This final chapter, is dedicated to my friend and one of my bigger fans; Smart Angel. Thanks for all the support.

The morning sun was bright, as it always is when someone leaves the blinds open. The light poured into the room, shining on my still tired eyes, I turned, really not wanting to even think of waking up. I stayed like that, on my side, taking in everything around me; the beeping heart monitor, the stale air, the hard mattress and pillow, the paper thin sheets.

I was in a hospital.

I was found again.

The night before came flooding back, the needle, the water, the blood, the street, the snow…Nii-san.

I turned on my back, staring at the ceiling, it had been almost a year since I had first been kidnapped, since my first experiment. It had been almost four months since I had first been found.

Usagi-san…his face came into my mind, his soft smile, his calculating violet eyes, his soft light silver blond hair, the smell of his cigarettes and coffee, the feel of his soft, cold hands. He had been with me through everything, he had loved me more than anyone else had.

Tears stung my eyes, the memory of being reunited with him, of being with him again after all the hell that was injected into me.

Nii-san, he always wanted to be brave for all of us. To be strong, to be independent so that he could always be ready to take care of everyone. I remember the love I wanted to feel when he wrapped his arms around me, when he cried so whole heartedly, I was just too numb to love him entirely back.

I sat up, my back aching, my mind swirling, I reach over to the radio alarm clock and turn it on. Hoping that music will bring me back some.

She's all laid up in bed

With a broken heart

While I'm drinking Jack

All alone in my local bar.

And we don't know how,

How we got into this mad situation

Only doing things out of frustration.

Trying to make it work but man

These times are hard.

I stay on my side, my hand outstretched to the clock, ready to change it, the song was new, and it was lovely, deep in a way.

She needs me now

But I can't seem to find the time

I've got a new job now

In the unemployment line,

And we don't know how,

How we got into this mess

Is it God's test

Someone help us 'cause we're doing our best.

I remembered all the love I felt with Usagi-san, even after I had turned into that man's monster. I laughed a little, he hated it when I called myself that, I remember when he shook me once, trying to expel those thoughts. His eyes had never seemed so firm before then, like he was demanding those thoughts away.

My hand went limp, dangling off the side of the bed, I look out the window with blurry tear filled eyes. I thought to myself, "It will never…ever be the same again,"

Trying to make it work but man,

These times are hard

But we're gunna start by

Drinking old cheap bottles of wine

Sit talking up all night

Saying things we haven't for a while

A while, yeah

We're smiling but we're close to tears

Even after all these years

We just now, got the feeling

That we're meeting…

For the first time.

I force myself to sit up, my back popping in several places as I stand on wobbly knees. Goosebumps racing up my legs as I walked to the window, the light almost blinding as I push the shades back. All of the light coming in, drowning me in sunshine.

I look down from behind the glass, there's a playground not far from here, I can see the jungle gym from the window, a slide and some swings too. No one's there this early in the morning though, not even the smaller kids.

She's in line at the door

With her held high (high)

While I just lost my job

But didn't lose my pride

I wondered if anyone else was looking at this scene, this innocent peaceful view that I had overlooked not long ago. I never bothered to look at something so simple, so quiet before now. My hand reached to the top of the window and unlocks the small latch with a mechanical click, the window slid up slowly but the morning's soft breeze comes immediately.

The gap between the window and the window pane was bigger that I first thought, I could stick half of my body out if I had wanted to. I folded my arms and rested them on the window pane, my head sticking out as the cool breeze fluttered against my skin. I looked down, a rail that was attached to the wall outside the hospital protruding out, it was wide and not as round as you would suspect a rail to be.

But we both know how

How we're gunna make it work when it hurts

When you pick yourself up

You get kicked to the dirt

Trying to make it work but man

These times are hard

But we're gonna start by drinking old cheap bottles of wine

Sit talking up all night

Doing things we haven't for a while

A while, yeah

We're smiling but we're close to tears

Even after all these years

We just now got the feeling

That we're meeting…

For the first time

I remembered all the pain I was put through in just a small amount of time that seemed to extend years. I remembered all the agony I was put through, and all the pain I had put others through too. All the guilt that I had pent up, held in and let consume me was surfacing once again, showing the dark hideous side of me that I had wanted to disappear.

