Disclaimer: I don't own "Merlin" or song "Lost in this dance"
A/N: the title of that story is inspired by song "Lost in this dance" by Lena Katina. I also used the lyrics in that story.
Storyline: Uther wants his son to learn to dance. The prince has no choice and starts practicing it with his manservant. It changes their lives forever.
It's my 19th story and it's my 19th birthday today (1st October) :)
English is not my mother language.
Lost in this dance
Arthur Pendragon was a great warrior and everybody knew that. However the prince wasn't good at everything. For example he was not a good dancer. The man always focused on his training sessions with knights and he hoped that it was enough. But it wasn't.
One day Uther Pendragon decided to do something with that detail. The king wanted his son to learn to dance properly. In his opinion dancing was one of the best ways of charming the nice, noble ladies. And Arthur needed to find his future queen one day.
When the king informed his son about his decision, the young prince wasn't pleased. He thought that it was waste of time. He preferred to practise his fighting skills instead of dancing. However there was no point in arguing. Uther insisted too much.
The fair haired man had no choice. He had to find someone to practise dance with. It wasn't really easy. Noble ladies were out of reach. The king would have had him killed if he trampled on their feet. Arthur thought about Gwen but then he realised that Morgana would kill him herself for the same reason as his father.
The prince knew that there was only one person that he could ask for something like that.
"No way, Arthur!" Merlin shook his head. "I'm not going to dance with you."
"Believe me that I don't like this idea too," the prince said, rolling his eyes. "But I have no other choice."
"Can't you ask some lady?"
"They will not agree," Arthur told his servant.
"Then I don't agree too," the boy said firmly, crossing his arms.
"The point is that you can't disagree." Arthur couldn't help smirking. "It's an order."
Merlin looked up at blonde with disbelief. "It's not fair!" he complained. "I like my feet, you know?"
"I will not break them," the prince assured him. "If something happens to them then it will be your own fault."
The warlock knew that it was hopeless. He had to agree. "Then when are you going to... practise it?" he finally asked.
"Every evening," Arthur told him. "Then it won't ruin my daily schedule." He sighed.
"Does it mean that I'll have to stay longer?" Merlin asked.
"It seems so," the prince said.
"That's not really fair," the sorcerer groaned.
"I never said that it's fair."
The evening came sooner than any of them had supposed. Merlin became very nervous. When he finished his all chores, he sat down in Arthur's armchair and was waiting for the prince who had supper with Uther.
"Is it comfortable?" Arthur mocked when he stood in the door.
"Very," Merlin answered shortly, standing up. "Let's just start that craziness. The sooner we start, the sooner we finish."
"Fine," the prince agreed, standing in the middle of his chamber.
The boy came up slowly to him. "What kind of dance are you going to practice?" he asked.
Arthur couldn't choose. His father had already informed him what would please him. "The waltz*," the prince said. "Do you know how does it look like?"
"I've been attending the feasts, Arthur," Merlin reminded him. "I'm not really as stupid as you may think."
"Oh, really?" the prince mocked. Then he noticed the way his servant looked at him. "Let's just start," he murmured.
"Exactly," the boy agreed.
They both knew that it was going to be awkward. However none of them knew that it was going to be so much. Arthur put his left hand on Merlin's waist and the boy put his right one on prince's shoulder. Then the blonde grabbed his servant by his left hand. They stood like this in complete silence, not moving at all. There was a tension between them.
"Are you going to stand or practise?" Merlin eventually dared to ask.
"I was just wondering if you are helpful." Arthur snorted.
"Now you're wondering!" The boy couldn't believe.
"Never mind. I have no choice anyway." The blonde glanced at his hand on Merlin's waist. "Do you remember the rhythm of waltz?" he asked his servant, not looking into his eyes.
"One, two, three, one, two, three..." the boy said, rolling his eyes.
"Fine." The prince swallowed hard. "Let's start."
Their waltz didn't look as it was supposed to. Their bodies were quite distanced. Of course they held their hands but that was all. There was no closeness between their souls in that moment. The atmosphere was too awkward to create such a bond.
Merlin lay down on his bed. He was very tired. Gaius was already sleeping and the boy was glad because of that. His mentor meant odd questions and he had no strength for them now.
The boy couldn't fall asleep. He still thought about the evening that he had spent with Arthur. It was so strange. The prince had trampled on his feet a few times and it wasn't pleasant. After all the blonde was much heavier than the warlock. However Merlin couldn't stop thinking that dancing with his master hadn't been as terrible as he'd feared. It really made him confused.
The next day was full of chores as usual. Arthur trained with his knights while Merlin cleaned his chambers. The prince had a dinner with his father when his servant was polishing his armour. The boy also prepared a hot bath for his master.
When the blonde stepped into his bedroom, he was glad seeing the warm water. After a while he sat in the tub.
"That's better..." he murmured, relaxing.
"Does it mean that you don't need me tonight any longer?" The hope was clearly heard in Merlin's voice.
"We've got a lesson," the prince reminded him.
"Right." The sorcerer sat on the edge of Arthur's bed, waiting for the blonde to finish his bath.
