Okay so, I'm so so very sorry for taking forever to update. But I've been busy with a stupid thing called "Real Life" and yeah it sucks.
I wish I could just read and write on this site forever, but alas, I cannot. :( Family and school has really been taking up most of my time, so for that, I am sorry.
I want to say thank you for all of your support. The reviews/alerts/favorites are always just so amazing to me. I mean we made it to 129 reviews, that's so awesome. Thanks so much guys, keep it up!
BTW: Ness is a bit of a Scrooge in this chapter. So if it offends you or your beliefs, I apologise in advance. This was not intended to insult anyone. It's just Nessie's joking opinion on the matter. So yeah...
Also I know that this story is very angsty and some of you are probably tired of it. So allow me to ease the Vis à vis part of your mind. The angst is going to end, soon. I'm not going to give anything away, But I'm just going to say that it's almost done.
With that said I hope this chapter was worth the wait. But if not there much more exciting chapters on the way, I promise.
I never understood the whole Satan thing. Oops brain fart, I mean Santa. Wasn't Christmas supposed to be about Jesus? How the hell did that translate into a old fat guy giving presents? And how on earth is he supposed to fit down the chimney? Last time I checked chimneys were small and obviously Santa is a porker. And why does he always want little kids to sit on his lap? I mean hello, pedophile alert! And the ho ho ho thing, what the fuck? If anyone ever calls me a "ho ho ho" he better watch his sleigh bells and south pole.
I'm just feeling particularly bitter, today. Then again when am I not lately? It's like ever since I got here, my life has been full of up and downs. I'm on this emotional roller-coaster and I'd like to get off.
It's been a week since the "latest" Jacob incident. And I haven't seen him since. I wasn't the one avoiding him. For once it was the other way around.
When I got home that night I just went to bed. I couldn't face my family. I didn't want them to look me in the eyes and see the horrible thing I had just done. I didn't want them to see how I just broke not only my heart, but Jacob's. They all respected my privacy enough to leave me alone, to wallow in my self-pity.
When I came down the next day I could tell that Sue was trying not to pry as she filled me in on all of what went on last night. It was mostly idle information about Maggie or how Leah called to cancel at the last minute. I figured she wasn't there, because if she was I would know. We would all have been made aware of her presence.
They're was a certain fact know about Leah Clearwater. If she wanted to say something, she was damn well going to say it. No bullshiting. No fucking around. She told it like it was. And I found that to be a honorable quality. If I had that quality I could have saved myself and others namely Jacob, a whole lot of pain.
I felt my phone vibrating in my purse. I had since turned off my ring-tone. I wasn't in the peppy mood that ring-tones inspire. I looked at the screen and was surprised with the name that I saw. Tanya Denali.
Tanya along with her sisters, Irina and Kate are ballerinas at Juilliard. They were originally from Russia trained by they're foster mother Sasha. The Denali's are beautiful, talented, and blonde. Enough said...
Tanya was a friend, not as good as a friend as her sister Kate. But still, a friend none the less. I was still surprised that she was calling though.
"Tanya?" I answered
"Guess what my whore of a sister is doing right now?" Tanya asked with the voice that can charm the pants off any man. I rolled my eyes.
"Ummm... I don't know." I stated in my "I couldn't have cared less voice". I figured she was talking about Irina. Tanya and Irina were always fighting. Which always left Kate in the middle to referee.
"Your boyfriend." she stated simply.
"My? My what?" I stuttered. The first thought that came to my mind was Jacob. But I knew that wasn't right. I mean Irina didn't even know Jacob. Right?
"Oh right. Your Ex-boyfriend." She corrected. I breathed a sigh of relief. Nahuel. She was just talking about Nahuel, not Jacob.
"Why does that not surprise me?"
"I know right? Ever since Laurent broke up with her, she's been hooking up with like everyone at school."
"Right..." I said uninterested. I walked over to the smoothie shop in the mall. I ordered a banana smoothie and next thing I knew I heard the dial tone. She hung up on me. I took a sip of the yummy banana smoothie.
"So... Did you fuck your baby daddy yet?" I heard a female voice say from behind me. So startled by the interaction I chocked on the smoothie. As I turned I saw the familiar strawberry blonde with breathtaking baby blues that sat upon perfect cheekbones. "Chocking on banana Rennie?" Tanya laughed taking the straw of my smoothie between her lips.
"What the hell are you doing here?" I asked
"I needed to update my wardrobe. Oh my god Ren, if I ever buy velvet leggings and wear them with a plaid top, you better kill me. I mean velvet leggings are so Ew. And you already know how I feel about plaid." Tanya went on to say. She says that, but somehow I'm convinced she'd manage to look stunning in them none the less.
