disclaimer: i don't own anything except except my own words. and even then, do i really?
i can finally see, that you're right there beside me.
i am not my own, for i have been made new;
please don't let me go - i desperately need you.
meteor shower - owl city.
it started with a haircut, vash thought.
but lilli knows that it started on a rainy day where she almost died.
in fact, lilli knows a lot of things that most people don't. she knows that, despite how he acts and what he says, that england loves america in a not-so-brotherly way. she knows that russia has been talking with one of america's children - a state-tan - and that neither have informed the american man nor his english other half. she knows that she and poland have a lot in common - always trying their best to be noticed by that one person... but best of all, lilli knows that vash wonders. about her.
he wonders about why she tries so hard to be like him. lilli thinks maybe she should try and explain herself to the older blonde, and tries several times, each time resulting in her opening and closing her mouth repeatedly trying to find the words to say. and then she looks like a fool. lilli hates looking like a fool in front of vash, so she's stopped trying (for now). she asks everyone she knows well enough for advice - canada (that sweetheart), hungary (smart, but a little scary), latvia (who shook and shook whilst he smiled) - but no one had any advice that she could apply to her own love interest.
lilli remembers well the day that vash took her in. she could barely walk, her limbs ached, her stomach tearing itself insideout, her head pounding, her vision fading... she remembers being slumped against that brick wall, her eyelids fluttering closed justforamomentjustforamoment, aware that if she kept them closed for justamoment she'd never open them again. she could barely react to the footsteps coming towards her, but in a moment of hope, she forced her eyes open slowly and it vaguely registered in her mind that those were some very green eyes she was looking into before she slipped into darkness.
... and that is very different than what was going on with her three advice-givers. matthew, in love with someone he refuses to identify, but happily dating prussia. elizaveta, married and hopelessly devoted to roderich. raivis is currently single, but lilli knows from his dreamy gaze and wistful sighs that there's someone on his mind. and what of lilli? she's trapped in a little-sister/older-brother complex - and while they are not related by blood, lilli's afraid vash could never see her in a different light.
one cloudy night, under the cover of darkness, lilli confides to vash that she's afraid. vash wonders aloud what there is for you to be afraid of, because... well, because i'll always protect you, he stammers, his face flushing hotly as he gazes away. she continues staring at him, before asking him what he's afraid of. lilli watches, curious, as vash tries to find a response, his face twisting in various emotions before settling on one of his defaults: badly shielded embarrassment. she finds it adorable. he begins to speak, quietly, and lilli asks him to speak a little louder, please. deep green eyes slide over to look into her sea-foam ones, his mouth pressed in a fine line, his cheeks red. you, lilli, vash answers honestly.
this shocks lilli. her eyebrows furrow as she asks him, incredulous, why? why be afraid of me? they stare at each other for a few moments before he answers, i never know what you're thinking. a few more moments pass by. i'm thinking of you, vash, and for once, she doesn't call him brother, which makes both of their cheeks flush a shade of pink. he quietly slides his hand over hers, and she lets him intertwine their fingers as her heart beats fast. well; as long as you're always lilli, i'm thinking of you, too. she doesn't answer - instead she squeezes his hand lightly and joins him in watching the sky.
lilli knows a lot of things, and some of those things are things that most people don't knows. she (now) knows matthew is in love with his brother alfred, but is content with gilbert and seeing alfred stumble with arthur. she knows that elizaveta is roderich's inspiration - she can hear it in every new song he composes. she knows that raivis sneaks glances over at iceland, when he thinks no one's looking, and when he catches hong kong doing the same thing, a (surprisingly) fierce glare is sent the asian's way.
but best of all, lilli knows that vash loves someone.
and that's her.