Disclaimer: Nope.

Author's Note: Inspired by "Hamlet: Facebook Newsfeed Edition." Which, BTW, everyone should read, because it is hilarious. X3

Warnings: The usual parody warnings. Also, I rarely use facebook, so if I screwed some things up, I apologize. XD;


Kuroshitsuji II:

Facebook Newsfeed Edition


Alois became a fan of "spiders"

Alois doesn't like it when girls look at him

Alois poked Hannah

Claude thinks turning salt into sugar is part of a butler's job

Uncle Arnold thinks Alois is a hax00r

Alois sent Uncle Arnold money

Uncle Arnold and Alois are now friends

Sebastian thinks his disguise is clever

Alois thinks tea is boring. Sparkly blue soul-rings, on the other hand…

Sebastian became a fan of "Bocchans in Boxes™"

Ciel is back online

Ciel posted an event: "Pointless Subplot Party About a Bridge"

Lizzie became a fan of "white stags"

Lau requested to be friends with Ciel

Ciel posted on Lau's wall: "Aren't we friends already?"

Sebastian is glad he learned CPR in butler school

(The fans want to know WTH was the point of this episode)

Victoria sent Ciel a private message: "People are spontaneously combusting. Make that stop."

Sebastian likes running chores with his young master

The photographer's wife wants to know where happiness is

Grell wants to know if this pose is good, or how about this one, or this one, or this one, or—?

Ciel thinks the Trancy family is cramping his style

Finny added "trains" to his interests

Sebastian looks forward to faking a fun trip

Ciel thinks this train is full of freaks

Claude wants to prove that his disguises are clever, too

Random rich man is horrified by the train's upholstery! Also, has anyone seen his son?

Ciel is sick of being kidnapped

Sebastian was invited to an event: "Taking Down the Bad Guy as a Team"

Sebastian will not be attending this event

Sebastian sent Edward a bottle of zydrate digestion medicine

Claude became a fan of "feeding birds"

Alois posted an event: "Alois Trancy's Pimpin' Halloween Par-Tay '010! BYOB, but we'll provide the glasses"

Agni and Soma formed the group "Let's Make Ciel Remember Season One!"

Ciel wants to know why the hell a random Indian prince is glomping him

Alois is on a hunt for the perfect prom dress

Ciel has never been in a girl's bedroom before. Oh, wait—never mind

Alois posted on Ciel's wall: "You've got a tasty ear~"

Ciel responded to Alois' comment: "What the hell is wrong with you?"

Finny, Maylene, Bard, Lizzie and Paula joined the group "Let's Make Ciel Remember Season One!"

Ciel is starting to think he should lay off the hallucinogens

Sebastian finds it annoying when his meals get interrupted

Ciel finds it annoying when people want to put him in boxes

Sebastian is perfecting his Miss America talent

Ranmao is hording girls under her skirt

(Lau likes this)

Sebastian invited Claude to an event: "Fighting and Flashbacking until Everyone is Wet, In Some Way or Another"

Claude will be attending Sebastian's event

Sebastian sent Claude a bloody black rose

Claude sent Sebastian a bloody black rose

Sebastian and Claude are now friends

Ciel added "revenge against the Trancy family" to his interests

Alois sent Ciel a private message: "Wanna come over to my place and watch our butlers dance?"

Ciel responded to Alois' message: "After I'm done shooting woodcutters in the head"

Sebastian is gonna get some mending done while he fights, m'kay?

Hannah doesn't think she's getting paid enough for this shit

Sebastian doesn't like it when other demons eye his young master

Claude doesn't like having white, sticky, sweet stuff splattered all over his face

Ciel is bored now

(Alois likes this)

Alois sent Ciel a private message: "Shall we take a trip to the bathroom?"

Alois poked Ciel

Ciel poked Alois

Alois poked Ciel

Ciel superpoked Alois

Alois thinks maybe this wasn't such a good idea

Claude became a fan of "Ciel Phantomhive"

Alois often thinks of his past when copious amounts of blood are gushing from his insides

Grell enjoys attacking random little boys in carriages

(Claude likes this)

Alois formed the group "I Love-Love Abusive Demonic Butlers!"

Alois posted on Claude's wall: "Let me know what you think of the new group I made~"

Claude changed his relationship status from "in a relationship" to "single"

Alois is now a zombie

Hannah has noticed a change in the décor

Victoria sent Ciel a private message: "Someone is poking out little boys' eyes. Make that stop."

