The Ex-Boyfriend

A/N: I'm back with a cute, meaninglessly fluffy oneshot starring everyone's favortie non-canon couple. This takes place in an alternate dimension, FYI, where Sonic is psychologically disturbed, Silver isn't from the future, Amy has a good head on her shoulders, and, in a weird twist, Silver and Shadow are brothers. O_o Enjoy.

He's the guy that you should feel sorry for

He had the world but he thought he wanted more

I owe it all to the mistake he made back then

I owe it all to my girl's ex-boyfriend

-Relient K, "My Girl's Ex-Boyfriend"


Dust, dust everywhere but not a Pledge bottle in sight.

Silver plopped down on the creaky, beyond dusty attic floor, listening to the creepy groans of the attic as the wind slipped through the cracks and rattled the support beams. He had been meaning to call someone fix those holes, but since he couldn't even move two feet without tripping over some stray box or other knick-knack, he thought it best to actually clean the attic before they sent some poor fool up there.

Well, really, Amy was supposed to be cleaning it since most of it was her stuff from when she had moved in, but under the circumstances…

Speak of the devil, he saw her pink head pop up through the attic's only entrance, those damn stairs that had hit him in the head when he had pulled them down to get into the attic. She sneezed, brilliant jade green eyes scanning the area until they landed on him. A genuine smile bloomed on her lips, slightly askew by the bit of smugness in her eyes. "Hey sweetie, have I ever told you how much I love you?"

"No," he answered gruffly, staring in contempt at the millions of boxes he had to go sort through by next Thursday. There had to be at least six million of them jammed into this tiny ten-by-four space.

He heard the attic stairs creak underneath her weight as she lifted herself up into the attic and crawled over to him, wrapping her hands around his arm and snuggling into his shoulder. "Well, I love you very, very, very much. Like more than strawberry cake."

"Make it chocolate cake."

"Okay then, chocolate cake. Seriously though, you are like the best fiancé ever."

His gold eyes slid over to look at her, slight smile on his face. "That's not what you said four months ago. I believe your exact words were, "You stupid bastard! I'll never let you touch me again!" Plus some other very unflattering words that my mother would slap me if I ever repeated."

Amy brushed her lips against his neck in a light kiss. "I was possessed then. I didn't know what I was saying."

"And when you threw your hair dryer at me…?"

"Also possessed. Can't recall a thing." She rested both of her hands on her bugling stomach. "And, just to warn you, I will also be possessed in about five months from now. I apologize in advance if I try to kill you."

Silver also rested his hand on her stomach, his expression softening. "Hey, no worries. As long as you don't actually kill me."

Amy shuttered her eyes in that come-hither look of hers, drawing him in like a magnet. "I think I'll need a reminder of why I would like to keep you around, if you don't mind."

He leaned down and captured her lips in fiery kiss. "I'll be more than happy to oblige."

She giggled cutely as his lips trailed down her jaw to nip gently at her tender neck. "Okay, okay." She held up her hands and pushed him away. "Save it for tonight, buddy." She gestured to the boxes with a dip of her head. "You have a job to do."

Silver reluctantly withdrew his lips and turned to pout at the looming amount of work. "But Ammmyyyy…" he whined.

"Sorry," his soon-to-be-wife said tauntingly. She was already crawling back to the stairs, giving him a parting wink as she disappeared the same way she had appeared. "You don't want your unborn child dying prematurely from dust inhalation, right?" she called up to him, the sound of retreating footsteps and laughter following in her wake.

Silver was pretty sure no one could die from dust inhalation, but, at the time, he wasn't about to argue with Amy. She might get in one of her moods and, next time, it would be something much bigger than a hair dryer aimed at his head.

Sighing to himself at what a push-over he was, he fixed his eyes on the nearest box, held up his hands, and beckoned the box forward with his two index fingers. A cyan glow surrounded the box and it zoomed towards him, landing an inch away.

Dust caked the box, like it did everything else, and he tried to squelch his girly side as he pried the box open and a cloud of dust was blown into his face. A sneezing fit raked his body, causing even most dust particles to fly up and dance in front of the dim light above him.

"Silver?" he heard Amy shout. "You okay?"

"No," he answered, rubbing his itching nose, "I died from dust inhalation."

If he could've seen her, he was positive she would be rolling her eyes and muttering something about men and their infinite sarcasm levels.

"Stop being a comedian and do what you went up there to do," Amy shouted back.

Knowing his fiancée's word was the law, he stifled the smart-ass comment and peered inside the box, seeing if it was just junk or something sentimental that they had to keep for some strange reason. Honestly, Silver usually couldn't tell the difference, which was Amy checked his work when he brought the boxes downstairs and wiped them clean of dust.

