Well it's been forever since I updated anything. But this story in particular really just shoved on the back burner.

So I'm really sorry about that.

I want to thank all of those that alerted and favorited and especially the ones that reviewed. Because reviews are like candy for the soul. So thanks.

I Don't own Excess Baggage or Twilight. I'm just borrowing the theme and characters.

Felix and Demetri were pretty satisfied with their lives. They had one job, and one job only. They transported the stolen cars to various dealerships. Sometimes they would transport a car or cars directly to the buyer.

That's what they were doing right now. A BMW, a Porsche, and an Aston Martin, were to be delivered to Mr. Aro who is paying a hefty amount for these "gently used" cars.

Everyone was going to get paid. The thief, the crooked dealership owner, and thankfully them. As long as they all did their jobs correctly. Which they always did.

So you could imagine their surprise when they pulled up to the warehouse only to find that it was absolutely consumed in flames.

Demetri and Felix exchanged glances. It was completely obvious that the flames were consuming the cars along with the warehouse.

"Shit. What the fuck are we going to do now?" Felix asked

The two watched from a distance as the warehouse completely exploded. No doubt from the excess amount of gasoline.

"I think it's time we pay our friend Mr. Uley a visit." The Demetri stated looking up at his large companion.

"We don't know anything about Cullen." A pissed of Newton says to Yorkie.

"We know that he's rich." Yorkie replies.

"A million dollars just blows away along with his daughter and he doesn't even blink."

"Maybe he's just one of those guys who doesn't like showing their feelings." Yorkie offered

"I don't trust him." Newton stated

"There's a warehouse on fire downtown, right in our target area." Crowley exclaims rushing to Newton.


"Do you mind if I have a cigarette?" I asked rhetorically as I took one of his cigarettes along with my lighter. Mr tall dark and stupid, however rained on my parade by taking the cigarette out of my hands.

"You wanna smoke, you can smoke in the trunk." I rolled my eyes, as we just sat in silence.

"So... What's your name?" I asked

"John Doe."

"Pleasure to meet you John, I'm Jane." I said sarcastically while lighting another cigarette, that he then proceed to throw out the window.

He drove down this long path that was full of forest and some other shit. It certainly wasn't a road I'd ever drive down. Well at least not without a date...

"Why are we here? Why are we stopping? Do you have to piss or something?" I asked but he just ignored me.

"Sorry for the whole "kidnapping" misunderstanding." He said while un-cuffing me.

"Thanks, my wrist's were killing me." I rubbed my wrists trying to soothe them.

"This is it. Rides over, get out." he grabbed my backpack and handed it to me.


"I said, rides over so get out."

"You can't be serious. I mean your kidding right?"

"No. Goodbye." He reached over and opened the door.

"Is this where you dumped the chihuahua? How long before the coyotes ate it?" I asked not believing what was actually happening.

"It's a twenty minute hike to the highway. Now hit the road."

"But... It's dark."

"It's night time. Good bye."

"No. I'm not going."

"Am I going to have to drag you out?"

"That would be preferable, yes." I said sarcastically. But apparently he didn't get the memo since he got out of the car and started trying to get me out of the car too.

"The easiest thing in the world for a girl to do is be picked up."

"Yeah, second to being raped." I stated while trying my hardest to say in the car.

"Get out of the car."

"No." I stated

"Get out of the damn car."

"NO!" I screamed as loud at the top of my lungs.

"Get. Out. Of. The. Car."

"Make me." I taunted.

And sure enough, as soon as I said I wished I hadn't, as he dragged me out of the car. I tried holding on to the door handle but he successfully pulled me away from it too. He threw my backpack at me.

"No, you can't leave me here. I'll die, or worse. Please don't leave me." I begged and pleaded as I threw myself on the hood of his car. He dragged me off.

"Look what you did." John Doe said looking at the hood. "You scratched the car."

"Oh did I?" I dug into my backpack and found my house key. I dragged the key across the hood etching the letter J.

