Disclaimer: I don't own anything I am just taking them out for a test drive.

AN: This was the first story I have ever written. While talking to Butterfly6 she helped me make the decision that was one my mind for a while then from going from just MUSE to going to MUSE and author. Thanks to her and she is the beta for this too.

Summary: He has always made me feel special and he has been in life from the very beginning. Those two months together in the summer before I left, we found something that most people can only ever dream about. And as long as I live I will cherish those moments together and pray that we can be together in another lifetime. A Different kind of Blackwater story. _

As I take my last breath I begin to remember my life, all the wrongs and all the rights choices I made. Some will say that those two months after my seventeen birthday were so wrong of us if they knew. But honestly that is when my life began, and spending it with him made me find peace within myself to go on with my life. He gave me himself in more ways then one. He gave me all of him. I have two children because of that time we spent together and to this day no one knows who their real father is.

I kept running I had to get away, I was choked up and my vision was half blurred with tears but I had to get away. Images kept flashing through my mind, taunting me and urging me forward. Walking in on them getting ready to make love in our bed. I stumbled but kept going. This was supposed to be our house that we built our dreams in and raise a family together in. I was going to the house to surprise him with the news that I was not going to go to school in New York, but instead staying here to be closer to him.

I could see now why he wanted me to go, so he could play around with her my cousin, my own damn cousin who knew how much I loved him. But then Emily never could stand to see me happy. Everything of mine she'd always wanted even when we were children. I could hear him running to keep up with me and I quickened my pace.

"Leah!" he hollered but I didn't turn around or slow. I was just glad that I'd decided to wait until the wedding night to give myself to him, just two more weeks but I was so glad it was never to be. There was nothing they could say to me to make this right, it was done! Over with and I hoped they'd rot in hell for it.

I didn't know where I was heading at first, just letting my feet lead me as fast and as far as possible from him. Now I realized I was taking the route to my godparents house and it was like I couldn't get there fast enough. I tripped up the stairs, scraping my knee but kept going and was finally beating on their door. He opened it surprised to see me and even more surprised at the state I was in. I pushed passed him into the house and ran for his bedroom just like I used to when I was younger and spending the night. When I was afraid of thunder storms and I'd hide under his covers.

I curled into a ball on the bed and let the hot tears flow, the image of Sam kissing her neck as he slid a hand around her waist was forever burned into my mind. I could hear him talking to Sam out front, telling him to give me time to cool off.

That I'd call him when I was ready. I didn't think I'd ever be ready. The next words he said to Sam caused a bitter smile to spread across my face even as the tears kept coming.

"Oh, by the way Sam, if I find out you hurt my little Leah in any way you will be answering to me, not her father." His voice was deadly calm and I could only imagine the look on Sam's face as he replied a hurried 'yes sir' and then left. He spoke on the phone to my parents next. I could hear their conversation, or at least what he said

"No, no, she can stay as long as she likes, you know that. You shouldn't have let Emily come here Harry. You know how she is with Leah, if its Leah's she wants it. I tried to tell you all she does is hurt Leah. Alright well I'll go see how she is. Bye."

I could hear his footsteps thudding down the hall as he came toward the bedroom. His wife and children were out of town this summer helping to get his oldest daughter settled in with her new husband of a few months. They'd had a big argument about it. He was completely against the marriage, and decided not to go with his family for the two months that they would be away.

His wife and he have been arguing a lot lately. After twenty years of marriage they seemed to be drifting apart. Most people on the Rez knew even though they tried to hide it. Like my parents, they were high school sweet hearts and got marriage right after school. Two years after their marriage the twins were born and two years after the twins, their son Jacob came along, my sweet little stalker. I was born a year after the twins and their stalker, my baby brother Seth, came two years after me.

He opened the door and saw me in a ball on his bed.

"Oh, Leah Bell I am so sorry gal," he said crossing the room, pulling me into his arms and letting me cry into his chest. He rocked me and rubbed up and down any part of my arms and legs that he could reach. As I calmed down, I started to smell him as my nose touched his neck he shivered. He ran a hand along my leg and brushed my scraped knee. I hissed and flinched and pulled back examining my knee.

"Maybe I should get that cleaned up sweetheart." I nodded and he headed to the bathroom for the first-aid kit. He was really a beautiful man and I had always had a bit of a crush on him growing up but now it has grown into something more. When the twins and I would play wedding as children, I always wanted to marry their dad.

