So I dont have any Rhyme or Reason for this (: I was listening to Skillet's 'Awake' CD and the song Lucy was playing and bang, I had so many muse' whispering in my ear I thought I was going crazy. I was totally trying to do my homework too but I couldn't, I HAD to write. And I did. And I produced this (: I love it, to the bottom of my soul and back. And I hope all of you enjoy it too (: Its pretty intense, so prepare your tissues! Haha.
Many thanks and leg humps to VampishVixen, she beta'd this for me (: though she never has too haha. She's amazing, and deserves all credit in keeping my grammar and stuff straight, because lord knows I cant xD! Aahahah
No Rating, because its not really that bad. But if you're under 16 I really dont want you to read this, it has death and stuff (:
Disclaimer: .. D: Wish I did, then I'd be uber-rich. Stephanie Meyer owns.
Hey Lucy, I remember your name
I left a dozen roses on your grave today
I'm in the grass on my knees, wipe the leaves away
I just came to talk for a while, got some things I need to say
Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her
I'd give up all the world to see
That little piece of Heaven looking back at me
Jasper roared, his pain fierce and imminent. It pulsed from him like surges of electricity as his fell to his knees, fingers twisting in his hair as he roared again.
"NO!" he screamed, his voice loud and crystal clear. The tears he wished to cry only continued to build in his obsidian eyes as they blurred behind the venom that continuously pooled there.
"No, fuck no!" he cried, slipping his fingers from his golden locks to slam his fists into the ground, sending dirt and grass flying up around him like a dust cloud, fist-shaped craters in the ground. "Why, you stupid…stupid..!" He screamed again, his fist flexing open before closing on fist full of dirt as he reared back before flinging a fist full of dirt into the grave, watching the small specks of dirt leave tiny dents in the wooden casket. "Why?" He screamed long and loud, letting the pain, the anger, the utter horror over losing her echo through the cemetery, hell throughout the whole damn city.
-36 hours earlier-
"Bella, for the last time you need to stay here. You are only safe here," Jasper growled. His eyes narrowed as he flexed his fists, moving one hand to slide gracefully through his hair as he stared down at the little hellcat glaring right back up at him.
"Jasper, would you quit being stupid and at least listen to my proposal?" Bella ground out, her emotions flaring as her temper grew. She straightened her posture, flipping her hair over her shoulder as she did so, attacking me with her luscious scent.
I growled. If I hadn't been so pissed I knew my lust levels would have flared instantly at not only the intoxicating scent of her but also the way she looked when she was angry.
"No, changing you to a newborn would make you more vulnerable, we can't risk that. Besides we don't have enough time to change you anymore! Trust me, we can take Victoria and with the damn mutts' help we'll definitely get her! There is no reason for you to be changed!" Jasper ground out, taking a step toward her. His body was tense as he radiated his anger and determination at her, as well as his love. He wanted her to understand, he just wanted to protect her until this was over.
He could feel her resignation although she continued to glare at him, not relaxing her stance one inch. "Fine then, Major" she growled, her tone mocking and annoyed as she ran a hand through her long tendrils and she looked away. It only took an instance and he had her pinned to the wall, his eyes narrowed as they scanned her face.
"What did you say?" he ground out. She knew better than to play with his dark side; she'd be punished if she didn't play nice. It was in this moment Jasper wished he had his power under control because she chose that moment to push all her lust and anger out at him, causing his own lust to skyrocket before he pressed himself against her claiming her mouth with his forcefully.
A subtle knock at the door had him snarling the next moment, not turning away from his gal yet not continuing with what he was planning to do with this very disobedient girl. And by the smirk that played her full red lips he knew she realized that too.
"I'm sorry Jasper; we have no time to play. They're almost here, the mutts are ready but it's about to start. We need to finish training," Alice whispered, a twinge of jealousy and pain echoing in her voice and emotions as she whispered too low and fast for Bella to catch.
Jasper chose to ignore it and sighed. "I'll be out in a minute"
"Now, Jasper!" Alice hissed before he heard her flitting down the hallway.
