The Closed Door
Kay sat in her car and braced herself. She was finally going to see her children, she was finally going to be able to hold them in her arms, she was finally going to be able to tell them how much she loved and missed them. And then…and then there was the chance that she might see Michael too.
Kay sighed deeply and slumped in her seat, resting her head on the steering wheel of her car. The seat squeaked beneath her and her black dress rustled from her sudden movements. She didn't know what might happen if Michael met her in that house, but she knew it probably wouldn't be good. That house that they had once all shared together-as a family.
"Oh God", she muttered.
A tear came to her eyes. Michael and her divorce was still a very heart wrenching subject, something she tried to block from her mind, tried to numb herself to. She didn't doubt her decision, not one bit, but she still hoped-hoped that maybe Michael would have that one last shred of decency still left in his heart. The decency to mend his ways, fix his family, love Kay again, like he had so many years ago. Kay hated to believe that her ex-husband was just a cold empty shell, but so far that's all he had showed her to be. The quiet, serene, fun Michael was dead now, dead and cold… all that was left was the empty shell of a man she had once called the love of her life.
She sobbed and threw her head back from the wheel to the headrest of her car. Kay closed her eyes and felt the tears stream down her face, landing softly on her black dress. She couldn't help but cry, she hadn't wanted any of this to happen, but it had to, there was no other way. She had done it for the children; her children deserved better then what Michael had given them. There was no denying that he loved their family, that he had provided for them amply, but Michael was not always there, not in mind or body. He was always too busy with that damn "business" of his, or off settling accounts for it in some foreign land. He barely had time for his family and the fact that they were in constant danger every waking second of their lives didn't sit well with her either. It was all too much for any mother to handle, so Kay did what she had to do; leave him. Not only that, she had she killed their third child, their son, aborted it so that Michael would never forgive her, would never want her back. It was a terrible decision to make, but she did it. She had gone through with everything just to give her children normal lives, a normal upbringing, just so they wouldn't become blind and cold to the world like their father. With Kay gone perhaps Michael would see just how his absence was affecting them, perhaps he could mend his ways…if not, things might get ugly between them. Kay knew she would take her children if Michael didn't change; she wasn't scared to fight for them.
Kay shakily lifted her hands up to her red, tear stained face and wiped her eyes. She sniffled and managed to dig around in her purse for a tissue to blow her nose on. She had to get herself together, she couldn't have the children seeing her like this, especially since she hadn't seen them in so many months, and probably wouldn't for another few. Kay blew her nose again then wiped her eyes gently, looking in her rearview mirror at her reflection. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were puffy, but those things would settle down in a few minutes. She breathed in deeply and tried to relax her body, hoping that peace of mind would come to her, that she could stay calm when she saw her children's faces.
Kay muttered a silent prayer and got out of her car, making her way to the front door of the house she used to live in. Just looking at the yard, at the walls of the house, at the flowers she and Mama Corleone had planted together made her face fall. Memories flooded her mind, memories of her happy past with Michael, with their children. It was almost overbearing, but she managed to find the strength to ring the doorbell.
The door creaked open and she saw Connie's slender, dark face stick through the threshold. A sigh of relief made its way out of Kay's throat; it wasn't Michael, thank God it wasn't Michael. She feared what Michael might do if he saw her here with the children.
"Kay", Connie's voice almost sounded relieved. In the back of her mind she wondered if Michael still had everyone on house arrest, like when she was last there.
"Connie", she smiled.
She opened the door wider and leaned against the frame, a small smile on her lips, crossing her arms.
"How are you, I haven't seen you in so long?"
"I-I'm doing okay", Kay answered, emotion flickering in her eyes she forced smile.
Connie's face fell; she looked as if she had just remembered something. Like she had just remembered the reason Kay was never around, the reason she was gone in the first place. Connie brought her daunting gaze up from her feet where it had fallen and she looked squarely at Kay.
"Does Michael know you're here?" Connie asked seriously.
"I-I'm not sure", she answered hesitantly.
"Ohh, Kay-Kay, you know I still love you as a sister, but I don't know what Michael would say about this", Connie shook her head and brought her hand up to her hair, combing her fingers through the thick, black locks.
The obvious distress on her face made Kay's pulse race. So Michael was still holding a grudge against her, though she didn't blame him, she couldn't help but wonder why seeing her children would be so bad to him? After all she was their mother, their one and only mother, even though Michael wished it weren't true.
