Confess Distress

I'm running out of ways to make you see

I want you to stay here beside me

I won't be ok and I won't pretend I am

So just tell me today and take my hand

Please take my hand

Snow Patrol, "Just Say Yes"

It was autumn; three years since the day that Fai de Flourite had joined the staff of the Horitsuba Private Academy. Three years since he and a certain PE teacher had become neighbours. He wondered if said person remembered about that day as well.

Actually, he was very capable of wondering about many things all at the same time.

And for the fifty-second time since he and Yuui had made a deal, he questioned himself how he deserved such a patient and loveable twin. 'What kind of deal?', you might ask. Well, it has been a deal involving both love and love confessions. Though for Fai it has been the chance to hide his feelings for a certain person a bit longer.

"Fine. You've won. I'll tell Kuro-rin that I love him", he had said, "I'll tell him as soon as you confessed to Syaoron."

It would have been the perfect plan; making a deal like this right after Yuui had explained him why it was better not to let the boy know. Thus, Fai had expected that it would take a long time until Yuui would finally have the heart to tell the boy. However, he hadn't considered the possibility that Syaoron would confess to Yuui instead.

So the result of making that deal was a really happy student, a shy but even happier cooking teacher and a chemistry teacher in distress. That damn deal had been his idea, so there was no way running away from it... not that he disliked the way things had come out. Fai was glad that his brother was able to be with the person he loved. However it was fun to make Yuui blush by mentioning the student's name or even inviting the boy for dinner (but only on occasions when Kurogane was not around since Fai had promised not to tell anyone about the relationship).

But while Yuui and Syaoron had been enjoying themselves on their 'non-dates', the chemistry teacher couldn't help himself but to envy the two. They showed him what he could have if he just tried to tell Kurogane about the true nature of his feelings. Plus, the deal demanded him to do so too.

Although Fai knew what he could win, at the same time he was afraid to lose what he already had.

Yes, he and Kurogane were not lovers but at least they were friends… in a way.

He had the opportunity to see Kurogane almost every day. He was able to talk to him, to tease him and to be chased by him. Oh hell, he could even hug and glomp the taller man whenever he wanted.

Kurogane was someone to rely on. Someone, whose friendship was the most precious to him no matter what. Why should he risk losing this precious friendship for the tiny chance of fiery kisses in the night or the even smaller chance of holding hands? Not to mention the chance of getting touched in a way he had never been before; a touch that was more than just physical… but Fai refused to get his hopes up. He was not lacking self-confidence; he just knew Kurogane very well. He knew that the tanned man didn't like surprises and he knew that he – Fai – was a walking, human-shaped box filled with surprises and childish joys. There was no way that Kurogane would ever love a person like him.

However as much as he was wishing for the impossible, he was fine with staying friends with the gym teacher as long as he was allowed to stay close to the black haired man, admiring him secretly.

But now, that was all about to change.

And for the fifty-third time he questioned himself on how he deserved such a patient and loveable twin. All that Yuui requested from him was the promise to say three little words to Kurogane in time. There was no deadline for the chemistry teacher to come up with his part of the deal. So no pressure... right?

Those three stupid little words shouldn't be that hard to say.


During the last weeks, Fai had tried to say those three words with all his might but had failed every time. He had to drag Kurogane to the movie theatres, into cafes, bars, circus shows… and to top it all off, he had even forced him to go to the museum... which turned out to be a very bad idea because they had only two exhibitions that time; one about beauty and the other one about human sexuality and reproduction.

In retrospect, being confronted with a cartoon about artificial insemination didn't actually get you in the mood to confess your love... no matter if the person you wanted to confess to had the same sex or the opposite sex.

On a certain Monday, Fai had almost said it. He and Kurogane had been walking home, silently one might add. It had been raining, so the two of them had been hiding under their umbrellas, until… Kurogane broke the silence.

"You're not talking", he had stated.

"I don't feel like talking", Fai had replied; trying to act casual.

"You are not singing either", Kurogane said as he glanced at the chemistry teacher. "And don't tell me you don't feel like singing, you always sing under that damn thing." Kurogane had pointed at the extremely embarrassing duckie umbrella Fai had been holding to prove his point.

Then Fai had stopped, making Kurogane stop as well. "...Kuro-tan?"

Kurogane sighed as he turned around. "What?"

"You know, I love… singing in the rain", Fai had started, biting his lower lip anxiously. Then he had mustered up as much courage as he could to tell him those three words once again. "But... do you know what I love even more?"

The man had raised an eyebrow as he looked straight at Fai's face. "No, but I'm quite sure you will tell me in a few seconds. Now what is it?"

There had been something odd in the look that appeared on the taller man's face and Fai's courage had disappeared almost instantly. So the chemistry teacher quickly thought up of an alternative to save himself. He suddenly threw his umbrella up into the air and twirled around while giggling like crazy.

