Team Badass

A ninja legend.

Disclaimer: Naruto does not belong to me. It belongs to Masashi Kishimoto.


Summary: Team 7 is too boring for the flamboyant group, Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura. So they go and make a name for themselves. Poor Kakashi. He's dragged in to the fray by his crazy students. His heart can only take so much stress. If only they had chosen a name that wasn't so...badass. Not so vengeful Sasuke, not fangirly Sakura, not dumb Naruto, yes Uchiha Massacre, no Itachi in Akatsuki. Naru/Sasu/Saku

The Uchiha Massacre will occur a bit earlier than in canon.

This will be a rather short, concise story that moves pretty fast. Or that is my intention anyway.

Five year old Sakura was crying. She was so sad, sad, sad...and her heart hurt so much she felt as if the pain wrapped around her from all sides. She sobbed uncontrollably as she watched her tears soak into the playground sand. Sitting on the curb, she hugged herself tight and tried to stem the tears, but failed.

Today was the day Sakura's mom died. She was now completely alone.

Her father had died long time ago before she was even born, in an accident during a trading trip. Their parents had been merchants, and well to do ones too, but after her father's death, her mother couldn't handle the business as well as she once could, and finally, died of sickness just in that past hour.

Sakura cried and cried, thinking of her mother's gray face as the tall, unfamiliar people took her away.

"NO!" She had screamed. "Stop! Don't take her away from me! Mommy! Mommy!" But those strange people just gave her a pitiful glance and shook their heads, and took mommy away.

The ground was sinking now, though she knew it was just a play of light through her tear filled eyes. Light refraction... she knew it all. But it didn't matter, because she really did feel like she was sinking into a pool of dispair. She wondered if she would ever come out.

"Are you okay?" A small voice, far away asked.

She jerked up. She wasn't aware that anyone other than her was in the playground. It was sunset and all the kids were gone.

But he wasn't.

From ten yards away, where the big tree stood, a little boy about her age peered out from behind its trunk, eyes and face shadowed from the shade. The most soulful, blue eyes shyly scanned her face, too meek to do anything other than peek from far away. Sakura blinked.

"Who are you?" She asked, feeling stupid now that she realized she had been bawling in front of an audience. "What do you want?" She forcefully wiped the tears from her face as she stood up.

"I don't want anything. I just asked if you were okay. You looked sad. You still do." The boy hid behind the tree again.

Sakura sniffled. "I don't know why you should care. I'm just a stranger to you."

The boy peeked out from behind again. "But people are supposed to help each other out right? I want to help you..."

"My mommy's dead." Sakura clenched her fists and they started to shake. Angrily she raged at the blonde boy. "What can you do? Bring her back?"


"My mommy's dead too."


"I never knew any of my parents. Ever since I was born."

Sakura felt the anger drain away.

"I think you're lucky that you at least know what your mom looks like. I don't even have a single picture."

Sakura felt tears welling up again.

"...maybe...maybe we could be friends? We both understand each other."

She was outright sobbing again, much to her chagrin. But she couldn't stop. She really couldn't, no matter how hard she tried. All she could do was keep herself from running to that little boy and hugging him tight. Somehow the words he said broke a dam in her, and she realized how utterly, helplessly full of sadness they both were.

The boy carefully stepped out of the shade, and tread lightly across the sandbox, as if too afraid that he would make a dent in the smooth sand. Despite her wailing, Sakura felt her eyes widen at his gracefulness. He shyly reached her, and awkwardly patted her on the arm, then pulled away, almost as if he thought she would hit him.

But instead Sakura leaned forward and hugged him. "Thank you," she said.

The boy blinked. "For what?"

"For helping me realize that I'm not alone." Sakura sniffed and smiled. "My dad's dead too."


"Yeah. We're both orphans."

"You don't have any relatives?"

"Nope. You?"


"Well," Sakura let go of him and smiled, wiping away the last of her tears. "I'm Sakura. Haruno Sakura. You?"

"Uzumaki Naruto."

She smiled a brilliant smile. "Let's be friends, Naruto!"

"Sure!" Naruto couldn't believe his ears. He had a friend! For the first time in his life, he wasn't alone.

And neither was she.

