Hello all my wonderful readers how are you? I love love LOVE this TWOshot. YES, there will be a part TWO. HOWEVER, it will not be out for a bit...but it WILL be hot, I can promise you that right now. So now, without more delay, welcome to my mind :D
I do not own Degrassi...which is most likely a good thing, because then the characters would be a lot more...well, like follows. Enjoy
She couldn't tell him, wouldn't. How could she? What words could she use to tell him? What could she say to him that would sound like she was keeping all of her morals but at the same time throwing them out of the window? How could he possible understand anything like that?
She knew what she wanted. She wanted to be intimate with him, to feel him on her, his body, his lips, his hands. But she knew she shouldn't, shouldn't want that, it was against her morals, everything she'd been taught as a child. But lately, being with him, seeing what her parents were going through, it wasn't that she didn't believe in everything she'd been taught—that would be hasty and a decision made not from her own desires but through outside influence—it just seemed to her that her old way of thinking was too simplistic, too black and white.
Life wasn't simply right or wrong, yes or no, apples or bananas. Life was a multitude of dependencies, and possibilities, so much so that yes or no turned into perhaps and maybe and apples and bananas turned into grapes and oranges and mangos and persimmons. She smiled just thinking about the majesty of choice.
And then, as she lay on her bed, staring at her ceiling, it came to her. "This is my life to live," she said aloud, sitting up and smiling. "This life is mine. No one has any control over what I do. I'm free to be who I want, to live how I want."
This was an amazing realization for Clare. She'd never felt like that before, like she could do anything she wanted. For the first time she felt like there wasn't a voice in the back of her head wondering if her parents would approve, or if she would be forgiven for anything she did, said, thought.
The next day when Eli picked her up at her house she greeted him with a toe curling kiss that sent his head reeling from pure bliss. He noted happily that she still tasted like Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a fresh green apple. He stared hungrily at her mouth as he licked his bottom lip, wanting more from Clare. She tilted his head up with her hands and smirked into his eyes. "Good morning, Eli," she said, smirking at the apparent desire in Eli's eyes.
He leaned in for another heated kiss. "I'd say the best yet."
She shook her head and pulled back, putting her seatbelt on. "Just get us to school."
He smirked. "After that kiss? Your wish is my command."
It was four forty, and Clare had hit a brick wall in her writing. She was sitting on Eli's bed against his headboard in the spot that seemed to have become hers. She smiled and snuggled just a little bit deeper into his sheets, breathing in the very essence of Eli.
For an entire hour she'd sat in the same spot, writing what was supposed to be another vampire fanfic, but she couldn't for the life of her make the characters seem like themselves. She, frustrated, had sat for the past ten minutes trying to write the same sentence in a way that seemed both in character and interesting. She sighed.
"Are you ok?" Eli asked. She looked up, a bit surprised at his comment.
"I—I guess I'm alright," she stumbled out. He smirked and rolled off of the bed to his feet, leaving his laptop open.
"I'll go get you some water." She smiled her thanks and watched as he left the room and shut the door behind him.
She stared at his laptop for a minute. He'd been typing furiously since they'd settled on his bed, and she had to admit she was a bit curious. "One quick peek won't kill me." She smiled and hurried to pull up the last opened document.
After reading the first three lines she found herself biting her lip, her eyes darkening with lust. She'd never imagined Eli could write anything so…provocative. He opened the door and she looked up with wide deer-in-the-headlights eyes. He saw her on his laptop and immediately made to grab it and her at the same time, but she was faster.
Clare bee-lined for the bathroom and successfully shut and locked the door before Eli had even reached his bed. "Clare this isn't funny. You need to come out here right now." His voice was muffled by the wall, but she still heard him loud and clear.
"Sorry Eli, but, since you are able to read everything I write all the time, I think I deserve to be able to read this." She knew she had faulty logic, but she didn't care. Her back slid down the wall and the laptop placed in her lap glowed as her eyes skimmed, soaking up every digital word.