"No I mean, what are you doing here in Forks?"
"I was tired of the city. So I thought I'd go all country bumpkin. I told my sisters, "If Ren can do it, then so can I." She smiled proudly.
"You do know that Forks isn't considered "country" don't you?" I rolled my eyes.
"Well obviously, the country doesn't have mini-malls." She said abstinently rolling her baby blues. "So did you?" she asked shaking me from my thoughts.
"Did I what?"
"Did. You. Fuck. Your. Baby. Daddy. Yet?" She said each word as if she was questioning an ignorant child.
"I.. I.. Um.. Don't call him that!" I stuttered. Tanya along with the rest of her sisters were the only ones who knew about Jacob and my past. In high school I originally only told Kate, who as I mentioned before was my best friend. But Kate had a hard time keeping secrets from her sisters and "spilled the beans". I was upset at first not wanting my reputation to be ruined, but eventually I got over it.
"Oh my fucking god, you did!" Tanya gasped a little too loudly. Suddenly a couple customers and mall Santa guy were staring at us.
"Shut the hell up!" I hissed
"I'm so happy for you. So what's he like?" I looked at her not understanding her question. "You know, your son. What's he like?" She asked timidly.
"Wow, he's well, amazing. He's sweet and smart and funny. He's got a smile that can light up a room. He's everything anyone would ever want to be. He's like... He's like the Sun. You just can't help but feel warm in his presence." I felt the smile on my face as I described Jesse. My heart lurched at the thought that I haven't seen him since forever. Well what felt like forever, anyway...
"Sounds like your falling for the little guy." Tanya stated
"That's the understatement of the century." I mused
"Well he sounds great. Like his mom?"
I shook my head. "Like his dad." Definitely like his dad.
I came to the startling realization that not only did I miss Jesse, but I missed Jacob too. It's been a week since I've seen either one of them, and my heart ached because of it.
I showed up for work every single day. But Jesse didn't show. Apparently Mr. Black's son was home sick. On Monday, Jesse Black had a cold. On Tuesday, he had laryngitis. On Wednesday, he had an ear infection. On Thursday, he had the stomach flu. And on Friday, Jesse had the chicken pox. It's a good thing there was no school on Saturday because Jacob Black would most likely call in saying his son was on his death bed.
Jacob is by no means a stupid man. He knew there was no way someone could have all those sicknesses in the same week. He was sending a message. He didn't want to see me. Well, message received.
That week of school was complete and utter hell! And shockingly enough not just because Jesse wasn't there.
It was Claire. She looked at me differently that week. Like she was trying to decide whether or not I was the horrible person her husband, had most likely told her I was. Sure she was still nice, she'd smile when she saw me. And then she'd clutch her very pregnant belly as if I would steal her baby away from her and eat it.
"Ouch." I gasped as I fell face first on to the floor. I must have bumped in to someone while I was day dreaming.
"Watch where your going next time!" said the woman who was also on the floor.
"Oh I'm sorry, I'm so clumsy. Are you okay?" I asked. The woman didn't say anything but I felt eyes on me. I looked to my right to see the woman and I stopped dead in my tracks. If looks could kill, I'd be so fucking dead. The woman's dark brown eyes glared obsidian. That paired with her ebony hair and russet skin, she looked like the very representation of death itself. Beautiful death, but death none the less.
"Leah..." I gasped
"Ness..." She sneered "I would say it was nice to see you but, I try not to make a habit out of lying."
"Who the hell do you think you are?" asked Tanya
"Tanya, stop. It's, it's okay..." I said trying to pacify her. When Tanya was pissed at someone, all hell broke loose. Then again, the same could be said about Leah.
"No it's not okay. I'm not going to let anyone say that kinda shit to my friend." Then Tanya turned to me. "How the hell do you know this bitch, Ren?" I just ignored her.
"Ren?" Leah snorted "You have friends?"
"Damn straight she does. So back the fuck off." Tanya said getting right in her face.
Leah scoffed, "Or what Barbie?" she eyed Tanya up and down "Your going to accessorize me to death?" she rolled her obsidian irises.
"Lord knows you need it." Tanya smiled. This was so weird right now. I've never seen anyone, man or woman challenge Leah. Mostly people just ignored her snide comments or cowardly shy away from them. I have to admit Tanya had balls, metaphorically of course...
Leah's eyes blazed with fury and another emotion I didn't recognize. The foreign emotion fled just as quickly as it appeared.
