Disclaimer: I don't own Akira, and stuff. The actual guy that does is Katsuhiro Otomo. I just write about it in my spare time. The story title belongs to Duran Duran.

Hungry Like the Wolf

So, I come home after a night of ridin' around with the guys. We weren't doin' much - just hangin' out at the bars. The Clowns decided to stay home tonight, or something.

Anyway, I'm back at my dorm. It's this cramped little thing at the end of the hall - but I guess all the dorms are cramped like that. I don't have a roommate; I'm on my own.

Tonight, I'm on my own in more ways than one. The guys are hangin' out over at the girls' dorm, but I can't go with 'em. And I think Tetsuo's with Kaori. So it's just me...by myself...

...Alone.

But that's cool, 'cause then I can do whatever I want without someone lookin' over my shoulder! Man, my parents used to be such pains in the asses about that. Always stickin' their noses in my business...damn! I'm so glad the school has dorms. Sure it's a piece of shit, but it's better than the alternative!

One of the things I like to do when nobody's lookin'...is read! And no, I'm not talkin' about motorcycle magazines, even though I read a lotta those. I mean actual books! And not picture books either, I mean, like, book books! I think I'm the only guy in the gang that's ever read anything by Shakespeare...and not for school, for fun. And liked it! No, seriously!

But I can't let anybody know about this dark little secret of mine, 'cause I know they won't like it. They might hate me for it (sob)! Okay, okay, I'm just kiddin', they won't hate me over something like that. But they might call me a geek. Or make me do their homework for 'em.

But curlin' up with a good book ain't what I'm doin' tonight. I'm gonna do something special. See, I got another deep dark secret other than bein' a closet bookworm...I, Kai, am in LURVE! Oops, I mean love.

Yeah, that's right! Tetsuo's not the only Capsule member who's going steady! Er, well, I guess I shouldn't call it "going steady," it's not really...uh, it's complicated. But anyway, I'm gonna go see my love tonight!

My only little complaint about my love is that they're kinda expensive. "High-maintenance," I guess you'd say. "Where are ya gettin' the money, Kai?" you're probably askin', That brings me to my next deep dark secret.

See, before, I got my money from beatin' up Clowns and grabbin' their wallets. But the Clowns are just as broke as we are, so I had to find other ways of gettin' money. Long story short, I managed to find one...and it's not something I'm proud of.

Are ya ready for it?

I wait tables at a fancy restaurant.

THE HORROR.

Okay, so maybe you don't find it horrible, but I do! I mean, a biker servin' rich people food? C'mon!

I got the job by accident. I was cruisin' around with the guys one night when I got turned around. I was tryin' to take a shortcut around a checkpoint and wound up on the other side of the tracks - the upper class neighborhood. While tryin' to find my way back, I parked in an alley behind the restaurant for a quick smoke, Suddenly, the door behind me swung open, and some asshole was yellin' at me to get back to work. I was just about to tell the guy off, but he suddenly grabbed me and pulled me inside. Next thing I know, I got a tray full of food in my hand, and I'm bein' shoved over to a table.

It turns out me and the waiters were all wearin' the same thing - green shirts, black pants, and ties. That asshole that was yellin' at me was the owner, and he thought I was one of the new guys. Believe me, I didn't wanna stay there. I was just about to sneak out - but then I saw the size of the tips they give out! Holy shit! One guy gave me two thousand yen just for lettin' him have some of my cigarettes! Sweet, huh?

So, I decided to stay. That way, I'd have all the money I needed for my secret love...as well as plenty left over for beer and stuff! I go on nights when the guys ain't goin' for a ride...or mornings when I feel like playin' hooky. Sure, servin' the filthy rich can be a pain in the ass, but the obscene money they throw at me is all worth it. Sometimes I wanna pick their pockets to get some extra cash, but they probably got those new credit cards where the metal spikes come out and stab your hand if you try to grab it. Damn.

The problem is, I can't tell anybody about this, either. I can't let the guys find out. If they find out I'm workin' an honest job (or a semi-honest job, anyway), they'll laugh at me. They might even kick me outta the gang! Well okay, I'm exaggeratin' a little. They'd probably just show up there and try to get free drinks. And that might get me fired, and that means no money! So it's best I don't tell 'em.

