A/N: Sorry would have gotten out sooner but I got distracted catching up on Dexter, Netflix is amazing lol. Boyfriend wants me to do a cross over but the only way I'd do that if is Dexter is caught and I kind of don't want him being caught ever, you know? Lol. Please watch my LJ for updates and stuff princesslacus [dot] livejournal [dot] com. Thanks for the reviews. They are what keep me going, hugs too: 68luvcarter, lolyncut, Green Penguin, Muffins taste good, pipinheart, slery.
Fifteen minutes was good enough for Morgan, steaming around the living room pacing with the thoughts of a distraught friend right beyond those walls was enough to make him restless. He caves in and heads down the hallway, notebook and pen in hand and knocks softly a couple of times on the door Reid slammed shut earlier.
"Reid?" He sighs deeply, "Kid, I'm coming in."
Turning the knob Morgan walks into the semi-dark room, wondering briefly if Reid would want him to turn a lamp light on. Walking in he closes the door most of the way before continuing towards the bed.
Sitting on the edge of the bed he can see Reid's body jerk with small hiccups even as most of him is covered by blankets.
"Reid?" Morgan says softly, pulling the blankets back some to get a better look at his friend's face. The fight apparently left him and all that remained was a tear stained scared young man. Morgan's heart broke at the sight, he'd rarely ever seen the kid cry and he doesn't like the sight of it at all…
Reluctantly the younger man's eyes lift to meet Morgan's.
Reid's eyes felt dry and irritated from crying and had to blink a few times. He felt exhausted and had a crying induced headache.
"You want to talk about it?"
Reid frowned and lowered his eyes back down.
"I know that you might be feeling angry right now, but… we just want to help you Reid - Spencer. We just want to be there for you, but you can't lock yourself up inside, it's not healthy." Morgan stresses, searching Reid's features and fearing the response.
Reid's eyes snapped back to lock the older man's gaze at the use of his first name. Morgan using his first name was rare and with it at this moment, held a certain weight he couldn't deny the attention it demanded. He felt like Morgan was trying to break down the block of ice that has shielded his emotions. He doesn't want the man to do that. It can only leave him feeling vulnerable and he feared being judged. Although, for some reason the sense of needing to confide to the man who has always been there for him, taken care of him throughout this whole nightmare crept upon on him. He owed his confidant, protector in some sorts, and he pseudo big brother this much right?
Closing his eyes he lets a slow deep breath escape his lips, and props up in his elbows to try and push himself up. Wincing slightly at the pain it caused and made it most of the way up on his own, only to feel a pair of strong hands help brace him upwards to lean against the headboard.
Opening his eyes he catches Morgan's gaze and slowly holds his hand out waiting for the utensils he needs to communicate now. Pen in hand he swallows hard, realizing that his hand was slightly shaking as he began to write out things he didn't want to write out.
It was harder than talking. Talking out loud you can accidently let words escape your mouth, the slip of the tongue and it comes out easier, but on paper there is no take-backs, it forces him to think about what to say beforehand… which only makes him more cowardly when that ink touches the paper. So in a way it's a torturous way of confession.
Morgan shifts his weight and leans forward; he wants to be able to read the paper as Reid writes, all the while trying to give the young man a reassuring look.
'I'm sorry.' Spencer chews on his lower lip with an ashamed expression, 'I'm sorry I made a scene like that. It's just that… that…' pausing to drag a hand down the side of his face.
'I was upset when you guys were talking and laughing. I know it's irrational but I felt like you were flaunting it. I suppose, I suppose I was jealous and resentful. I'm sorry.' His lower lip trembles as he takes a slow breath, 'I'm frustrated all the time, and I hate… hate how weak I am. I'm almost certain I'm going to go crazy. It's like I'm trapped inside, I can only wonder if this is what my mother feels like at times,' a tear slides down his cheek.
Shaking his head in a defeated manner, he writes out words that are barely legible, 'and most of all helpless.' The last part is punctuated with a tear drop landing on the notebook smearing the black ink.
It's followed by more tears that gradually make their way down his sad and confused pale face.
"Kid…." Morgan's voice is pained whisper.
