Disclaimer: Not mine.


Alphabet Soup


"I hate these things," Ron grumbled pulling at the sleeves of his dress robes.

"It's once a year and she is so proud that she was chosen to teach the alphabet that she could hardly sit still at tea," Hermione said from her seat at the vanity where she sat putting of a dusting of powder to her face. "You be nice, even if she makes a mistake or freezes up you tell her how good she did. And don't you dare fall asleep again."

"Once a year? This is the fifth program that bloody school has had. I'll be glad when she gets her letter."

"No, the first was just a meet the parents' night, and than the holiday party and a couple of times to see what they were teaching. This is the first time the kids are putting on a show."

"What is Rose doing?"

"I'm not exactly sure. She said something about the alphabet and the sounds the letters make. She wants to surprise us. All I know is that she is supposed to put something together to help the younger students…you know, like maybe a rhyme that they can learn from. It's part of something of the Future Teachers Club they want to start."

"What are the rest doing? Is this where we have to applaud for a tree?"

"No," Hermione said with a sigh. "This is all academic. Didn't your school have presentations?"

"None that the Weasleys ever took part in," he muttered. "At least not after the twins."

"That's awful!"

"Not if you saw us all together. Could be right scary, plus I don't think they trusted us on stage after a while."

"Well," she said, meeting his eyes in the mirror. "I am sure we will be proud of our Rose."

Using the floo, they travelled to the day school Rose attended, kissing her on the cheek and giving her a hug they watched her run off to find her class backstage. Ron and Hermione then found seats together in the middle of the tenth row, Hermione grumbling that it was Ron's fault for being so slow.

"Your parents said they would meet us." She craned her neck to see in the back of the room. "There they are. Ron, find four seats together."

"They never sit at these things." Ron shrugged, sitting in his seat and trying to get comfortable. "Dad said he used to with Bill and Charlie but he likes to be near the door now and Mum says it makes it easier to reach the stage."

"It's not going to take that long," Hermione said, waving to Molly before she sat down. "Shh…they're starting."

After a few minutes spent on introductions, the importance of education, and a small plead for money the program began. The first was a song offered by two sisters, singing off key and toeing the floor. They sang about the five laws of magical configuration and ended with a flourish of spins and curtsies.

"Aren't they cute," Hermione whispered. "Ron? Wake up! It just started."

"I am…I was resting my eyes," he said jerking his head up and stifling a yawn.

They sat through the seven year old's rendition of magical creatures, each dressed in a different costume and each giving a short poem about the animal they chose. A polite applause filled the room and they ran off the stage, the unicorn tripping on the dragon's tail.

Next, the some of the younger students shuffled on stage, carrying signs with numbers that they rearranged as the leader shouted out math questions. Hermione raised her eyebrow wanting to point out two mistakes until she realized the number six was upside down.

"She's next," Hermione said, sitting on the edge of the seat to see over the head of the man in front of her.

Rose walked on stage, paused and searched the crowd until she saw her mother waving frantically to her, only then proceeding to the centre, a wide smile on her face. She was dressed as a traditional witch, complete with pointed hat and curled-toed shoes. The oohs, and ahs or the other mothers in the audience swelled Hermione's heart with pride.

"I call this…ummm…Alphabet soup." Rose looked up from her paper, waiting of the small smattering of applause to stop before she began.

"A is for Accio, almost always an accurate way to acquire an apple.

B is for brooms and balancing on branches.

C is for cat, a common cronies' companion.

D is for Demon, Dementors and dirty digits digging dung."

Hermione turned her head and buried it on Ron's shoulder to stifle her giggles.

"E is for everlasting evil elves, eating efficiently eviscerated elephants."

Ron looked down at Hermione as the giggles suddenly stopped and her fingers dug into his arm.

"F is for Fiendfyre and Flagrate, famous fairies forever fried."

"It could have been worse," Ron whispered under the growing murmurs in the room.

"G is for goblins, giants, gillywater, galleons and giggling ghouls glibly gutted," Rose said solemnly.

"Great." Hermione spat, looking at Rose's face which was contorted with concentration. "It just got worse."

"H is for Hag, horned toads and Hogwarts with Heads of Houses hungering for human hearts."

"I is for insufferable inebriated idiots idolizing infected incubuses."

Hermione frowned before hissing at Ronald under the noise of laughter. "Where did she learn that word?"

"Inebriated?"

"Incubus you idiot!"

"Idiot, yeah…she worked that one in too." He swallowed hard and tried to smile.

"J is for justice, juice and jumping jerks hit with the jelly-legged jinx.

K is for Kneazle, knives and knaves."

"That didn't sound right," Ron mused. "She needs work on her K's"

"L is for lycanthropy, lunar light and lustfully licking lovely luscious lips."

"They are going to kick us out," Hermione hissed as the sound of muted laughter began to run across the audience, overpowered by the larger number of gasps.

"M is for mirrors, mayhem, murder, misery and the Ministry of Magic's mismanaging minions.

N is for naughty, nights and Nox, never nicking Knuts."