Old, faded yellow letters and envelopes greeted his sight, stacked one right on top of the other with cheerful, bright red ribbons keeping them together. Immediately, he recognized the flowy style of Amy's writing, the little way she dotted her 'i's with hearts being one of her trademark calling cards.

Usually, he would've just closed the box and shoved it into the keep pile, ready for Amy to check on. But upon grabbing the flaps the close it, something caught his eye. Between two stacks of tied together letters, he could see the brittle edge of what looked like a photograph. Curious, he grabbed the corner of it pulled it free, holding it up to the light to examine it.

He recognized Amy, a few years younger, her hair shorter, and her figure much more slender, but he didn't recognize the guy she had her arms wrapped around, clinging to his neck like a love struck fan girl while the guy had the most annoyed expression on his face, covering up a bit of fondness. Silver squinted at the guy, already disliking him from the way Amy was smiling at him, like he was the sun to her cloudy day. He was a blue hedgehog, nothing really special about him. Heck, Silver knew he had a more original hairstyle than this clown, although that opinion would change depending on who you talked to. He didn't even have his arms wrapped around Amy; he was just kind of standing there, hands on his hips, eyes caught mid-roll, a half-irritated, half-affectionate smirk on his face, the kind of smile you would give a little sister.

But Amy's expression was really set his blood boiling. Silver wasn't a jealous person by nature, but the way her eyes sparkled as she pressed her body against his, the desperation hidden behind her smile. It had taken years for her to look at Silver like that and even then he had never seen that kind of yearning directed at him.

So engrossed was he in studying the photograph, figuring out what this guy had against him, that he didn't hear the creak of the stairs.

"Oh," came Amy's startled voice, shaking him back to reality. "…S-So you found Sonic?"

Silver turned to look at her, not liking the embarrassed look on her face or the way she was guiltily wringing her hands. "Sonic?" he repeated, the name already acid on his tongue.

Amy bit down on her lips, picking up on his feelings like she always did. "Nothing ever happened between us," she clarified. "He was just a crush."

Silver redirected his gaze onto the letters, scanning the top for the person they were addressed to. "That's why you kept a box full of letters all written to him?"

It wasn't that he didn't trust Amy; it was just this Sonic obviously meant a lot to her as he scanned the first lines to a couple of the letters and he couldn't fathom why she would keep him a secret.

"He was my first crush," Amy rectified with a bit of hesitation. When Silver kept staring at the box, she sighed and started towards him, sitting down beside him and taking up her previous position by wrapping her arms around his. "He broke my heart."

At that, Silver whipped his head towards her, his dislike of the blue hedgehog racketing up into the I'm-gonna-hunt-him-down-and-kill-him zone. "What?"

Her eyes got distant, voice getting dreamy. "He was hero back where I grew up. A celebrity. I-I actually thought he was the one, you know? I had those stupid little fantasies about winning him over and then living happily ever after. I was only like ten when I first met him and feel head over heels." She let her hand run over the faded writing of one letter. "Before I met him, I wrote him letters, all of which were returned. Don't get that murderous look on your face, it wasn't his fault. Sonic was a free spirit; he didn't have a specific home so to speak. No home meant no address. I kept all the letters though, meaning to give them to him when I met him, but…

"We were friends, don't get me wrong. I never gave him the letters because, by then, I had the sense to know he didn't want a clingy fan girl. He wanted someone who could meet him on his playing field. I wanted to be that strong, independent girl that captured his heart. The one he would risk everything to protect. Even after I met him and strived to be that girl, I still wrote him letters that I never sent. It was my coping mechanism really. Like a continuous diary. I thought we would get married one day and I would be able to finally show them to him and we would laugh about the whole thing." She frowned. "But I was pushy, almost bordering on stalkerish. I came on way too strong. I was young, I didn't know any better. I pushed him to place where I could never bring him back from. He saw me as an annoying little sister. He told me that himself after I joked about marriage one too many times. I wrote a letter telling him off. It's in there somewhere. I wish I would've sent that one. In fact, I regret not sending that one. But I couldn't—. At the time, I still—." Amy wiped at her eyes. "God, I'm pathetic. I still loved him.

Amy pressed her face into his shoulder and he could feel the tears leaking out of her eyes. Grabbing her by the shoulder, he leaned her back far enough so that he could look her in eye, kissing her nose like he always did when she was upset. "Hey, if it's worth anything, I'd risk everything to protect you. And I do mean everything."

