Disclaimer: I own nothing. All characters and stories belong to NBC and Dick Wolf.

A/N: This takes place after the episode Intoxicated. It got a little personal with Olivia. Please review. Thanks. Love, Lawabidingchild.


Memories

Olivia couldn't stop thinking about Carrie Eldridge. She was thinking about herself at that age. She couldn't stop. Her mother...her mother was exactly like Carrie's. Despite being an English professor, she practically had killed her own child.

She was waiting in the visitor's room in the detention center. She went to see Carrie. She wanted to see her and talk to her honestly.

When the door opened, in stepped a young girl with brown hair and brown eyes. Olivia took it as a picture of herself from years ago. She wanted to tell Carrie why she was pleaded out. "What do you want?" asked Carrie coldly.

"I wanted to tell you why you were pleaded out," responded Olivia. Carrie sat down and crossed her arms, staring at her as if trying to win a glaring contest. Olivia began talking again. "When I was growing up, I was in the exact same situation as you...well, aside from killing my mother."

"What do you mean by 'exact same situation?'" asked Carrie.

"My mother was an alcoholic and an English professor at Colombia. I was engaged to one of her seniors when I was sixteen. When she found out, she came at me with a broken vodka bottle, and I kicked her into a wall. I was afraid that I'd killed her and ended up running." Olivia stopped, tears forming in her eyes. "I was the one who begged the DA to plead you out. I'm amazed she actually took my suggestion."

"Simone said you might have had something to do with it," said Carrie, nodding, "and now I know for sure."

"Well, that's all I wanted to talk about," said Olivia, knocking on the door and exiting the room.


Olivia decided to walk. It wasn't as if she was going to drive after all of that. When she was turning a corner, she was stopped by a woman getting out of a cab. "Liv?" asked a voice from behind her. It was Casey. "What are you doing out here?"

"Going home," said Olivia.

"Oh my God," whispered Casey, "you went to see Carrie, didn't you?" The brunett nodded. "Why?"

"I wanted to tell her," said Olivia. "I wanted to tell her about why she was pleaded out."

"Liv, you didn't need to do that," said Casey.

"No," said Olivia, "I needed to." She began to hail a cab. "I want to show you something." When the cab came up, the two of the walked in.


When Olivia and Casey got out of the cab, they were at a cemetery. Casey was puzzled as to why they were there. Olivia had her reasons. She followed Olivia. When the two of them stopped, Casey noticed tat they were in front of a grave that said In Memory of Serena Benson. Serena Benson must have been Olivia's mother. "Why are we here?" asked Casey.

"This was my mother," whispered Olivia. "She was drunk when she died, falling down a flight of stairs. That was four years ago."

"You know, all those pictures on the desk that you have of your mother," began Casey, "I would have never depicted her as an alcoholic."

"That's because she started going to AA meetings," said Olivia. "We were reestablishing our relationship together. I didn't think that the AA meetings wouldn't work for her. In the end, she ended up drinking to her death anyway." Olivia finally released tears and Casey tenderly touched her shoulder. "I think it's my fault."

"It's not your fault," whispered Casey.

"Yes it was," whispered Olivia. Casey turned her around. "If she wasn't raped...if I wasn't born or if I was born under different circumstances, my mother would have been happy and wouldn't have turned to the bottle. She could still be here."

Casey pulled Olivia toward her. She couldn't stop Olivia's crying, no matter how much she wanted to. "Hey," whispered Casey, "this isn't your fault. You didn't kill your mother. She had plenty of options as what to do with you. You don't have to beat yourself up over this."

"Thanks Case," whispered Olivia. Casey's hand's moved to her hair, and began to stroke it. She knew Olivia didn't like reliving those memories, but this case made Olivia relive them. Bad memories that she'd rather forget.