I pulled myself back into the room and gripped the sides of the window, slowly, I pushed my legs through. The hospital gown kept me covered as I slid my lower body out, and then my upper half, I held onto the window was the breeze cooled my body, calmed me in a way.


Drinking on cheap bottles of wine,

Sit talking up all night,

Saying things we haven't for a while,

We're smiling but we're close to tears,

Even after all these years

We just now got the feeling

That we're meeting…

For the first time

I closed my eyes the soft whispers of wind were relaxing, I felt light, weightless against the world around me. I leaned forward, the pain was gone for a moment, lost in this innocence of catastrophe that had snatched us away.

It was when two strong arms wrapped around my middle and with a violent jerk pulled me inside my hospital room. I came crashing to reality when I hit the hard mattress, staring up at the soft colored ceiling for only a moment before another body was on top of me. Violet eyes stared down at me, two large cold hands held onto my wrists though I didn't fight.

"What are you doing?" the question was simple, but in truth I couldn't answer, I didn't know myself. I felt the tears from before resurface, stinging my eyes and blurring out Usagi-san's face into cloud of violet and silver. My throat went dry, I felt myself begin to shake and tremble under him, but I never left his gaze.

"I don't know…" I answered truthfully, there was a lightness that followed those words, "I'm scared." I continued, everything was pouring out in this moment.

One of his hands left my wrist and caressed my cheek lovingly, comfortingly, "What are you afraid of?" he asked, leaning down so his head rested on my shoulder.

I choked down a sob, "What if it's never the same," my voice was quiet, small like a child's. "What if we can never go back to how things were?"

His arms had wrapped around my middle as he pulled me close to him as I began to cry, shaking and sobbing in such a horrendous motion I was glad I couldn't see myself. Still, he held me, cradling me against his chest with loving arms as I cried, as I wailed in pain over what I didn't know. Over what I couldn't and didn't want to even fathom.

When I finally calmed down and my sobs had turned to soft gasps and hiccups, he wiped away the remaining tears with his thumbs, he pet my hair in a comfortingly and assuring way. "It won't be the same," he said finally, my heart cracked at that, "it will be stronger than before." He whispered into my ear.

I looked up at him, confused, he smiled, "I was a wreak without you, I couldn't write or even think of anything to write. I was alone, actually alone in a sense and I thought all the while, what if he really does leave…" his eyes shift out of focus, drifting to somewhere far off.

"Usagi-san," he came back to me for a minute and smiled with something I couldn't recognize.

"I wondered if you were safe every day, I hoped that you were alive every minute. I never gave up hope but…there were times I wanted to just stop all the pain that you left me with. I never blamed you though," his hand takes mine, our fingers interlaced, and for the first time in a long while, I felt something so close to familiar.

"So, no, it probably won't ever be the same after this. But, I do think that it can be even better than what it was."

After that, after the doctor's we never spoke about how I dangled with my own life outside the window. I never forgot though, the way that I had almost plummeted to the ground but his arms, that morning, pulled me up and back into something I was prepared to surrender.

I can't say that getting back into my real life was easy, going back to school was a struggle in itself. The anxiety of that man being around the corner was at times overpowering, eventually we found a therapist, I won't say much about that ordeal but we didn't see eye to eye with the way I should handle my anxiety. I wanted to stay home and work from there, she thought I needed to work through the anxiety. I wanted to take online classes, she thought I needed pills.

Eventually I was able to get back into school life without having panic attacks and without pills.

Usagi-san and I were…rocky when we went back to the apartment. We were afraid of each other, afraid we would disappear at the slightest sudden action. Our meals were slow we took every minute into consideration, we never let one pass us. At night we would hold onto each other, clinging to the love that, like he had said, had grown and strengthened.

We won't be the same, no, I don't think we can go back to that. We can't bring back all of the innocence we lost, we can't take back the time we lost but we can find something that closely resembles ordinary again.


Well, after almost a year, here we are! I hope you guys have really liked this story and liked the ending to, I thought I'd leave some of it to your imagination. Thanks to all who have stuck by through this unimaginably long year and followed me with this story! I want to thank Smart Angel who has undoubtedly been the biggest help that I could have gotten!