. Ignoring the raven's sleepy protests, Kisame threw him into their room before motioning for Hidan to steer clear from the kitchen.
Hidan agitatedly slouched back into his room, shutting the door and sullenly facing Kakuzu. "We can't fucking go out. Dipshit and dumbass are at it again."
"I'm hungry," Kakuzu tiredly slurred. "Whatever…I'll just sleep until-"
"IT'S ETERNAL YOU MORONIC BLONDE IMBECILE!"
Kakuzu sighed. "Never mind…"
Deidara was sitting on a rock outside the Akatsuki base, watching the clouds drift by and pleasantly feeling the sun on his skin. Until he looked down and locked eyes with another. After a really long moment of silence in which they held each other's gaze, the blonde finally relented and addressed his partner. "Sasori-no-danna."
Sasori gave him an acknowledging nod before smoothly taking a seat beside him. He ignored the look of surprise Deidara gave him and instead brought his gaze to the sky. "I believe that argument got out of hand, brat."
"Whatever, un…" Deidara kicked his heel on the rock.
"Deidara," the puppet said in a warning tone.
"Oh fine!" Puffing out his cheeks, Deidara jumped off and purposefully kept his back to the older man. "I'm sorry I broke your stupid puppet yeah. You just- I don't know- you just pissed me off!"
Sasori lifted a brow. "What kind of apology was that?"
The blonde didn't answer.
Guess it's my turn then… "Listen brat. I'm sorry for insulting your hands. I didn't realize those things were so precious to you."
"What kind of an apology was that?" Deidara asked over his shoulder. "That was practically an insult within an apology and therefore it had no meaning! Nothing's good unless it has meaning un!"
"Oh please," Sasori muttered. "Next you'll be preaching on how life's fleeting."
"But life is fleeting un!" Deidara turned so that he was facing his partner fully. "One minute it's there- the next it's not. Like true art."
"Art is not fleeting."
"Yes it is yeah!"
"The only thing that is fleeting," Sasori pushed through gritted teeth, "is your brain."
Deidara glared. "Yeah well you only say art's eternal because you're an ancient old man."
"I'm not an old man."
"Yes you are un."
Sasori glared right back. "If I'm an old man, then you're just a useless blonde brat who does nothing but get in my way, screw up missions, and waste my time."
The blonde stared at him with his eye glistening and lower lip trembling. "That was mean Sasori-no-danna…." Whirling around, he bolted for the hideout screaming, "I'm gonna destroy another one of your stupid puppets un!" over his shoulder. "AND TELL PEIN ON YOU!"
"Wait! Get back here!"
It was three years later when Sasori saw it fit to take himself out of Hiruko and show his true self to Deidara. The blonde had earned his trust- if not somewhat magically- and Sasori was decently pleased with his partner's progress. So as a reward, he would show the blonde what he truly was. Unfortunately for him, the blonde teen was currently in the shower so he didn't see Sasori actually step out from his puppet's back.
Deidara grinned as he ran a towel through his hair, beginning to step out from the shower connected to their room. Now that he thought about it- it was kind of weird how each Akatsuki partner team had their own bathroom… Oh well yeah! Akatsuki's weird like that. "Hey Sasori-no-danna," he started to say as he exited the bathroom with nothing more than a towel on his waist. "How come you-?"
He stopped in the doorway, blue eye slightly widening in surprise and hand halfway through his hair. "S-Sasori-no…" His lips wordlessly formed words as he gaped in disbelief at the red-head nonchalantly sitting beside his danna. Who was cut in half.
Sasori looked up, startled as he heard a war cry erupt from a recently showered blonde. His eyes widened when he saw the kunai tightly clenched in his shaking hands and the strange glint in his eye. Sasori slowly glanced at the puppet beside realized what it must have looked like. Shit… "Wait! Deidara don't-"
"You killed my danna!"
The blonde shrieked some more before actually charging. Sasori sighed and placed his head in his hand. "I don't believe this…"
Deidara was knocked on his back in less than a second flat, the frowning red-head sitting on top of his chest and holding the blonde's own kunai to his neck. Glaring heatedly at the weapon prodding his neck, Deidara attempted to buck his hips and failed dramatically.
Sasori looked at him with a raised brow. "Please don't do that ever again."
"What did you do?"
Sasori let out a heavier sigh then before, leaning down a bit more and indicating to the puppet. "I didn't do anything. I came out of him."
Deidara snorted, realizing the bad position he was in. Half-naked with not a single tool on him. Wait…then how did I get the kunai yeah? "You liar! Sasori-no-danna wasn't a cannibal!"
"That's not what I meant you stupid brat!"
"Don't you dare call me that!" the blonde shouted. "Only my danna can!"
Sasori growled and pressed the kunai close enough to draw several drops of blood. "Listen up before I really do kill you. I am Saso-"
"Oh my Kami! You ripped danna's hunch out!"
"You fucking brat!" Sasori shouted, his patience all worn out. "That's my puppet Hiruko! This is what I really look like! I only walk around in my PUPPET to further hide my identity you moronic blonde imbecile! So shut up, get off the floor, and stop calling me an old man!"
Deidara gaped at him like a fish out of water. "D-Danna?"
"Yes, you imbecile."
