Disclaimer: I don't own The Host.
Summary: Wanda thinks that maybe she has Stockholm Syndrome or something of that sort - that could be the only reason why she feels anything toward Kyle O'Shea. KyleWanda, IanWanda, oneshot
As much as I adore this book, I haven't written anything about it yet! Which I'm shocked about, actually. The Host is a wonderful book, so I just thought I'd write something about it. Maybe a little piece or something of the sort. This pairing is one I'd always found interesting, so I hope I can do it justice. Enjoy!
She isn't supposed to be feeling this way.
Not about him.
If there was anything that Wanderer didn't understand about humans, it was the fact that their emotions were so…convoluted. Even though she considered herself a human now, being as she had her own body that didn't fight back or anything of the sort, she still had the gentle nature of a Soul. Of someone who still didn't quite understand all of the things that humans went through.
Emotions were strong, unyielding. Even when she thought she had escaped the worst of them, they would still be there, ready to slap her in the face without warning.
By all reasons of logic, all reasons of things that were supposed to be Wanda shouldn't be feeling this way, not about him. No. She isn't supposed to be having strange little heart palpitations whenever she saw him. She isn't supposed to be wondering how he would feel against her skin. She isn't supposed to be wondering how his face, so very different and yet so very similar to her Ian's, would feel between her small, delicate hands.
She feels like she's the worst person ever for feeling like this about the one person she shouldn't.
It's almost suffocating, this feeling of guilt.
Guilt. Another human emotion.
All of these emotions that come with taking on a human form are enough to overwhelm her. It is almost like she's being skinned, stripped bare of all the flesh, and all of her nerve endings are exposed. That was the only thing that Wanda could think to compare this kind of pain to.
Ian, who loves her so whole heartedly, who would never betray her the way she's betraying him, doesn't deserve this.
In fact, his brother doesn't deserve this, either.
Wanda doesn't know why she feels like this. All she knows is that if anyone were to ever find out, then she'd most certainly be the most hated person - again - in this place.
There was a term she'd heard before - Stockholm Syndrome. Wanda thinks she might have this condition - that could be the only reason she felt anything toward the hulking Kyle O'Shea.
Even though Kyle had never really taken her prisoner, she thinks that maybe trying to kill someone and then having the victim start to develop feelings for the supposed "killer" would be something like that. It's close enough.
Wanda feels like she's grasping at straws.
Maybe she's just looking for a reason to justify these feelings. Maybe she just wants to be normal for once, and not have the constant stigma of these feelings for him hovering around her like a cloud.
As if things couldn't get any worse, sometimes Wanda actually stares at him.
They are simple gazes, things that don't mean anything to anyone but her, but she does so nonetheless. She glances at him and memorizes the contours of his face, so different and yet so similar to Ian's all at the same time. Somehow, his imperfect nose is even more perfect than his brother's aquiline one. Somehow, his rough features are even more beautiful to her than Ian's impeccable ones.
Wanda questions her sanity more than once.
An errant thought, brought on by stress, pokes its way into her head more than once. Maybe Kyle scrambled your brain a bit when he attacked you in the bathing room. (Of course, she would be talking about her actual brain as a Soul, and not Mel's brain. That seems to be working just fine, as is proved by her still adoring glances at Jared, not Kyle.)
Sure, blame all of this on Kyle.
Which, isn't it his fault in the first place?
No, Wanda thinks. This is all on me.
Because it really is.
Kyle has done nothing to her to make her feel this way. He hasn't given her the looks that Ian has given her, or kissed her the way that Ian does. He wasn't even the same way that Jared was when she was still inside Mel's body. The only thing Kyle has ever done to her was try to kill her, and then reluctantly accept her.
The whole situation would be comical if it wasn't so damn depressing.
Kyle still stares at Sunny, sometimes with a strange look as if trying to decipher why he cares about her. Are his feelings only there because his true love's body is actually with him? Or could he actually be feeling something for the Soul that resides inside the mind of her?
Wanda thinks about these things sometimes, as well. She doesn't know why, but sometimes they hurt her to the point of immobility.
Sometimes, she also thinks that he might look at her a bit too long, but she dismisses this as a product of her own delusions.
Besides, as brutish as Kyle is, he would never take his brother's woman.
Which is what she is.
She is going to be with Ian O'Shea forever. She's decided that already, planned it out. Maybe, one day, if all of this ends, they will have children and grow old together and maybe once have an actual house in the outside world. Maybe they would even be neighbors with the rest of them.
Maybe when that time comes, Wanda will have her feelings sorted out.
Since she should have them all under control now, she finds this an even more pressing task than anything else.
More confusing than anything else, is that her heart still reacts in that hyperactive manner whenever Ian touches her, kisses her, molds her to fit him. It sets her skin afire and causes her breath to come out in short, breathy pants. She doesn't know why this still happens, and she still feels the way she does about his brother, but Wanda does, and it causes her strife every time they are in the same vicinity.
Because, just now, as Ian slips his hand into hers as they walk to breakfast, Wanda feels her cheeks flush and her heart skip several times before stuttering back into a more comfortable pattern.
They turn into the dining hall, and that's when Wanda sees him.
With Sunny tucked into his side as if they're melded together, Kyle boyishly sits while talking to Jared and Mel. As if sensing his brother's appearance, he raises his face to meet the two of them, and for a brief moment their eyes lock.
Now Wanda's thoughts are finally quieted, save for the chanting of traitor, traitor in her blank mind, a muted sound in contrast to her now thundering heart.
And there it is! My first attempt at writing something for The Host. I adore this book, and I really hope that everyone liked this fic. I know I enjoyed writing it, even though it was a bit depressing and sad and never going to happen. I hope I did a good job, and I would love to hear everyone's opinions!
Thanks for reading!