"Well, is he home?" Kay asked quietly.
"No, he's not at the moment…but he will be soon", she said hesitantly.
"Please, Connie, I just want to see my children", Kay pleaded, hoping to strike a nerve in her ex-sister-in-law. They had always been friends since Kay had married Michael, and Connie had children herself, she surely must know how she was feeling. She must understand how desperately Kay wanted to see her son and her daughter, how much she missed them.
Connie still stared back at her, uncertainty over Michael's reaction mixed in with her love for Kay was plainly written on her face.
"Please Connie-what harm will it do them? All I want is to see my children, to tell them their mother still loves them" Kay pleaded again, her eyes suddenly becoming misty.
"I-Michael, he won't-okay, come in", she relented, opening the door wide and stepping aside so Kay could squeeze by.
Kay smiled warmly at her and slipped past her, standing in the hallway while Connie shut the door, peaking out one last time in case Michael was coming up the drive that very moment. Connie shut the door and sighed, shaking her head and closing her eyes.
"Thank you, Connie", Kay went up to her and kissed her cheek softly. "I knew you would understand, I knew you would. Don't worry, I won't be too long", Kay pulled back and gave her a small smile.
Connie returned the gesture and stated plainly, "Ok, go say hello to the kids. While you're visiting I'll stand here and watch for Michael.
"Thank you, Connie", Kay whispered again.
Connie slipped past her and went to go find the children.
Kay turned towards the living room and slowly walked in, feeling awkward in the space she once called home. She went over to the couch and sat down, taking off her coat and purse, placing it beside her. Kay crossed her legs and looked around the room quietly observing its contents, comparing them in her mind to how they looked when she had left them. It looked practically the same, but it was still hard for her to imagine that this had once been her home, not now, not when she felt so out of place.
The atmosphere was totally different, totally surreal. It was lonely and cold, the very warmth that exuberated from the family had been extinguished when she left and Mama Corleone died. It made her so sad to think of that, but she couldn't help but assume it was true. How terrible for her children to be living in a place like this, all because Michael wanted to prove some sort of point to her. Couldn't he see that it was best for their children to be with their mother, where she could love them and give them the warmth of her family? Michael was being selfish and unrealistic, it's not like she wouldn't let him see them, but he should think of the children for once…and not his pride.
Suddenly Connie appeared with Anthony and Mary behind her, staring back at Kay with wide eyes. Her heart jumped; it had been so long since she'd seen her children, too long. The many months felt like years, but now that they were staring her in the face, it seemed that no time had passed at all, that it had stood still. Kay shot up off the couch and opened her arms wide, her eyes glistening with tears-only the children didn't move. They stood firmly behind their aunt, still looking up at her with wide, confused eyes. Kay's heart fell; her own children were acting like she was some sort of-of stranger.
"Go on, kids, your mothers come to see you", Connie consented, tapping them on the shoulders.
Mary carefully slipped in front of Connie and then looked back at her again, with a questioning gaze on her face, before running up to her mother. Her dark curls bouncing with each pudgy step she took, a small smile spreading across her thin lips. Kay kneeled down and caught the little girl in her arms, raising her up swiftly and smothering her with kisses. Mary wrapped her small arms around her mother and gave her a few kisses on the cheek; Kay smiled weakly, some tears escaping out of her eyes.
"Mary", she whispered, "Mommy missed you".
"Mama", she responded meekly.
Kay set her down carefully kissing the crown of her head and then turned her gaze swiftly towards Anthony, who had since moved in front of Connie.
"Anthony", she smiled, holding her arms out wide for her son to run to, but he didn't run to her, or even smile. His big, dark eyes were still hesitant and he stared back at her carefully, observing every move she made. Kay's heart sank, but she tried to keep her face calm and happy. How could her oldest, her only son have to consider hugging his mother? What had Michael said to them? What had he said to make her children act like she was a stranger? Surely he hadn't told them the terrible truth…but perhaps he had told them something worse.
Anthony watched his mother intently; the pain that flickered across her face at his coldness stirred something inside of him. He still loved his mother, he knew this, but his Daddy had said his mother was going away, that she didn't care to be apart of their family anymore. How could his mother hurt his Daddy so much?
Anthony turned to Connie, shooting her a helpless expression, uncertain what to do. Connie stared down at him and smiled weakly.