He was everything I thought a man should be strong, kind, compassionate, willing to help anyone. At 6'3" broad shoulders tapered down to a slim waist, strong sexy long legs, long silky midnight black hair and hands that I used to play with as a child to help me sleep. Hands that at one touch could make you feel like magic.

My secret fantasies had always been about him. He came back with the kit and told me to sit on the very edge of the bed. He knelt in front of me. He was tall and instead of being eye level with my knee, he was eye level with my chest.

He cast a quick furtive glance at my breasts cleared his throat and turned his attention to my knee. I could help the tingling that came over me at the look. He dabbed a bit of alcohol on my knee and then covered it with a band-aid.

"There" he whispered "good as new." He leaned down and placed a soft kiss on the knee, a throb of heat shot through me.

"Billy," I murmured and he looked up. His eyes were as heated as mine and I couldn't help myself as I leaned forward, cupped an unshaven cheek and kissed him. He kissed me back for a second and then pulled back suddenly.

"Leah, we can't…we can't do this." His voice was strangled and his expression was half pained.

"Why not? I need to feel special again, beautiful. Like I'm something to someone who loves me." I leaned forward to kiss him again and he shot back.

"Leah, please stop this."

"Don't you want me Billy?" I asked. I was afraid to hear his answer. Sam obviously didn't, maybe something was wrong with me and no man did. I shrank back slightly and he noticed the change. He scooted forward slightly, reached up a hand to touch my leg and dropped it apparently thinking it better not too.

"Its okay Billy, I get it, you don't find attractive." I felt humiliated, obviously Billy had been uncomfortable with me throwing myself at him.

"God Leah is that what you think? I think the problem is I find you too attractive." My head shot up at his words. "You've always been special and beautiful to me Leah and believe me I want you." His voice was husky. I dropped to my knees as well and scooted forward.

"Then touch me Billy," I whispered dropping a kiss on the curve of his jaw. "Make love to me." I trailed kisses down his neck and then hovered over a special spot I'd found once before by accident.

"Please," I said and then pressed my lips to the spot. It was his undoing and he groaned my name, picked me up and placed me back on the bed following me down. His motions were hurried and he had my shirt off and bra undone in seconds. My pants and boy shorts followed soon after and I decided he was too overdressed. I sat up pushing him back until we traded positions and I was straddling his waist.

I grinded down and slowly began undoing the buttons on his shirt as he gripped my thighs and groaned again. I dropped kisses on each exposed bit of skin until I was just underneath his belly button. He let me undo his pant and then I was pulling his boxers down. He sprang up from the dark curls there and my quick exhale of surprise blew my breath across the tip.

Billy moaned low in his throat and I was suddenly curious to see how much more I could make him moan. I wrapped a hand lightly around his length and he closed his eyes momentarily.

"A little tighter," he whispered and I tightened my grip a little. A blew across the tip again and he thrust up slightly. In a moment of boldness I pressed my lips to the tip in a soft kiss. He groaned and arched up again, apparently catching onto my intent.

"Leah…you don't have to do that, you really don't."

"I want too Billy," I answered and slid my tongue across the tip. He gripped the bed sheets in his hands and I smiled to see his reaction. I slid the tip into my mouth swirling my tongue slightly in an obvious sign of a novice. I had no clue what the hell I was doing but I did like the taste of his pre-cum. It had a slightly sweet taste to it. Not what I had expected but nicer even. I drew hard on the tip hoping for another little taste of pre-cum and arched up higher pushing another half inch of himself in my mouth.

"Leah, that feels so good" he managed out with it half lost behind a moan. I bobbed my head down slightly testing to see how much I could take in considering I was new at this. His hands were tangled in my hair now and he was thrusting up shallowly showing restraint even though I could tell he desperately wanted to let loose and just fuck my face.

"I'm close…Leah…I'm cumming." He gave a strangled cry and then he was shooting into my mouth. Hot cum, it took me back surprise and I choked a little but caught on quickly. I pulled him out until just the tip was in my mouth and I sucked in time to the spurts my throat working to swallow it all. He finally loosened his grip on my hair and fell back spent to the bed. He was breathing hard as I swallowed the last of it. His eyes were closed until I finally let him fall limp from my mouth.

Then he opened them and looked at me, I licked my lips unconsciously getting the last bits of cum into my mouth and he groaned softly, his soft cock twitching slightly. He sat up and pulled me to him kissing me gently and then pressing me back into the bed. As he kissed down my stomach I somehow knew I would never feel this way with another person, I couldn't he already held that special place.