After half an hour the boy heard as his master stood up and started to put some clothes on.
"Let's dance, Merlin," the prince said.
"Yes, Sire." The boy came up to Arthur, sighing.
They positioned themselves and started dancing. There was no music but it didn't matter. Arthur was a leader and he was the only one who laid down the rhythm.
Don't know how it happened to us but we're here again
The odds are stacked, we have to believe there's time
Merlin felt that the prince held him tighter than the previous evening. The boy thought that it was strange. However he didn't complain. It was even a bit amusing.
"Be careful, Arthur," the warlock murmured when prince trampled on his right foot. "I want to walk tomorrow."
"Sorry." The prince couldn't help smiling.
I'm not giving up till I find what I'm looking for... tonight
You and I must find each other
Merlin looked at him, amazed. Arthur had said sorry to him and he was smiling so sweetly. It was not normal but it was beautiful.
The dark haired boy didn't ask no longer about the lessons. He waited for Arthur patiently and then they were dancing. Within few days their dance started to feel natural.
Merlin couldn't stop thinking that the blonde held him tighter and tighter every day. It felt good to have the prince so close. The boy didn't want to think that it would end one day. And that thought scared him.
Making my way through the city streets they're so rushed and loud
Passer-bys that resemble your face deceive
The men did all their chores and duties in the daytime. The others didn't notice any differences. However when the sun was coming down, everything changed. They both became closer to each other. There was no longer prince and servant. There were Arthur and Merlin.
One day king Uther made a feast to check Arthur's dancing skills. He was very surprised and pleased when he watched his son's dance with his ward. The prince wasn't a perfect dancer but his skills improved.
Even if I'm blind from glaring lights
Even if it takes all night
Merlin watched Arthur and Morgana, standing in the corner of the room. He wanted to be pleased but he wasn't. The boy couldn't understand that strange feeling. He didn't know how to call it. But it felt horrible. The warlock wanted to come up to Arthur and take up Morgana. She didn't seem to belong by prince's side. Merlin seemed. He knew that it was a craziness but he couldn't change the way he felt.
In that evening Merlin came back with Arthur to prince's chamber very late. The blonde had drunk a few chalices of wine but he was aware of what was happening all around him.
"Good night, Sire," Merlin said a bit bitterly.
"Are you going already?"
"It's quite late." The boy didn't look into prince's eyes.
"What's about our lesson?" Arthur asked. "We should dance... at least a short while."
Do you know the way that I should turn?
Do you know that I have learned?
"You've already had your lesson tonight, Sire." Merlin couldn't help saying it. "Lady Morgana seemed to enjoy that dance. And you seemed to enjoy it too..."
"I had to dance with her! My father made me!" Arthur didn't know why he was explaining himself.
"And your father made you to practice dance with me too." Merlin was close to tears. "And don't shout at me, you prat!"
They glared at each other in silence. None of them knew how long it lasted.
"Why are you making it all difficult?" the prince finally asked.
Merlin shook his head. "Arthur... You have spoilt everything," he hissed and ran out of prince's chamber.
The young warlock was crying in his bed. He slept only three hours that night. When he woke up he knew that he had to fix it all up.
Merlin came into prince's bedroom and was surprised when he saw that Arthur was already awake.
"Good morning," the boy said shyly, putting a tray with breakfast on the table.
Arthur looked at him, remaining silent.
"I wanted to say sorry for yesterday," Merlin murmured suddenly. "It was... I was just tired and..."
"I know," the prince said quite softly. "I was a bit drunk and you drank some wine too... It was just a hard day."
"Exactly," the boy agreed, smiling at the other man. "Does it mean that we still continue the lessons?" Merlin tried to hide the hope in his voice.
The young men's eyes met and shone with joy.
Merlin waited for Arthur as he always did. However this time the boy was more nervous. He still remembered very well the events of the recent night.
The prince came into his chamber and the warlock felt from the first moment that there was something wrong with him.
"What's happened?" the boy asked softly.
Arthur smiled at him sadly. "That's nothing... I don't want to bother you."
"But Arthur!" Merlin came closer to him. "You can tell me. I'm your friend." Then the boy gasped. He shouldn't have said that. "I'm sorry..." He looked down.
"That's okay," the prince assured him.
Merlin glanced into his eyes. "Really?" he whispered.
The blonde nodded. "If you want to know what's happened then... My father... He, again, tried to convince me to look for a wife," he said sadly.
"And you don't want to get married now?" the boy asked.
"Of course not." Arthur sighed. "Let's start that lesson, okay?" He didn't want to continue that conversation. It seemed to be too awkward. The future king wasn't used to talking about such a vulnerable things.
Arthur held Merlin very tight and it took boy's breath away. The warlock's heart skipped a bit and he was no longer able to think clearly.
They started dancing.
All around them was only silence and none of them wanted to break it. The atmosphere was partly elegiac. They both felt it, moving slowly and letting for more and more body contact. Something changed between that two young men. Merlin was afraid of thinking about what it was. He tried to enjoy the moment hopelessly. However the thought that it all was going to end sooner or later didn't leave him even for a second. The painful truth was that they both were males, that one of them was a prince, an heir to the throne, and the other was a servant who had magic. It just couldn't work in the way Merlin's heart wished.