"You have a couple of screws loose, you know that? Your so fucking crazy." Mr. Doe glared at me furiously. Bringing to mind the saying "If looks could kill".

"Jackass." I muttered

"What?" he growled

"That's what the "J" stands for, Jackass. Though I suppose it could stand for John too.." I replied smugly.

"Get in the car." Jackass growled. I was starting to thing he was an animal with all the growling.

He drove a bit some more and then opened to door to let me out.

"There's a hotel two miles up the road." He said not meeting my gaze.

"And you couldn't drive me two more miles? I guess it's true, chivalry is dead." I scoffed he just glared at me. "I was kidding, jeez." I rolled my eyes "Well enjoy my car." Then went off on my not so merry way.


I drove a couple miles up the road to a gas station. I should have been relieved that the crazy bitch from hell was out of my life for good. But somehow I wasn't. I was feeling something else. A feeling that I didn't particularly want to explore.

I went inside payed for gas and picked up a couple of beers. It would be a long drive back to the warehouse if I didn't have at least some liquid motivation.

The kid at the register put the stuff in a bag and told me what to pay. As I was getting out my wallet, something on TV caught my eye.

"In the warehouse were expensive luxury cars. there was no one on the premise. And the ownership of everyone but one car is unclear. That ownership of one car is a BMW with the license plate REN 1. Belonging to the still missing RenesmeeCullen daughter and heiress of multimillionaire Edward Cullen. The warehouse is suspected to be the kidnapper's hideout."

On the TV screen all they kept showing was different video footage of the warehouse going up in flames. My warehouse, going up in flames.

Shit, I am so fucked!

If Edward wasn't going to do anything about Renesmee then that was his prerogative. But Jasper was definitely going to find out the truth. He was going to find his niece even if it killed him. And he would check out every lead he got. That's how Jasper Whitlock currently found himself in Quil's diner. It was a shoddy little diner that just happened to be very close to the warehouse that burned down. The very one that Renesmee was most likely in.

"Do people live around here or is it just industrial?" Jasper casually asked the waitress who's name-tag read Emily.

"Not many, but some artists have lofts around here." She replied smiling brilliantly.

"What about that building that just burned?"

"Yeah a young guy works there. He's real sweet, I hope he's okay."

"Was that place just his business or did he live there too?"

"I'm pretty sure he lived there. He comes he almost every other day for breakfast. Though he does have another place up north."

"Oh really?" Jasper feigned disinterest.

"Yeah, in fact I have his address right here." Emily showed him a postcard. She walked away as another customer caller for her. Jasper wrote down the address vowing to make that man's life a living hell.

No one was going to get away with hurting Renesmee. Not now. Not ever.


I drove back a mile and sure enough, I saw the bronze headed woman dressed in black, smoking a cigarette. I drove after her but as she noticed me she just walked faster. Hell who can blame her, I would have done the same. But in my defense she not exactly innocent either.

"Cullen we need to talk." she flipped me off then walked away. "Please get in the car."

"Fuck off." was her curt reply. I got out of my car to follow her.

"Wait, you don't understand what's happening. The warehouse burned down, they found your car while your still M.I.A. They're connecting all the wrong dots. They think that I kidnapped you."

"You kinda did."

"No. If anything, I've been trying to get rid of you."

"Well you've succeeded. Now go away."

"Please just come with me so you can call your family to tell them your okay." I was practically begging but I was okay with that. Because if I got busted for kidnapping. my life would so be over.

"How am I okay? I've been handcuffed in your bathroom, handcuffed in your car, denied cigarettes. And what else? Oh yeah, I've been thrown out in the wilderness too." I just stared at her.

"I've got a Twinkie in the car, it's all yours if you want it." I said. I saw a small smile form on her plump mouth.

Once she got in the car, I drove back to the gas station and pulled up by the payphone. While she was eating her twinkie.

