Disclaimer: I don't own Numb3rs. I want a Charlie though, seriously.
A/N: I'm usually not much of a crack!writer at all. But hey what do you know, here it is! (Blame patster223. Because it's her fault, it totally is. :D) I do plan on writing other Numb3rs fics in the future, for sure. Actually serious fics, hopefully. xD
WARNING: This is a total parody and very OOC. Viewer Discretion is Advised. ;)
Charlie skipped into the FBI, if only because skipping would make his hair bounce up and down, making all the women sigh. Megan sighed too, even though her heart belonged to Larry and always will, before rushing up to the brilliant math professor with the adorable face and started pulling at his sleeve.
"Oh, Charlie! Alas! You need to come help Don!" she cried daintily. Her FBI agent clothes were still at the cleaners, so she'd been force to put on her Mary Sue sundress, complete with perfectly sexy hair and heels that could have passed for stilts.
"Don't tell me the fan girls got to him again! That's the third time this week! He can't handle this kind of whumping, Megan!" Charlie shouted.
"Oh no, it's Colby Whump Day today. That's why you won't be seeing him during this story. No, Charlie, your brother's angsting!"
Charlie gasped. He leaped across the room with Olympic-like skill and thrust himself through the door to a spare office conveniently placed there for Don's angsting space.
"Brother!" he shouted.
Don lay curled up in a ball on the floor, weeping his eyes out, the floor and his shirt soaked with his manly tears, for indeed any tears shed by Don Eppes were manly and you know it. He clutched at his Winnie-the-Pooh teddy bear that we all know he has hidden under his pillow and cried aloud when he saw Charlie had arrived.
"Chuck!" he called. "It's all just so SAD, Chuck!"
"Don't call me, Chuck, Donald," Charlie said, glaring. "Now what's wrong? The ladies want to see you in full kick-ass fashion, not curled up like Larry after they cancelled Bill Nye the Science Guy!"
" But's all just so sad, Chuck," Don murmured in between his tears. "What is the world coming to! Pluto isn't a planet anymore, I just found out what's really in hot dogs, and do you know what the worst thing of all is?"
"You're still calling me Chuck?" Charlie guessed.
"No! And you damn well know everyone loves it when I call you Chuck! No the worst thing is, they're going to cancel us after only SIX seasons!" Don returned to crying, unable to speak any longer.
Charlie gasped in a dramatic fashion and immediately fell to the floor, crying with his brother. Charlie looked like a kicked puppy dog and immediately the girls' Charlie-needs-cuddling senses started tingling and Amita (who appeared out of nowhere) and Megan rushed into the room, Megan tripping over her ridiculous heels.
"Boys, boys, boys!" Megan called loudly. "What's going on here?"
"They're-They're going to CANCEL us!" Charlie shouted angstily, for indeed angstily is a word, whether the spellcheck believes it or not.
Amita and Megan gasped, one right after the other, because really nobody gasps in harmony in the real world. They too fell to the floor, grabbing their shoulders and weeping miserably. They all fought over who got to clutch at Don's teddy bear, and Don beat them off, still crying shrilly.
They continued like this for hours, until David and Larry happened upon them and started weeping too, for no apparent reason other than they didn't want to be left out. And they all cried and cried.
Except for Alan who was off at home, merrily eating apple crisp, oblivious to the tragedy his sons were currently immersed in.
And Colby, who was, of course, being whumped elsewhere.