She managed a watery smile, returning the nose kiss. "That's why I choose you in the end, you lovable hunk. I didn't have to try to be something I'm not to win your love."

He placed his forehead against hers, brushing her wispy bangs aside. "You had me wrapped around your finger the moment you looked at me and called me pigeon-head."

Amy laughed, blinking her tears away. "Lord helps us if this little rascal has your hair."

"Don't worry. She'll have your hair. You're too pretty not to pass on your devastatingly good looks."

A rare blush coated her peach muzzle. "You're sweet. He'd better not get your powers though. I couldn't handle a two-year-old with psychokinesis."

Silver chuckled. "He?"

She blinked her jade green eyes at him, eyes that he adored to no end. "Of course. Girls have too much drama. A boy would be easier as long as he didn't get anyone pregnant." She narrowed her eyes slyly at him, tongue sticking out between her teeth.

Silver laughed away the taunt. "Okay, a boy then. If he can't have my powers or my hair, what can genes of mine can he have?"

Amy thought about it for a moment. "Your eyes," she said suddenly, face serious. "He has to have your eyes."

Silver cocked one eyebrow. "Really? 'Cuz I would really like him to have your eyes."

"Well," Amy started, placing her hands arrogantly on her hips. "I'm the mother, so I get to decide what eyes he has. You have no say whatsoever."

"How is that different from anything else in our relationship?" Silver asked jokingly, wrapping his arms around her waist and holing her close.

"Because I'm actually listening to you this time, not just shutting you down before you get two words out. Her eyes couldn't help but flicker to the box sitting in front of them, now an unwanted burden on her shoulders. "I don't know why I kept these things all these years," she said, flipping through some of the letters in the box. "I should've burned them the day he told me he didn't love me." She shook her head at herself. "You would've laughed if you could've seen me. I was a big fool."

"You? A fool? Stop the presses—." She elbowed him before he could finish.

"Seriously though, I don't know why I kept these stupid things," she said, unable to stop looking at the letters. "He means nothing to be anymore. Absolutely nothing. I almost wish I could track him down and send these things. You know, you can see the change in me if you read them. In the earlier ones, I come off as a real clinger but as you go through them, you can tell that I slowly start to realize I didn't really love him either. In the final one, you can really see that. I use a lot of that language that your mother would slap you for in that one."

Silver nodded, listening to her ramble on as she talked about the letters and how little he meant to her now. But Silver's mind was a thousand miles away, a thought forming into an idea.


Two weeks later, Silver didn't know why he was here. He stared at the dilapidated motel door in the sort of grungy neighbor that he had driven four hours to get to. Why had he taken the time to track down this one guy just to give him a box of letters from an old not-girlfriend he probably hadn't thought about in years? He shouldn't even be the one doing this; Amy should've.

But she had ordered him to get rid of the letters. She just hadn't specified how—hadn't cared really. Especially after last night in which he had spent reminding her why they were engaged in the first place.

Running hand through his oddly shaped quills, Silver sucked in a deep breath and puffed out his chest like a man. Time to get this over with then.

He hopped off the badass motorcycle that his brother, Shadow, had let him borrow for the occasion. (He needed all the badass points he could get when he faced this guy—this hero.) Patting the letters that felt like they were burning a hole through his jacket pocket, he started towards the door.

All he had to do was throw the letters at him and run. It would be cowardly, yes, but he wasn't claiming to be a brave, dashing hero here. He couldn't compete with this so-called celebrity in that case.

Before he could even register it, he was ringing the doorbell, awkwardly shoving his hands into his pockets as he waited. Decades seemed to pass as he stood on that porch, rocking back and forth on his heels, listening to the scuffles coming from behind the apartment door.

Maybe this wasn't the best idea. If I just leave now—.

The doorknob turned from the other side.

Too late. Man-up and face the music.

Silver didn't know what he expected. Maybe a more robust, ragged version of the boy that he had seen in the picture who would make him feel like a wimpy little nerd. But the version of Sonic that met his eyes did everything and more to boost his own confidence.

The phrase "washed out celebrity" entered his mind. Still skinny, with a late five-o'clock shadow on his muzzle and his fur a few shades lighter—dull almost, as if it had lost its youthful sheen—Sonic had definitely felt those couple of years that had went by since that picture. The guy still hadn't grown any chest hair in those years. His eyes were still the same though, a deep apple green color that blinked at him in confusion just now. "You the pizza guy?" he asked.

"Uh, n-no," Silver stuttered, completely caught off guard. He let his puffed out chest fall flat as he had nothing to prove against this guy.