I can see that you can see a love that can't compare
Really isn't fair after all
The boy clung to Arthur really tight. It was some kind of defence. The prince's scent hit Merlin's senses and it was even worse. But the warlock didn't let it go. He didn't want to.
Arthur's hand, which was put on Merlin's waist, moved, caressing boy's back. It scared the younger man even more. They had never danced so long and it started to feel too good. Every next minute would only make the parting harder.
Abruptly Merlin let go of Arthur's hands and stepped back.
"It's time for me," he said as an explanation. "The lesson has already lasted too long," he added, looking sadly at the prince. Then the sorcerer turned around.
"Merlin, wait," the blonde asked the other man.
The boy stopped but didn't dare to look back.
Looking up and down and all around
Looking for what can't be found
I'm lost in love with you
"You know that you can stay," Arthur said quietly.
"No, I can't!" Merlin shook his head. "It makes no sense."
The prince came up to his friend slowly and wrapped his arms around the skinny boy. Merlin felt his muscles but it wasn't painful.
"Stay..." The fair haired man whispered into warlock's ear.
Then Merlin felt something hard that started rubbing against his body. He knew that it was crazy but the fight was already lost. He started shaking and couldn't stop.
Arthur turned the boy in his arms so he could face him.
"Do you really want me to stay?" Merlin's could help asking.
Then he felt the answer. Arthur simply cupped sorcerer's face and leant down to kiss him for the first time. The kiss was chaste and innocent and Merlin loved it. He couldn't believe that he hadn't dreamt about it before he'd started dancing with Arthur.
Shadows on the wall appear to be
But shadows never what they seem
I'm lost in this dance with you
When they broke the kiss, the prince caressed Merlin's cheek. The boy closed his eyes and buried his face in Arthur's chest. He felt that blonde's cock became even harder. Besides his own dick came to life too.
Arthur made the first move towards his bed. Merlin didn't say anything. He wanted it to happen, no matter how crazy it seemed.
The prince stripped warlock down to the bone on the way to bed. Merlin was cold but it didn't matter. Arthur's hot arms were soon all around him, warming the boy up.
The bed was large. The prince always knew that it had too much room for one person. Arthur felt a bit lonely and lost every night, lying there. Especially since the day when the dance lessons with Merlin had started.
Now, when the boy was lying on the sheets, the bed no longer seemed to be incomplete.
Merlin shivered so Arthur started to warm him up faster. The blonde's arms were all around the boy. His lips caressed the warlock too. Merlin pulled the prince closer and now they were really close.
They enjoyed the touch and the closeness but they both wanted more. That young men desired one thing with all their hearts. They wanted to unite completely. Now there were two bodies and two souls. Merlin and Arthur craved for becoming one body and one soul. They were two sides of the same coin. It was possible to become a unity.
The prince entered his servant and it seemed to be the most natural thing all over the world. The sweet moans and cries filled the chamber. When they were close to come, they screamed each other's names. And it lasted until the very end of their lovemaking.
Merlin stayed with Arthur but he couldn't fall asleep. He was in pain. The intimate moments that the boy had shared with his prince were the sweetest in his life. However the point was that Arthur wasn't his prince. They could continue this but not forever. The blonde was meant to find his queen and produce an heir one day. Merlin knew that he would sacrifice his life for Arthur, but he was not able to give him a son.
The boy couldn't help crying. He thought that the blonde was sleeping. But he wasn't.
"Merlin?" Arthur asked weakly. "What's wrong?"
The warlock sobbed.
"Merlin?" the blonde shook his arm. "Look at me."
The boy turned to face Arthur. His eyes were red and puffy.
"Tell me what's wrong," the prince asked him softly. He really missed Merlin's pure blue eyes.
"One day... it will come to an end. One day... I will have to go away from you." It was not easy to say it out loud. "I don't regret what we've done. But... you'll need to marry some lady sooner or later."
The prince was touched. He felt the same pain but he knew that despair couldn't help them.
"Merlin..." he started softly. The blonde took his lover's hand and put it on his own chest, very near to his heart. The boy could feel the beating. "I cannot see the future. And I can't change the fact that I will be a king."
"I don't want you to change that," Merlin said weakly. "I wouldn't..."
"I know..." Arthur whispered. "I want you to always remember one thing."
"What is it?"
The fair haired man smiled lightly. "No matter what happens, there will always be a place for you here." Arthur put his hand on Merlin's. "In my heart."
They looked into each other's eyes and after a while they started kissing passionately.
Arthur was right. They didn't know the future. They couldn't worry about it all the time.
"We need to live in the present," the prince whispered when they pulled apart. "Do you want to give it a try?"
Merlin smiled at the man that he loved. They just had to try and forget about the fear.
The men united that night one more time. First, they had been lost in the dance. Now they were lost in the love that they shared.
* I know that there was no such a dance like waltz in Middle Ages but I couldn't help myself. After all they have in Camelot potatoes and other things that they shoudn't have had too. ;)
I hope you liked it. Please, review!