Reid gives a dry sob, and shut his eyes. His whole body was trembling slightly.
Derek couldn't take it anymore; he reached out to the crying boy. He felt the kid's whole body tense when his hand touched his shoulder and pulled him into an embrace.
"Shh, hey, it's alright Spencer," Morgan assures, rubbing slow comforting circles on his back. "You are not weak; do you know how strong you were back at that hospital kid? Amazingly strong, a weak person wouldn't have survived, but you did!"
Spencer stayed stiffly still for a few moments, Morgan knows the kid has problems with physical contact and wondered if he scared him too badly. Then suddenly Spencer wrapped his arms around him, hugging him tight, crying silently, gripping Morgan's shirt and covers his face in the strong man's shoulder.
Reid felt embarrassed but at the same time comforted, comforted by the thought that he isn't alone, completely that is. He was still in his own prison after all….
"I'm so, so sorry that we made you feel like that. I know you probably felt isolated back there." Morgan sighs and closes his eyes tightly feeling horribly guilty, "I'm sorry we seemed insensitive. We'll do better, I promise." He reassured, feeling Reid gasping and choking on breaths beneath his hands. "Shh, kid, hey, you need to calm down okay? You're going to get yourself worked up to the point of getting sick. Shhh…."
Slowly, almost painfully, Reid pulled away enough to grab the forgotten notebook smashed in between them and wrote out slowly while slightly shaking his head, 'No, please don't. You did nothing wrong, I'm just... I don't know what I am. I do know that I don't want your lives affected by this, by me. I want… things to be normal. Anything less would make me feel even worse, I couldn't take the quilt of that on my shoulders. Promise me?' His brown blood-shot, tear filled eyes plead towards him.
"Reid…" Morgan knows what his friend is asking. He wants to be treated and act as if everything is normal, to do anything less would be in Reid's eyes disrespectful and make him feel more out of place, and he is too clever to not notice the differences. "Okay, I promise."
Reid sighs in relief and his lips curl ever so slightly, but they fell short of a smile.
"But, that doesn't mean I'm not going to try and help you, or try to make things easier on you if I can help it. Hell, kid we don't like seeing you suffer no more than you do." Morgan explains sternly, searching his friend's eyes. For anything, acceptance, defiance, and sadness; but all he can see is a blank cloudy expression underlined in pain.
"One more thing though, you are wrong." Morgan declares.
Reid looks at him confused.
"Spencer Reid, you listen to me right now. Pay close attention and don't forget this. Your life has affected us, but not in the way your thinking or scared it will. It's made mine and all of our lives for the better and I can't think of any other way it should be, you hear me!" Derek says the words with so much conviction he can feel his eyes stinging. He keeps his gaze strong looking into the boy's shining ones, willing him to understand.
Spencer's eyes widen and lips part open slightly, his mind is racing but a look of peace washes over him. Wanting to believe his friend's words, and just for the moment telling himself to believe them.
"Things will get better Reid, I know it doesn't seem like it right now but give it time kid. You won't be alone in this, I promise." Morgan assures.
No response is made from Reid but his whole body goes limp and visibly deflates, and the kid looked exhausted. Morgan does the only thing he can think of it, he reaches out once more and pulls an unresisting Reid to him.
For a while they stayed like that, Morgan wasn't sure how long it was. He did feel the kid's breathing even out more steadily as the room got darker. The next time he looked down beyond the brown mop of hair he saw Reid's eyes were closed and he fallen asleep. Morgan smiled at the peaceful look on the kid's face. Glad that even if it was a rough day, at least the kid was letting his walls down bit by bit.
Derek knows the kid is stronger than he looks; he's been through so much in his life, one struggle after another. He's came out a little hardened and maybe sometimes jaded, but wholly him, the bright kid who looks for the good in people and the world. With a bright sparkle in his eyes that keeps hope for them all. Has been knocked off his flight path so many times, people trying to push him down and keep him from flying those heights he was meant to fly. Weak in ways but strong enough to always find the strength fly, but once again he is a being kicked down and is flightless bird. Maybe with Morgan's help he can fly again, maybe not as high as the kid is used to, but it's a start. And he hopes that is good enough.