"She really needs to work on her K and N's," Ron said, prying Hermione's fingers from his reddening arm.

"O is for orgasmicly ordering oranges over objections of others."

"I'm going to kill you Ronald Weasley!"

"Me? Why me? I don't even think that's a word."

"Where did she…"

"Shhh…" Ron patted her hand and nodded to the stage.

"P is for penchant, perhaps, pulse and Papa's…"

"That's enough," Hermione almost screamed as she stood up and started to make her way to the aisle, stepping on toes and pushing parents back in their seats she went.

"Mum," Rose whined. "I'm not going to say penis I used pocket."

Hermione froze as laughter filled her ears. Seeing Rose's teacher rush to her side and whisper in her ear was some comfort. She realized it was Ron that was dragging her back to the seat and that his father's guffaw that was the loudest in the room.

"Q is for Quidditch, quaffle, and queasy queens quietly queuing."

"There, that was better," Ron said, patting Hermione's hand.

"R is for right, Riddikulus, rigid rigor mortis and regicide."

S is for…" She stopped talking and ran to the edge of the stage, whispered in her teacher's ear and getting her answer ran back to centre stage.

"T is for tongue, taste, tempting and tantalizing taunt…"

Ron looked up as Rose's teacher called her name, and sighed, running his finger under his collar and looking a Hermione sheepishly.

"U is for urgently undulating under untidy…"

The teacher loudly cleared her throat, shaking her head again.

"Okay," Rose pouted. "It rhymed too though.

V is for vicious, vehement and voicing victory."

"That one was okay," Ron said, peeking down at Hermione's face.

"Shut up."

"W is for witches, wizards, whiskey and we Weasleys"

"I like that one," Ron chuckled; completely unaware of the looks he was getting from the other parents.

"X is for wives and husbands that you don't like no more." Rose looked up at the audience. "Mum said you can't X the kids though. You're stuck with them but if Daddy ever thinks about leaving we get to go with him."

"I'll kill her," Hermione said weakly as the audience started laughing and a smattering of applause from the mothers broke out. "She does these things on purpose. I know she does."

"Y is for yellow, yelling, yesterday and yowls you yodel when you get in trouble."

Hermione looked back to the stage and saw Rose worrying her lip.

"Z is for zenith, Zen and zany zealot's zeal for Zeus." She bent from the waist, snapping back up and running from the stage.

Ron turned and looked t the back of the room, seeing his mother glaring at him with her arms folded over her chest, his father no place in sight.

"I should have let Mum sit with you."

"Oh, no you don't," Hermione hissed, pulling him along with her as she waited for the line to slowly make it to the aisle. "You are in this as thick as she is."

"Mrs. Weasley."Rose's teacher, Miss Sullivan held her hand out politely before turning to Ron. "Mr. Weasley, so…good of you to make it this evening."

"Miss Sullivan, I had no idea she was planning on…"

"Mum! Dad!" Rose came running up, throwing her arms around her father's legs and looking up at him like an angel. "How'd you like it?"

Ron looked at Hermione and Miss Sullivan before squatting down. "You did good, Pumpkin. Look at Mum. She's so happy she can hardly talk."

"Did Gran and Gramps come?"

"Yeah," Ron glanced back over his shoulder, seeing his mother stomping toward them. "Gramps is probably outside bragging about you. We should go find him."

"Ronald Weasley, you wait right where you are!"Molly screeched as she hurried down the aisle. "Did you…teach her those…those…"

"Gran," Rose said tugging on her dress. "Did you like it? I didn't say bloody or damned once."

"She's right," Ron said, reaching out and grabbing Rose's arm, pulling her behind him.

"Mrs. Weasley," Miss Sullivan said, smiling thinly. "I see we have the next generation of Weasley children to contend with. I take it Mr. Weasley has left again?"

"He wanted a breath of fresh air," Molly said defensively, lifting her chin.

"I see," Miss Sullivan said before turning to Rose.

"Young lady, although your presentation was almost without error, I must ask next time that you allow one of your parents…" she paused, looked between Ron and Molly and turned back to Rose. "Your mother will review your work prior to the next production."

Hermione grabbed Rose's hand and started to pull her towards the floo as she skimmed the parchment, looking for the missing sentence that followed the letter S. Stopping dead in her tracks, she turned and shoved it at Ron.

S is for stretching stomachs, sexy sinnamon, semen and someday sisters, Ronald read, frowning at Rose. "Cinnamon is a C not a S. Now run home while I talk to your Mum."

"Ah, Dad," she whined.

"What does that mean?" Hermione hissed pointing to the paper Ron was shoving into his pocket, a look of guilt on his face.

"Dad said I could have a sister if you would let him look at you and Grams said I'd learn about semen when I got older."

"Oh, he did, did he? And how would looking at me help you get at sister?"

"Dad said he found me in your cinnamon eyes. He said they are like magic and I thought maybe he could find her too."

Hermione turned to Ron, her anger suddenly gone as he reached out and tipped up her chin, grinning at her as he leaned forward and kissed her cheek.

"I'll keep looking," he said softly. "I think I see a glimmer of hope already."