Secret of NIMH 3: Halloween in Thorn Valley
(If you've seen Secret of NIMH 2 and hated it, you have every right to be afraid. Comparing this to Secret of NIMH 2 is like comparing Secret of NIMH 2 to the original, and according to TvTropes, Secret of NIMH 2 is so bad it's horrible, and I very much agree. This sequel is CGI animation. Ready? 3...2...1... GO!)
Prologue: Mrs. Brisby took off the virtual reality helmet and took a long sip of her Gatorade. "So this is what it would be like if my son Timmy had gotten pneumonia. I must say, this is a brilliant Halloween Festival attraction. I mean, the Great Owl was so much nightmare fuel. And the way I "feared for my life." I would do it again, but it would be too repetitive." Brisby was full of energy. "I'm glad none of that really happened and was all just a fun little virtual simulation." I'll probably get bashed and flamed for saying this next thing, but oh well. By it, she meant the events of the original Secret of NIMH. They never happened. It was all a virtual simulation.
"Yippee!" Mr. Ages was riding a mechanical bull. "I love mechanical bulls!" Mr. Ages said in a Texas accent. This is the way he talks in the entire movie. Brisby was hit with a pang of worry. What if my son Timmy was to get pneumonia? I don't think I could take it. I gotta strengthen his immune system. Timmy was sitting underneath a palm tree, stroking a frog's fur.
"Timmy, you have to be a hero. Studies show that being a hero boosts one's immune system and I don't want you to get pneumonia. As a personal motivator, I have placed six rats in NIMH and they need your help to rescue them. Hurry, my little baby, time is ticking." Mrs. Brisby was anxious.
After the Halloween Festival ended, Timmy and his brother Martin were racing each other on rabbit driven leaves. Yadda yadda blah blah blah.
One bad sequel later, after Timmy and evil Martin escape from the burning lab, and after the fireworks in the tree ended, Secret of NIMH 3 officially begins for real.
Timmy and Jenny (or is it Jenna, whichever one was Timmy's girlfriend? I'll just call her Jenny and hope for the best, or worst, depending on your POV) were reading a bedtime story to their two kids, Bumbleflight and Grewpaw (named after name errors/typos in the Warrior Cats series).
"And then Snape yelled 'Avada Kedavra' and a cantrip shot out of his wand and at Dumbledore, killing him." Timmy read in a dramatic voice. "After that epic story, insomnia is for sure out of the question."
The next day was the Halloween Festival in Thorn Valley. Timmy and Jenny took their little ones. Some of the attractions included a haunted house, the virtual simulator that I mentioned earlier that rendered the first movie pointless and unnecessary, and a portable roller coaster. Bumbleflight and Grewpaw headed into the haunted house. A minute later they came back, crying, shivering, and screaming.
"It was too scary! I almost died!" Bumbleflight cried.
"If this is just a haunted house attraction, I'd hate to see how scary the Great Owl is," Grewpaw said, alarmed.
"It's just a harmless scare, kids," Timmy tried to remind them. He and Jenny went into the haunted house. It had the typical cliche ghosts that pop out and electronic witches and bats that drop from the ceiling. They were all badly made. They were actually bored, but just to not seem conceited in front of Bumbleflight and Grewpaw, they came out screaming, pretending to be scared.
Timmy drove everyone home in his Humvee (I make everyone drive Humvees, don't I? If this is your first encounter with this element in my fanfics, ignore that last statement).
"I hate you now, Timmy, for bringing us to this boring festival, and by boring, I mean there's nothing to do besides eat candy till your teeth rot and get scared half to death," Grewpaw sulked. "I never wanna listen to you again. Good day sir!"
When they got home, Grewpaw wrote graffiti all over the house and Bumbleflight tore up books and threw mud all over the walls. It was like an internal tornado. Timmy was in his study when he heard noises and stomped down from upstairs.
"I WAS TRYING TO READ THE COMPLETE WORKS OF WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE AND I COME DOWN TO FIND YOU TWO ACTING ROWDY AND NAUGHTY!" Timmy bellowed. "You guys are GROUNDED! G-R-O-U-N-D-E-D!" So now we know that Bumbleflight and Grewpaw are males. Sorry for not telling you readers earlier. They both look just like a younger Timmy. Surprise, surprise, Disney genetics in an MGM film.