Being careful not to wake up his sleeping friend, Morgan lowers him down gently back into the bed, while getting up as softly as possible as to not jar him awake. After pulling the covers back up and tucking them around him, he turns the side lamp on its lowest setting. He puts the notebook back on the night stand and double checks Reid's phone to make sure it was still there and charged. Then proceed to walk out as quietly as possible, and to make sure to leave a crack in the door before leaving.
Walking back into the living room Morgan sees Garcia on the couch watching television. He tells her that everything was okay and that they might want to try and tone down some things when he is around a little, but not enough to make him notice of course. She agrees whole heartedly and they playfully argue on what to watch together for a few minutes.
"Do you think he'll be up for dinner, I was thinking about a pizza?" Garcia asks curiously.
"I'm not sure… He seemed pretty exhausted." Morgan says with a frown. "I need to call Hotch and tell him he isn't up for visits today before anyone else shows up today."
Picking up his cell phone Morgan goes to the kitchen, leaning against the counter he crosses his feet and he dials his boss's number.
"Hotch." His boss's voice rings over the phone quickly.
"Hey Hotch, It's Morgan." Morgan's greets, his voice tired and strained.
"Is everything okay?"
"Yeah, everything is fine. I'm just a bit tired."
"How's Reid doing?"
"Yeah, that's the reason I called. He is holding up, but…he is still struggling." Morgan clarifies, and sighs. "I wanted to ask you if you could make sure no one else come over to visit Reid? I don't think he is really up to it today." He calmly requested of his boss.
"That bad, huh?" Hotch asks.
Morgan sighs and answers, "He's had a rough day. I was also wondering if you could let the others know a heads up that, even though Reid wants us all to act perfectly normal, to maybe tone down our conversation load around him."
"I'll call the others and make sure word gets out, for both accounts." Hotch assures, voice laced with understanding and worry.
Morgan smiles, "Thanks Hotch, I really appreciate it. I'll talk to you tomorrow then."
"Take care of yourself to Morgan, talk to you soon."
Morgan hangs up the call and closes his phone shut, and was once again joining his baby girl in watching a movie on television, some chick flick she picked out while he was away and let her get away with it.
A couple of hours later Morgan found himself alone on the couch watching a game. Garcia had to go home to her tech-man, and told Morgan to send her love to their boy genius. Then Morgan started to wonder why he hadn't been bothered by Clooney like usual, by now the dog would be up on the couch trying to hog all the room and beg him to be petted.
Scanning the house he ends up at Reid's room finding the door nudged open wider than when he last checked in on him. Looking around he sees up on the bed on the other side of Reid was Clooney, barely seen over the mountain of covers blocking him from view, but enough for Morgan to see his fur and ears sticking up. Grinning to himself he shakes his head fondly at his dog and peacefully oblivious friend.
He makes dinner and puts food and water down in Clooney's bowls and goes to wake up the two sleepy heads.
Leaning over the bed, he gives Reid's arm a slight shake. "Hey Kid, wake up. You need to eat something and take your medicine." Morgan states softly.
Reid's eyes flutter open and he looks groggily up at him, yawning and rubbing his eyes. Turning his head his eyes widen with surprise at the dog beside him.
Chuckling Morgan clarifies, "He's been sleeping here with you. I think he likes you."
Reid mouth formed a silent 'O' and still looks a little uneasy but relaxed marginally at his friend's words.
Morgan helped Reid out of bed and into the kitchen where they ate in relative silence. Morgan not sure what to say, and Reid still sort of embarrassed by earlier.
Every once and awhile Reid would drop a few pieces of food for Clooney to eat, while he himself was only absentmindedly picking at his own food.
Morgan laughs softly, "That dog is so spoiled. What are you trying to do, win his love now?" he teases.
Reid answers in a tiny little side-smile and shrugs.
After they had eaten and Morgan gets up to put the dishes in the sink, Reid takes his medicine and does his breathing treatments again. Once done he starts pushing himself towards the hallway.
"Hey man, wait, where are you going?" Morgan calls over his shoulder.
Spencer stops mid-roll and his eye brows rise up and looks indignant when points to his room.
