Warnings: There will DEFINITELY be Inoue bashing because I just don't like her. I'm sorry to all those Inoue Orihime lovers and IchiRuki haters. If you are one of those people and get offended whenever Inoue is abused, do not read for you will get VERY offended.
Just about everyone is OOC so I apologize if you do not like it.
There is a slight Sailor Moon crossover and an even smaller Naruto crossover just for the fun of it. If you don't like it you can always just block out those parts.
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, Sailor Moon, or Naruto. If I did my life would be completely different, sort of.
Inoue Orihime sat in her apartment alone and stared at her many pictures of Kurosaki Ichigo adoringly. She sighed happily and mumbled, "Kurosaki-kun, if only we can be together forever. But that bitch Kuchiki-san is always in our way! Soon one day our love will be reunited and we can live happily ever after!"
Orihime brought out a sweater she "borrowed" from Ichigo and hugged it to her large breasts. She inhaled his scent and fell back onto her futon.
"I wish I can be with you, Kurosaki-kun. Alright, today I will confess my love to you! Today is a perfect day! Today is…the day!"
Her happiness was interrupted by her doorbell suddenly ringing and she grumbled to herself but nevertheless got up and went to open the door. She was mildly surprised to find Ishida Uryū and Yasutora Sado in front of her panting like dogs.
"Ishida-kun, Sado-kun," Orihime said sweetly. "What can I do for you both today?"
"Inoue-san you won't believe it!" Uryū managed to rasp out. "Kurosaki and Kuchiki-san have finally gotten together!"
If Orihime was drinking something, she surely would have done a spit-take right into Uryū's face. However she wasn't so she just resorted to dropping her jaw all the way into the core of the earth.
"WHAT?" Orihime screeched. She quickly forgot about the two men and dashed out of her house, forgetting to put on shoes and close her door.
Uryū and Sado just stood there blinking at where Orihime stood just moments before. Quickly shutting the door, the two bounded off, following the crazed orange-haired woman who was locating the reiatsu of Ichigo and Rukia.
A group of girls and one man walked down the street pleasantly and chatted lightly to one another. Meioh Setsuna and Mizuno Ami talked to each other about the future and how it will be like. Tomoe Hotaru and Chibiusa chatted together about school and other things. Tenoh Haruka and Kaioh Michiru were holding each other and teasing one another while walking at the same time. Aino Minako and Kino Makoto were in a debate competition over which kind of guy is the best. And finally, Hino Rei and Tsukino Usagi were just randomly yelling at each other while Usagi held onto Chiba Mamoru's arm desperately. The man rolled his eyes at Usagi and Rei's antics. After everything they've been through they were no different from two years ago.
"Well hopefully now there won't be anymore battles," Ami sighed.
"Yes, I am pretty sure the future is now safe," Setsuna smiled.
"So will you be staying longer this time Chibiusa?" Hotaru asked.
"Yep! Mama said I can stay as long as six months this time!" Chibiusa declared.
"That's great," Hotaru smiled.
"Haruka, are you jealous that those men are goggling over me?" Michiru teased.
"I still think men are idiotic animals," Haruka growled. "And they should keep their eyes and perverted thoughts to themselves."
"Oh, and what makes you think they're thinking of something perverted? Is it because YOU'RE thinking of something naughty?" Michiru giggled.
"Hmm, maybe I am maybe I'm not," Haruka smirked.
"I'm telling you hot men have to have a slight tan and wavy hair!" Minako stated. "I would know since I am the champion of love and justice!"
"And I'm saying that they have to be tall and have a slight accent," Makoto replied back.
"Well as long as they aren't fat…"
"Or too short…"
"Or have a…"
The list just went on and on. Meanwhile with the two randomly bickering duo and annoyed boyfriend…
"Rei-chan you're so mean!" Usagi pouted.
"You're just an odango-atama!" Rei yelled and stuck out her tongue.
Usagi humphed and also stuck out her tongue.
Mamoru sighed and wondered to himself why of all days he had to go out with the girls if they were just going to make love and kissy faces to each other or bicker amongst themselves. His thoughts were suddenly interrupted when a whirl of long orange hair knocked into Usagi so hard she let go of him and fell onto the floor along with the person who bumped into her. Mamoru managed to catch himself before he fell flat on his butt as well.
"Usagi!" the girls stopped and yelled.
"Usa-ko!" Mamoru said. "Are you ok?"
"Oww, that actually hurt…" Usagi mumbled.
"Hey, watch where you're going you prick in the road," Orihime grumbled and picked herself off. She then sped off towards her destination again as Uryū and Sado raced right behind her.
"What the hell was that about?" Rei twitched and helped Usagi up along with Mamoru, completely forgetting her previous fight with Usagi.
"I don't know, but she was kind of a bitch," Hotaru pouted.
"Kind of? More like supreme bitch of all witches and evil there are," Makoto grumbled. "She's worse than Esmeraude…"
"She could marry Chaos himself and he would still be displeased," Minako put in.
"Guys let's just forget about this ok?" Usagi sighed. "Oh no!"
"What?" the girls asked.
"What's wrong Usa-ko?" Mamoru asked.