"You know what, whatever..." Leah said turning away from Tanya to look at me. "Can I talk to you alone?" Tanya looked over at me worried, I nodded that it was okay. She however didn't look so sure. Tanya walked into a clothing store.
For a long time Leah didn't say anything, she just glared at me. As if she could see right through me.
"How the hell could you do that to him?" Leah spat
"What are you talking about? Me telling him the truth about our relationship?"
"The truth? That's what your calling it?" She scoffed
"It is the truth, Leah."
"Bullshit! That's a lie and you fucking know it. Are you honestly going to stand here and look me in the eyes and tell me you don't love him?"
"Of course I love him, just in a platonic way." I tried to force the lies out of my mouth hoping they would appease her.
"You're so intolerable, I don't know how Jacob can stand you. I hate liars. Lying is the absolute worst thing a person can do in a relationship. Do you know why Nessie?" I just stared at her, unable to move as my motor functions were down "Because that shows your partner that they can't trust you. It also shows your partner that you don't love and respect them enough to tell them the truth. Once that line of communication is broken down there is no relationship. And if there is, it's not a healthy one." How dare she say that to me, when she never wanted us together in the first place.
That thought snapped me from my almost meditative state.
"I don't know what to say. What do you want me to say? Huh? That I love Jacob? Fine done, I love Jacob, and no, not in a platonic way. Are you happy now? Does that make you happy? That I'm still in love with him and I completely fucked up my chance with him? That's what you always wanted in the first place isn't?" I spat at her.
"You're missing the point, as usual. I never hated you, I just didn't trust you. Jacob never felt so strongly for a person before and I was scared. I didn't want you to hurt him even though I knew that you would. It was obvious to anyone that he loved you more than you loved him, but still everyone knew you adored him. Just like now, everyone knows you love him, accept for the person that really matters, Jacob. What I'm saying is that he loves you so much, even after all these years. And I think you actually do have a shot to be with him, one last chance." I looked into her honest obsidian eyes and for the first time I felt hopeful. "But you have to be quick about it."
"Okay, I'll tell him as soon as I can." I beamed much in a way that I assume Jesse does.
"Oh and Renesmee?" I turned to look at her "You break his heart again and I will not hesitate to kick your pale ass." I smiled and nodded, she returned the smile.
There was a large pine tree in the center of the mall. It was decorated with red and green ornaments and gold glittering lights. There was also this little house set up. And inside was a chair so red and large it would be most appropriately considered a throne. And on that throne sat a man with a fake white beard. The man was falsely pudgy wearing a creepy red velvet and white fur pantsuit. His "pure as snow" white gloves looked like they were perfect for giving spankings. And his shiny black boots? Well I called those the perfect ass kicking boots. That's what I thought of fatty old Saint Dick, I mean Nick.
That thought spurned on a memory.
I remember when I was a kid my mom tried to make me have my picture taken with Santa. I simply reasoned with both Santa and my mother that I did not wish to sit on the old man's lap. And do you know what he did? He forced me on his lap and told me I was being a "naughty girl". He said that I was going on the "naughty list" and I was getting nothing but coal for Christmas. I told him that he couldn't do that to which he replied that he could, because and I quote "he knew where I lived". Thank you Captain Creeper. Long story short I got mad and pulled on his fake beard telling everyone that Santa was fake and that I knew it. The kids all started crying and the parents glared at my mom. And guess what? I didn't get coal for Christmas. Daddy bought me a portable CD player.
As that hilariously retarded story went through my head I decided I'd just wait here for Tanya. After all the Forks mall only had one main entrance, and it was by the big pine tree.
I noticed that the Santa poser was on break. As he came out of the little house I saw what the man really looked like. The man was tall and lean but muscular. He had a golden completion that went along nicely with his honey colored hair. He also had the palest blue eyes I ever seen, they were almost sliver. In a word he was a perfect male specimen. Other than my Jacob, of course.
"Come on darlin' don't be that way." He drawled out with a very masculine southern accent. It took me a moment to realize who he was talking to.
Southern Santa was speaking to a female. She was very small, like 4'9 or something. She had ebony spiky hair. Her completion was as pale as the moon itself, accompanied with freckles and elfish features. Her eyes were a warm and unique amber. The woman was wearing a red dress that rivaled that of Tinkerbell's. She was also wearing red and green striped stocking and pointy shoes. Ahh, she was Santa's elf.
"No Jasper, you know how important this is to me, and yet you still don't care." Said the Elf
"I do care. It's just difficult for me."
