This one is from my days at The J-Team. I really miss that crazy group of Janewayites!

As usual, the character's aren't mine, please don't sue me!


The stillness in the air was deafening as we sat there waiting for the principle officer to come. Katie was sitting to my right nervously crossing and uncrossing her legs while tapping her fingers against the armrest of the couch. Lisa, our commanding officer, sat at my left looking forward into space with a look on her face that could have melted tritanium given half a chance. I sat in the middle trying not to fidget, but not doing a very good job at it. Katie and I were scared, very scared.

The doors slid open, and Captain Janeway strolled into her ready room in typical form – a coffee cup in one hand and a PADD in the other. She walked to her desk without acknowledging our existence, put her cup and PADD down, and then turned toward us. Lisa rose, arms crossed. I scooted down the couch. Katie looked as though she was going to faint. Captain Janeway placed her left hand on her hip, and her right hand went to her forehead, rubbing her growing headache.

"I just don't know what to do with the two of you." She pulled her hand down but continued to gesture with it while leaving her other hand where it rested. "Your behavior has been unacceptable. I hope you both have a very good explanation for you actions."

Lisa cleared her throat and spoke for the first time since we had walked into the Captain's ready room. Katie and I kept our eyes on the carpet near the Captain's feet. "Unfortunately, Captain, the do not. I have taken the liberty of writing up a report." She handed the PADD to Janeway. We could feel the death glare. I cleared my throat. Katie twitched.

"I would put you both on report if I could. However, I don't have that luxury simply because what you've done is un-reportable, but that doesn't make it any less appropriate. But, I do have one question for the two of you." The Captain walked over to the couch and stood next to Katie. Small beads of sweat began to form on both our foreheads. Janeway leaned over, speaking in a whispering, but very angry, voice. "How did you manage to break the security codes for my ready room and my personal bathroom?"

We looked at her. She had one eyebrow raised. I was suppressing giggles.

"Do you find this funny, Ensign?" Lisa glared at me.

"No ma'am." I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. I noticed Katie was having the same problem.

"I have another question for you, Ensign." Captain Janeway moved in front of me. "What was that you put on my toilet seat?"

"Vaseline." I replied bursting into a fit of giggles at the thought of Kathryn Janeway grabbing helplessly at her toilet paper holder as she slid closer and closer to the cold water in the bottom of the bowl.

She stood up crossing her arms and raising her eyebrow again. "Vaseline? I thought the toilet seat was a little slicker than normal, but it was the water hitting me when I finally fell in that really confirmed that I was correct. The toilet paper holder did me no good either. You can imagine my surprise at seeing that someone had unscrewed it just enough to keep it in place but had it was loose enough that it went flying through the air as I tried to pull myself out with it used as leverage." She smiled her crooked smile. "It was very embarrassing, as I'm sure you can imagine, to have to call Lt. Torres to get me out."

Katie and I were both giggling by then. Lisa had a small smile forming at the corners of her mouth. Janeway cleared her throat and inhaled deeply.

"I'm taking your Holodeck privileges away for two weeks for breaking and entering. Dismissed. Oh, and Ensigns, be on the watch because it's my turn now."