"Go on, Anthony, say hello to your mother", she prodded him gently, touching his shoulder.
Kay watched her son's helpless face as she was trying to keep a calm expression herself. A few more tears were streaming down her face quietly, a lump lodged in her throat, but she found that she still had the strength to act like her son's aloofness didn't bother her. Her little Anthony, her little miniature Michael; never in her wildest dreams could she imagine her son contemplating whether or not to hug his own mother. She never would have imagined the divorce would bring this kind of drama into the picture.
"Anthony", she cooed gently.
He turned toward her and gazed at her one last time then started to walk toward her, his mouth set in a hard line. Kay kneeled down again to his level, extending her arms out to him. Anthony walked into them and Kay squeezed him tightly, but she only felt the light touch of his arms around her back. She kissed his dark hair as his face just rested into her shoulder, his body unmoving. She could feel his confusion and it stung her, ripped away at her very insides. How could Anthony, once the apple of her eye, be so cold-almost as cold as Michael?
She pulled away and looked into his dark eyes then sighed. Kay looked past his shoulders and saw Connie had moved by the door again, staring out the window to see when Michael would be driving up. Her body froze in fear; now the prospect of seeing Michael was even more terrifying then before. If he had taught Anthony to treat his mother with this indifference, what feelings was Michael harboring for her? She looked back at Anthony who was observing her face, with the same quietness his father had. Once she would have been glad for her son to be just like Michael, now it terrified her.
"Anthony", she caressed his cheek softly. "Mama missed you".
He said nothing. Mary came around and looked at her mother and brother, watched the sadness in her mother's eyes.
"Anthony, Mama loves you. Do you know that?" she murmured, her confidence slashed at his silence.
"Yes", he stated.
Kay bit her lip; at least he had answered, but his voice was so distant. It sounded as if he had just said what she wanted to hear, not what he had felt. She blinked, trying to stop the tears that were welling up in her eyes from falling onto her red cheeks. Kay wiped her eyes quickly and asked quietly, "Anthony, you still love Mama, don't you?"
He blinked, his dark eyes examining her face quietly. With some hesitation he replied softly, "Yes".
Kay let out a sob and threw her arms around her son, pulling him into another hug. But he still was tentative to wrap his arms around her, to give her a small peck on the cheek like Mary had done, and this still hurt her.
She pulled back and wiped her eyes again, standing up to her full height she went over to the couch and plopped down on it, feeling like she weighed a million pounds. Mary quickly followed her over to the couch and Anthony went to sit on the other one across from the one his mother was at.
Kay lifted little Mary up on her lap and quickly glanced over at Anthony, who was quietly sitting on the other couch. It hurt her that he didn't want to sit by his own mother, but she solemnly understood his hesitance, she couldn't blame him for being confused.
It went on like this for some time. Mary babbled a few questions and stories to her mother while Anthony silently watched his mother and sister, uncertainty still in his dark eyes. Kay smiled at how bubbly her daughter was being and was happy to see Mary still loved her mother like she had before. But when she asked Anthony a question he gave her short answers, looking down at his lap, fiddling with his fingers. Connie was still waiting by the door, looking out at the drive for Michael, concern and worry clearly etched on her face. Kay sighed, but still smiled at her daughter. The time went on until suddenly Connie turned from the door and strode in.
"Kay-you have to go", Connie announced solemnly, staring at her with pity in her eyes.
She didn't really notice her though; she had been combing her fingers through Mary's curls, smiling at her, admiring how beautiful her daughter was. "You're so pretty", she whispered.
"Kay, please hurry, he's coming".
She held Mary's small face in her hands and kissed her cheeks, wrapping her in her arms for one last hug.
"I love you, take good care of yourself. Be good", she cooed in her daughter's ear. Kay cautiously released her and Mary climbed down off her lap and went over to where Connie was standing.
Kay got off the couch, grabbing her coat and putting her arms through it hurriedly.
"Anthony-kiss Mama goodbye".
Anthony looked away, fiddling with his fingers, trying his best to try and block out what his mother had just said. Kay's face fell again.
"Anthony, would you kiss your mother goodbye", Connie demanded harshly, annoyance creeping into her tone.
"Anthony, say goodbye to Mamma-Anthony, I love you". Suddenly he rose from the couch and sort of slumped toward her. Kay opened her arms and he fell into them, his arms lying limply at his sides as Kay squeezed him tightly, hoping that he would understand that she still loved him.