Sonic squinted at him, blinking in the afternoon sunlight. "Then, why are you on my doorstep?"

"I-I'm a friend of Amy's," Silver blurted out, not having scripted this conversation. Upon seeing Sonic's look of confusion, he tried to clarify, "Amy. Amy Rose? Pink hedgehog? More energy than an Energizer bunny? Temper of a Yeti?"

Sonic's eyes brightened, his face changing instantly as he straightened up. "Oh, Amy! Yeah, yeah, I remember her." He nodded eagerly, loosely crossing his arms over his chest. "Cute girl. Man, I haven't seen her in years." His eyes got that far-off look in them, quickly lost in his memories. After a moment, he shook his head, bringing him back to the present. "How's she doing by the way? I've been meaning to track her down, but…" He let the sentence go unfinished, turning to Silver expectantly.

"Uh, yeah, Amy's doing good. Still bright, still cheerful," Silver supplied lamely. To save himself from further idle chit-chat, he withdrew the letters from his pocket. "She actually wanted me to give you these…"

Like a kid being handed chocolate, Sonic snatched them up, an insanely happy grin on his face. "I knew it! I knew it! I knew she'd track me down one of these days. Although I'm surprised she didn't come herself. Usually she's so forward, but I guess she's calmed down in these years, huh? That was my hope when I told her I didn't like her the way she liked me. I wanted to give her some time to grow up, you know? Some time to live her life without me. I had the biggest crush on her even back then though. Kept it hidden real well, since, you know. My line of work is dangerous. I didn't want all her childhood to be danger and near death experiences. Didn't want to put her in danger either. So I sent her away. She knew I was just lying though. She always knew. I swear she could read my every thought sometimes. Creepy almost, but I guess that's what soul mates are made for."

Guilt landed on Silver's shoulder almost driving him down into the ground. Whose idea was this again? "Um, actually—."

But Sonic was oblivious to the grey hedgehog's awkwardness as he prattled on. "When does she want to see me? Just tell me the time and the place and I'll be there. I am like the fastest thing alive, you know. Man, I can't wait to see what she looks like. She was cute back then and I'll bet she turned out to be a real looker. Had the curves to be a real bombshell." Self-consciously, he rubbed his hand across his unshaved chin. "Guess I'll have to clean up a bit before I see her, huh? Gotta be the hero she always loved. So, time and place, man, where and when?"

Silver's mouth opened and closed, thoughts flat lining. What mess had he gotten himself into? Why hadn't he gone with the 'throw the letters at him and run like a coward'?" "A-Actually, she doesn't want to see you," Silver said in a rush, wanting to get it over with.

He wanted to just walk away right then and there, leaving Sonic to figure out the rest. But that stupid little conscience that Amy had reawakened in him told him he had to see this through.

Reluctantly, Silver met Sonic's disappointed gaze. All the jitteriness had died from his body and he was left leaning against the doorframe, staring at Silver with disbelieving eyes. "Wha-What do you mean she doesn't want to see me?" He glanced down at the letters. "She's gotten shy or something? Bad haircut? Put on a little weight, has she? Tell her that's alright; I won't care. I'll just be happy to see her."

Silver rubbed his forehead. For a hero, this guy was incredibly dense. "Just read the letters in order, they'll tell you the story." He had read them himself before driving over. They really did tell a story. A story that made him smile when he realized just how much his fiancée had grown in the past years.

Just as Silver turned to leave, he felt Sonic grab him by the shoulder. "Wait a second, you've gotta at least tell why she doesn't want to see me. Maybe you don't know this kid, but I'm hero, Sonic. I'm her freaking knight in shining armor. She wouldn't not want to see me unless something was up." Wild green eyes stared pleadingly at him, begging for an answer.

Silver decided to throw him a bone. "Look, man, she's over you," he stated bluntly. "She's moved on."

Sonic stared at him. Then stared at him so more. Then burst out laughing. "Yeah, good one, man. Amy moving on. That's rich. Seriously though, what's up with her?"

Silver was not a temperamental person, but something about this guy just rubbed him the wrong way. The way he just assumed Amy would wait forever for him and he was the center of her world really ruffled his quills. She was stronger than that. She was better than him.

Keeping that in mind, Silver tried to justify what he did next when he felt his patience snap.

"She's engaged, alright!" he yelled at him. To prove his point, he held up the simple silver band that Amy had forced him to wear when he had first proposed. She had refused to be the only wearing a ring and had went with him to pick it out. "She's engaged to me! Not you! She's moved on! She's gonna be my wife! Not. Yours! What aren't you getting about this?"