I gasped and unconsciously tangled my fingers in his hair as he pressed his mouth to my lower regions and gave a slow lick. He set to work after that delving in and using his teeth and tongue for deliciously naughty things. He had me on the edge of an orgasm and arching off the bed in minutes.

"Billy, oh God Billy, mmmmhh," I moaned as he gave my clit a gentle pull and I exploded thrusting up into his face and riding out my orgasm. He licked and licked until I was completely spent and breathless on the bed, then he kissed back up my stomach until he rested over me on his elbows. He kissed me thoroughly, dominating my mouth entirely and I let him. I was too weak with the aftershocks of my orgasm tingling through me to fight back.

"Leah Bell, are you ready?" he asked and I was suddenly aware of his now hard again cock at my entrance. I was afraid but at the same time so desperately wanted him in me. I nodded slowly. "Its going to hurt darling but I'll make it as easy as possible."

"Just do it quickly," I whispered closing my eyes. He bent his head and kissed me deeply as he pushed in completely all at once. I gave a short surprised scream and he hushed my planting kisses across my face. He stood still for a moment, letting me get used to him and then he started a rhythm. Slow and steady but as we neared the edge it became quick and frantic. With a final thrust we both tensed and came in perfect harmony, our orgasms wracking our body. It was mind-blowing perfect.

I spent two days there after that, two completely perfect days. He made love to me in every room of the house. My favorite was the backyard, the porch swing added an extra push where he could drive into me so deeply I didn't know where I ended and he began. He loved the kitchen table claiming I was I was the perfect breakfast, lunch, dinner, and midnight snack. Two amazing days that had to end. The day after I left his family returned home.

I called off my wedding to Sam Uley and refused to speak to or see him again. Billy and I found a way to meet everyday no matter the situation, sometimes even just to cuddle and talk about anything and everything.

"I've been in love with you from the moment you turned fourteen," he said. We had just made love in his bed again. His family was gone for the weekend again, this time getting Rachel settled into school and Jacob had gone with them.

"I've been in love with you my whole life," I answered snuggling closer to his side. I sat up suddenly, biting my bottom lip. "I want to try something," I said raking my eyes down his body.

He now knew after being with me numerous times, I was no innocent in bed. He nodded his consent and I pointed to the armchair across the room, ordering him to sit there and do nothing else. I proceeded to give him a blowjob he would never forget, something I'd come to love doing. Before he could cum however I got up and straddled his lap, plunging onto his cock and riding him frantically.

He let me for a minute or two, his hands firm on my hips before he lifted me and placed me on the bed. He plunged into me from there, my legs over his shoulder for a new angle of deep. I came swiftly and he followed close behind before we went back to cuddling. We were so meant to be but it could never happen for us.

I decided to make a fresh start with my life by moving up to Ontario, Canada where my favorite aunt lived and going to school there. I did not want to leave my Billy but we both knew it was the right move for me.

Everyone except Billy tried to talk me out of going, even my favorite little stalker begged, pleaded and cried but it was no use. I had made my decision and I was going.

I was already packed the majority of my clothing and sent it ahead of me and all I had to carry on the plane the following day were two suitcases and a carry on. I decided to say goodbye to my favorite places the night before I left. I walked around saying goodbye to friends and neighbors.

I went to every place My Billy and I had been to have some quiet moments together. The last place was our meadow and he was there wanting for me with a couple of lanterns and a blanket. He held out his hand for me to take and I did eagerly.

"I wanted to say goodbye to you privately," he said with a loving smile. For those last few hours together under the full moon he made love to me with such a fervor and passion I would never forget it.

We both knew that this was good bye and we made every single moment count. We both cried as we made love giving everything we had to each other forever.

This was our goodbye song. And it sang to the very end perfectly, both of us in tune with each other. As we laid their catching our breaths I told him.

"I will never love another the way I love you, never." He kissed me tenderly and we made love again for the very last time. During that last time together Billy gave me a wonderful gift the I would always treasure. My babies.

He was the last one I hugged at the airport, the last "I love you" whispered, and the last person I focused on as I waved my goodbye.

Nine months after I left La Push and My Billy I gave birth to the first of my children and secretly my favorite Hannah Alyssa and William Henry Clearwater. They were my pride and joy. Their beautiful russet skin, dark midnight black hair, my hazel eyes, nose and mouth, their father's facial structure, and everything else that came from Billy Black. They were smart, care free and loving. Any mother would have loved to have children like them and they were all mine.

Ten years before I moved back to la Push permanently I traveled back home four times. For Aunt Sarah's funeral, Seth and Jacob graduation from high school, daddy's funeral, and Rachel and Paul's wedding. I return one more time and permanently for the most painful thing of all. The marriage of Billy Black, my Billy, to my own mother.

