Title: Mending the Broken
Author: ANNE (the insane one)
Rating: PG-13 for now, will go up to M later.
Spoilers: For all of Season 1
Summary: The aftermath of Jane's shooting for both Jane and Maura. Jane struggles to get over her feelings of guilt over Frankie and Maura, as well as her feelings of vulnerability that she needs to be taken care of. And after Jane takes another risk at work that almost gets her shot, Maura has to decide whether she can face a relationship with someone who one day might not come home from work.
AN: Thanks to the wonderful Kate, who betaed the fic. Any mistakes therefore are going to be mine.
Maura desperately wanted to be family. The intolerable hospital had refused to give her any information about Jane, and instead she sat here, with Jane's blood drying on her dress, on her fingers. She had wanted to kiss Jane, promise her everything would be alright. Instead she had pressed a hand to Jane's wound, trying to stop the bleeding and begged her to live.
The Rizzolis at least, considered her one of their own.
Angela Rizzoli had arrived at the hospital in tears and held onto Maura, sobbing into her Gucci shirt. Not that Maura had minded.
Now she sat in a waiting room while the woman she loved was in surgery and nobody would tell her anything.
When the doctors came out and spoke to Jane's family, she sat back and watched, hoping for any sign that Jane was okay. Her fingers curled over the arms of the plastic chair, reminding herself that this was not the time to start spouting knowledge about recovery rates, statistical chances, and now was definitely not the time to break down in front of everyone if Jane was not going to make it.
And finally, Angela walked over to her. "Frankie's going to be alright."
"She's okay, Maura. She's going to be fine."
Angela must have noticed Maura was perilously close to tears, because she sat down next to her.
"Maura, that's a good thing. The doctor said she's going to be sore but she's going to be fine."
Maura sniffed and nodded. Angela smiled at her and went back to be with her husband.
And so Maura sat alone.
Maura was not sure how long she had been sitting in the plastic chair. She was cold – although she couldn't accurately ascertain whether that was because of the air conditioning system or if she was suffering from shock at seeing Jane…Maura blinked. That was an image that she would never be rid of, no matter how hard she tried.
She was determined to stay awake until she could see Jane – and even though the hospital was being stubborn about her status as "non-family" she was going to sit here. She needed to see Jane.
A nurse passed her by, and Maura barely noticed her before the woman doubled back.
"Are you Dr Maura Isles?"
Maura looked up. "Yes?"
"Oh good. We weren't sure if you were here. Detective Rizzoli told us that you're her personal physician. She wants to see you."
Maura decided that since the nurse was telling her she was Jane's physician and not asking her, she wasn't technically telling a lie.
Maura knew that scientifically this was due to the amount of blood she'd lost and the fact she'd just been through surgery, but it still unnerved her.
It was a stark reminder of how close they had been to Maura seeing Jane on her slab. She furiously wiped some tears away, her heart thudding in her chest.
Jane was here. Jane was alive.
"Stop staring at me. I'm not dead." Jane's eyes slowly opened. "You've been crying. Oh my god…Frankie?" Her voice was more husky than usual, probably due to the breathing tube that had recently been taken out. But her concern for Frankie was making her voice break in fear.
"He's fine," Maura assured her, walking briskly over to the bed. "He's going to be fine."
Jane breathed a sigh of relief. "Then why were you…?"
"Gee, I don't know, Jane. Maybe it was because you shot yourself and could have been killed!" Maura had planned her first meeting with Jane while she had been waiting outside, and this was certainly not how she had expected to act. But she was angry, afraid, relieved – her emotions were ruling her usual sense of logic and she felt out of control.
"It's unnerving how quickly you're catching on to sarcasm."
Jane saw the tears in Maura's eyes and her heart broke. "Oh, honey. No. Come here."
Maura's hand reached for Jane's and Jane took it, squeezing hard. She shifted a little on the bed and patted the empty space.
"Come up here."
"I don't want to hurt…"
"Maura." Jane speared her with a commanding look. "Come up here."
Maura nodded and slipped off her shoes before climbing onto the bed, mindful of Jane's abdomen and the IV drip. She nestled into Jane and smiled as Jane's good arm curled around her.
"Better?" Jane murmured.
"Much." Maura's fingers caressed Jane's hand, running over the scar Hoyt had given her. "Are you in much pain?"
"I can't feel a thing. Pretty sure I'm high on pain meds. Ma said I looked spacey." Jane blinked and looked at Maura. "Do I look spacey?"
Maura thought Jane looked adorable, her face looking earnestly at Maura waiting for an answer.
"I think you look gorgeous."
Jane snorted with amusement. "Yeah…right."
"Jane…" Maura's hand cupped her face. "Why did you do it?"
"Frankie," Jane said. "I had to make sure he was okay." Even as she said it, she realised how it must sound to Maura. But at the time, Jane was sure it had been the right thing to do. Yet now, seeing Maura's obvious state of distress, she heard the doubt creeping into her voice.
"What about me?" Maura asked, pain in her voice. "What would I have done if I had lost you? I'm not even considered family and I…" Her voice cracked as she willed the fresh flood of tears away.
"Wait…what?" Jane blinked, trying to struggle out of the drug-induced fog. "Who said you weren't family? Was it Ma? You know she gets overly emotional and…"
Maura wiped her tears away. "No, your mother was wonderful. Especially under the circumstances. The hospital said I couldn't see you because I wasn't family."
