Disclaimer: I don't own any of them…sigh…
Summary: This oneshot is based after "Loss" but before "Ghost" so basically it's Alex when she was Emily.
I'm so lost… so alone…
I don't know who I am anymore.
Emily is surrounded by people.
She has colleagues, friends, a boyfriend…
But none of it's real.
It's all a lie.
Emily's whole life is a lie, a lie built on nothing but death, tears and goodbyes…
Of course Emily would never reveal any of this.
That's what makes this so false.
Really Emily doesn't exist at all.
Or at least I did until I was "murdered".
I had everything Emily has only more and I wouldn't have traded it for a second.
Only I did…
I let it get too far.
I put everything I'd ever had on the line and I lost it all.
I was Alex Cabot.
I had colleagues, friends and a beautiful girlfriend.
I lost it all because I couldn't put down my pride.
Olivia always said that I was doing it to make a difference.
This is only half true…
Really Alex Cabot can't handle losing.
That's why I can't handle this…
I lost everything I ever had for this!
Emily rolls out of bed in the morning and go's to work in an accounting firm.
I got up at 6am and headed to the court every morning.
Emily has a boyfriend that grunts her name when they have sex.
I had a girlfriend that whispered my name as we held each other close in the night.
Emily is just another clone living out her life as normally as possible.
I scream to get out of her, to be my own true self, to be that one in a million Olivia always told me I was…
But Alex Cabot doesn't exist anymore.
I am Emily.