Sasuke was staring out at the shimmering surface of his clan's lake. He was empty. The black hole in his chest was sucking every emotion away. He couldn't move a muscle. He wasn't even sure how he got to the lake in the first place. He couldn't seem to make his eyes produce tears for the dead. His family was all slaughtered and rotting in their tombs, but he couldn't even cry for their memory.

Why, why would Itachi do that? He was their beloved heir...his beloved brother. Something must have been up. Otherwise, why would he have been crying that night? Itachi would never kill mother and father. But still...why?

Absentmindedly he let a foot dangle off the ledge and into the water. What would it feel like, to be underneath the water? Would he drown? He probably would, if he didn't make an effort to swim.

Sasuke got up, and slid into the cold water. His muscles weren't working again, so he took a big breath before the water came up over his head. Under the surface, everything was calm, tranquil, and pretty. Unlike his own world where his home was splattered with the blood of his own brethren, all was peaceful here.

Hmm, maybe he should stay? This looked like a nice place to live.

Yeah, it really was a nice place to live. The downside is that he can't breathe, and that his lungs are starting to burn...

He should really start swimming, otherwise he'd really drown. But his muscles weren't working. And...oh yeah, he forgot. He can't swim.

A stream of bubbles issued from Sasuke's mouth as he slowly closed his eyes and floated deeper down into the lake.


Naruto was feeling funny. He had been taking a walk, up the winding road that faced the Uchiha district to the left. It was under a hillside, and he loved walking up that road because it was high off the ground and let him see Konoha to all sides. It was a week into meeting Sakura, and he was feeling exceptionally happy because he finally had a friend, but a few days ago Sakura had cried and told him the Uchiha clan were wiped out. He didn't know anyone from the clan, but he felt obliged to spare them a few tears, so he did.

Now, he was sitting down on the street, watching the black haired boy sit on the ledge by himself then randomly jump into the lake. What was that guy doing? Taking a bath? He giggled inwardly at his own joke. But five minutes passed, and no black head broke the surface. He was getting worried.

What was it that Sakura had told him? How long does it take until you black out underwater...was it three minutes? That guy was under for...five? Six?

"Oh shit!"

Naruto bounded down the hill and leapt into the lake. Swimming deep, he searched for the spiky haired dude. Where was he? He couldn't have been taken by the current, this was a lake. So where...

There! Naruto spotted a flash of white in the corner of his eyes and dived. Grabbing the boy's high collar, he briefly touched down on the lake bottom, and jumped up with a huge burst of leg power. The momentum took them both all the way to the top, and he spluttered with relief as fresh air hit his lungs.

Pulling them both onto the ledge, Naruto slapped Sasuke's face, this way and that. "Hey, you alright? What's up? Hey dude, wake up..." Naruto ran a panicked hand through his hair. What was he supposed to do? Only if Sakura was here. She was really really smart. She always knew what to do. Maybe he had to do that kissy kissy thing he saw in a ninja's medical guide once, but eww! He couldn't do that to a guy!

But he would die if he just let him lie there with his lungs full of water...what was the best course of action...Aha!

Naruto straddled the boy with his legs, then packed his punch straight into the boy's stomach. The response was immediate. The boy, who had been unconscious, popped up, with eyes bugging out, and promptly threw up all the lake water onto Naruto's unlucky face.

Sasuke coughed and hacked as his body fought to get rid of the water and bring in oxygen at the same time. Man, that was painful! Who did that?
"I did, idiot." An unfamiliar voice brought him to his surroundings. A disgruntled looking blonde haired, blue-eyed boy his age was sitting on top of him. Had he said that out loud?

"I—I'm not an idiot." Sasuke managed to get out, staring at Naruto rather idiotically. "What are you?"

"I'm Uzumaki Naruto! Friend of Sakura, and Savior of-" Naruto looked down expectantly. "Who are you again?"

"I'm Uchiha Sasuke!" Sasuke rasped indignantly. Goodness, couldn't he see the Uchiha crest? The blonde—Naruto—frowned.

"Uchiha?" Uzumaki put a hand on his chin and assumed his thinking mode. "Aren't they dead?"