"Dancing in the rain! Come on, Kuro-puu, dance with me." And with that, he swayed away, hoping that the other one wouldn't notice his smile was a lie.

"What the f… stop it, idiot!"

A loud 'PLOP' ripped the chemistry teacher out of his daydreaming and he blinked, staring at the test tube he was heating on a flame from a Bunsen burner. The milk inside the glass was still pale blue, but now that test tube seemed… emptier. He placed the test tube in a test tube rack and looked at the ceiling. There was a pale blue spot there.

"Oops?", Fai said to no one in particular (after all, he was alone in the lab), staring at the evidence of his little accident. "Maybe I should try the banana juice first."

So, Fai got himself a new test tube and put three drops of copper sulphate solution into it, before he added three drops of the colourless FEHLING II solution and shook the tube until the colour changed into a dark blue. Satisfied, he added a little bit of banana juice. The mixture looked greenish blue and not very appetizing, but he had no intention of drinking that stuff, anyway. He started to heat the bottom of the test tube, shaking it while doing so to prevent further boiling retardation.

He was so into his experiment that he almost didn't hear another person enter the room.

"I always thought that food is not allowed in labs", a deep voice said.

Fai didn't look in the direction that voice came from, he didn't have to since he would recognize his voice anywhere and any time. "You're not supposed to eat and drink in the lab, but using food for experiments is no problem." He then exclaimed in awe. "Oh! Look, Kuro-myuu, it's working!"

The liquid in the tube changed its colour from bluish-green to grass green and then to brick red. When the reaction was over, Fai put that tube aside as well, turned the Bunsen burner off. He then shifted his goggles from his nose onto the top of his head. "Once again banana juice has proved that Kuro-rin-sensei won't like it." He said solemnly.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kurogane grunted out.

"Saccharides. Reducing saccharides, to be precise."

A black eyebrow was raised .

"Sugar.", Fai clarified. "I just tried out the FEHLING test on some drinks. Or the 'Kuro-pon will not approve your existence' test as I like to call it." He smiled at the gym teacher.

"I don't mind that banana juice exists as long as I don't have to drink that stuff. The chairman told me, you wanted to talk to me."

"Yes!", Fai cried out cheerily. He unbuttoned his lab coat and ran towards his friend. "I wanted to ask you if you'll join me this evening. There is a fair in town and I wondered-"

"No", Kurogane cut him off.

"No?" Fai asked.

"That's what I said." Kurogane crossed his arms, preparing himself for the whining and complaining he might be confronted with.

"Why not?"

"I have other plans for today."

"What kind of plans?", Fai asked; feeling a bit irritated. Usually, the other one refused because he thought Fai's plans were stupid or childish or a waste of time. However this was the first he had heard from the other man that he had other plans.

"Plans that don't involve you", Kurogane retorted, "So it's none of your damn business."

"I don't believe you." The blond poutet.

"Bad luck for you, I won't come."

"But Kuro-chii…" Fai pleaded, doing the puppy eyes thing. However, he had never been a pupy person, so it didn't work.

"Just ask your brother."

"Yuui's going to Okinawa this afternoon to supervise Doumeki-kun and Syaoron-kun during the kyudo competition they're participating! As you should know about that very well, since you were supposed to join them in the first place. You even asked Yuuko-sensei to find someone else for that task, because… oh!" That's when Fai remembered. "That's because..."

"Because I had plans", Kurogane finished for him; mildly annoyed that he had to repeat the statement once again.

"Oh, well, then…" Fai shrugged, smiling sadly, "I guess… I will have to ask someone else."

"You're a grown up man, you should be able to go there alone." Kurogane said; not caring at that moment.

"No! It's a fair. It's not fun, when you're alone." Fai whined childishly.

The p. e. teacher shook his head (thinking that this was not only true for fairs) and left without taking a second look at the chemistry teacher. If he had done so, he might have given in.

Kurogane was glad that he had his arms crossed when that smile appeared. That sad smile that Fai had on his face. At that moment, if he didn't crossed his arms; he would have done anything to comfort him. If he hadn't; Kurogane would have hugged Fai and that was something that shouldn't happen; no matter what.

Fai might get the wrong idea.

Or – even worse – Fai might get the right idea.

And if that spazzy chemistry teacher would ever find out about his affection for him… well, Kurogane could imagine what would happen then; a whole new level of teasing, probably in a more seductive way. Kurogane was a proud man and there were a lot of things he could stand. But he wouldn't let anyone make fun of his emotions. Especially not the person he had said emotions for.

And it was already a pain just to admit to that.

Hooray, Chapter one up. A big thanks for True Despair for editing; without her, this chapter would not have been so... complete.

And just in case you wondered... the incident with the blue milk really happened to me in my last year at school when we were prepared for our final exams.