Pairing: Alex/Olivia, Serena/Abbie, Jane/Maura
Spoilers: SVU up to Season-11 (including Loss, Ghost, and beyond); R&I 1st season, especially the episode 'Kissed A Girl' and season Finale
AN: I was SHOCKED to find no one had done this yet. I'm still half convinced someone else has and I'm just missing it... part of the Magnetic ResistanceUniverse.
What Happens In Provincetown
Olivia Benson sighed. Each of her hands was firmly gripping the shoulder of an angry blonde woman, and a small crowd had gathered around them. "All right, which one of you wants to tell me how it started?"
"Excuse me? This is really none of your business," said the first blonde woman, who was sporting very expensive clothes (after sharing a closet with Alex Cabot, she could recognize Dolce and Gabbana at twenty paces) and an irritated frown. "This... woman... assaulted me. It was completely unprovoked-"
"Unprovoked my ass!" Serena Southerlyn shouted, causing even more of the dance floor's patrons to stop and stare. "She was making out with my girlfriend!"
"Excuse me?" the strange blonde repeated, looking at Serena with a mixture of horror and shock. "I would never- what on earth are you talking about. Jane?"
The blonde's companion stepped forward. "Let her go, please," she said, "you've got your hands full with that one..."
Now, Olivia had a pretty good idea what was going on. The broad vowels of the woman's Boston accent only confirmed her suspicions. Obviously, she should have paid more attention to Munch's theories about Pod People and/or Government Cloning Research, because this woman looked exactly like...
"Abbie! You promised that you weren't going to do this anymore! I can't believe I trusted you..."
"Serena, cool it," Olivia said, giving the blonde's shoulder another firm squeeze and releasing the other blonde. "That's not Abbie."
"What do you mean it's not-"
"Look at her clothes."
Pausing in her tirade long enough to check, Serena was astonished to realize that the woman she had mistaken for Abbie was wearing jeans and a white tank top instead of the black, slitted skirt and v-neck that her girlfriend had donned earlier that evening. In addition, her hair rolled down her back in tight waves, and Abbie had worn hers up.
"Oh my God, I am so sorry," she said, a horrified look transforming the angry features of her face as she realized what she had done. "I thought – I thought you were... you look just like..."
"What on God's green earth has you throwin' such a conniption, Ser? People are starin – Well, fuck me blind! Lord in Heaven, call me the crazy Aunt and hide me in the basement, because I'm staring myself in the face."
The statement was so absurd that none of the four women could think of an appropriate response.
A long, astonished silence stretched between them until another voice added, "I've heard of Doppelgangers, but this is bordering on the ridiculous."
Slowly, Olivia turned towards Alex, who had accompanied Abbie to the bathroom ("it's a girl thing," she had claimed, forcing Olivia to remind her that she was most definitely also a girl). "We've entered the Twilight Zone."
"What did I miss?"
The brunette detective sighed. "She," she pointed at the blonde stranger, "was attacked by Serena for touching..." – what did that woman call her? Jane! –"Jane here, who just happens to look a hell of a lot like Abbie."
Alex groaned. "I'm getting a headache."
"Listen," Serena interrupted, putting on her best apologetic face, "I'm really sorry about slapping you, um..."
"Maura Isles. And I accept your apology. Now that you and your date have been reunited, I can see why you made the mistake. Their cranial structure is remarkably similar."
Disappointed that there was no longer going to be a catfight, the crowd began to disperse, leaving the six women to their own devices. "Please let me buy you two your next round of drinks. I feel terrible."
"You mean let me buy them their next round of drinks," Abbie interrupted. "You didn't bring your purse or your credit card."
"I didn't have a purse that matched this dress. I'll pay you back later. Besides, you use my checking account just as much as yours, so stop bitching. This is all your fault anyway for having some kind of freaky identical twin that you never told me about."
Jane smiled. "Well, I'm not gonna say no to a free beer. How about it, Maura?"
"You're a detective, too? No shit!" Jane Rizzoli exclaimed, leaning forward across the large table that they had snagged on the side of the dance floor. "This night just keeps getting more and more bizarre."
"Yep, with the NYPD. Special Victims," Olivia said after taking another drink from her bottle. "Pretty ugly stuff."
"Tell me about it. At least mine are always dead," said Jane, resting her weight on her elbows until Maura shot her a disapproving look and reminded her with a silent glare to place her hands in her lap. "We're at a club, Maur, not a five star restaurant," she complained.
Alex gave the blonde a nod of approval. "I like you," she declared. "You know how to keep your woman in line." Both of them ignored Jane's eye-roll.
"I like your Manolo Blahniks," Maura offered in return.
"Why thank you."
"I'm just glad no one was hurt too badly," Abbie said. "You sure you're all right, Maura? Serena can pack a mean punch." She winced in sympathy as several long-ago memories resurfaced. "Trust me, I speak from experience."
"Thank you for your concern, but I'm fine."
"Between you and me, Serena's lucky she got out of that one without a scratch on her," Jane told Olivia. "She's a medical examiner and she knows all the weak points of the human body."