A groan caught in his throat as he pressed his lips back to Bella's much confused ones before Jasper stepped away. "I'm sorry love, I have to go now. Please stay up here; it'll be fine, I promise."
I watched from my window. Everyone was outside doing sparring matches, making sure they were prepared for the upcoming battle to take place soon.
After Jasper had left me I decided to take a shower, pretty much resigned to my fate of being trapped in this damn room until the fight was over. My stomach heaved at the thought of everyone fighting for me. I scrubbed myself thoroughly, taking my time to wash every inch of me. It was all I could do to pass time.
Thirty minutes and I felt like it had been an eternity. Walking to my bed I couldn't help but sigh as I pulled my shirt off and fixed the tank top I wore beneath. Slipping out of my pants I pulled on a pair of shorts that fit my hips snuggly before I crawled into my bed. I wasn't sure what to do, Jasper made it pretty clear how pissed he would be if I left my room. And I was still pissed that he wouldn't change me; I would've been able to help.
Well by now I wouldn't be able to, but 2 days ago, when I had proposed the idea, I could have been useful. I couldn't help but groan as I closed my eyes, forcing myself to sleep.
-16 hours later-
I awoke to the sounds of a very distinct roar. The sound of granite smashing against granite only managed to pull me further from my sleepy depths, I glanced at the blurry clock only to realize I had somehow managed to sleep for a good 16 hours; grumbling I knew it had to be because of Jasper somehow.
I slowly sat up, forcing my muscles to awake once more as I stretched slowly, feeling my bones crack and pop. I groaned as I twisted my back feeling the satisfying pops tingle down my spine. Stretching again I slowly stood up and took a moment to catch my balance as I bit back a yawn.
Another roar echoed, followed by a high pitched scream. I could see smoke billowing like crazy outside my window now that I was facing it. Gasping I ran to the window slamming my hot hands to the frosty glass as my large brown eyes took in the chaos outside.
There was a large bonfire at the rear of the backyard that was quickly working its way towards the woods. Wolves seemed to dance around the yard as their large bodies twisted and leaped in what could only be described as a graceful dance. Flashes of white caught my eyes as I saw their dancing partners were newborn vampires.
A strangled cry escaped my throat as I pushed harder against the glass, seeing a russet wolf leap over another wolf in attempt to pin down one of the newborns, his moves quick and graceful. His body, though, was matted by the blood caking his fur.
A flash of red caught my attention, drawing my blurry eyes to another fight taking place further up the yard. I could barely make out Edward as he attacked, and then flitted away; going from offensive to defensive, repeatedly trying to catch Victoria off guard as Jasper appeared to sneak up on her.
I watched in horror as she caught whiff of his scent and wiped around, bringing her claws down to catch Jasper on his suddenly upraised arms.
The scream that left my mouth enveloped my entire being.
Jasper. Jasper. Jasper. Jasper.
It was like my brain cut off, going to a mantra of Jasper. Enveloping and circling around only thoughts of Jasper.
I needed Jasper, I couldn't live without him, I couldn't let him die for me, I needed him. I needed him to be with me, forever. Forever.
I screamed again, my vision blurring. I could feel a faint sting in my hands but I couldn't register it, I couldn't realize that I had pushed the panes out of the window shattering them in my panic.
I was running, tripping down the stairs as I rushed for the door moving at an almost impossible human speed. I needed to get to Jasper, I needed to protect Jasper.
The irony of this repeating thought was lost on me as I stumbled through the door, making it a few steps out the door and onto the porch before I gasped, a much sharper pain suddenly emerged through my stomach before another, tiny, yet sharp pain erupted in my chest.
My vision cleared; it was almost crystal clear as my brown eyes stared into very wicked red ones. A mane of red hair blocked out the rest of my vision as it blew to frame a devilishly beautiful face. Tight red lips were pulled into a perfect smirk as my eyes trailed down her Goddess-like physique. She was more beautiful up close than a thousand angels, I almost wanted to turn away; her beauty was painful to look at.
As my eyes started to trail upwards I noticed her hands had plunged two distinct objects into my body: two separate silver daggers. Silver, the fucking irony of that simple thought; one was piercing my chest just nicking my heart as the other pierced through my stomach.
