A/N: This is my first story. So, please be kind. And just in case, you are ready to fling rotten tomatoes at me, I'm a die-hard B/B fan. They are meant to be together, and so they will be together in my story.
Disclaimer : I do not own Bones.
Seriously! Dude, do you really think I would be writing this if I owned Bones?
THE FEELING IN THE GUT
. . . . . . .
He sighed for the hundredth time of the day. He hated not having clarity of thoughts. Of course, he spouted off the superiority of gut rather than logical thought process, but he always wanted his gut to speak clearly to him. And it always did. Or rather it used to. Now-a-days, his gut was sending him a lot of mixed signals leaving him confused and disoriented. But what confuses him the most is not all these 'mixed signals' but rather the fact that he doesn't know whether it is his gut telling him these things or his heart or his brain.
He didn't want to think. Not right now. Actually, he didn't want to think at all. But that would be impossible, wouldn't it?
Our brain is processing facts and performing a variety of biological involuntary operations even when we are sleeping, Booth. It would simply be impossible to stop thinking.
No, no, no, no, no… He was not going to think about her right now. Nope. Not at all. It was all in his past. The past that is over. He loved his partner. Loved. Notice the past tense. He is now in love with a beautiful, successful, smart, warm and caring woman.
But that doesn't stop you from loving her too.
No, don't go there. He is not in love with his partner. He is definitely not… He still cares for her. He always will. And that's all there is. And he is in love with Hannah. He is.
Such a confusing word, isn't it? Who actually knows what love is? Some say it is letting go, others say it is holding on. People could always write thousands and thousands of articles, stories, poems on love but no one could ever figure it out. No one could define it. Not even geniuses. Then, how can he?
The thing which confuses him the most is that he knew. He knew. He knew that he was destined to be with her. He was destined to grow old with her. To love her for thirty, forty, fifty years… He knew. But after about just a year of separation from her, he could find someone whom he loves. A person whom he loves dearly. Someone who is smart, funny, determined, passionate and brave. He loves someone else now. Does that mean he was wrong about his gut feeling? Or was his gut wrong?
Was he wrong then? Or is he wrong now?
And to top it all off his gut isn't really speaking to him these days. Of course, he has still got that knack to know when a person is lying and when someone is a criminal but… it doesn't help in other matters.
What 'other matters', Seeley? Love?
He really gotta stop thinking over this stupid stuff. He is back. He is happy and everything is back to normal. He feels calm and content to have love, a wonderful son, friends and work. He does. Except occasionally he feels restless and tired. As if, though everything is back to normal, the normal has shifted. And he is not sure whether he is comfortable with that.
He really should concentrate on the good stuff. He has a wonderful son whom he is seeing after a long time. He has a beautiful girlfriend whom he loves and who loves him. He has got a genius partner who is happy for him. And a team of super-scientists who'll help him catch the bad guys as well as being his supplementary family. He has got everything. But…
It is just that, he doesn't know what this means. He has half the mind to take a page from Bones' book and say – I don't know what that means.
Was his gut wrong? Did he delude himself into thinking that he knew? Or did he just misinterpret his gut? God! He has been hanging around with the squints too long. When did he start using words like 'misinterpret'?
He… He doesn't know what this means. He really doesn't. Was she right in pushing him away? Maybe she was. He himself just gave her evidence that she was right.
. . . . . . .
You all want to lose yourself in another person. You believe that love is transcendent and eternal. I want to believe that, too.
Hey, you will. I promise. Someday you will.
. . . . . . .
Emotional ties are ephemeral and undependable.
. . . . . . .
Was his feelings ephemeral?
No, it wasn't. It isn't. A part of him will still love her. Probably till his death. But, he had moved on. He had to. He knew that if he was persistent enough, maybe she would have given him a chance. But, even then she would be protecting herself... He would always try to bring down her walls because he doesn't want anything between them and she would always erect new ones. He cannot let his whole life be an attempt at bringing down her walls. He cannot let himself be obsessed with her. He cannot let himself go down that path where you take a risk everyday but you never truly win. He cannot let his whole life be a struggle. It is not healthy. Isn't that what the people say? If your relationship is nothing but a big struggle, it is time to let go. It is not healthy if all you do is hurt each other. And so, he did what he had to do. For both of their sake's. He had to let go…
And he found something wonderful when he did. He found Hannah. And for the first time in a long time, he felt at ease. He felt care-free. It was easy falling in love with her. And it was easy maintaining that too. He didn't have to struggle each day. He didn't have to go to a war with her emotional fortresses every day. And he felt happy. He didn't feel inadequate or intense sadness. He felt useful and young and loved. Isn't that what love is?
He sighs for one more time. But it has a smile hidden in it. It is a sigh of relief. He feels that he had figured this out. He wishes that Hannah was here right now. He wants to forget all this misery business and smile and laugh and be care-free. And she helps him do that. He smiles. He had figured this mess out. This is right. This is how it should be. This is how it is. Right?
Yet, somewhere in the back of his mind, a question lingers. Was his gut wrong? Or…
He hears the door swing open.
"Hey, I'm back!"
He hears the feminine voice float into the room. He immediately smiles and turns around.
This is easy. Comfortable.
"You know, I had a gut feeling that you were gonna walk-in through that doors right now."
"Well… what can I say?" She chuckles. "Your gut is never wrong."
He failed to notice that she had just answered his question.
. . . . . . .
A/N: Would you like to review?