A/N: I am utterly ashamed of myself for this fic. I have absolutely no idea where this came from, but seeing as my muses have been broken for a while now and I haven't been able to write anything, I figure putting this up couldn't hurt anything. Except maybe my self-esteem. And the brains of anyone who reads this...
"Tamaki-senpai, you've got to be kidding," Haruhi said flatly. She hadn't been in the club room for more than thirty seconds and Tamaki was already trying to convince her to wear some ridiculous cosplay. She would have no part of it. She'd been having a bad day so far, and she felt sure that whatever Tamaki had in mind for the club today would push her over the edge. His outfit was too over the top, and he surely had something similar planned for the rest of them. His ensemble consisted of a luxurious head-to-toe white tux, with a ruby at his throat and some little blue feathers in his lapel pocket.
"But Haruhi!" he protested loudly. "If you don't dress up today, you'll look completely out of place! The girls will wonder why we left you out, and then they'll never come back to the Host Club because they'll think we're terrible people who don't care about you, even though they should know by now that we do! Now, come right this way. Kyouya has your costume ready in the prep room."
Haruhi rolled her eyes. If she didn't acquiesce now, she'd just be subjected to Puppy Dog Eyes and the Corner of Woe later and would eventually give in. If she said yes now, it would save her a lot of time and headache. "Just tell me one thing, senpai," she replied.
"Yes, Haruhi?" He turned around quickly, his hands clasped behind his back and looking for all the world like a child instead of a seventeen-year-old young man.
"Is the outfit you picked out for…?" She let her sentence trail off as she saw several of her follow Hosts emerging from the dressing room. The twins were clearly in the most ridiculous costumes. Kaoru was wearing a black vest, brown pants, a long bright red coat that hung around his elbows, bright red glasses, and a bright red wig that fell well past his waist. Hikaru's costume was almost completely black, consisting of a black overcoat that hid his hands, black boots, a grey sash slung over one shoulder, and a black hat which seemed to have a long tail coming out the back. His wig was a grayish-silver color and covered his eyes. He had a scar painted on his face and long fake fingernails that were, like much of the rest of him, black. The whole ensemble was very creepy.
"What the…?" Haruhi started. She jerked her head up quickly at Tamaki. "You're not gonna make me dress up like that, are you, Tamaki-senpai?"
He chuckled softly. "Of course not, Haruhi! Just go get changed."
"Good, because that's just weird." As she was walking back towards the dressing rooms, she spotted Kyouya coming toward her. She heaved a sigh of relief at seeing his costume. It was a very nice black tuxedo and his usual wire-rimmed glasses had been replaced by thick rectangular frames, and his hair was slicked back neatly.
"Oh, Haruhi," he said, using the tool in his hand to push up his glasses. "Your clothes are in the second stall. If you need any help with your wig, just call for one of us."
"Uh, Kyouya-senpai, can I ask you a question?"
"Of course," he replied.
"What exactly are we cosplaying? I mean, why are you and Tamaki-senpai just wearing suits, but Hikaru and Kaoru are dressed like…." she turned around and gestured towards the twins, who were teasing Tamaki, "like that?"
"I'm afraid I have been instructed not to tell you that, Haruhi. Although," he said, glancing at the Hitachiin brothers, "even for someone not thoroughly entrenched in current entertainment trends, it should be plainly obvious from those two." With that, he continued on towards Tamaki and the twins.
She shook her head in frustration and made her way back to the dressing rooms. She was sure that Tamaki had a plan, and she was willing to trust him to not embarrass her. Well, maybe not that last bit, not really, but she did trust him to a certain extent.
And Kyouya would never allow anything that could jeopardized the money she owed him, right?
"Takashi, Takashi!" Hani-senpai exclaimed. She turned to see Mori-senpai walking out of the next changing area. He was wearing formal suit that resembled Kyouya's, which set her mind at ease a little. His wig was messy, but the sheen of hair gel told her that it was styled to look the way it did. Although she saw white gloves poking our of his back pocket, his hands were bare at the moment and his fingernails were painted black. There was something drawn on the back of his hand. It disturbed her slightly, but it was still better than what Tamaki and the twins were wearing. When she saw Hani's costume, however, she didn't know if she'd be able to get through the day without having a nervous breakdown.
"You look so handsome, Takashi!" Hani said. "I really like your wig. It looks so good! Exactly like it is in the show! Tama-chan sure knows his stuff."
"Yeah," Mori said, adjusting his collar.