"That's it!" Alex said triumphantly. "I've been trying to figure out why your surname sounded familiar ever since you introduced yourself," she explained, nodding her head at Maura. "Do you know a Dr. Melinda Warner?"
Maura's eyes widened in surprise. "Yes, actually, I do. Do you know her as well?"
"She's our – um, Olivia's – medical examiner."
"Curiouser and curiouser," Abbie quipped. "We didn't just go down the Rabbit Hole, I think we all stumbled ass-over-tits into it after smoking a couple of very strong joints."
"Please forgive my obviously inebriated girlfriend–"
"I've only had one–"
Olivia sighed. "Nope, that's Abbie sober."
"I promise, she can be very refined when she wants to be. She's actually a federal prosecutor."
"Federal prosecutor by day, lesbian superhero by night!" She gestured at Jane. "I even have my own stunt double!"
"My mother's never going to believe this," the Boston detective muttered. "No, scratch that... I'm not going to tell her. She'll probably fly you up from DC and make you home-cooked lasagna."
Abbie laughed. "Your mother, too? Oh heavens, mine will up and faint like a proper Southern lady before getting all in your business... you don't have kids, do you? Please say no, because I don't want to hear, 'but if this nice woman who looks just like you can have children, why can't you, Abigail?' I would run away from home."
"Your mother is all the way in Texas, sweetie," Serena reminded her.
"There's no escaping a Texan mother..."
"Or an Italian one."
"So, we're agreed-"
"- tell them absolutely nothing."
Alex snorted. "Even though mine is deceased, I doubt any of us would want to regale our respective mothers with tales of the brawl we almost engaged in at a gay bar in Provincetown."
"I told you we shouldn't have come here," Olivia muttered. "This place is too... gay."
Alex laughed. "Too gay? Olivia, you're gay. You wear a man's watch and sensible shoes. You scream dyke."
"No I don't. I'll have you know that a suspect asked me out a couple of weeks ago."
"And what did you say?"
"That I was single, but didn't mix business with work."
"You said you were single?"
"Well, I wasn't going to tell him I had a girlfriend. Then I'd never have been able to get rid of him!"
Several hours and even more alcoholic beverages later, the six women were wandering down Commercial Street in search of some food to fill their stomachs and help them sober up. Alex, who was the most sober of the six, held a map of the general area in both hands and guided the two other inebriated couples (as well as her own inebriated detective) with a firm hand. However, a sight across the street under a sign that said 'The Vault' caused her to misstep and lose her balance. Afraid of falling over, she clung to the sleeve of Olivia's jacket for support.
Olivia was a little buzzed, but still coordinated enough to keep Alex from tumbling backwards into the rest of the group. "What is it, honey? Are you okay?" she asked, looking concerned. While Abbie was a hilarious drunk and Serena's moods ranged from cheerful to depressed, Olivia was an emotional drunk. Instead of dulling her feelings, alcohol sensitized them and made her extra concerned about Alex's little stumble.
Alex's mouth opened and closed like a fish as she stared across the street, struck mute by the shocking sight.
"I think that man over there startled her," Maura chirped, pointing over at a tanned, well-muscled man wearing nothing but a leather g-string and black strips across his chest. Both nipples were pierced and he had something that looked like a spiked dog collar around his neck.
"Oh, come on, Alex. You've seen worse than that before. He's probably some harmless fluff named Barry that works as a daycare assistant or a shoe salesman when he's not... er... dressed like that."
"I've seen worse at work, Olivia, not during my vacation! Maybe you're right. Maybe we are too old for this."
"That's what I said," Jane Rizzoli agreed. "I told Maura we were too old to go clubbing like a bunch of baby dykes, but did she listen? Nooo... she wanted an 'authentic lesbian experience' even though we started dating, what, over six months ago? And she's not even a lesbian..."
"I told you, bisexuality is a natural point of reference on the Kinsey scale, a perfectly normal variation–"
"Well, just don't start checking out the gluteus maximus on our friend Barry over there, Doc, or I might have to revoke your license to practice medicine."
Abbie, meanwhile, was thoroughly amused by the entire affair. "I bet he could show a man a good time," she said, reaching up a hand to wave at the leather boy and giving him a loud wolf whistle. He winked and blew her a kiss, which made Serena burst out in laughter.
"Only in Provincetown..."
"You'd be surprised. We get some pretty crazy stuff up on Boston. One time, Maura and I went undercover at a lesbian bar and set up an online dating profile for me to attract a killer..."
Olivia snorted. "I hate undercover work. I've been a hooker, a porn star, a woman asking a receptionist for a vaginoplasty, a crack whore, "married" to my partner Stabler, who is actually married in real life, an inmate at a women's prison, and the FBI borrowed me once and turned me in to some kind of hippy-dippy tree hugger."
Alex brushed her fingers against Olivia's hand and the brunette realized that she was rambling. "Sorry, got carried away. Tell the story about the lesbian bar. I want to hear this..."