Sebastian (still) thinks boxes are a good hiding place for young masters

Ciel commented on Sebastian's status: "Eff that, you're not the boss of me!"

Claude added "crocheting" to his interests

William became a fan of "glasses"

Ciel is starting to think he's caught a case of the crazies

(Hannah likes this)

Ciel added "Mental Institution" to the Places I've Been Application

Claude enjoys fucking with people's minds


Ciel and Sebastian are no longer friends

Ciel doesn't like being bad-touched by strange men first thing in the morning

Claude thinks Ciel's foot against his face feels heavenly~

Sebastian hopes no one liked the trees in the yard

Claude added "mocking Sebastian" to his interests

Sebastian is so desperate to serve someone that he may just wind up doing something drastic…

Sebastian and Grell are now friends

Grell became a fan of "salty tea"

Claude would like to let the world know that Ciel's soul is good

Sebastian would like to let Claude know that he can go fuck himself

Ciel doesn't care that Sebastian murdered his family—he's still gonna fantasize about him in the garden for a bit, kthx

Sebastian invited Grell to an event: "Listening to Crucial Backstory from the Mouth of an Old Whore"

Thompson, Timber, and Canterbury commented on Sebastian's event: "…"

Sebastian is not above taking off his shirt to get what he wants

Thompson, Timber, and Canterbury are no longer online

Grell is frightened by Sebastian's shadow

Ciel is frightened by maids who have eyeballs in the back of their throats

Sebastian removed "bloody black roses" from his interests

Sebastian and Claude are no longer friends

Alois will jump if Claude and Sebastian won't play with him

Sebastian is not amused

Claude and Sebastian will be attending the event: "Collecting Stamps in the Maze of Alois' Heart (Yes, It's Just as Gay as it Sounds)"

Sebastian does not enjoy being tentacle raped by vines

Grell commented on Sebastian's status: "But I so enjoy watc— okay, I'll cut you down…"

Claude wishes Alois would STFU and stop sending him friend requests

Ciel wants to know why no one told him that season one happened

Alois wants to know why Claude isn't a fan of "Alois Trancy"

Claude removed "trap doors" from his interests

Hannah joined the group "Demons Who Love Prepubescent British Boys"

Ciel would very much appreciate it if Sebastian would hurry up and EAT HIS SOUL ALREADY!one!1!

(Sebastian likes this)

Hannah became a fan of "Alois Trancy" and "Ciel Phantomhive"

Alois posted on Claude's wall: "I'll always love you…"

Ciel thinks that this many seals can't be good for his eye

Alois and Hannah are now friends

Hannah added "Welsh lullabies" to her interests

Hannah, Claude, Sebastian, Ciel, and Alois added "the Isle of the Dead" to the Places I've Been Application

Hannah posted an event: "Fight to the Death for the Sake of Ciel Phantomhive's Jizz-Worthy Soul"

Sebastian and Claude will be attending Hannah's event

Alois is jealous of Ciel and his ability to attract hot butlers

Hannah thinks she should find a better place to hide her weapons

Claude knows he does a mean "Spider-Man" impression, thank you very much

Sebastian is thankful for the great deal of practice he's had playing with swords

Claude posted on Sebastian's wall: "Screw… you…"

Claude is no longer online

Alois isn't sure how he feels about all of this. OH WELL

Alois is no longer online

Hannah thinks it might be fun to try cliff diving

Hannah is no longer online

Ciel joined the group "Maidens Who Don't Float"

Sebastian removed "shiny red demon eyes" from his interests

Ciel is feeling pretty good for having been punched through the stomach

Sebastian is starting to regret a recent order he agreed to…

Ciel commented on Sebastian's status: "HAHAHAHAHA"

Ciel became a fan of "empty tea cups" and "tightly tied ribbons"

Ciel posted on Lizzie's wall: "Feel like dancing?"

(Lizzie likes this)

Sebastian sent Lau, Undertaker, Grell, William, Soma, and Agni black boxes

Ciel sent a private message to Finny, Bard, and Maylene: "So long and thanks for all the fish"

Sebastian changed his employment status from "demon butler" to "demon's butler"

Ciel invited Sebastian to an event: "Leaping into Eternity from a Bed of Metaphorically Significant Roses"

Ciel commented on his event: "You're coming whether you like it or not"

Sebastian responded to Ciel's comment: "Yes, my Lord"

Ciel and Sebastian are no longer online