Oddly I couldn't feel it, I just felt numb although the thundering pound of my hearts panicked beats echoed in my ears.
Over the thunderous noise I could hear screams and roars; I turned my head slowly to the side, not missing the triumphant smile that tugged at the beautiful woman's lips as my eyes immediately locked with wide black ones.
Golden curls were covered in leaves and twigs, blown half-hazard due to the intense speeds they moved at as they fought. A perfectly chiseled face was framed by these beautiful curls, its expression crestfallen, with hints of anger. His lips were moving but it was like the words he was screaming made no sense to me. I couldn't stop the smile from tugging at my lips.
"Jasper," I whispered almost happily. He was still alive. I coughed and felt a hint of surprise at the echo in my dull chest as hot blood trickled from my lips. I gasped when I felt the cold silver blades being pulled from my body and my head turned on its own accord to face the beauty in front of me.
Her eyes were softened as if accepting her impending defeat, her smile triumphant, her whole form radiated victory as she whispered, "Bye, Bella, I won."
My eyes narrowed in confusion, that didn't make any sense. I tried to open my mouth to speak but the blood forcing itself up my throat was suddenly making it very hard to speak. I was choking. I watched as two hands grabbed her head and two more grabbed her shoulders, ripping in opposite directions as they successfully beheaded the woman.
I almost cried at the waste of such beauty, not comprehending she had sealed my own fate.
"Bella." The familiar voice dragged my attention back in front of me, I suddenly was very aware of my back pressed against the wall and my bottom against the ground being soaked in my own blood, my legs twisted beneath me. I must have slid down the wall when she pulled the daggers free from me.
"Jasper," I managed around the blood gushing from my mouth, his eyes looked so worried, so upset. Why was he so upset? He was alive.
My brain couldn't grasp what was going on, or what was happening. I knew my body was in panic mode but I couldn't understand why. Nothing was wrong, Jasper was okay. I felt like I was missing something here, something crucial.
"Bella! Oh God, Bella, why did you come outside?" Jasper was rambling, his southern accent coming out thick with his panicked words as he ripped his shirt off. I smiled at the sight of his rock hard chest, he was so beautiful. I faintly registered Carlisle trying to lay me down but I struggled, I wanted to sit here and stare at Jasper. The beautiful woman was dead, he was safe. They were safe.
"Jasper" I coughed again, a bubbled laugh catching in my throat only managing to make me expel more blood as I bent over to the side, watching my blood splatter across his rock hard arms.
I get it now. I'm dying.
I couldn't help but laugh again at the irony as I realize why I was so numb, why my body was in panic. As everything that just took place finally clicked, the irony, the pain, the frustration was infuriating.
I felt calm envelope me and my eyes flickered back up to those cool obsidian ones, backlit by the flames and smoke enveloping the back yard.
I felt a hard and hot hand pressing against my wrist as Jacob joined the group, his shirt ripped now as well as he pressed it to my mouth trying to wipe up the blood. "Bella, Bella," he chanted, tears pouring freely down his face.
I lifted a blood-covered hand and smiled weakly. Even in my pending death, I didn't want him to cry; he had no reason to. The war was over; he could live in peace now. "Jake," I rasped, ignoring Carlisle urging me to lie down and stop talking.
"Jake, don't cry." I smiled at him, a real smile. I couldn't feel the pain so I knew it was one of my real smiles as I pressed my blood lips to his cheek. "Don't cry," I muttered again.
I could feel rather than hear the growl echoing from Jaspers chest, my head turned slowly back to him.
Oh, I didn't want to die.
"Jasper" I smiled happily, he was so beautiful; how he ever managed to fall for a petty human such as me was beyond me. In those last few moments, I enveloped myself and him in all the love I had for him, every single ounce of it. I wanted him to know, I wanted him to remember.
"I love you," I managed before I felt my body going limp, darkness enveloping me. I could hear the screams of anger, of panic as I slumped over. I love you.