Sasuke felt real anger burst from his chest. "I'm still here! And get off me!" With a great push he heaved the blonde boy off him...only to see that his push had launched Naruto off the ledge and into the water. How had he not known how light the boy was? He barely felt anything even when Naruto had been sitting on him. "Oh my god! Are you okay?" He frantically searched the rippling pool. Then a blonde head popped out.

"Hey! What was that for?" The boy grumbled as he pulled up onto the ledge again. "I'm Uzumaki Naruto, Friend of Sakura, and now Savior of Uchiha Sasuke! Be grateful!" He shook his head like a dog, and showered Sasuke with water.

Sasuke bit his lip. He wanted to yell back, but he suddenly found himself unable to respond. It was true; Naruto had saved him. If he hadn't, there really would have been no Uchiha left in Konoha. He felt like lashing out or ignoring the blonde, but his mother had taught him better than that. "Thank you," he mumbled.

"Hmm? What was that?" Naruto put a hand to his ear. "I can't hear you!"

"I said thank you!" Sasuke yelled. Then he blushed. "You can go now. I won't do that again. It was stupid."

"Yeah, it really was stupid." Naruto laughed. Sasuke's brow twitched. "You suicidal or what? Or you just waiting for someone to rescue you?"

"That's not true!" Sasuke rose to his defense. "I just forgot that..that I can't swim..." to his horror, his voice dwindled to an embarrassed whisper as he accidentally gave the crazy blondie more fuel.

Naruto doubled over in laughter. "Now that's really stupid!" he crowed. "Who jumps into a lake when they can't swim? Idiots like you of course!"

"Why you-" Sasuke had half a mind to punch the rudeness out of the little guy. He was shorter than him! And yet he was making fun of Sasuke, the last of the Uchiha! Never mind if he saved him or not!"

"Come on, I'll teach you how to swim."

"What?" Sasuke shook his head, wondering if he heard Naruto right.

Naruto sighed, exasperated and shaking his head slowly as if he was too ashamed of Sasuke's slowness. "Lake water get to your brain? I said come on, I'll teach you to swim."

Sasuke was speechless. Here was this boy, whom he had never seen before, offering to teach him, an Uchiha, how to swim. "What the heck?" He finally let out.

"Heck yourself. Come on!" Naruto grabbed Sasuke's hand and dashed off in direction of the road. "I have to introduce you to Sakura! She's a really great swimmer!"

"Hey let go-"

"Oh don't be stingy! Let's be friends! It's the least you can do after I saved you!"

"What?" Sasuke gaped. "You're asking me to be your friend?"

"Yeah, so what?" Naruto didn't cease his running as he cocked his head back.
"Do you know I'm an Uchiha?"

"No duh," Sasuke practically felt the blonde roll his eyes. "As if that isn't obvious, Mr. Duck. Would you like to go back to your lake home?"

Shocked at how the boy was treating him, Sasuke shut his mouth and let Naruto pull him into a run. Naruto didn't dote on him and look at him pitifully like all the rest of the villagers did, and was very rude, but Sasuke sort of liked the new guy's attitude.

For the first time in days, he felt a smile coming onto his face.

Yes, readers, I am back. Unfortunately, I couldn't seem to cook up any decent chapter for my NMLNW fic, even though I wrote about half, and I didn't feel like updating Precious Ones just yet (sorry), so I decided to fuel my imagination (that has been dying out for some time due to lack of use) with a new story that I had thought up long time ago.

I was planning to finish my stories before I started this one, but I already had a sequel planned for one of my stories (not telling which one:)) and so I thought now would be a good time to upload a new story.

It's a nice change anyway. This time it's proper Ninja setting, no royalty, U.S crossing, or anything like that.

To be honest I do have a slight writer's block on my other fic, the really long one. I will update, but only after I write up a satisfactory chapter. I don't update pathetic stories just to satisfy my quota.

I know many of you are like, "Huh? How is this story humor? The first chapter's like, whoa, how sad!" but it will get funnier (is that a word?) as the story progresses. (hopefully).

I don't have much experience writing humor, so please give me a lot of critiques and suggestions. I already have a plot in mind but I can always change it according to my tastes and I can always incorporate some of the wonderful ideas you readers give me.

Please review, and let me know what you think about this story.