"I don't have any money. Someone raided my backpack purse remember? I think I'm missing some lipstick too." Cullen wiggled her eyebrows up and down suggestively. I rolled my eyes and put in the money as she dialed the number.

"Collect call from Renesmee Cullen." I said as her mouth was full of Twinkie.


"Rennie?" Emmett asked. Emmett was the son of the maid. We grew up with each other and when he became of age he started working for our family too.

"Hey Emmett, can I talk to my father?" I asked.

I had to wait a while for the call to be transferred. He was most likely in his study. He was always in his study when he was home. He'd just lock himself away and I would go days and even weeks without seeing him. And he didn't care. He didn't care that we never saw each other. In fact I think he rather liked it. The less he had to deal with me the better.

"Renesmee, where are you? Are you okay?" my father asked pretending to be worried.

This was it. All I'd have to do now was tell my father that I was okay. Hell I could even tell him where I was. And then it would all be over, and I could go home. Everything would go back to being the way it was.

But then it dawned on me. What if I didn't want everything to go back to the way it was. It was obvious now that my father didn't care and he likely wasn't going to start caring. So why would I want to go back there. I needed to turn over a new leaf. I needed to start my own life. One that wasn't centered on me trying to get his attention.

"Daddy, he made me touch his twinkie." I said those words with the most innocent voice I could muster.

I knew he would stop now. Now that it was obvious to him that I wasn't serious. He'd never think that maybe I was trying to get his attention because maybe I wanted to have a relationship with him. He'd only see that his immature daughter was trying to make him look stupid, yet again.

That's all he'd see. That's all he'd ever see. Because Edward Cullen only saw the world the way he wanted to see the world, black and white. Never gray. Unfortunately I am the gray area.

"BANG!" I was snapped from my thoughts by John Doe hanging up the phone so hard I thought it would brake off.

"Touch what?" John Doe glared.

"Twinkie." I stated while I put the last bit of the twinkie in my mouth.

He walked over to his car ready to get in and drive off, I followed him.

"Stay away from my car." He said adamantly.

"I gotta get my bag." I said.

"Get away. Get away from my car."

I ran to his car got into the passenger side and handcuffed my self to the door. Then I put the key in my mouth.


"If I were you I wouldn't want to be handcuffed by me. Not right now with the way I feel. Un-cuff yourself, then get out of my car." I watched out the window as this beat up gas station just got a whole lot busier. Now was not the time to make a scene. Especially not when everyone thinks she's been kidnapped, with me being the one responsible.

She said and did nothing. "Where's the key?" I asked

She stuck her tongue out at me and laying on top of her tongue ring was a key. I grabbed her upper thigh in a silent protest to get her to spit the key out.

"Mmmmmnnngghh" She screams with her mouth closed.

"Give. Me. The. Key." I said slowly saying each word.

She keels over and starts chocking, conveniently by my crotch. She keeps chocking and says "You made me swallow it." The gas station kid walks by and stares at us.

Then she looks at the kid and asks "Why do boys always make you swallow?" The kids eyes go wide as his cheeks flush then he walks away.

But she's not fooling me. "I'm not kidding where is it? Open up." I pry her mouth open trying to find the damn key that I know she didn't swallow. An old man walks by staring at us.

Not wanting to look even more suspicious then we already do. I grabbed her face and softly forced her lips meet mine. Her lips were soft, warm, and inviting. Nothing at all like their owner.

And suddenly I forgot all about the crazy-assedwoman that was currently ruining my life. All I could think about was the sexy little minx that I was currently making out with. Of course that feeling was know doubt going to be ruined as soon as she started talking again.

"Mmm Twinkie, I knew you couldn't resist me." she breathed. I felt my face flush.

Damn it all to hell. This chick was ruining my life bit by bit. She has the whole state Washington convinced that I kidnapped her. She burned my warehouse and home down. She keyed my car. And she accused me sexually harassing her. Any normal person would hate her. So why the fuck do I find myself falling for her?

Review my peeps! =D