-20 hours later-
I could faintly feel Carlisle tugging at my arm, he wanted me to stop. We were at her funeral; I understood why he thought I was being unreasonable. I was causing a scene, one that could very well expose us.
But I couldn't help it. God damnit, I needed her. How could she be so stupid?
"WHY?" I screamed again, flinging another fistful of dirt into the grave at the casket where her perfect body lay still, lifeless. Where her body no longer held her spirit, held her love, her compassion, no longer held her to this Earth. I couldn't help but scream.
How dare she do this to me?
I slammed my fist back into the ground before roaring at the ground; I needed to let it out. For the past 20 hours I had been nothing but collected, calm.
All through the clean up.
All through the disaster of telling her father, calling her mother
All through the funeral preparations.
All through the fucking funeral.
I couldn't take it anymore; I couldn't be calm and collected. I couldn't keep the pain, the grief, the anger to myself. I needed to let it out.
It wasn't just my pain either, I was a bomb waiting to explode, it was everyone's pain, everyone was destroying me slowly, and they didn't even understand. They didn't love her like I did.
I turned to throw Carlisle off of me.
"No!" I roared, refusing to calm down.
"Leave him alone." I heard the one voice I never thought I'd hear speak up for me. I spun to face him and snarled; he was standing too damn close to me. He needed to back the fuck up.
"Jasper, before her spirit left" Edward started, sighing at my half-snarl, half-roar of pain at even the mention of this as I stumbled backwards from my crouch onto my ass. "I could see into her thoughts; her shield or whatever it was, it fell. She said she loved you. It was a like fucking mantra in her head. Jasper, don't be mad at her, she only ever loved you; she didn't mean to get killed. She wanted to save you. She saw you get attacked and it clicked in her head. She had the very instincts of one of us better than any of us ever could. She knew you were in danger, she wanted to protect you. Don't blame her."
"All she had to do was wait!" I screamed again, faintly noticing a lot of the humans attending this funeral were being ushered to leave, the wolf pack staying behind just to make sure nothing happened.
I spun and slammed my fist into the ground again before flinging dirt at Edward "Get the fuck away from me!" I screamed at him. It hurt. Oh God, it hurt.
"Bury me with her, fuck, I can't live without her, bury me with her" I suddenly roared, sliding down into the grave on top of the casket. My nails clawed at the wood as I attempted to open it, my body trembling as I tried to control myself enough not to rip the damn thing open.
"Jasper!" Emmett roared in anger, scooping down and wrenching me from the grave. "Get the fuck out of there! You aren't the only one grieving; you aren't the only one who lost her, stop being so goddamn selfish!"
"But I loved her!" I screamed, unwilling to see my selfishness. I couldn't live without her, she was my mate.
"We all did, fuck how you think her father feels!" he screamed, slamming his fist into my jaw nearly dislocating it.
Shit, I hadn't even thought of that. I slumped to the ground in defeat, curling up into a tiny ball as my body wracked with sobs, trembling with tears I couldn't cry.
"Emmett, get him home," I heard Carlisle say, and I could faintly feel my body being lifted up and cradled like a child. Any other day, this simple thought would've pissed me off. I wasn't a fucking child.
"Sorry to break it to you Jazz, but you're acting pretty childish," Edward piped up, though I could feel not only his emotions but hear it in his voice that he was in just as much pain as me. And projecting my pain probably wasn't helping anyone.
"Fuck you," I muttered before burrowing into a tighter ball, wishing I could sleep, because damnit if I could, I'd sleep for months.
Why did she have to go and do that? Why did she have to love me so much that her natural instinct was to protect me? No matter how ridiculous that notion was. Why couldn't she have just stayed asleep through all of that? Why? How as I suppose to live eternity without her?
That's just it. I can't.
"Jasper that's not funny."
I didn't say it was Edward.
I sighed and blocked myself from my own worst enemy, my mind. I pulled as much calm onto me, as much numbness and lethargic emotions as possible to at least put myself in a catatonic state. For now, I could handle this for now.
Well thats it. (: Hope you enjoyed. Please Review, they make me feel warm and fuzzy inside.