For like the third time that day, Sonic stared at him with incredulous eyes. "You?" he asked like the thought of Amy marrying Silver was about as ridiculous as it got.

"Yes, me," Silver hissed, keeping his psychic powers in check. He did not need to send the mailbox flying at Sonic's head at this particular moment. Maybe once he left… "Is there a problem with that?"

A single laugh escaped Sonic's throat. "Amy wouldn't marry anyone else, but me," he stated, though there was doubt in his own words. "This is a ploy, isn't it? She's playing hard to get. How much did she pay you, huh?" When Silver didn't say anything, Sonic's grin fell as the words sunk in. "She wouldn't… She couldn't… She loves me."

A smidge of pity touched Silver's heart and his voice softened. "She did love you. Did, past tense."

Sonic shook his head, long blue quills slapping the sides of his head. "No, no, she wouldn't. She's Amy. She chased me for years. She couldn't just… She wouldn't just… We're like meant to be."

As quickly as the pity had come, it disappeared, replaced with disgust. "Dude, she's moved on. You haven't seen in her years. If she really meant that much to you, why didn't you track her down?"

But Sonic wasn't listening to him. An almost crazed look had taken over his face. "You didn't know her then, man. She was always talking about how we would get married. Heck, she had our kids' names picked out. Marrying me was like her life goal. How…? How could she just leave me like this? She just left me like Tails and Knuckles and all the others did! We were—! We were supposed to be—."

Not knowing what to do as the hedgehog before had a mini-breakdown, Silver dipped his head towards the letters that were now clutched in Sonic's shaking fist. "Like I said, read the letters. They'll tell you all you need to know."

Again, Sonic didn't even register that Silver was there as he continued his meaningless babbling. Knowing he couldn't say anything that would comfort the old hero, Silver turned his back on him and started walking away, his task done. Right before he stepped off the porch though, a trembling hand caught him by the shoulder.

Sonic was staring at him, a surprisingly neutral expression on his face. "Is she happy, at least?" he asked, voice quivering. A half-smile found its way onto his lips. "'Cuz if she's not, I'll have to kick your ass right here."

Awkwardly, Silver offered him a smile. "Don't worry. If she wasn't happy, I'd be kicking my own ass."

Sonic jerked his head mechanically into a nod. "Yeah, yeah. Don't screw it up, okay man? She'll be like the best thing that'll ever happen to you. Don't let that get away, 'cuz otherwise you'll end up like me. And, I'll be honest here, my life sucks." Without warning, he sunk to his knees on the porch step, legs bent before him. "It really does suck, man. Being a hero doesn't exactly rake in the money, you know?" He looked up at him, that desperate pleading in his eyes again. "But she's happy, right? Her life doesn't suck, right? Who am I kidding? This is Amy I'm talking about. She's got all of life going for her and she always will. Probably already mapping out your life together, huh? White picket fence? 2.5 kids? All that normal family crap that she's always loved."

Silver deliberated a moment whether to tell him or not. Since he probably would never see this guy again and it was doubtful that he would track Amy down if he hadn't done so already, Silver decided just to say it. "She's pregnant."

He expected some reaction from Sonic along the lines of beating him to a pulp, but all the blue hedgehog did was sit there, staring at nothing, mouth agape. Completely emotionless, completely lifeless, just dead.

Silver made his feet move. There was no point in staying here any longer. Walking back to his bike, Silver didn't look back until he hiked one leg over the bike and was just about to put his helmet on.

Sonic was still there, still sitting on the porch step. But instead of staring at nothing, he had the letters held out before him, reading intently with his lower lip caught between his teeth. A slow, bitter smile crept onto his lips and Silver took that as his sign to leave.

Revving up the bike and speeding out of sight, Silver couldn't help but wonder about the blue hedgehog. How had he gotten that way? What had exactly happened between him and Amy? Why was he so heartbroken over an old not-girlfriend?

And most of all, if Sonic had stayed with Amy, kept her around, would their positions be switched? Would Sonic be the happily engaged, soon-to-be father and would Silver be the downtrodden, washed up hero that was spilling tears over letters of his broken past?

Silver guessed he would never know. He did know one thing though, he was lucky to have Amy.

A/N: Yes, Sonic is kind of a doche is this one. He's psychologically disturbed after all the years of fighting; roll with it. Again, very short compared to most of my work. This was actually supposed to be the epilogue to Sway With Me, but since that is Y.T.B.W (yet to be written) I figured this could stand on its own.

Also, I have another poll set up on my profile. Please vote on what you would like to see from me as I'll try to give you guys something every month or so. Here's hoping.

Please review, it'll really make my day.