"Hey, viewers! We are in a fanfic, written by an author who goes by StupidSequel!" Bumbleflight said excitedly
"Breaking the fourth wall is going too far! Now I know that everyone will make fun of and write parodies about us!" Timmy snapped. "No more TV!" Timmy snapped again.
The next day Bumbleflight went to his girlfriend's birthday party (I hope you're not curious about her because I will NEVER describe her. The mystery will haunt your fragile little minds! You will be tormented by the unknown forever because I'll never tell! She is only minor and not important at all) and Grewpaw watched TV literally all day. He didn't even get up to go to the bathroom (they're rats with indoor plumbing) or eat, sleep, or exercise, which is a shame because bicycle crunches are an intense ab workout you can do in front of the TV, and Grewpaw's belly was so huge, it looked almost like another tail. I never said that he never went to the bathroom, just that he never got up. Timmy face palmed. I need to go to ground people school.
"I don't care what you say, we're not grounded as far as we can tell! You should not have taken us to such a scary party. Me and Grewpaw are ungroundable! You should be ashamed!" Bumbleflight protested.
"Well, I guess there's nothing I can do, so you win unless your conscience kicks in," Timmy was being submissive. He thought there should be something he could do. Maybe I should ask the Great Owl for parenting advice. Timmy called Jeremy's cell phone number. Jeremy picked it up and began with the typical cliche "Hello," and such (when Jeremy answered his cell phone, the animators put a human ear on him so that the viewers know that birds can hear things. He doesn't actually have a human ear. It's kinda like when eyes turn into symbols in cartoons).
"Jeremy, I need a ride to the Great Owl's tree. I need to ask him for advice," Timmy shouted.
"Dude, I can hear you fine," Jeremy replied.
"Sorry. I forgot that you bird guys actually in fact do have ears. If you wanna pick me up, I live at (63,45)." Everyone in Thorn Valley expresses their home address by a coordinate pair, like algebra class. Jeremy arrived at the specified location.
"Hmmm. The 63 is the x value, since it's listed first, and the x axis is horizontal. That would make 45 the vertical y component. This must be the place," Jeremy calculated.
"Yup," Timmy praised. "And if we use the southwest city corner as the origin, then the shortest distance there would be the square root of 63 squared plus 45 squared. Can you figure it out?" Oh great, now Secret of NIMH 3 is turning into Team Umizoomi. It is officially worse than the second one right now, and this is only 25 minutes in so far. The movie is 103 minutes long. Ugh!
A few seconds later: "The answer is around 77.42. That is what we call the Pythagorean Theorem. Say it with me, Pie-thag-or-ee-en Thee-or-em," Timmy said. He FINALLY got on Jeremy's back and they flew to the Great Owl's tree, singing a musical number about the journey along the way.
When they finally got to the Great owl (they were singing nonstop for five minutes) he was sobbing. He was wearing an expensive green button-up jacket with a black button-up shirt underneath, and some white dress pants, and his hair was straight and stuck together with hair gel.
"I'm never gonna get a girlfriend. Go away. She hates me!" He was looking at a heart shaped locket with a pretty female snowy owl. Timmy was clueless. "I wear this on our night out and she rejects me with a snap of a finger," while the Owl said those last words, he snapped his fingers. "She's like, 'Esteban, you should go on What Not to Wear. And she left me just like that.'" he pulled out his locket. Time for another educational segment. "This is a heart shape." he held the locket in front of the camera. He set it down and got a piece of paper. "This shape is known as a rectangle. Rec-tang-gull."
As if we didn't already know that.
"So what do I do about my kids? They're acting all naughty and hyper and I can't do anything," Timmy asked.
"I can't help you right now. I'm feeling too lovesick," the Great Owl told him.
They flew over to (33, 18) to Brisby's house. Timmy and Jeremy were greeted by Mrs. Brisby and Jonathan Brisby.
"Hi, Timmy. Brisby has told me a lot about you, how you became a hero and freed the Lost Six from NIMH laboratory before the place went up in flames, becoming a hero just like me," the words pelted out of Jonathan's mouth.
"Yeah. Mom may have put those rats in the NIMH laboratory so I could save them, thus making them in constant danger, but at least I can't get pneumonia now, thanks to my healthy immune system. For some reason, mom really doesn't want me to get pneumonia."