"Kay, please", Connie begged.
Kay pulled away and held her son's face in her hands, then looked at Connie. She flashed her a nervous look and Kay turned towards the couch where her purse was lying. She picked it up and made her way towards Connie. When she was standing right in front of her ex-sister-in-law Kay and Connie couldn't help but exchange quick hugs, muttering swift 'I love yous' to each other.
They made their way to the back door, through the kitchen, and Kay quickly buttoned her coat, Connie, Anthony and Mary quick on her heels. Kay reached for the doorknob and opened it, then turned to see her children one last time before she slipped out the door, unnoticed. But when she did, she saw little Mary staring up at her, her big browns eyes watery, Connie putting a comforting arm around Anthony.
"Oh, Mary", she cried out, falling to her knees to give her daughter one last hug, kissing her chestnut hair lovingly. She got up and composed herself, but when Kay stepped out into the cool air she turned around again, looking at Anthony quietly. Her heart ached at the sight of him; she couldn't leave without one last hug from her only son.
"Anthony", she kneeled down again, her voice strained. "Oh, please, kiss me once", she pleaded, still hurt that he had never actually kissed his own mother hello or goodbye.
She rose and Anthony looked like he was going to start towards his mother, with Connie quietly egging him on behind him, but then suddenly they all turned. Kay looked at where they all had turned and her eyes bulged, her heart dropped, her lips went dry.
Michael had stepped into the kitchen, his dark eyes looking over the group of people. His black hair was slicked back, and his coat was still on, it was apparent he had just got out of the car and hadn't even had time to take his coat off before looking for his family. His olive hands were stuffed in his pockets, and he looked at Kay with that calm, but seething under the skin look he gave his enemies. Her breath stopped as Michael slowly sauntered his way through his children and sister and to the door where Kay was standing, just outside the threshold. When Michael was in arms length of the doorknob he suddenly stopped and stared at Kay intently. His deep, dark, black eyes, that she had always found so charming, were now haunting, staring over her with that underlying enraged look to them. She could see the hatred, hurt, shock and all the other emotions bubbling underneath his calm exterior, bubbling, boiling, and almost ready to explode. Kay wanted to cower, but she didn't, she could stand her own when faced with Michael Corleone.
He looked over her one last time, the light of the sun gleaming in his eyes; Kay liked to hope, that somewhere deep inside, Michael Corleone was still the Michael Corleone she had once loved. The carefree, quietly shy and charming Michael that had won her parents, the Michael that had begged her to take him back and marry him, and the Michael that had been the loving husband and father of their children. She gulped; with that gaze she knew he was gone, at least for now. The Michael Corleone that she had loved was just a thin shadow of the terrifying, cold man that stood before her now. The few seconds they stared each other down felt like hours.
Suddenly she saw Michael's hand go for the door, she saw his fingers grip the doorknob and then she watched as he slowly swung the door shut in her face. Kay stood outside the closed, locked entry, her whole being in shock. The look on his face as he closed the door on her made her eyes go watery, her lips go dry, and her body shake from a crippling sickening feeling growing in the pit of her stomach. Michael felt nothing but contempt for her now, she saw that, and with Anthony in such an unstable shape, he would surely influence his son to feel the same contempt for her. It made her sick about what kind of monster Michael had become now. When Michael shut that door, he shut out any other fleeting feelings of hope she clung to for her ex-husband. For him to redeem his ways and gently fall into the role of the old Michael Corleone that she still loved so much. With that door closed he had done the single cruelest thing in his long history of violence, he had become the cold, distant statue of a man Kay had feared. He had lost his soul, the very soul she prayed for.
Kay sighed and turned back to her car, she knew when she had been defeated. She didn't want to stick around the house that had once held so many special memories to her, but now only held pain and heartbreak. She started her car and drove off.
So, I hope you liked it! This was such a sad scene, I felt bad for everyone, so I just had to write about it. "The Godfather" is so tragic in many ways. Well, I just got the actual "Godfather" book, so hopefully it'll give me some new ideas; it's really good so far and I really love getting the extra background info on all the characters, so hopefully it'll result in better stories :D Well, please leave me some info on my story, I'd love to hear from you guys, check in for new stories soon! Thanks for reading :)