Summary: Gabriel and Raphael think Dean Winchester is a bad influence on Michael after they see Michael's current girlfriend. The Prophet Chuck gave me this transcript of the intervention they staged on Michael's behalf.
That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these folks, dang it.
Gabriel: Uh, Mike?
Michael: Hey, Gabe. Raphael. All right, what's going on here?
Raphael: We need to talk.
Michael: You think so, huh?
Raphael: Yes. You have been tainted. Even your speech patterns have been altered. You sound like him.
Michael: No shit, Sherlock.
Raphael: You're carousing around with human women all the time now. This is most unseemly behavior for God's Sword. I believe this Dean Winchester vessel is having a negative effect on you. We must take steps to correct that, and return to you your purity and grace. I can help you with that, Michael.
Michael: Wait a minute. You two jackasses are having an intervention? For me? Geez...
Michael: Talk about the pot calling the kettle black, Gabe.
Gabriel: Yeah, I know. Uh, Mike? Who was that woman I saw you with last night?
Michael: Last night? Who - oh! Dark Phoenix.
Gabriel (awed): Really?
Raphael (shocked): She is The End of All There Is. The Dark Angel. The Chaos Bringer.
Michael: Heh heh heh. Bad girl.
Raphael: This is a sad day for all of us.
Michael: Skintight red and gold outfit, fire in her eyes, hey, what's not to like? I have my own nickname for her, but I'm not gonna tell you what that is.
Gabriel: Uh, you're not going dark on us, are ya?
Michael: Me? Nah. Jean and I have a good time together, that's all. She's partial to my massive wingspan, if you get my drift.
Raphael: This is most undignified behavior -
Michael: Raphael, this was all your idea, wasn't it? I'm in a mood to do some smiting. Guess who's made my list?
Raphael: You...you wouldn't dare -
Michael: Try me. Dad never liked you much anyway.
Gabriel (as the light dawns): Mike, you're...you're shallow.
Gabriel (voice breaking with emotion): I'm-I'm so proud of you!
Michael: Put a sock in it, junior.
Gabriel: All this time I thought you were this high and mighty righteous bastard who judged everyone else. How the heck was I supposed to know that big bro' was a cosmic horndog!
Michael: Hey, Dad knows how I am. Wait a minute. Was that what you really thought of me? I mean the 'high and mighty bastard' part?
Gabriel: Uh huh.
Michael: Wow. That stings. Well, you haven't exactly been around for the last millenia, have you? Oh no, you had to run off and play trickster. How'd that work out? I hear Coyote peed on you. Marked his territory.
Gabriel: How...how'd you find out about that?
Michael: The Old Man posted a vid on YouTube.
Gabriel: That flea bitten mutt-
Michael: Careful. He's Dad's dog.
Gabriel: After all this time...we could have teamed up. I could've been your wingman.
Michael (snorts in derision): Oh yeah, that would have gone over real good with the ladies, dragging my kid brother along on a date. Pass. Why do you think I kept going to those convents over and over again? I was tending to the flock. Nuns need love too.
Gabriel: Uh, Mike? Does Jean have a sister?
Michael: Well, she can duplicate herself like Dr. Manhattan did in "Watchmen" but that's our own private thing. Go get your own bad girl goddess, Gabe. I don't share. Speaking of which...
Dark Phoenix: Did I keep you waiting long?
Michael: Hi, beautiful. Nope.
Dark Phoenix: Hi yourself. I really like the way you look in that black designer suit. Did your wings get bigger?
Michael: Only for you, babe.
Dark Phoenix: You sure know how to sweet talk a girl. Are we still going out to eat?
Michael: Sure. Whatever you want.
Dark Phoenix: I'm in the mood for Chinese.
Michael: Uh, are you talking about the country or the cuisine?
Dark Phoenix: The cuisine, darling. The cuisine.
Michael: Okay. Just checking.
Dark Phoenix: Who are they?
Michael: Ah, just my kid brother Gabe and Raphael. I'm smiting Raphael's ass when I get back.
Dark Phoenix: Really? What's that like? I've never smote an angel before.
Michael: You haven't? I'd like to see that. Hmmm...
A/N: I really need to take my medication now...