Jane relaxed back on the bed. "That's why I told them you were my personal physician."
"That's different from family, Jane."
Jane smiled, and kissed Maura's hand. "Well, I tried to get you in here by threatening the nurses with my gun, but someone took it away."
Maura couldn't help the giggle that left her lips.
"Mhm?" Maura could see that Jane was about to fall asleep.
"Will you stay?"
"I'm not sure if they'll allow me…"
"You're my personal physician. And my girlfriend. Will. You. Stay? Please?"
Maura liked it when Jane called her "my girlfriend". As she looked at Jane, she remembered that the first time Jane had called her that was at a Rizzoli family dinner. Maura knew that Jane had been worrying the entire week about that dinner, about what her family would say. And then, to Maura's eternal astonishment, when they had arrived, Jane had walked in and announced to everyone: "Maura Isles is now my girlfriend." The next words out of Jane's mouth had been: "Do you need me to make the garlic bread?"
She kissed Jane softly on the lips. "I'll stay." Her fingers ran gently through Jane's hair. "Jane?"
"I love you."
Jane smiled as she closed her eyes. "I love you too."
Maura pressed a kiss to Jane's forehead. " Now go to sleep. I'll be here when you wake up."
Maura Isles was true to her word. She had debated strongly with nurses during the evening, and even did her best work at evading the truth so that she could remain with Jane.
So when Jane woke up the next morning, she still felt Maura's hand in hers and she relaxed. Then she realised that even relaxing hurt.
"You're in pain. Do you want me to call a nurse?"
"No. I want to go home. And I want to know how Frankie is. And…"
"One thing at a time," Maura said, pressing her finger to Jane's lips. "Let me call a nurse and I'll go find out about Frankie."
Jane sighed and nodded. As Maura turned to leave, she felt Jane's hand around her wrist.
"Jane…what is it?"
The detective's searching eyes ran over her girlfriend. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine. You're the one with the self-inflicted gunshot wound, remember?"
Jane heard the combination of anger and fear in Maura's voice. "Maura…I had to…"
"You had choices, Jane. And…and, when I got here, when I didn't even know if you were going to live or die, the hospital wouldn't tell me anything!" Much to her aggravation, she felt tears pricking at her eyes.
"Maura. I made that next of kin thing long before I met you. You know that." Jane tried to tug her closer. "And I didn't have a choice. Frankie was dying and it's my fault…"
"It's not your fault!" Maura turned around to look at her. "He wanted to become a cop."
"Because of me!" Jane yelled. Her face was grief-stricken, and it was times like this that she hated herself for bringing her brother into this. He should have been a plumber. God, anything but a cop.
Maura tugged her wrist away. "I'm going to get a nurse."
"I'll be back after I check on Frankie."
Jane let her hands fall back onto the bed in an angry thump. "Shit!"
She didn't know how long she had been asleep, but Jane awoke to feather-light kisses on her face. She opened her eyes and saw Maura staring down at her. Jane's hand went to the back of Maura's head, urging her down for a kiss.
The kiss was soft and tender, and when it finished, Maura remained close to her lips, murmuring:
Jane leaned in for another kiss, this one deeper than the last. "Me too," she finally said. "I'm sorry I scared you, but…"
"Frankie, I know." Maura pressed a gentle kiss on Jane's cheek. "He's fine. He's already complaining about how long he's been in hospital and how much he's going to owe you."
"I shouldn't have snapped at you. I'm sorry I just…"
Jane reached for her hand. "You were scared."
Maura nodded and sat on the side of the bed. "Yeah, I was."
"Hey…" Jane squeezed her hand. "You wanna see my contact card?"
"I have seen it."
"Not my updated one."
Maura looked at her for a moment then got up and went down to the bottom of the bed. She took the chart out, ignoring the parts that detailed Jane's injuries. She didn't want to think about those. And then she found it.
Next of Kin: Dr Maura Isles.
Her breathing hitched and she ran a finger over the words before finally putting the chart back. Maura looked up at Jane, a broad smile gracing her features. "You did that for me?"
Jane reached for her again. "And for me. I want to know that if…you know, it won't, but if this sort of thing happened again – you'd be here with me."
"I'd be here with you anyway." Maura came back to the bed and lay beside Jane, holding the other woman tenderly so as not to hurt her.
"When can I go home?" Jane asked, soothed by the soft touches of Maura's fingers. "I hate hospitals."
"I don't think anyone actually likes hospitals, Jane." Maura's fingers ran down Jane's back in tender caresses. "And when the doctor says you can. Although I think you'll need someone to stay with you for awhile."
"Know of any volunteers?" Jane smirked.
Maura smiled. "I might know one."
Jane felt Maura's fingers travelling around to caress her arm. "Maura…"
"If you keep doing that I might end up doing something that will cause me to rip my stitches."
Maura's fingers froze and she looked down at Jane. "Really?"
Jane took Maura's hand. "Really."
A smirk appeared on Maura's face. "I'd read articles where a near-death experience heightened feelings of arousal but I've never been in a relationship where I've actually been able to test the theory."
Jane closed her eyes. "Please, Maura, for the love of God, do not discuss arousal with me until I'm able to do something about it."
Maura chuckled and kissed her gently. "Alright, I'm sorry. No more teasing." She bent down to whisper in Jane's ear. "But you better hurry up and heal. Not touching you is going to drive me out of my mind."
Jane groaned. "I really need to get out of this hospital."