"It'll nearly kill you. One Halloween Festival, I watched the virtual simulation and in it, he lay in bed, about to die. We had to move everyone because of the tractor. My amulet thingy ultimately saved the day though. Thank goodness all that didn't really happen. And now it doesn't have to because Timmy came out as a hero." Mrs. Brisby explained. Timmy blushed, and then felt a wave of curiosity. What exactly would it feel like to get pneumonia? Why exactly doesn't Mrs. Brisby want him to get pneumonia? He had to find out, but first...
"Umm, I came to ask you something. How do you deal with naughty kids? I tried asking the Great Owl, but he just sobbed and complained about how the love of his life left him for being too awkward and..."
"Gotta go," Jonathan Brisby said urgently. He pelted out the front door and past a bunch of speeding Humvees. Timmy was confused once more. A few minutes later, he saw the Great Owl fly off together with a pretty female snowy owl, the same one that was depicted in the locket. They were joking with each other and laughing.
"WHY DID YOU LIE TO ME?" Timmy shouted.
"I swear to El-Ahrairah, I didn't know," the Great Owl pleaded.
"You son of beast! I had to risk a heart attack from fear just for that?" Timmy snapped, and then went off, realizing that this anger was not worth it. He decided to head to a hospital.
He went in and asked the lady at the counter, "Umm, where can I find someone with pneumonia, cuz I want to kiss them and catch it and see exactly why my mom won't let me have pneumonia." He was lucky that the lady zoned out when he revealed his plan to her or else she would have turned his request down. Whoops, spoiler!
"In room 312, there's a kid with pneumonia who would be happy to have any sort of visitors, kin or not," the lady told him. Timmy ran to room 312 and saw a sickly, unmoving mouse in the bed. He licked it. The mouse, I mean.
A month later he still was not feeling any symptoms of pneumonia. Curse my immune system! Timmy rode Jeremy back to Mrs. Brisby's house.
"What the dealio? I licked a mouse sick with pneumonia but I haven't showed symptoms ever." Timmy was agitated.
"When you saved the rats I had placed into NIMH, that gave you a confidence boost that made your immune system invincible, so you can never get pneumonia. If you ever check out the virtual simulator at the Halloween Festival, you'll see why getting pneumonia is a bad idea. It's still going on for another week I think." I said before it was a month later, but somehow it was still October.
So Timmy rode Jeremy at a vector of y component 72 kilometers and x component 54 kilometers. He went to the Halloween Festival. How's that for all you non-nerds? Timmy paid the $10 and put on the cool-looking helmet, kinda like the nifty headgear in Power Rangers. He was viewing the entirety of Secret of NIMH 1 inside the helmet, from his point of view. After he took it off, he was shaking in fear. He did not like it one bit. There was a reason it belonged in the Halloween Festival. He overheard Mr. Ages talking to Nicodemus about how the humans had rebuilt NIMH after it burned down and how Mrs. Brisby was sent to capture random rats, place them in NIMH, and make other random rats be a hero as a long term plan to eliminate all pneumonia. Maybe there was a chance that the simulation was inaccurate. And then he heard something from Nicodemus (Nicodemus always speaks in a German accent in this sequel) that made him uncomfortable. It was clouding up and looking like it might rain.
"I promise that that simulation is 100% accurate. I enchanted it with an accuracy spell from my fab abs," Nicodemus said. He then lifted up his robes and revealed his ripped sexy abs. Timmy winced. He couldn't let Mrs. Brisby get rid of all the world's pneumonia.
"WHY DO YOU INSIST ON GETTING RID OF ALL PNEUMONIA? YOU'RE A MADMAN, NICODEMUS!" Timmy wailed. He tried to call Jeremy, but he got a busy signal. "GRRR!" Nicodemus ignored him, and then laughed in an evil way.
Timmy, Jeremy and Cecil the caterpillar were accompanying Esteban (the Great Owl) and his snowy owl girlfriend on a dinner date. The Great Owl was wearing a tuxedo and his snowy owl gal was wearing a red strapless dress. Jeremy and Cecil the caterpillar (a.k.a. That Thing) were taking turns prank calling random people (Timmy is in 2 places at once).
"Hey, is your refrigerator running? You better go catch it, then!" Jeremy chuckled, and then gave Cecil a high five. They got into a double, intertwined musical number about the Great Owl's romance and Jeremy and Cecil's misadventures.