"What in the world, Hani-senpai?" Haruhi exclaimed. "Why are you in a dress?"
"Because Tama-chan said I'd be perfect for her!" he replied. "And he's right! We're both blonde; we both like cute things; we both like eating cake; we both—"
"Okay, okay, I get it," she replied. "But why so…poofy?" There was a lot of pink, white, and red on Hani's dress, as well as too many frills and too much lace. His wig was a very light blonde and looked similar to the ones the twins had worn when Tamaki had dressed them all up as women to "defeat" the Zuka Club. A red flowered headband adorned the wig, and a matching choker was at his neck.
Hani smiled and glanced up at Mori. "We can't tell you what we're cosplaying, Haru-chan. Tama-chan said not to."
Haruhi rolled her eyes. "Whatever. I'm sure it's something stupid anyway, knowing Tamaki-senpai."
Hani giggled into his white-gloved hand, glancing up at Mori. He turned back to Haruhi and said, "Haru-chan should hurry and put on her costume. I want to see how cute it looks on her!"
She sighed and stepped into the stall. It was a little dark inside. She looked up and saw that both of the light bulbs were burned out. Oh, well. She'd tell Kyouya about it later. She picked up the hanger that held her costume—a dress, which explained why Hani-senpai wanted to see it so badly—and looked it up and down. It was pink and frilly.
Oh, she was going to kill Tamaki one of these days.
When she had finally gotten the entire thing on (not only was there a dress, but a lacy choker and a frilly hat and ridiculous boots, not to mention the waist-length wig), she stepped into the light of the prep room and made a beeline for the mirror. It wasn't as bad as she'd thought it would be. She would even call it a pretty dress, if only to herself. When she stepped into the club room, the girls were already there and fawning over the other Hosts.
"Oh, Hikaru, Kaoru! Your costumes are so perfect!"
"Yeah, and that's always been my favorite pairing from the show!"
"Tamaki, you play him so perfectly, down to the last detail! You all did such a wonderful job! And Mori and Hani look amazing too! So cute!"
"I think Kyouya looks the best, though. He's so handsome in formal wear! But where is your scythe, Kyouya?"
"Yeah, Kaoru doesn't have his either. I was kind of hoping that you'd demonstrate them today or something."
Scythe? She rolled her eyes. This was just too much, even for the Host Club. But the girls seemed ludicrously happy with it, so she supposed that's why Kyouya-senpai had approved of it. She wondered where their resident otaku was and why she was missing an opportunity to witness what was apparently such a wonderful cosplay.
One of the girls spotted her coming out of the prep room. "Haruhi-kun, you look so cute!"
Her three usual customers ran over to her, as well as a few of the girls who only saw her occasionally. They were all chirping on about how adorable she looked. "You make such a wonderful Ciel, Haruhi-kun!"
"Ciel?" she asked.
"Yes!" another girl continued. Turning to Tamaki, she said, "I've been waiting for the day when the club would cosplay characters from an anime, and you certainly picked a good one!"
As Tamaki fawned over the girls in his so-called Kingly manner, Haruhi turned to Kyouya. "Is that what the world has come to, Kyouya-senpai, that we have to cosplay from anime? I swear, Tamaki-senpai is getting lazy."
"I wouldn't say so," he replied, opening his notebook. "Although the costumes were made here in Japan, the accuracy of the designs and the sheer amount of fabric it took to create them cost a fortune. Tamaki has actually been quite patient while waiting for the Club to earn enough extra money." He smiled slightly, which made Haruhi's stomach drop. "And obtaining your correct and current measurements without your knowledge was somewhat difficult."
She rolled her eyes. "So, why do I have to be in the dark about what anime we're doing?"
"Because Tamaki was dead sure you'd be against cosplaying Kuroshitsuji. It's a fairly recent show. You might not know of it, but it is quite popular with the ladies. And Tamaki told me that he wasn't entirely sure you would see the humor in the situation, although I am quite sure you'll appreciate it."
She was almost afraid to ask. "Situation?"
Kyouya smiled wider, and Haruhi's stomach dropped even further. "You are Ciel Phantomhive, the main character of the show, and you are also, at this precise moment, a girl pretending to be a boy cosplaying a boy pretending to be a girl."
As he walked away to attend to his guests, Haruhi chuckled in spite of herself. It was funny, in a demented sort of way. But that was the Host Club: always making her feel better when she was down, even if they were the cause in the first place.