I can't stand it anymore. Seriously. I spend hours every day picturing her on my bed, but whenever she comes over to my house, whenever she sits on that very bed I picture her on, it's never the same way. I want her hot and bothered, naked and exposed to me. I want her body under mine, want to control it, dominate it, until she fades into blissful submission.
My body aches for Clare, but I won't do anything. No, because I care for her, and I don't want to do anything to screw our relationship up. I honestly don't know what I'd do without her, what would happen to me. I remember what happened after…well, just after. When she died I was a wreck. I had to be high, drunk, or just out of my mind to make it through each day, and I don't want to go back to that.
But seriously. How in the world can I keep my hands to myself with Clare walking around school looking like such an innocent little school girl. My God how that makes me want to screw her senseless, until she can't feel anything but the pleasure I'm causing. Jesus Christ! What the hell am I supposed to do? I need her, but I keep my distance.
Holy hell! Just thinking about the way she walks around school, with such an air of confidence. Let me tell you something, confidence is sexy. So is that Catholic school girl look. I'm not sure what it is, but there's something about the thought of taking a girl after ridding her of her uniform that makes me so—shit.
And the way she bites her lip when she thinks. That must be the most innocent, sexual, and amazing thing Clare can do with her mouth without knowing how much she makes me want her when she does that. Am I even making sense? If not, feel free to blame it on that innocence of Clare's.
Lately, the way she's enticed me has made me, I'll admit, a bit hopeful. But I don't want to be a mistake she made because her hormones were raging too hard, because she felt like she needed to do something sexual with me because she would lose me otherwise, or because she thought that's what I wanted.
Hell yeah, I want to have sex with her, but I don't want it to have been a mistake for her. When I do love her, I want her to be 100% sure she's ready, and that I'll be able to have her again and again, until she stops wanting me.
The apparent journal entry went on for another page and a half, but Clare had read enough. She shut the laptop and stood up, looking at herself in the mirror. Her head cocked to the side. Can he really see me like what he described in the document? She stared at herself, trying to see her body through Eli's eyes. She shrugged. No matter how hard I try, I can't see what he sees.
She opened the door to come face to face with Eli. He didn't look angry. He didn't look scared. Really, he didn't have any emotion on his face. He was blank, and Clare didn't like the way blank looked on him. She walked past him, set his laptop carefully on the desk, then turned to him.
She walked to him slowly, still worried at the blank look that remained on Eli's face. She smiled when she reached him and pulled him into a kiss. She wrapped her hands in his hair and tugged, kissing him deeper than she'd ever really kissed him before. His hands forced her body tighter into his and she felt the need to be more with Eli rise in her, shooting the all-too-familiar fire through her veins.
She pulled back reluctantly and looked at him intently. "You really meant everything you wrote in that document," she said breathlessly. "You," her words halted. She knew she shouldn't feel embarrassed, but she was. Clare tried again. "You want to take the last shred of innocence I have."
He opened his mouth to say something. "Last shred of innocence" wasn't how he'd have phrased that. It wasn't just that he wanted to have her and be done. He wanted to have her again and again, day after day, until he became no good for her.
"Eli, I want you." Clare whispered her words, afraid of his response.
When he didn't say anything Clare looked up at him. "Clare, you know how I feel, but—"
She shook her head. "You misunderstand. I want you now, but I'm sure I'll want you later. I'm not ready to be intimate with you, but when I am—"
He kissed her deeply, cutting her off mid-sentence. She didn't remember falling onto the bed. She didn't remember taking his shirt off. She didn't even remember losing her own shirt. But she did remember resting her head against his chest, pushing her body against his, and falling asleep.
Before you ask NO, they did NOT have sex...that comes later ;)
Good? Bad? Another beautiful creation? YOU DECIDE! And watch out for the second part of this! Alert this story and me for more Eclare bliss!