Nobody never, in all the time I was away, was able to hold a candle to my Billy. I took comfort that maybe my future husband was back home after all and I was right. And it was about time I showed my children La Push my birthplace. I went to culinary school and I had a successful catering service, but I could ship my food just as easily from La Push as in Ontario.

Hannah and Harry loved La Push and was happy to be near more family. Billy never asked because he could do the math and knew who their father was. I never let my family know how much it hurt me to see My Billy and mom together. When I walked in on my mother giving my soul mate a blow job I was almost destructed beyond repair. He looked into my eyes as his came in her mouth and there was no words to describe how we felt at that moment. I couldn't keep the tears from coming down my face. I turned and left quietly not wanting to interrupt there private moment again.

I went to our meadow and cried of the love that we had had and now it was lost to time.

After that I kept myself busy I made sure I was never alone with him it hurt to much so I was glad there was a lot to do during that time I got my business up and running, getting my kids settled, and helping mom with the preparations for her wedding to the Chief of our time it was going to be a grand and glorious affair. All too soon it was time for their wedding.

My mother choose me to be her maid of honor and let me decide the style and color of my dress that would go along with her color scheme. So I wore the color that was his favored on me peach. It was a satin V neck tank dress with side drape skirt. My long hair was pulled off to the side with a Black family heirloom two jeweled hair clips that belonged to Billy's mother. They were his parting gift to me with I left La Push all those years ago. As I walked down the aisle toward my place to stand I heard a lot of in drawn breaths as I passed friends and family along the way.

One thing that not a lot of people know about Billy Black is that if you look at the right moment you can see his feelings in his eyes as least I can. I took a quick look at him our eyes met I could see the pain in his eyes, and to know that he was wishing that I was the one about to become his wife not my mother but it was to late for that now.

I catered the whole thing as my wedding gift to them. I even saw Sam and Emily Uley at the reception. My how time was not to kind to some people, Sam had a beer gut and Emily lost her beauty and her fat was to much for the tight clothes she was wearing to try to regain it. Three pairs of eyes followed me the whole reception, the groom's, his best man and son Jacob, and Sam Uley.

When I danced with Billy he held me close as we danced to our favorite instrumental song.

"It doesn't feel right to be in your arms after what I walked in on you and I both know it," I murmured straining to put a little distance between us, we were in public after all. I said this without meeting his eye but keeping a fake smile plastered to my face.

"This is me saying my final good bye to you and the love we once shared," I said as the song ended. I reached up, kissed him on his cheek, and walked away from my soul mate.

I did find love, companionship, and contentment in the most surprising of places. Jacob Black my little stalker had grown up into an sexy intelligent care free young man and I gave what was left of my heart to him. He was just as passionate in bed as his father and he was able to make me forget the love I have for Billy for a time.

We even added on to my little family of three with four more children all just as beautiful as the first two. I was true to my words to him on his wedding day to my mother when I married Jacob it was one of the happiest days of my life. Over time I grow to love him more each day. The light that was gone from my eyes for a while was back and it was because of Jacob, but I was honest with myself if only to myself I still loved Billy Black with a fire and a intensity that would never go away.

As each new grandchild was placed in his arms I could see the pain of losing our love to his own son cut him deeper each time. He was a good and fateful husband to my mother but I could help but sometimes catch mom looking at me with dislike or even envy like she knew of our one time love affair. We were never close again and I think that pained him more than losing my love. He also lost my friendship too.

It was after Billy's death that Jacob my husband of twenty five years asked me an inevitable question.

"Now that dad has past away, and things have settled down I want to know for my own piece of mind. Are Hannah and Harry my half sibling as while as my step children?" I was surprised he asked, even knew who their real father was. They never asked and were happy to have Jacob take that role of father figure.

"You don't have to answer, by the look on your face I already know it." He kissed and hugged me tight to him and never brought it up again.

As I took my final breath I could hear my Jacob tell me it was okay to go and to say Hi to his dad for him.

"I love you" I whispered. I heard another voice calling my name, a voice that I hadn't heard in fifty years.

"Leah Bell open up those pretty eyes of yours for me please, I've waited long enough to have you by my side again." He said as clear as a bright spring day.

I opened my eyes and it was My Billy as I remembered him, young, handsome, and strong he pulled me into his arms and kissed me with the same passion as our first kiss. "Now that I have you I am never going to let you go again," he said smiling down at me.