I had tried other ways of gettin' money before. This one time, I tried usin' my "special talent" of pukin' up blood on command. I'd barf up a whole ton of blood into a jar and try to sell it to the hospitals! They all turned me down, though - said they found too much drugs and alcohol in it. And undigested food. The bastards. So until I think of something else (or until the gang starts pickin' fights with guys who got a lot more money than the Clowns), looks like I'll be waitin' tables for awhile.

But anyway, that's enough daydreamin' for now. I shouldn't keep my secret love waitin' any longer.

Knock, knock, knock

Ah, guess I better get that first. I wonder if it's...

"Hey, Kai! By any chance you got any beer on ya?"

It's Yamagata! Guess I didn't need to worry about gettin' that - he almost busted the door down. Talk about timing!

Anyways, I sigh. Like, wistfully and stuff. "Weren't we just drinkin' all day?" I ask him.

"Uh yeah...but now we're thirsty again!"

"Sorry Yama, I'm out."

"Damn. Oh, well." He kinda looks around a bit. "By any chance you got a bowling ball?"

Now I'm all confused. "A...bowling ball?"

"Yeah, y'know...then big heavy black things ya knock down pins with!"

"Uh no, don't got one of those. Why?"

Alluva sudden, there's this really loud "thud" down the hall. Then I hear Kaneda yellin' in the background, "Does THAT count as a strike?"

"Holy, shit! He just put a hole in the wall!" Yama says, while lookin' over his shoulder. "Better cover that up 'fore the Jaw finds out. Later!" And with that, he runs off.

"Uh...bye!"

I close the door behind him. Damn, that was a close one. Anyway, now where was I? Ah yeah, time to go see my secret love now! I'm late!

But I guess I'd better wait 'til the guys get outta the hallway, first...


Finally! Me and my love are sittin' on my bike in the back parking lot next to a grill. We've finally got some time alone together! My love ain't mad at me...they, uh, actually can't be.

I started a fire up in the grill with some charcoal and a lighter. It's not candlelight, but it still looks romantic. Smells good, too. Oh yeah, we're gonna have lotsa fun tonight!

You should see how beautiful my love is. Even in this dim light, they're, like, the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. They got red and white skin - no no no, wait a sec...I mean "crimson" and "cream" skin. Yeah, that sounds more romantic, right? They're so thick and juicy...and succulent. After I cook 'em up on the grill, I plan on takin' 'em back in and eatin' 'em with some rice!

What? You do know I'm talkin' about a couple of Kobe beef steaks, right?

Yeah, see remember I was talkin' about my secret habit of readin'? There ain't a big selection of books around here - that's what ya get for gettin' stuck goin' to a shitty school - and one time I got desperate and started readin' cookbooks! I came across some really good recipes with Kobe beef, and I really wanted to try 'em. Problem is, it's so damn expensive!

But then, as luck would have it, I wound up findin' the money for it! Downed a Clown that was loaded, heh. I was able to buy a small Kobe steak usin' his money. It was love at first sight. No, no, wait...first bite! AHAHA! Get it, get it?

But like I said, they're really expensive. I couldn't buy any more for a long time. But now that I got a steady income, I've been able to eat 'em a lot more! It's heaven, I tell ya.

Anyway, after my steaks are done cookin', I put 'em on a plate usin' a fork and wrap some tinfoil around 'em. That way, I won't drop them, or something (of course, I'd still probably eat 'em, even if I did drop 'em). I was just about to hunt down a garden hose to put out the fire so I can take my steaks back to my room, but then...

"Hey Kai, whatcha doin' out here?"

It's Kaneda! Ohhh shit...

I stand corrected. It's not just Kaneda, it's the whole freakin' gang and some of the girls! Lemme reiterate on this "Ohhh shit" thing.

"Uh...nuthin'!" I say. "How did you even know I was out here?"

"Looked out the window and saw ya," Kaneda says with a big grin on his face. "Smells like you got a cookout goin' out here. Not a bad idea...so how come we weren't invited?"