"Jazz, this is more than a personal preference for me. It's a lifestyle choice that I want for me and anyone who's with me. If you can't respect that than maybe we shouldn't be together anymore." The Elf girl was saying to the Southern Santa also known as Jasper.
"Alice, you can't be serious." Santa Jasper said to the Elf Alice.
"You think I'm joking?" Alice asked shocked
"I think your being a bit melodramatic." Jasper stated calmly
"Just you watch me Jasper Whitlock, I'll find someone right here right now." She said furiously. Jasper however just chuckled. She walked away.
I looked around hoping to find Tanya. But I found something or rather someone else. His strong perfect cheekbones jutted out as he smiled showing his pearly whites. He was holding the cutest boy in the worlds hand. And like him he beamed showing the resemblance he has with his father. My heart fluttered in my chest as I saw the two men I loved most in my life.
All of a sudden the ebony haired Elf Alice flutters out of the little half house wearing a white and sliver snowflake dress, with the Southern Santa Jasper following. Suddenly she walks closer to Jacob and Jesse not stopping. It occurs to me that by the way she's walking, she's going to bump into them.
But she stops and walks over to Jacob. I can see her talking to him but I can't hear what they're saying. I watch in horror as the little elf girl tries to whispers something in Jacob's ear though she's much too short. He looks confused and disinterested and then his eyes roam and I watch as his eyes meet mine. A dozen of emotions flash across his eyes. Then he gets this gleam in his eye that I can only describe as evil. He nodes his head at Alice and smiles at me. I walk over to him quickly not being able to tolerate anything having to do with patience. Alice smiled and walked away.
"Hi Nessie." Jesse beamed hugging me like he always does. "I missed you so much. I wanted to go to school but daddy said he wanted me to take some time off." he finished sadly. I fought the urge to glare at Jacob.
"I missed you too, Jesse So are you here to take a picture with Santa?" God, please say no.
"No. I already knows he's not real." Looks like he inherited more from me than I thought.
"So your just in it for the presents, huh?" I joked
"Yup." he cheered happily. I looked over at Jacob.
"Hey Ness." Jacob smiled at me brilliantly, still with the gleam in his eye.
"Hey, there's something I want to tell you." I breathed out tenderly. I didn't really want to tell him here. But if I had to I would.
"Me first. Listen I'm really sorry about last week. It was really unfair to spring all of that on to you. You know, all that stuff about my feelings, well none of that matters anyway. It was really stupid of me to avoid you too. I don't know why, I let emotional shit interfere with my life anyway. So I'm taking your advice, I'm moving on. In fact I have a date this Wednesday. And I was wondering if you'd like to babysit Jesse?" He smiled bitterly.
He was possibly the only person who could apologize and make you feel worse about yourself. And on top of all of that I was about to "grow a pair and tell him" and he tells me he's moving on. Why the hell is this my life?
"Oh? A date? With who?" I asked nervously. I looked at Jesse to see what he thought of all of this. Usually he only wanted me to be with his dad. But when I looked over I saw his face pressed against the glass of a window to a toy store.
"Alice Brandon." He stated "That elf right there." he pointed to Santa's Elf, as my worst fears were confirmed.
"Oh? You just thought you'd ask the weird elf girl while she was working?" I mocked. Secretly dying on the inside.
"Will you babysit or not?" He asked in a tone that said he was getting impatient. "I mean you did say that should I get a date, you would babysit." Damn, did I really say that? Last week I was hoping it was just an alcohol induced nightmare. But alas, it happened and I knew, dream or reality it would come back to bite me in the ass somehow.
"Okay sure. What time do you want me to come over?" I asked putting on my signature best fake smile.
I wanted nothing more then to tell him I loved him. I wanted nothing more then to tell him that I needed him. That, I didn't want to live without him. But I couldn't. After all the times I've rejected him it wouldn't be fair to try to get what I want now. Not again. What if moving on really makes him happier? Who am I to take away his happiness yet again just because I'm selfish?
"Seven." he replied curtly. Then he ushered Jesse along and walked away. I faintly remember Jesse waving goodbye to me. But I was too deep in shock to see it.
Holy shit, Jacob is going out with an elf all because of her stupid boyfriend and her's fight. Now she's using my Jacob just cause her boyfriend won't comply with whatever it is... Damn it all to hell.
I heard the clicking of heels as I saw the familiar face of the strawberry blonde.
"Ren, what's wrong?" She asked concerned.
"I'm going to kill an elf and it's all Santa's fault." I mumbled.
Tanya smiled, "That's the holiday spirit!"
Jacob's P.O.V will be next chapter, in which he's on his "date".