"Jasmine, I love you. Will you marry me?" the Great Owl proposed. Jasmine the snowy owl hesitated. She had an awkward look on her face.
"No. I can't. Why? It's a secret. I just don't feel like myself tonight!" She ran into the bathroom. Timmy's jaw dropped in surprise when he saw Jonathan Brisby come out of the womens' restroom, cause, ya know, Jonathan is a male, and it would be unusual for a guy to go into a womens' restroom, cause, ya know, womens' restrooms are for females.
""Where's Choochampa Brisby? I need to tell her something that's gonna break her heart," Jonathan asked anxiously. "Also, I wanna know where Timmy is also cuz he might wanna hear this also."
"Hold on," Jeremy grabbed an iPhone out of his feathery pelt and opened up his Find Mrs. Brisby app. "According to the Find Mrs. Brisby app, she's at her place. Looks like Timmy's there also. Oh, El-Ahrairah, Timmy found out the horrible truth, didn't he? He must always be in perpetual wonder! We must make him forget!" Confused? Well, it should all become clearer shortly. He checked his cell phone. In the list of missed calls, he saw Timmy's number. "I'm comin', Timmy." Jeremy transported Timmy and Jonathan on his back. Suddenly there were no more clouds.
"I just realized something. Why am I riding on this bird's back? I'm so stupid!" Jonathan complained. "Wait! I may have said too much. Whoops!" Timmy wondered something, but thought it to be impossible.
They went over to Mrs. Brisby's place. Her house was gone.
"Choochampa Brisby, I've been thinking, I can't be with you anymore. It's just too much of a burden." First, Esteban, now her. "I must confess something." He began turning white and his pelt began turning all feathery. "I am also Jasmine, Esteban the Great Owl's love." He turned into a pink caterpillar. "I am also Cecil's wife. You see, I'm a shape shifter. This is my true form." He seemed to have disappeared, yet his speech was audible. "I am really a pneumonia virus. You see, when I married Choochampa Brisby, who only goes by Mrs. Brisby because of how weird her first name is, she had to turn you into a hero so you could survive around me and I couldn't be around to watch because your immune system wasn't ready yet and I didn't want you to catch it. Now that you are extremely strong and healthy, I can be around you now. Since my true form is a pneumonia virus, I always have it and I can't get rid of it.
"I morph into the lovers of all the single residents of Thorn Valley except Jenny. She's the real deal. But sometimes it's very difficult to stay faithful to every one of them, so I disappear from them every once in a while, and Brisby had been sent on a mission to collect rats to be hostages at the NIMH laboratory and then appoint random rats to be a hero and save them, and then become immune to pneumonia so they could be around their lovers." Timmy remembered when Jeremy had said at the restaurant about how he must never find out why he must never get pneumonia. He did some complex number crunching, and found that this knowledge in his brain would activate parts of his brain and change the chemistry of that part of the brain and create a black hole out of the collapsed atoms that would follow him around. That explained why Mrs. Brisby suddenly no longer had a house and why there were no clouds in the sky all of a sudden. Mrs. Brisby was actually trying to save the world, but with a black hole on the loose, that would be quite difficult.
Timmy was heading toward NIMH, and on the way, he passed by the site of the Halloween Festival, and saw a sign that read, "Children 8 and under not allowed because it's too scary." It was signed by Nicodemus. Timmy began piecing things together. Nicodemus foresaw this whole set of events and wrote that sign there so that none of this would have happened, but Timmy probably didn't read it. Suddenly Timmy had an idea. If he could forget about pneumonia, then maybe the black hole would disappear. He continued onward to NIMH, stole a microscope (he somehow carried it back) and ran back and forth in a lattice-like fashion all over Thorn Valley and finally found Jonathan the pneumonia virus near Arby's. He picked him up in cupped hands and took him back to NIMH (it was a long way) and into the genetic engineering department. Timmy studied some diagrams, and then did some tinkering for a few weeks. He had formed an Alzheimer's virus from the pneumonia virus's DNA. He ate it and instantly forgot the simulation (During this whole sequence of events was a musical number about ignorance being bliss). He took out his iPhone and turned on the Find a Black Hole app. He had succeeded. Now, what about all the single animals who were married to the shape shifter?
He told everyone in Thorn Valley the truth during a town meeting and everyone was much happier now that he was gone, since he kept disappearing. Choochampa Brisby's role was no longer needed now that there was no more pneumonia.