"When that girl bumped into me, the necklace you gave me must have entangled with her and she took it when she ran off!" Usagi cried. "I need to get it back!"
"Usa-ko I can always buy you another one…" Mamoru tried to reason. He didn't really want to see the she-witch again.
"No! It's really precious to me and I'm getting it back!" Usagi shouted and ran off towards Orihime.
"Usagi!" the senshi yelled.
"Usa-ko!" Mamoru yelled. "Dammit don't be so damn thickheaded!"
He ran off after her and the girls had no choice but to follow as well.
Orihime stopped at a luscious green park with many trees and flowers. But she wasn't gazing at its beauty but at the horror of Ichigo and Rukia who stood there together like nothing else in the world mattered.
"Kurosaki-kun!" Orihime cried in horror and disbelief.
At first the couple didn't even turn around. When they did, their eyes held something like annoyance and Ichigo spat out, "What?"
"I can't believe you Kurosaki-kun!" Orihime cried. Just then Uryū and Sado came running to a stop and gasped for breath. Shortly behind came Usagi, Mamoru, and then the rest of the senshi.
"We were meant for each other!" Orihime continued. "Today was going to be the day we confessed our love for each other and live happily ever after without THAT bitch."
The last part was spat out towards Rukia who narrowed her eyes along with Ichigo who just scowled harder.
"Look Inoue, I never loved you. Never will in ANY lifetime you got that? And don't talk to Rukia like she's nothing. And if she's a bitch, then you're more sick than Kurosutchi Mayuri," Ichigo said disgustedly.
Orihime gasped and tears fell from her eyes. "I can't believe you! We were meant for each other!"
"In what world and what universe?" Ichigo rolled his eyes.
Orihime gasped again and ran over to Sado. "You love me don't you Sado-kun?"
The Mexican only responded by pulling the hood of his sweater over his head without replying.
Orihime collapsed next to Uryū and asked him, "Ishida-kun, you love me right?"
"No Inoue-san, I never loved you," Uryū answered coldly. "I love Sado-kun and I will never love a selfish bitch like you. I was only nice to you because I pitied your love for Kurosaki."
Orihime's mind was spinning and she unknowingly stumbled over to Mamoru and fell into his chest. "Do you, handsome young man, love me?"
Mamoru stared down at the girl in disgust and slapped her in the face so hard she stumbled away from him at least ten yards.
"First of all, I'm pretty sure I'm older than you. Second of all, why are you acting like such a slut? Flirting with a man you don't even know. Third, that's what you get for colliding with Usa-ko, calling her a prick, and then running off without an apology even though it was clearly your fault. Fourth of all, you disgust me," Mamoru growled.
"Mamo-chan!" Usagi looked at him in horror. "That was a bit too much!"
"No, that was called getting back at her and telling her the truth," Mamoru scowled. "Besides, I would do anything for you."
Orihime stumbled back to Ichigo and pushed Rukia out of Ichigo's embrace and hugged him herself.
"Kurosaki-kun, you will be mine forever…" Orihime muttered. She rose onto her toes and tried to kiss Ichigo much to everyone's utter disgust. Rukia had just about enough of staying silent and punched Orihime in the face where Mamoru slapped her, HARD. She felt some part of her jaw crack under her fist. Orihime spun around and fell on the floor.
"Bitch, that is the last straw," Rukia growled. She pounced onto the dazed girl and grappled with her on the floor. Usagi also wanted her share and jumped into the fight. She pounded on Orihime while the girl tried to defend herself from two very angry girlfriends.
"Ya! Go Usagi!" Chibiusa cheered.
"Wow, I've never seen Usagi-chan so mad before," Minako said in disbelief.
"You know I don't think ANYONE has, not even to Rei," Makoto stared.
"I know, and I do pretty mean stuff to her," Rei gawked.
Orihime finally managed to push Rukia and Usagi far away from her and she quickly rose to her feet. She held up her bloodied right arm and laughed maniacally.
"Now I will summon the power to defeat all of you in one blast!" Orihime screamed.
"What? That worthless and useless fairy of yours?" Rukia smirked.
"No, something that is universally powerful!" Orihime declared and shouted. "All mighty power, I summon you…"
Something formed in Orihime's outstretched hand and everyone sweat dropped at it.
"No way," Ichigo twitched in annoyance.
Mamoru also felt a vein pop and muttered, "It's a…"
"FISHCAKE!" Kotetsu Isane shouted and awoke from her sleep.
Uzumaki Naruto fell out of his bed and fell onto the floor with a loud bang and awoke from his sleep. He rubbed his head drowsily and yawned.
"Aww man, who's thinking about me now?" he grumbled and went back to sleep, not even bothering to go back onto his bed.
Apparently Naruto's name means "fishcake" from a resource somewhere. Naruto being added in was my friend's own idea, not mine. So if you don't like it don't blame me.
The ending was something random that I thought of after watching Bleach episode 287. In my opinion it was a very hilarious filler episode. Too bad it was only one episode though.
The story was just a spur of the moment that I thought of while in the shower. This is my first fanfic so please be nice. I will take criticisms though. If I get any reviews that talk about how someone was really OOC or how you don't like the pairings or how the characters acted then I will COMPLETELY ignore them because I cannot burn them.
Thank you for reading! =D