"Oh…" Deidara cautiously looked him up and down. "Then all this time you've just been a kid hiding in a puppet? Do the other members know, yeah?"
Sasori felt a glare coming on. "Yes they know- and wait a second! Who're calling a kid?"
The blonde narrowed his own eyes right back at him. "Obviously you yeah! Che. And all this time I've been calling you danna… I should be the one calling you brat."
"What are you talking about?"
Deidara sniffed. "You're what- like five, six?"
Sasori slowly began to inch the kunai closer to the blonde's vein. "I'm forty-one…brat."
"What the-? So you ARE an old man! Why are you on top of me? Do you have any idea what this is considered? HEL-"
Sasori sighed in relief after knocking the blonde unconscious with the hilt of the kunai. "There are reasons why I prefer to keep my old partners…"
There was a loud bang on the door before it swung open.
"Oi! Red-head! Keep it the HELL down will yo-?" Hidan paused in the doorway, blinked, and then quickly exited. "I will never fucking get it…" he muttered.
Watching after him in confusion, Sasori shook his head before climbing off of Deidara and pocketing the kunai. Dumbass…
Sasori groaned as he felt what little blood he had left in his wooden body go straight to his cheeks. With an almost flustered expression on his face, he stalked out their room in the hopes of finding Hidan before it was too late. "That damn immortal better keep his mouth shut…"
So Deidara gradually grew used to the puppet after constantly seeing the red-head pop in and out. (That doesn't mean he had to forgive him for sitting on top of him in their room. The little incident was stuck in the back of his head permanently) But it didn't stop the fact that he loved seeing the angered look on his partner's face whenever he teased him about Hiruko or his age. It never grew old…
"Man," Deidara complained while rubbing his arms. "I hate it when Leader-san sends us to such cold places. It shouldn't even be snowing this time of year yeah!"
Sasori gave him an irritable glance. "Stop your bitching brat. We're almost at the inn."
Deidara rolled his eyes. "You're a puppet yeah. I bet you can hardly feel this freezing hail. Especially inside that hideous creature."
"Hiruko is not hideous."
Deidara ignored him in favor of rambling on. "And on top of that I have to be hunched in order to avoid these harsh winds un… I guess being an old man does have it's advantages. Good thing you're already a hunchback, yeah?"
Sasori's answer was to lock him out from the inn.
"DANNA LET ME IN!" The blonde screamed from outside where a large blizzard was making it's way towards him.
Sasori's lips curled evilly. "Sorry brat. My aching old joints are keeping me from moving any closer."
He turned with a smirk. "Tough luck."
"Good afternoon Sasori-no-danna."
"What the hell do you want?"
"I asked if you would like to get some coffee with me."
As he stood up to exit the workroom, Sasori thought, But I can't help but to feel like I've missed something….
Deidara snickered up ahead.
"Why are you in here brat? You know I hate being disturbed while working."
"Sorry danna," Deidara smirked as he walked by. "I made extra coffee and just had a hunch you'd want some." Ignoring the glare shot in his direction, the blonde placed the steaming mug in front of the puppet and then exited with a flourish.
Mumbling profanities under his breath, Sasori tried to get back to work on his puppets. But he couldn't concentrate on a single piece with that stupid blonde and his stupid word floating around in his head. He growled after the echo of the words 'hunchback of Notre Dame un!' came flitting into his mind for the third time.
"That's it," the red-head muttered. Standing up, he threw the puppet arm in his hand into the wall behind him, a small smirk making it's way onto his face as he heard the cry of Deidara's plush being pierced through the head. I'll have to do something about this…
"Hey Sasori-no-danna! Up from your nap?" Deidara teased, looking up from the book he was reading as Sasori walked into the living room. He somehow failed to notice the shining glint in the puppet's eye and gave him a light smile.
Sasori, inwardly cackling, gave a devious smirk and sat beside the blonde on the couch.
After awhile Deidara became uncomfortable with the silence and look on his partner's face. "Um, danna un-"
"Has anyone ever told you," Sasori began to question while invading the blonde's personal space, "how attractive you are?" He chuckled at the bewildered and flushed expression Deidara had. "I mean it. It's no wonder people think you're a girl all the time," he purred into his ear, "with that feminine body and slender frame…" Drawing back, Sasori smirked and gave the blonde's long fringe a gentle tug before standing. "Makes an old man like me want to kiss you."
Deidara never stopped staring.
Quite pleased with himself, Sasori turned around with a content smile on his lips.
And watched as it fell right off.
Staring back at him was the entire Akatsuki, having each respectively gotten back from their missions. All were looking at him in either confusion or just…some other expression that couldn't be described at the moment. Except for Kisame. He didn't think he could ever forget the look of morbid fascination on the blue-skinned man's face.
Ducking his head, Sasori hastily began to retreat to their room where he could hide in peace.
And even though the following weeks were full of taunts and strange looks from fellow Akatsuki members, Deidara never called him and old man or mentioned Hiruko's hunch ever again. Except when his hormones started to kick in. Then Sasori was mentally scarred for life.
"What is it brat?"
"Does the offer still stand?"
"For the tenth time NO!"
A/N: I tried.
Tell me how it was! All flames and sparkles welcome :D