Morgan walks over to him and leans against the hallway wall hands in his pockets, "I was thinking that we could watch a movie before we call it a night. You slept most of the day anyway, you can pick the movie or we could watch something on TV?" he asks, titling his head to side.
Reid scrunches his lips together and ponders it for a moment and nods his head in agreement.
Morgan grins and walks into the living room with Clooney at his heels.
Reid decided on a movie to watch and going through Morgan's movie stash took a lot longer than they thought. It was Morgan saying the titles and summaries out loud before he would receive a yes or no from the genius.
Finally Reid picked the movie Surrogates, a new movie he hadn't heard of, but Morgan said it was good and that he'd already watched in theaters and loved it so much he had to own it. So it had to be good right? The plot was nice enough, and Reid liked the science aspects of it at least. Keeping most comments to himself throughout the movie, and petting Clooney on the head focusing intently on the movie at hand, letting him escape into its world, even if for only a couple of hours.
Morgan was discreetly glancing Reid's way during the movie, constantly worried and trying to gage his facial features and mood.
Once the movie was over Morgan got up and ejected the disc.
"Do you want to watch another?"
Reid scratches his chin and shrugged a shoulder in a 'whatever' kind of manner.
Another movie and bag of popcorn later it was almost 10:00 P.M.
"Hey Kid, do you think you're up for some of the team coming over tomorrow to visit? They wanted to visit today but I held them back, figuring you'd want to settle in first." Morgan calmly asks, while getting off the couch and rubbing a hand across the back of his neck. And goes over to the TV and turns it off and gets the disc out.
Reid hesitates for a minute then nods slowly while drumming his fingers on the couch nervously. He'd have to see them eventually he concluded, he still wanted alone time but maybe they could raise his spirits some.
"Okay, I guess we'll see how you are in the morning before hand though. Do you want to take a bath and get cleaned up tonight or tomorrow morning?" Morgan asks, as he puts the DVD back in its case.
Reid pushes his lips together, grabs his notebook and writes, 'Tomorrow please, I just want to go lay down.'
Nodding Morgan says, "Okay, here let me help you up." He bends down and wraps his arm underneath the younger man's to help lift him up and hold him steady while he hobbles over to his chair and sits down.
Reid mouths a mumbled, 'Thanks.' as he gets himself situated.
"I'm going to go let Clooney outside for a bit and play with him fast outside, unless you need me?" Morgan asks, as he heads slowly to the back door.
Reid shakes his head and wheels himself to his room.
When in the room he heads over to the dresser and wonders what drawer has what in it. It was pretty tall and he could only hope they put his stuff at the bottom. He pulls his lips to the side, thinking of the best way to proceed. Placing his chair to its side and leaving enough room to pull the drawers out. Choosing the one at eye level he finds that it has mostly his cords and dress pants and some button up shirts he likes to wear. Next up was the one underneath it but it was just more shirts and lounge wear. Huffing in annoyance, there is only the very bottom one and top two left to search through, both were going to be a problem.
Reaching down far to the bottom drawer, his hip and muscles protest the movement but he keeps going. Silently grunting while pulling out inch by inch the drawer, he almost fell out of his chair and hissed in pain. Taking a few deep breathes he looked and saw that to his dismay it was just more of his day clothes. Damn it. He flops back into his chair and stares at the ceiling.
Locking his chair he rises up supporting his weight on his good leg, grabs hold of the knobs on the top drawer and opens it to find his socks and underwear. Grabbing a pair of socks, one green with yellow stripes and the other blue with white dots, and some blue boxers, he throws them backwards with his best aim possible towards the bed. He swivels and sways a bit on his foot trying to keep balance as he shoves the drawer back shakily back into place. Now he needs to find his pajamas and the process of elimination gives him hope. Hobbling back on his foot to yank the next one open he finds it protesting the pull, he tries to yank it with a little more force pulling it again, although it comes loose it shoots out further and faster than Spencer had anticipated, making him lose his balance….
Morgan opened the door and let Clooney lead him in the house petting him as he ran by, throwing his leash on its table. And started walking back to Reid's room to check on him, half way down he heard a crash. His heart plummeted to the floor and his feet bolted to the kid's room. He ran to the door hands grabbing the sides to stop his feet from sliding under him as he took in the scene before him.