"We were too busy coverin' up that hole in the wall!" Yama tells him, also grinnin'. He's carryin' this bag full of stuff. Turns out it's full of hot dogs and burger patties and stuff, and he starts puttin' them on the grill. Well, I guess I don't gotta worry about cleanin' up now.

"Aw, come off it! The dorms're so shitty, the Jaw ain't gonna know the difference!" Kaneda argues. "He'll probably think it was always there, the dumbass!"

As Kaneda and Yama argue with each other, I try sneakin' back to my room. My steaks are gettin' cold, and I don't want anybody askin' for a bite. I paid good money for 'em, I wanna eat 'em myself, dammit! But Kaneda stops me...again.

"So what'cha got there, Kai?" he asks. Oh shit, part three!

"Uh...nuthin'!" I say. But before I can sneak outta there, Kaneda lifts up the foil and peeks under it.

"Looks like a couple of steaks," he says. "And damn they smell good! What kinda steaks are they?"

Not good. Not good! "Uh...I dunno, they're just...steaks?"

"Well no shit," Kaneda rolls his eyes. "They smell really good, though. Makes me really wish I had some beer!"

"Weren't we just drinkin' all day?" Yama says as he flips over some of them burgers with a beef fork.

"Nuthin' wrong with drinkin' all night, too!" Kaneda answers.

"Ah...guess you gotta point there," Yama says.

While he's turned around, Tetsuo leans over the grill and tries puttin' something on the burgers. It's a can...I think it's some kinda spice? Whatever it is, Yamagata catches him, and smacks his hand away. "Don't you even, Tetsuo!" he snaps.

Once again, I try sneakin' off. But then, Kaneda asks the question.

"Hey Kai, can I have a bite of one of your steaks?"

I turn around to see he's got a plastic knife and fork in his hands! Holy fuckin' hell!

"I...uh...," I try comin' up with a good reason why he shouldn't eat it. Maybe I can say I sneezed on it, or licked it, or something?

Problem is, I didn't say it fast enough. Kaneda took it as a yes, and stabbed one of my steaks with his fork. He then went to cut a piece off. Oh my God! Not my lovlies!

That does it! There comes a time when a man must stick up for his loved ones (even if they are a couple of steaks), and this is it! I don't care that Kaneda's the gang leader, or that I'll probably get kicked out for this! Okay, he won't do that, he'll probably just look at me funny. But I'm puttin' my freakin' foot down right here, right now!

"Uhh...Kaneda, I don't feel good...," I say, pretending to be all nauseous and stuff. "I think...I hadda bit too many...today..."

Kaneda drops the utensils and backs away. "Well don't do it on me!" he says. "Look, why don't you go lay down for awhile, or something?"

It's workin'! Hey, that was easier than I thought! Now I don't hafta go all the way through with it...

"But in the meantime...if you're not gonna eat those steaks, ya mind if we have 'em? I mean, no sense in wasting food right?"

DAMMIT.

I reach back to the little scratchy area in my throat, and spit up blood all over my steaks! Sure, my lovlies got a little bloodied up, but now nobody's gonna wanna take 'em!

"Aw, man! Nasty!" Kaneda yelps. "Kai, I think ya better take it easy the rest of the night. Go get some sleep, or sumthin'!"

"Yeah! And if you got the flu, don't be givin' it to us!" Yama says. While he's turned around, Tetsuo tries to go for the burgers again. Yama catches him and points the beef fork in his face.

"Uh...okay. Sure..," I say, still tryin' to act all sick and stuff.

I slowly walk back to the entrance, actin' like I'm gonna fall over any minute. That's just so they don't get suspicious. Once I'm inside, I run back up to my room.

Well, it wasn't pretty, but it was better than gettin' my lovlies stolen! A man's gonna defend his steak! (Ahaha...that sounded wrong! I gotta remember that one for later!) Eat 'em? Yeah, of course I'm still gonna eat 'em. It's just my blood, so it ain't gonna hurt anything.

But then after that, I'm probably gonna go to bed early! Gotta go to work early tomorrow. Eh, it's a living.

End!