I suck a romance. So why did I write this? Because this insane plot bunny jumped into my head today and wouldn't leave me alone. Why did the plot bunny attack my head you ask? That would be because of the wonderful song "You Will Never Be" by Julia Sheer. I heard the acoustic version today and fell in love with the song all over again. Go LISTEN TO IT NOW! Go ahead, I can wait. Look it up on youtube! It's a really amazing song! Also comes from my belief that people, especially teenage girls (I am one of them, but then again I'm weird and don't have this problem anymore) forgive a lot of people who don't deserve it. I used o forgive everyone who had ever done anything bad until about a year ago one of my "friends" went to far and I snapped and now I know who deserves it and who doesn't. END OF RANT! Hope you enjoy and please review! A different style for me so I'm not to sure about it.
How did we ever come to this? I never thought you'd be someone I'd have to miss.
I could only sit and wonder why all this had happened. How could you have ever done this to me? We were friends, best friends, but we had also been more, so much more that looking back at all the memories made my chest gape with emptiness.
I hated myself because when you would whisper to me that you would always be there I believed you. I couldn't see this was just some game. That you never really cared like you said you did.
And there I was caught in your game. Needing answers that never came.
The worse part is that you never even explained why you did any of it. What was the point of lifting me up just to tear me down? Did you get some kind of sick satisfaction in seeing me hurt?
Because yeah, it hurt. Hurt so fucking much that I had trusted you so completely. I hadn't even cared that you wanted to run off and pretend to date Jo as a "cover". You weren't ready to come out and I accepted that. Heck I wasn't ready either. But then you went and ruined everything. Shoved her in my face and made me feel horrible for hating her, because you were playing her just like you were playing me. The difference was she didn't know the rules, didn't know there was one more player.
And we took a chance. You said you were strong, strong enough, but you were wrong.
You said you were strong enough it resist her. You said you wouldn't take things too far with her. That it was always you and me first. And again like a complete love drunk idiot I believed you. You thought I wouldn't ever find out. Too bad she wasn't in on your plan.
It was the absolute worst way I could have found out. It was dropped like an anvil on my head, not even giving me a second to contemplate an escape plan, because there she was talking to Camille about just what you two did last night, a bright red blush on her checks, but looking as happy as anyone could ever be.
I couldn't even bring myself to move, because I had fallen for your lies, your promises, and now my heart was paying the price. And I was angry, angrier than I had ever been. And suddenly I was running to the elevator and bursting into the apartment, ignoring Carlos and James questions as I strode in our bedroom and slammed the door.
You turn around with an innocent look on your face and it just makes me angrier that you could stand there and pretend nothing had ever happened between you and Jo.
And now I'm deafened by your silence, blinded by the tears. If you're looking for forgiveness you won't find that here.
"Logan what's wrong?" You actually look worried as you stand up and cross the room holding your hands out to me, but I'm not falling for it anymore. I jerk away as you try to pull me into your arms, my mind filled with images of you and Jo. It makes me sick; I have to fight the nausea that pools in my stomach.
"How was Jo last night?" I say with as much contempt and anger in my voice as possible.
You go white as my words hit you and then you just stand there looking at me in dumbfounded shock, eyes wide and mouth hanging open slightly. I just stare back at you, waiting for the explanation I deserve, even if it won't make a difference.
"You're pathetic." You flinch at my words, and even though I don't like hurting you I can't bring myself to take them back. "I can't believe I ever trusted you."
"I'm sorry? That's all you have to say? Sorrys not good enough Kendall!"
Cause you lied your way to heartbreak and now its all too clear, that you will never be...
"Logan you have to understand-"
I didn't even let you finish, not wanting to hear whatever lame excuse you had come up with. "I think I understand perfectly! Do you just like fucking with me? Was this some big game you had going?"
"No Logan, you have to let me explain!"
"I don't have to let you do anything."
Look at her, she won't ever compare. You can say you're sorry, but I still don't care.
"Logan she just jumped me after our date! What was I supposed to do? If I told her I couldn't she would want to know why and then I would have to tell her about us!"
"You could have lied. Come up with some other excuse, but you didn't."
For once your green eyes aren't turning me to a puddle and making me do whatever you want. Now looking into them all I see is regret and for some reason I can't bring myself to care that you're hurting, because you did this. I couldn't even believe I could get this mad. I could never stay mad at anyone, especially you. But forgiveness wasn't coming now, I couldn't bring myself to put this behind me, because Jo had stolen something I wanted, something we were going to share together.
Was she worth this mess? Was she worth this pain? You can say it's her fault, but you're both to blame.
Tears are in your eyes, but still I don't care. You deserve this; you deserve exactly what I am going through right now, which is hell.
I hate you for doing this, but mostly I hate myself for believing you.
"Please don't do this!" Your pleading now, taking my hands in yours, but the familiar electricity that normally runs through my body at your touch is absent. I don't know if that fact makes me happy or more depressed. "Logan, please! Think of all we've been through..."
So I do. I thought back to when we met, we were five, both put into Ms. Steppe's kindergarten class. My parent's had been shocked to hear I made a friend the first day since I was normally painfully shy, but with you it was different. Different was nice.
There had been a whole childhood of hidden glances and lingering touches, but neither of us knew what it meant, we just thought we enjoyed each others presence.
But then the teenage years rolled around and it was hard to deny the attraction we had to each other. I still remembered with perfect clarity the look of pure jealousy on your face when James had set me up on a double date with his date's cousin. I used to take comfort in that, a small hope that maybe you shared my feelings.
Then we had moved to L.A. and things had gotten more complicated. Sharing a room with the object of your affection was difficult to say the least. Finally I had had enough and told you I was gay. You smiled and slammed me up against the wall, kissing me passionately. I had been so shocked it had taken me a moment to kiss you back, but when I did we fit together perfectly. Our lips mashing in a perfect was that made my heart beat out of my chest. That was one of the greatest days of my life.
Looking back it was all so easy. I hope you know you're my last mistake. Don't come around and say you need me, I won't stay.
"You can't just walk away from all that Logie!"
"You're the one pushing me." I ripped my hands away from yours, tears falling from my eyes.
"I love you." My heart nearly stopped at the words. You had never said them before. It broke my heart because I knew you didn't mean them, not after what you and Jo had done. You loved her, not me.
"I wish I could believe that."
Now I know that you were so deceiving. Was it fun for you to walk away? I hope you liked it cause she's so damn easy. You won't change.
"Please Logan! I'll tell everyone! I'll break up with her, just don't leave me!"
"I'm sorry Kendall. I just, I don't know if I can trust you anymore."
And we both broke. You because you threw everything we had, everything we could have had away. You lied your way to heartbreak. Me because I sat by and did nothing to stop you.
But words weren't going to fix this. Nothing could. Our relationship had become a broken mirror. And no matter how hard you tried to put the pieces back together, we would always be able to see the crack in the reflection.
Now I'm deafened by your silence, blinded by the tears. If you're looking for forgiveness you won't find that here. Cause you lied your way to heartbreak and now its all too clear, that you will never be...
We would never be...
God that was depressing. What can I say? Review? I know I should be updating Those You've Known, but I couldn't help this! =D