The kid was twisted a horrible sideways, barely hanging on to the top of a dresser about to tip over, his body half hanging in the air and about to give way. A vase and items fallen to the floor. Face the picture of pain, eyes closed tightly, and teeth gritted together.
"Kid!" Morgan yells, running to help him as one of Reid's hand slipped off that second.
Barely catching in time Morgan caught Reid under his arms and wrapped an arm across his chest, holding him up before he fell to the ground in a crumbled mess.
Morgan closes his eyes and breathes a sigh of relief.
"Kid, kid you okay?" he asks frantically.
Reid just gasps out in silent pain and his eyes shut tightly, arms falling limp.
Not wanting to waste time Morgan swept the kid up in one fluid motion, one arm strong around his back, the other lodged carefully under his knees.
Reid's eyes snap open in shock and surprise, torn between anxiety of being up in the air and being happy for being saved from falling. He reached out one hand instinctively to curl around Morgan's neck, trying to find a hold.
Morgan lays him down on the bed as slow and smoothly as possible. He sees the socks thrown on the bed, and the drawer open wide and puts two and two together.
"You were trying to get your clothes out weren't you?" Morgan asks quietly, looking with a concern eye at his friend.
Swallowing tightly Reid nods his head in a fast reply, and locks eyes with the older man.
"You didn't hurt yourself did you? Do I need to take you to the hospital?" Morgan requests with urgency.
Breathing deep breaths Reid's eyes looked pained but he shakes his head a 'no'.
Morgan's lips form a thin line and his brows crease but he relents, not wanting to aggravate the kid while in pain. Sighing he offers, "Here then, let me help you get changed for bed at least." Without waiting for an answer he starts taking off Reid's socks and puts on the new pair Reid threw out. He gets up and goes to the opened drawer and picks out a white cotton t-shirt, but couldn't find any shorts to fit comfortably over his cast. And picks up the broken and fallen items while at it.
Sitting back on the bed he raises Reid up and helps take off his shirt. "Could only find a shirt for you to wear, seems we need to go shopping for shorts to fit over that cast of yours Pretty Boy." Morgan says light heartedly with a small grin, and helps Reid put on the t-shirt on. "You okay with sleeping in your boxers?"
Reid nods in reply, his cheeks flush and eyes dart around the room, he feels slightly embarrassed. Laying flat on his back he reaches down to hook his thumbs in his shorts and tries to wiggle out of them, wincing for his efforts.
Eventually Morgan takes pity on him and helps him out of his borrowed shorts. Standing up Morgan scolds, "Next time just tell me and I'll help you get your things ready for you Reid, don't be so stubborn." he scoffs and adds, "For a genius you sure aren't very bright." He says jokingly with a grin.
Reid rolls his eyes at him and curled up his lips in a small smile. He reaches over to the nightstand and clumsily grabs for the pen and Morgan grabs it for him and holds it out for Reid to use. Licking his lips he writes out, 'Thanks Morgan, for you know… everything. And, sorry about knocking your stuff over.'
Morgan's eyes scan the paper and rise to meet Reid's sincere ones, "Your welcome Reid, any time. And no worries, it's fine, I promise."
Biting lightly on his bottom lip he writes out again in messy scrawl, 'I need to get up and go the bathroom, and brush my teeth and stuff. Help me up please?'
Morgan nods, "Sure thing man." Secretly glad that Reid was finally asking for help instead of it being forced upon him, it was improvement, one step at a time. And helps Reid slowly get up.
That night as Reid was lying in bed, blankets tucked close around him, and Clooney's warm body beside him, and the dim light of the hallway was shining through the crack of his door. Washing away the shadows of his day, Spencer realizes he was lucky in ways and thankful for his friends, especially his best friend. He was still depressed and struggling about things, but was hoping or probably more actually described as wistful thinking that tomorrow would be a better day and things would get easier….maybe.
A/N: Next chapter will have some visits from the team, Reid coping, and fun stuff. Next chapter should be out soon. Thanks for reading!